I've left that depressing blogpost up at the top for far too long. Not that anything's changed particularly, but I was feeling everything very strongly just then because of the post-conference blues, and whether that brings everything into sharper focus, or just makes everything look worse than it really is, I don't know.

I have kept thinking over the past couple of months that it would be interesting to be blogging my impressions of spending a couple of hours in school four days per week. Sometimes I have found myself impressed by what they've been doing, and contemplating how we wouldn't be able to do those things at home, and sometimes I've been hating aspects of it and uncomfortable with the sausage-machine aspects of school.

But first, the personal aspects of how it's going. Jade has been in her classroom for 1-1.5 hours four times a week, mostly with me but one session per week with Bill. She's a long way from being comfortable or relaxed there, but small steps forward have been made. When she goes into assembly, she no longer sits on the floor by my chair at the side of the hall, but goes in the line with her class and just sits in the hall wherever she ends up, while I still sit at the side. The next step there would be for me not to be in the hall at all during assembly, and I think we will do that quite soon next term. The other small step forward is that when her class go to sit on the floor at the front of the classroom, I no longer go and sit with her but I sit on a chair a bit further back, only stepping in if some kind of interactivity is required. She doesn't talk to any of her friends in the classroom or in the playground. She doesn't listen to what the teacher is saying and start any actions herself - she always needs a lot of prompting from me. If we have broken into small groups for discussions, I always go with her and she doesn't take any part in it. If we've been looking in books, she has participated in that, helping to choose sections for someone else in the group to read out. She says she likes it 'a bit' and isn't objecting when it's time to go to school, but she is definitely ready to leave when the hour or so is over and often whispers to me to ask how much longer we'll be there.

After the classroom session, we've been going to the SEN teaching assistant's office for 'sliding-in' sessions. This involves Jade and I playing any game that involves an element of speaking, e.g. snap, I-spy, while the TA stands some distance away as agreed with Jade. She then gradually (with Jade's agreement and direction) moves closer every few minutes. We have got to the stage where she is about a metre away and Jade will continue to speak, in a very limited way, to me, but hasn't yet managed to respond to any simple direct questions put by the TA. Going through the same process at riding, however, and she has allowed Mary the riding instructor to join in a game of I-spy with us.

The plan is that once Jade is comfortably speaking with the TA, she will then take over from me and Bill in taking Jade into the classroom, at first just for short periods and then for longer. That's as far as the planning-ahead has got, so far. Jade doesn't know that last bit yet!

In the meantime I have bought books on CBT for children, managing anxiety in children and so on, and am attempting to read them, make sense of them and put them into action. It doesn't help that I am useless in sticking to a plan or programme and am constantly distracted and side-tracked.

In the meantime, Shannon is all geared up for starting to attend Reception in September. She is very excited about it and longing to go. She has happily attended some taster sessions. I think she will be fine, although need to not just assume that she will be but remain alert for any signs otherwise. I spend so much time thinking and worrying about Jade's situation that I've almost classified Shannon as "will be perfectly alright no matter what" because she is so different, but that's not necessarily the case.

Despite that earlier post, there are still times when I wish I could just chuck this all in and continue purely to HE, and there are times when I am really looking forward to them both being in school. For the time being, it is doing Jade some good and she really needs this help to find her own self, her own courage and space away from me. I will make sure we do not rush through that process too quickly to her detriment, but at a pace which is as comfortable as it can be for her. Facing her fears and anxieties is never going to be easy but it has to be done. I will just have to see how it goes for Shannon. She would be absolutely lovely to HE apart from the fact that she would be begging me to see friends every day. Maybe if she spends a year in school and gains a good collection of local friends we could then fulfil her social needs after school time even if we do HE her.

In the meantime, we are in the summer holidays and I have plans, although as I've already said, not much skill at putting them into practice. This week we might be designating 'Sculpture Week', starting with a trip to the Forest of Dean Sculpture Trail (and a couple of other attractions while in the FoD), and then planning and building some sort of sculpture in our garden. This is weather-dependent, and therefore highly susceptible to change!