7 in heaven

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BENJAMIN!!!

I am so tired, but it's all done! Today's Baby Show went well - sold some books and also got 2 possibles for signing up as my first Usborne recruits! Isabelle loved being a model - she boogied down the catwalk with such verve that she got a spontaneous round of applause! She was utterly gorgeous all morning and was loving all the flashes as the paparazzi took pics! Well, Stroud News, anyway.

And Tamsin's playleader said Tamsin has been positively chatty for the past few days! So I'll try and stop worrying about her non-speaking, anyway.

Incredibly busy

I'm in the middle of one of my busiest weeks ever, I think. It looks like my job is safe for about another year, but we have to move offices to somewhere cheaper. So we've been viewing, negotiating and planning. Tomorrow BBC Radio Gloucestershire is in town and we have been invited to promote our charity on air by doing some sort of challenge event, so have been racking our brains what to do and eventually, after a few false starts caused mostly by the inertia of the local Town Council, we are going to renovate some of the floral raised stone beds in town. And on Friday I have the morning off work, and I am doing an Usborne thing at a Baby Show which is to promote Real Nappy Week, and Isabelle will be modelling! So lots of preparation required for that. Not to mention Playschool and Nursery Grant forms and then, oh yes, I've got 2 children too .....

So I'm looking forward to being at the Beans' party on Saturday, 'cos that will mean I can relax a little bit ....!

So not much HE to report, but then, life's like that, isn't it?!!

Huh?

I just found a biscuit tin, full of potting compost, in my dirty washing basket. WTF? I will never understand a 4-year old's mind.....

Things I must blog

Today we've been to HE group this morning, which was on the subject of printing, and done some vegetable prints, which Isabelle particularly enjoyed, and some footprints which Tamsin particularly enjoyed. It was also nice to meet a new family with two girls aged 5 yrs and 14 months, so pretty close to my two. They live about a 20-minute drive away and we exchanged phone numbers, so I think that might be another lovely contact and friendship possibility for the girls.

This afternoon we have largely been out in the garden. I pushed Tamsin and Isabelle on the swing for a while, and then got on with some garden stuff. I have planted out my carrot seedlings, potted on my tomato seedlings and yesterday we planted out some lettuces that a friend dropped off. So I really am beginning to feel like a proper gardener! Let's just hope that most of them survive. I could easily fail to water them appropriately, or something like that, and lose the lot. My strawberry seedlings have not survived and I've had to buy some potted ones.

There are a couple of other things from the past few days that I've wanted to record too. Isabelle is *definitely* counting! I blogged on 21st Feb about how it sounded like she was saying "five, six, seven ..." but I wasn't sure, what with that cute baby pronunciation, but she has been doing it ever since, and has been heard very clearly to say "one, two three ..." all the way to ten. She doesn't have a clue what the words mean, I don't suppose, but even so it seems pretty impressive to me that a 17-month old can count from one to ten! She likes pushing mine or Bill's fingers up or down as she does it!

There was another lovely moment a couple of days ago when Isabelle got hold of a little Maglight torch, and was fascinated to wave it around, even in daylight, but even more so when she discovered that if it was pointing towards the carpet, the circle of light got smaller and then disappeared when she put the torch on the carpet, and appeared again when she lifted it up. She spent ages just lifting the torch up and down and watching the pattern of light increase and decrease.

And, mostly for my own records, I will just note all that Isabelle can say so far:

Up
Down
Bye
Socks on
Shoes on
Mummy
Daddy
Poppy
Numbers 1-10

I think that's it!

ETA - she also says Beebib, meaning CBeebies!

Just what I thought!

You Should Get a PhD in Science (like chemistry, math, or engineering)

You're both smart and innovative when it comes to ideas. Maybe you'll find a cure for cancer - or develop the latest underground drug.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

Happiness is ......

A new computer. So how should 2 new computers make me feel?!

My dearly beloved has provided me with a new desktop and a new laptop. I now have Windows XP (so I can download Skype and talk to my brother in the USA) and a super-speedy computer.

They're not 'new' new, you understand, but obtained in a completely legal but cheap manner.

I just don't know when I'm going to get time to explore all the new features, though, seeing as I still haven't read the instruction manuals for my mobile phone, my digital camera or the new car!

Books by women meme

Just BOLD those you’ve read, ITALICIZE the ones you’ve been meaning to read and ??? the ones you have never heard of.

Alcott, Louisa May – Little Women
Allende, Isabel – The House of Spirits???
Angelou, Maya – I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
Atwood, Margaret – Cat’s Eye???
Austen, Jane – Emma
Bambara, Toni Cade – Salt Eaters???
Barnes, Djuna – Nightwood???
de Beauvoir, Simone – The Second Sex
Blume, Judy – Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret???
Burnett, Frances – The Secret Garden
Bronte, Charlotte – Jane Eyre
Bronte, Emily – Wuthering Heights
Buck, Pearl S. – The Good Earth???
Byatt, A.S. – Possession???
Cather, Willa – My Antonia???
Christie, Agatha – Murder on the Orient Express
Cisneros, Sandra – The House on Mango Street ???
Clinton, Hillary Rodham – Living History
Cooper, Anna Julia – A Voice From the South ???
Danticat, Edwidge – Breath, Eyes, Memory ???
Davis, Angela – Women, Culture, and Politics ???
Desai, Anita – Clear Light of Day???
Dickinson, Emily – Collected Poems
Duncan, Lois – I Know What You Did Last Summer???
DuMaurier, Daphne – Rebecca
Eliot, George – Middlemarch
Emecheta, Buchi – Second Class Citizen ???
Erdrich, Louise – Tracks ???
Esquivel, Laura – Like Water for Chocolate
Flagg, Fannie – Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe
Friedan, Betty – The Feminine Mystique
Frank, Anne – Diary of a Young Girl
Gilman, Charlotte Perkins – The Yellow Wallpaper ???
Gordimer, Nadine – July’s People ???
Grafton, Sue – S is for Silence???
Hamilton, Edith – Mythology ???
Highsmith, Patricia – The Talented Mr. Ripley
Hooks, Bell – Bone Black ???
Hurston, Zora Neale – Dust Tracks on the Road ???
Jacobs, Harriet – Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl ???
Jackson, Helen Hunt – Ramona???
Jackson, Shirley – The Haunting of Hill House???
Jong, Erica – Fear of Flying
Keene, Carolyn – The Nancy Drew Mysteries (any of them)
Kidd, Sue Monk – The Secret Life of Bees ???
Kincaid, Jamaica – Lucy ???
Kingsolver, Barbara – The Poisonwood Bible
Kingston, Maxine Hong – The Woman Warrior ???
Larsen, Nella – Passing???
L’Engle, Madeleine – A Wrinkle in Time
Le Guin, Ursula K. – The Left Hand of Darkness???
Lee, Harper – To Kill a Mockingbird
Lessing, Doris – The Golden Notebook ???
Lively, Penelope – Moon Tiger???
Lorde, Audre – The Cancer Journals ???
Martin, Ann M. – The Babysitters Club Series???
McCullers, Carson – The Member of the Wedding ???
McMillan, Terry – Disappearing Acts ???
Markandaya, Kamala – Nectar in a Sieve ???
Marshall, Paule – Brown Girl, Brownstones ???
Mitchell, Margaret – Gone with the Wind
Montgomery, Lucy – Anne of Green Gables
Morgan, Joan – When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost ???
Morrison, Toni – Song of Solomon???
Murasaki, Lady Shikibu – The Tale of Genji ???
Munro, Alice – Lives of Girls and Women ???
Murdoch, Iris – Severed Head ???
Naylor, Gloria – Mama Day ???
Niffenegger, Audrey – The Time Traveller’s Wife
Oates, Joyce Carol – We Were the Mulvaneys ???
O’Connor, Flannery – A Good Man is Hard to Find???
Piercy, Marge – Woman on the Edge of Time???
Picoult, Jodi – My Sister’s Keeper
Plath, Sylvia – The Bell Jar???
Porter, Katharine Anne – Ship of Fools ???
Proulx, E. Annie – The Shipping News
Rand, Ayn – The Fountainhead ???
Ray, Rachel – 365: No Repeats ???
Rhys, Jean – Wide Sargasso Sea???
Robinson, Marilynne – Housekeeping ???
Rocha, Sharon – For Laci ???
Sebold, Alice – The Lovely Bones
Shelley, Mary – Frankenstein
Smith, Betty – A Tree Grows in Brooklyn ???
Smith, Zadie – White Teeth ???
Spark, Muriel – The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie
Spyri, Johanna – Heidi
Strout, Elizabeth – Amy and Isabelle???
Steel, Danielle – The House???
Tan, Amy – The Joy Luck Club
Tannen, Deborah – You’re Wearing That ???
Ulrich, Laurel – A Midwife’s Tale???
Urquhart, Jane – Away ???
Walker, Alice – The Temple of My Familiar ???
Welty, Eudora – One Writer’s Beginnings ???
Wharton, Edith – Age of Innocence???
Wilder, Laura Ingalls – Little House in the Big Woods
Wollstonecraft, Mary – A Vindication of the Rights of Women
Woolf, Virginia – A Room of One’s Own

Okay, so I'm not very well read. I've been too busy reading about metabolic biochemistry, OK?

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy

It's been a nice day today. Went out fairly early (i.e. 10am!) this morning to visit someone we've met at HE group who has 2 girls aged 4 and 6. We had a nice time there and Tamsin got on well with her girls, and T and I chatted about all sorts of things including jobs, laziness and disorganisation in HE, homes, lack of money, and the trouble with older boisterous boys at the group, so that was good. She'll come here to visit in a week or two, and we hope to arrange a get-together with another woman and her 5-year old girl too so hopefully there are some nice links and friendships being set up there.

However, I was again concerned to note that Tamsin literally would not speak a word while this other adult was in the room, even to me. She would only whisper to me. When the girls all went outside in the garden she was talking and laughing with them, but not in front of another adult. I came home and made an appointment to talk to the doctor, about selective mutism. If it really is a serious anxiety problem like it appears to be, then she's going to need some help. I would appreciate comments from anyone else who's BTDT, like Joyce, as I am feeling a bit wary about calling in 'the professionals' who may sit in judgement on our lives in some way, or is that just me being paranoid? I could be tempted to cancel the appt, but I just don't know.

However, in other better news, yesterday while I was browsing round WH Smith I noticed their sets of magnetic words, one set being the target words that children should be able to recognise by the end of their Reception year, and three sets totalling the words they should recognise by the end of Year 2. Tamsin wasn't with me, but I know from the reading she is doing that she could easily recognise all of them. I know comparing isn't really the name of the game, but it does make me feel good anyway! Of course, if she was 'behind' in something I would be strongly challenging the necessity of any such ridiculous goals anyway!

The purpose of my sole shopping trip (what luxury!!!) was to try and spend my remaining Christmas presents - £20 M&S vouchers and a £10 Smiths voucher. I thought I'd treat myself to some new underwear, but after trying on 10 or more bras and not being able to get a decent fit in any of them I gave up, went to Smiths and bought a display book for my Usborne stuff and some plastic storage boxes for the kids' toys. Not a great shopping success, then. I didn't know whether to consider the afternoon had been lovely for just simply being on my own and browsing without interruption, or miserable for achieving nothing much. Still, I guess it means I'll have to go again sometime!!

Most of all, though, I've just been loving the sunshine of the past couple of days. At last!!

Easter

What to say? It's been mixed. One of these years I will remember that I always get to Easter and feel spiritually unprepared and disappointed, and think about it earlier. Now that we're here, I remember I felt like this last year, and wished I had spent more time thinking about the real meaning of Easter. I think I like it better than Christmas overall.

Two or three nights ago I made all sorts of plans for stuff to do over this weekend with Tamsin - craft stuff and faith stuff. The bits we've actually done have gone wrong (crafts not as easy as they look!) and I set a very bad example by behaving more like a 4-year old than my 4-year old did! So we have a feeble four little eggs hanging on our Easter 'tree', and nothing else. They just took ages! I boiled several real eggs for decorating, and about half of them cracked. And Tamsin was more interested in CBeebies than egg-decorating when I was ready to do them. So there are still 5 hard-boiled eggs in the fridge undecorated. I didn't do the Easter Egg hunt at home this afternoon as they did one at church this morning. And the other stuff I got out ready remains untouched.

I wish I knew what this low mood was all about. It's very annoying, and I've been giving myself a stiff talking-to but I'm not sure whether it's helped.

Anyway, we had fun this afternoon doing some yoga poses, and I took lots of photos and have Flickrd. Can anyone tell me how I just get a few of the pics to insert into my blog and link to the rest on Flickr?

Running on empty

Feel like I'm really struggling at the moment. I don't know why particularly except the threat of job loss (which has receded till end July but is otherwise still there), and maybe the time of year, as it is approaching Benjamin's birthday although I feel a bit impatient if it is that after 7 years. I seem to feel constantly tired and only the very very bare minimum of vital things is getting done both at home and at work. I feel like I need a week's retreat in a Trappist monastery, with silence, total silence. Don't suppose that'll be happening anytime soon, though, what with a breastfeeding babe and all .......

Cold front passing over, depression looming ....

Plumber still hasn't got back to us so we're still sitting in the cold with the exception of one fan heater. Nevertheless we've managed to have a decent enough day HE-wise, if not behaviour-wise (mine!!).

We started with a leisurely getting-up and going off to the group at church, during which we listened to a tape of an amazing meditation on Isaiah 61, which was very moving and powerful and which I must borrow to listen to more. Had to leave a little early to get to the surgery for Isabelle's 3rd immunisation. Tamsin had said beforehand that she didn't want to listen to Isabelle cry because it was upsetting, so she put her hands over her ears. Strange how it doesn't stop her pushing her over, or taking the toy Isabelle is playing with, or anything else that makes her cry at home! Then a quick dash into the local supermarket to pick up a couple of things which turned into a £40+ trolley-full, and then home, going just slowly enough for Isabelle to fall asleep in the car.

I know for many HEers, the time when the baby sleeps is when they get to do some serious stuff with their older one, but as far as I'm concerned it's time for me to get some rest, so Tamsin got to watch CBeebies and I had a lie down on the sofa and maybe even a little snooze. The tasks of the afternoon have blurred into a muddle, but I know we went through the little 'workbook' thing in the magazine that I bought for Tamsin while shopping, so that included some writing, counting, matching, spotting the difference, and easy addition and subtraction. It was interesting to note in the 'counting' section that she didn't have to count 1, 2, 3 to count to 3 and 4 - she just looked at them and saw how many there were. That's the first time I've noticed that happening. Tamsin then picked up a library book - Usborne Beginners "Dogs" - and read the first few pages of that to me, only needing help with one or two words on each page. While I was making the dinner she sat at the table and read a Red Nose Reader. She's also played with her animals, but really it was just the hardest thing to get her to move more than about 3 inches away from me and actually get on with anything on her own. She's just wanted to sit on my knee the whole afternoon, and Isabelle has pretty much wanted to do the same, and it's just driven me batty, so I'm afraid there's been a fair bit of yelling "just go away" and "leave me alone" going on. I do have to say that this is not the sole tone of our communication today, there has been plenty of positive comment, loving interaction and good stuff, but some days I just can't bear the feeling that they're both just trying to get back inside my skin one moment longer!!!

Didn't manage to blog yesterday (fell asleep at the girls' bedtime again and was very cross to discover I missed ER and the programme about Selective Mutism) but I must just record that a friend came and finished digging the vegetable patch for me, then hoed it, and then guided me in planting the potatoes, so we have our first home-grown stuff planted!! Very exciting!

Aaaaarrrggghhhh!

As I write, Tamsin insists on being so close to me that she is sitting behind me on my computer chair; Isabelle is whimpering and trying to climb up on my lap, and the dog is scratching at my leg wanting to be stroked. It's been like this ALL AFTERNOON!!!!! I know one day I will wish that they wanted to be close to me instead of off with their friends, but at the moment I just wish they'd GO AWAY a bit!!!!!

Wow, and Damn!

Wow! Bill found my folic acid dissertation for me, and bloody hell I am good!!!! Literature research and review is so my strong point, and I love it. Reading as much info as possible on a subject, assessing all the competing and conflicting claims, balancing the strengths and weaknesses of different studies, bringing in some aspect that hasn't been looked at before and coming to an overall conclusion about a subject is such fun! I know I said that being at home with my girls is better, and overall it is, but I would truly love to be doing some nutrition research too - it really lights my fire, as they say. It's just a great shame I don't live anywhere near the major research centres where there might be the possibility of it. (And I love living here and don't want to move).

Ah well, I was talking to an 82-year old gentleman the other day, and afterwards realised that he is exactly twice my age, so I have a whole lifetime still to live and maybe the nutrition research can fit in later sometime!

The Damn moments have come both at home and at work. At home, our boiler has gone kaput so we have no heating or hot water. Bill had a go on Saturday, but unusually for him he cannot fix it, so we're going to have to call in a plumber, and you know how much they charge! In the meantime I'm sitting at the computer wrapped in a big towel to keep me warm, and the wood-burning stove is back in action.

The work thing is even worse. I may lose my job at the end of May. The charity depends on grants from other charitable foundations and trusts, and despite using a professional fund-raiser there just hasn't been any money coming in lately. If nothing comes in shortly the charity cannot keep going after May. And then we are truly up the creek without a paddle, as we simply cannot manage without the money I bring in. Especially as we've just taken out the car loan. Oops!

Like Merry says, I really MUST do some education this week!!

The Guardian: Folic acid may be added to bread

You know, if only they'd taken the time to ask me, I could have saved the Food Standards Agency an awful lot of time and money. I did a phenomenal dissertation for my degree on the pros and cons of folic acid fortification of flour, and concluded that it would be a very good thing, preventing not only many neural tube defects but also vascular disease, some cancers, some psychiatric disorders and some other congenital defects and with very little basis for the fear that it may mask B12 deficiency if doctors are given basic education on what to keep an eye open for.

It won me a prize for the best student project in the Biological Sciences in my year.

I could be a famous and celebrated nutritionist by now, but instead I am at home with my 2 girls.

I know which is best.

First shoes

What a lovely day we've had today! Not a cross word said by anyone, I don't think, just relaxed and enjoyable. I have several memories today of Tamsin and I looking at each other sharing laughter about something or other, often one of Isabelle's funny little antics. It was all so sweet.

Not that we've actually done much. I had promised swimming today, which was planned for the afternoon. We had a lazy start to the morning, nobody waking before 8am, and all of us still in our pyjamas at 11am! Pulled finger out after that, and piled everybody plus dog into the car for a (short) trip into town, a visit to someone for work and to walk the dog. Bought fish and chips for lunch, then came home and ate it. Relaxed for an hour, then went off to Stratford for shopping and swimming.

Isabelle needs her first pair of shoes. It's funny how I could hardly wait for Tamsin to have been walking for 4 weeks before I got her first pair, but Isabelle has been walking for over 3 months now and it just hasn't seemed that important! But she is growing out of her cute little soft leather baby shoes, so we went to Brantano to get her measured. I had in mind how Tamsin's first shoes cost £31 and lasted only 4 weeks, so I thought I'd get some cheaper ones, but I didn't like the way there was no width measurement and then we were just left on our own to try on and choose shoes. I try that toe-squeezing move but just can't tell how much space there is in there! So we abandoned that and went next door into Boots for me to try (once again) to spend my Christmas vouchers. Had a lovely time browsing round, and eventually chose a smart aqua/brown coloured laptop case for my new computer (not yet quite set up for me but nearly there!). I feel so cool with it! I shall have to carry my laptop round town just to pose a little.

Found out that by now it was 3.30pm and swimming closed at 4, so had to break the news gently to Tamsin that there wasn't time to go (Bad Mummy!). Promised to go later this week though, and she took it extremely well. Went down to the Town Centre to visit Clarks and got a gorgeous pair of black patent shoes with tiny little pink hearts cut out all round for Isabelle - suitably cute for her to keep forever as "My First Shoes"!

Called round as pre-arranged to see a friend after that, and Tamsin really enjoyed playing out in the garden with her 2 boys. It was quite funny to see a little pink fairy kicking a football! Home late, dinner late and bed late but all is quiet now and it's bliss!

Ar-war-wot!

I think we may have solved the mystery of Isabelle's favourite utterance. It goes "Mummy?" (questioning tone) "Mummy!" (very demanding) "Ar-war-wot!" She says it many times a day, in all sorts of circumstances. And the only thing I can think of is that she's imitating Tamsin and I ..... Tamsin when she repeatedly says "Mummy? Mummy!" a hundred or more times a day and then I irritably shout "Oh, what?!!!"

It's been Tamsin's turn to be ill the last few days, with a quite high temperature and just wanting to sit around quietly watching TV or having stories read to her. It's a bad cold and sore throat, so it won't last long, but she's been feeing quite rough at times, poor thing. It has led to very disturbed nights for all of us, so Bill and I have been quite shattered and I've fallen asleep early in the evenings, hence no blogging.

Yesterday I was supposed to be helping at the local NCT Nearly New sale, but had to take Isabelle with me so wasn't quite as productive as usual. We did help out, though, and then got the chance for the preview shopping that is the perk of helping and why I do it! I was somewhat surprised when I ended up spending £46, and on thinking more clearly about it when I got home and checking the clothes and stuff I had bought, decided I had been overcharged by about £20. This morning I was checking the labels on the last couple of things I hadn't brought in from the car prior to phoning to complain, and discovered that the two boxes of Playmobil I'd supposedly bought for £1 each (thought it was a bargain!) were actually £10 each!! They're nice but I wouldn't have bought them if I'd realised. Still, I did buy a nice telescope for £3.50 which I am saving for Tamsin's birthday.

Today Tamsin has done pattern blocks, we've made and played with pink, mint-smelling playdough, Playmobil, and lots of CBeebies. She's pottered around in the garden while I have cleared out the old car for Bill as I am going to be driving the Prius now. No church as the girls are not well enough to go. I tried to retire to the sofa with the latest copy of the EO magazine and a bad headache, but demanding children do not allow such things.

I have a long list of urgent and important administrative tasks such as doing the petty cash for work, deferring my student loan for another year, several important Playschool forms to fill in, and telling HM Revenue and Customs that I earn so little from Usborne that I should not be liable for self-employed NI contributions. Quite when I'll get them done I do not know.