You're an agitator! Your kids have grown up on the
front lines of rallies and pickets, and chances
are that you boycott at least one company for
its bad business practices. Your kids are
learning what matters to you and how they can
change what matters to them.


What kind of a freaky mother are you?
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I think I've cracked it ....

The colic, that is. Poor Isabelle hasn't been as bad as many babies, but she has had her sessions of painful crying and leg thrashing. I wondered if it might be a problem with me eating dairy stuff, as that definitely was the case with Tamsin, so I gave it up and she had a really good couple of days with no pain at all. Then this morning she woke up at 7am and cried and fussed and wriggled and sucked my finger for *4 hours*!!! I couldn't understand it, until I asked myself what I had for dinner last night and realised that, fool that I am despite being a nutritionist, I had made a pudding and had *custard* with it! Well, at least that confirms it is definitely a dairy problem. Hopefully we should have a much more peaceful babe from now on.

Tamsin has spent the day with my Dad today - something she has done for a few months now and she always used to be thrilled and delighted when he turned up. Last week and this week she has gone all grumpy and upset and not wanted to go. I made her anyway (horrid mummy - but this is my 'sanity' day!) but I suspect this is obviously new-baby related and feeling like she's not getting enough attention from Mummy. Well, that may be so, but this Mummy just hasn't got the resources for any more attention, really, so we'll just have to find a way to talk about and reassure her that she is still very loved.

Family photo November 2003 

Can somebody tell me how I move this photo to my profile or to the sidebar please?

Could she be reading ....?

Tamsin picked up an old Usborne "Ready for Reading" book yesterday and we had a look through it. A couple of the pages had pictures of balloons with words printed inside - names of the animals to whom the balloons belonged ... there were also pictures of the animals... I asked her what the words in the balloons said, i.e. whose balloon each one was, and without any hints or prompting she got several of them! She's been good at recognising individual letters, but she's never put them together so far! I think on some of them she might have been getting the first letter, and then looking at the pictures to find the appropriate animal, but even so, it's a step or two forward! She really enjoyed it and obviously felt proud of herself.

Today, she did one of the 'Learning Land' CD-Roms (I got a full set of this slightly old weekly part-work of 30 magazines and computer CD-Roms from an NCT sale last year for £4!) and did some 'more/less' work and other sections on animals and letters.

Bill was off work again today - he has a few more days of paternity leave left. We didn't get up very early, about 9am, but basically I woke around 6.30am to feed Isabelle after only one waking during the night at 3am, and I've managed to keep going all day with NO NAP!!! This is a major step forward for me - I was beginning to believe I'd never make it through a day without a nap for the rest of my life! We had a walk into town this afternoon for various bits and pieces - I actually got round to buying a new washing-up bowl (old one cracked) - exciting or what?!! And some cream paint to do the new toyboxes we recently obtained to try and keep all the toys tidy in the living room. I also registered Isabelle with the Doctor's surgery, and made the appointment for our joint 6-week check-up.

Improving ......?

Just a quick update ... I still have a lot of anxiety around, but today has been OK and maybe I'm getting there.... I decided I needed to use some of my hypnobabies techniques to cope with these unsettling feelings, meaning I need to give myself lots of positive affirmations throughout the day and when I feel panicky, and just try and give myself a new mindset. Not easy when very tired (Isabelle's sleeping is getting worse, not better!) but at least it's a strategy! Anyway I had a couple of sessions of an hour or two today when I was on my own with both girls - this morning I took them out for a walk (in the rain!) to get Tamsin away from in front of the TV, which went fine, and this afternoon DH was exhausted so he went to bed, and I coped for about 2 hours!

Isabelle is waking again for a feed so that's all for now!

Up/down/up/down ....

Tamsin was at playschool this morning, and I expected to get just a few things done before having a good nap while Isabelle was asleep, to set me up for the afternoon alone with both girls. Isabelle had other ideas ...... and fussed and fidgeted and sucked and squawled all morning, until by midday I was a sobbing heap, shouting at her to shut up and go to sleep, so that I could too .... :-( Poor little baby heard the 'f' word several times as well, which is not one I normally use :-(

I do not do well without enough sleep ..... I turn into a monster ..... I'm sure I never used to be this bad, but certainly since being pregnant this time I just don't seem to be able to manage to be awake a whole day without a nap sometime. I just can't cope otherwise.

Fortunately, my superstar friend Kate picked Tamsin up from playschool, along with her own daughter, and kept her until I was ready... so after eventually getting Isabelle to sleep at 2pm and sleeping myself till 3pm, I went to Kate's house, and stayed there till after 6pm where we had dinner as well ...

Days like today really shake my confidence. Many days like this will lead to depression, I know it, and that's the last thing I need on top of everything else. The only good thing about today was that there was NO TV!!!

She slept through the night!

Is this a miracle? After a bad evening (see previous posting), Isabelle slept from 11.30pm to 6.45am!!!! We'll have more of those, please. Of course, I didn't sleep through the night, because of Tamsin coming in to join us at 1am and then having to check 2 or 3 times that Isabelle was still alive.....

Colic?

So how do you settle a baby who seems to be having spasms of pain... and wanting to constantly suckle on a finger or a boob, and won't go to sleep....?

Some education!

Two proud mummy moments yesterday:-
Tamsin wrote her own name! She was in the little Sunday School group with Bill and came down with a colouring sheet on which she'd done her name all on her own - it was gorgeous!
Secondly, in the afternoon, I started writing some words without saying anything at all about what they were, and without any prompting or help, she recognised Mummy, Poppy (our dog's name), Daddy, Holly and Isabelle ... I was so impressed!
The other lovely thing was that we all got to church which was Isabelle's first time, and we had a lovely welcome from everyone.

Very brief update

On Friday morning I went to the LLL meeting near Cirencester, and felt fine, but was totally wiped out by the time I got home. Even all afternoon in bed didn't really do the trick, and I was not prepared for Isabelle's feeding shenanigans as night turned into the small hours of the morning and she still would not go to sleep. It probably wasn't the best idea to shove her into Bill's arms, sobbing "YOU find out what she wants, she certainly doesn't want anything I've got!!" before turning and running back to bed, but it was all that came to mind at the time! I managed about 3-4 hours sleep before being disturbed by both Tamsin coming into our bed and Isabelle waking for a feed at the same time.

Fortunately, Bill took Tamsin off to the park this morning, and enabled me to stay in bed until 1pm, which left me feeling a good deal more human for the rest of the day. Must go to bed now, though, and get as many hours as poss while she sleeps!

Dressed @ noon, brushed teeth @ 3pm... (sigh)

It hasn't felt like there's been anything worth blogging the past couple of days - I still feel very much in 'babymoon' mode, staying at home and hiding away from the world. Tamsin went to playschool on Tuesday and Wednesday mornings and had the day with Grandpa today, so I've had a bit of peace and space to catch up on sleep (but not much else!). Bill is taking his paternity leave in odd days here and there, so he went to work on Tuesday while my Mum was still here, and today while Tamsin was out for the day.

That meant that it was just Isabelle and I on our own today - and I think she took advantage by fussing and stressing and sucking and just not sleeping at all this morning! Hence the title - one of those 'typical' new mother days when you just can't seem to get dressed at any reasonable hour. Mind you, that was after a good night when she fed around 11pm and then slept through till 4.30am, as I did too, so we want more like that please! Tonight is not boding so well as she has slept solidly since about 7pm and it's now 10.30pm, so I don't know if she's saving her fussy period for the wee small hours....

Feeding is still a little bit wobbly - sometimes she takes an age to latch on properly, and sometimes she latches on and then just lies there gazing around, not bothering to feed, and sometimes she just falls asleep after 5 minutes and then wants more 20 minutes later, and that goes on and on and on.....

BUT - I have managed to get onto the cloth nappies and done my first nappy wash today, I made real food for dinner, and have even made some soup for tomorrow to take to an LLL meeting (with soup lunch) somewhere between Cirencester and Lechlade - I haven't been to this one before. There used to be one in Cheltenham but the leader moved away, and this group runs on a Friday morning when I was always at work. I was assuming I would be going to this one still heavily pregnant, but Isabelle had other ideas!

I hear her waking and wanting more mummy milk - must go!

Thank God for good friends bearing chocolate cake!

Managed to get up and take Tamsin to playschool this morning, and my friend Kate, who I job-share and child-share with, collected Tamsin from playschool, and took her home to play. They all came here at about 3.30pm with a big chocolate cake! That hit just the right spot! Isabelle has had a good day and feeding is now going well, so that's a relief. Bill went to work today, so that he can add another day's paternity leave on to the end.

My Mum is going home tomorrow, so Bill won't go to work. I definitely only coped with this afternoon by spending all morning in bed, as Isabelle went onto a 2-2.5 hour feeding schedule during the night. I am the sort of person who really NEEDS lots of sleep, otherwise I just don't function at all.

Ups and downs

It's a gorgeous time, but it's not without its stresses and strains as well. I'm very glad I'll never have to live through Sunday again, when the 'baby blues' hit big time and I was in tears from 4am onwards for most of the day.... Isabelle suddenly started having problems breastfeeding, which had gone perfectly before that ... and I had all sorts of nightmares triggered by the memories of the day Benjamin died when he had gone off feeding too...

The midwife arrived around 10am, when I was just into a fresh bout of sobbing because I still couldn’t get Isabelle latched on at all. She re-did the complete neonatal physical check, with a really good prolonged listen to her heart, feeling all the pulses etc, and said there were really absolutely no causes for concern at all. We tried again for 5 minutes or so (which felt like hours!) to get I latched on but she just wouldn’t – she just kept pushing it out with her tongue. So Alison told me to hand express a little bit of milk, while she undressed I and put us skin-to-skin. These 2 measures worked, and Isabelle actually started feeding – hallelujah!! I had a really good talk with Alison and it helped – she is so nice and I feel completely comfortable with her. I talked about our uncertainty whether to request an echocardiogram for Isabelle, which is what we had for Tamsin after she was born, just to make sure her heart was completely healthy. Alison thought it would be a good idea, and will talk to the hospital to see what can be arranged.

The rest of Sunday gradually improved, with I's feeding going OK once I did the skin-to-skin bit, although I continued feeling weepy and wobbly.

Today has been better, although I definitely still feel fragile. Feeding has gone well today, though. I do feel quite anxious ... I'm not exactly sure what about but partly about lack of sleep/feeling so horribly tired yet still having to deal with Tamsin/anxiety about settling into this new situation .... but I know that I will grow and adapt to these changes and a new routine will develop that will feel fairly comfortable. Just give it time.... We've got 3 adults in this house, though (my Mum is here for a few days) and we're only just all keeping everything going. I hate to think what a state we'd be in if there were any less of us!

Having said all that, what a real joy it is to feel the love for Isabelle growing, and to smell her sweet skin and hold her ... she is gorgeous!

Me and Isabelle, a few hours old 

Isabelle Shannon, born 3rd November 2004 at 3.37am, at home 

Tamsin and her very new baby sister 

Well, I wasn't expecting THAT!!!!!!!

I went into labour on Tuesday evening, and had a beautiful baby girl at home at 3.37am on Wednesday 3rd November. She weighed 7lb 1oz, and is perfect! We don't have a name, so far. Edit: today (Friday) we have decided on Isabelle Shannon

I certainly didn't expect to have my baby 12 days early ..(Merry, please forgive me!!!). It was my 3rd birth and I've never shown any signs before of going into labour early .. the first birth was induced 5 days before my due date, and the second was induced 10 days before my due date.

When I started feeling niggles around 7.15pm on Tuesday evening, I assumed it was slightly stronger Braxton Hicks contractions due to Tamsin jumping around on me, and as I had been warned by my midwife that, for a 3rd baby, I might well get some false starts and I know of many women who have had niggly contractions for days or weeks before the birth, I really thought it was just the beginning of that phase. I asked Bill to put Tamsin to bed, though, because I was feeling a bit uncomfortable with period-like pains. We had a friend here to help Bill move the furniture to make room for the birth pool, so I chatted with him till just after 9pm when Bill came down. Then I surfed the blog-ring a bit, until about 10pm when I told myself to stop being so ridiculous and go and lie down and listen to my hypnosis CDs to try and relax, because although I still didn't think it was the 'real thing', it was uncomfortable enough to be making me tense and anxious.

I listened to a CD for about an hour, and then came downstairs and told Bill I thought we needed to take this a bit more seriously. I still didn't really think this was 'it', but thought it would be a good idea to call the midwife just to come and check. In the meantime, I got in the shower, which felt good. I don't know what time the midwife arrived, maybe around midnight, by which time I was sitting in a deep bath. At around 1am, Tamsin woke up and came running along the landing to find me, and on finding me in the bath, leapt straight in with me and was then very upset because she was wet! I got out of the bath and lay down with her in our bed until she fell asleep (while I relaxed through the pains, which were coming maybe about every 5-6 minutes by then). I started to believe the baby was really coming!

When Tamsin was asleep, I went downstairs, to find that the birth pool was up but no water in it yet. I said I'd had enough and wanted to go home, and couldn't we all just stop this right now. The midwife asked if I wanted her to check how far along I was, and I said it depended whether she was going to give me good news or not! She asked me what I thought would be good news, and I said if she told me I was 6cm dilated, which I thought was a bit optimistic considering how well I was coping with the contractions! I thought it was entirely possible I was only at 2-3cm and that I had a very long time to go yet. She did check me, and announced that the birth hypnosis was working, because I was indeed at 6cm!! I wasn't entirely convinced that she wasn't just psyching me up, but she proceeded to phone the second midwife to come, and told her I was at 6cm, so maybe it was true!

I then started listening to my hypnosis Birth Guide CD, and it was extremely good. It contains suggestions that with each contraction, you will become more and more deeply relaxed, and indeed between contractions I was shaking and found it very difficult to relax, but as the contractions came I was able to relax deeply, which doesn't mean it didn't hurt, but I wasn't all tensed up through it. As transition approached, things got very intense and I resorted to the gas & air, and felt like I was losing my grip rather (but then don't we all!), and then extremely thankfully, pushing was fairly quick and short and VERY painful and intense and Bill described me as roaring like a lion, and then she shot out extremely quickly catching the midwife by surprise!

Big sister Tamsin woke up at 5am, and after a few minutes confusion until she woke up properly, was thrilled and delighted to meet the baby.

Briefly, the rest of Wednesday was tough, Thursday was a perfect day in almost every way, and today (Friday) I am officially worried because Isabelle is such a quiet sleepy baby that I can't help worrying about hidden heart defects and excessive sleepiness. I talked to the midwife about it a little this morning, but will press my concerns more tomorrow morning.

Seeing as it's taken me 3 days to get this far, I am going to actually publish this now, and hope to manage more later.

Wobbly start, improved later

This morning looked like it was heading the same way as yesterday, with me in tears before 10am because of just not wanting to deal with Tamsin climbing on me, refusing to get dressed, sitting on my head, generally being a pain. So decided that after my haircut this morning, we would have to stay out somewhere; out being easier than at home! Things started to improve before we went out, though, with me discovering some lovely comments from yesterday's moan, especially the one from DH! Then Tamsin asked to do some painting, and asked me to write the title/name of each picture on it ... which developed into a lovely session where she managed to guess many of the letters that were needed for each word, and then did some writing herself with lots of Ts, Ms, Is and Ns among other things. She can write her own name when told each letter to write, but was very close today to writing it without being told which letters.

So off we went to Stratford for the shopping trip we missed yesterday (although not swimming). Got my favourite "King of Skin" from Lush, some socks and tights for Tamsin and, best of all, a cheap copy of "Siblings without Rivalry" by Faber and Mazlish from the Oxfam shop - and to think I nearly ordered it a couple of days ago from amazon! Just in time, I think... And stopped for a quick lunch in Starbucks, where we each had a mug of hot chocolate, mine coming with a huge pile of whipped cream on top. So that was good :-) ! Tamsin unfortunately refused to eat any of the sandwiches, so the hot chocolate *was* her lunch .... oh well.

Then back home to look after a friend's 1-year old while she and her older 2 went to the dentist, and then the Tesco delivery came, and now Tamsin has asked for the paints to paint a small shoebox, but instead she is painting herself (she stripped naked when we got home from Stratford) and has just painted a big 'T' on her chest, and is a strange greenish shade almost everywhere else!! So I think it will have to be a bath before bedtime, then....

We have had the TV on since we got back home... but you all made me feel not quite so bad about that in the current circumstances ... I do admire those who manage to be TV-free, though, and maybe we'll manage it one day.

Lost the plot again

One of those days I'd rather forget..... My 'to do' list I made this morning had the following items:

Have breakfast
Walk dog
Pray
Change bedsheets
Clear dining table
Tidy toys
Phone Barbara
Go to Stratford - shopping and swimming

I managed the first two items ....... :-{ Maybe everything went wrong after that because I never got to number 3, who knows.... CBeebies has been on just about all day, because I just didn't have the willpower/energy/inclination to interact with Tamsin to get it switched off. I was wrecked by lunchtime and insisted I wanted half an hour to lie down before taking Tamsin swimming, and she kept on and on disturbing me despite me saying that if I didn't get some rest, I'd be too tired to take her swimming, until she eventually got the message and left me alone .. until 3pm, so I fell asleep.... and then it was too late to go! I then made my only sensible decision of the day, which was to go round to my friend's house and give Tamsin some decent playing time with her kids, which was a success!

We got home and I could only manage pizza from the freezer to the oven for dinner.... most of that frozen convenience food I'd got in ready for after the baby arrives has gone already (me, the nutritionist, who knows all about the importance of healthy eating).... I feel like such a shit mother today ... :-(