Tuesday tantrums

Tooth traumas continued this morning ... thankfully I had been forewarned by several other bloggers that sometimes, little girls get quite emotional about their teeth falling out and don't want to lose them. Unfortunately, it seems I had failed to warn Jade that the 'tooth fairy' (she knows it's me) takes the tooth away when the money is left!!! So she was completely traumatised when it was gone this morning. She wailed hysterically at me "Where is my tooth?" and when I told her it was in my jewellery box (phew!) she went and got it and then threw it and the £1 down the stairs at me and sobbed that she didn't want them! She went off and cried in her room for a couple of minutes, and then came down sobbing even more because now she'd lost the tooth. Oh dear, it's hard to be 6!! Thankfully she did find it on the stairs and eventually peace was restored, and she decided she did want both the tooth and the money. Thankfully I managed to remain calm throughout her storm of emotions.

Despite the rocky start, the rest of the day went OK. While upstairs getting dressed Shannon found my jewellery box open on the bed (left there by Jade), investigated several items in it, and discovered a little locket with a teeny tiny picture of Benjamin inside that somebody gave me when he died. Jade then drew her attention to the other picture of Benjamin that we have in our bedroom, and Shannon said she wanted to see "Benjamim's book". So downstairs we came and got out the as yet unfinished scrapbook I had done for Ben, and all spent some time looking through that. This prompted discussions about intensive care, what the word "intensive" means, family relationships, the heart, fetal life and how babies don't have air in their lungs while in utero, but have 'water' instead, so they can't cry, but they do wake and sleep; dying, heaven and eternal life! Didn't plan that into this morning's curriculum!!!!

After having read the myth about Gilgamesh from Story of the World yesterday, I gave her the choice of drawing a 'half-man, half-animal' or creating a fairy-tale/myth of her own which I would write down. Strangely, for a girl with such a gift for reading/words and all things literacy-related, she seems unconfident about writing a story herself and so chose to do the pic. I sat with her to do one as well, so she drew a half-horse/half-man (of course!) and called it "Skewbald-Man" and accompanied it by other unrealities, such as the moon inside the sun, a half-bush/half-tree, a bird with one wing and one arm, and the ground with half-grass, half-mud. I did a "spider-man". I did get the camera and pics together at one point with the intention of blogging the pics, but got distracted and it never happened.

I then received a phone call, so the girls wandered off and started playing something or other which required Jade to go outside and cut the grass with a pair of scissors and bring the grass inside to put onto trays. After she had brought it in and started playing she discovered she didn't have enough and I offered (phone call ended by then) to get her some more. So I found myself in the slightly surreal position of being outside in the garden cutting our grass with scissors, and hoping fervently that the neighbours couldn't see me and think I was a complete nutter! Needless to say before long there was grass all over the living room carpet, so cleaning instructions were issued and to her credit she did a reasonable job of clearing it all up. Meanwhile I was getting lunch. After lunch I read a bit of bible, and she urged me on and on and I ended up doing about the next 3 weeks' worth of Sonlight bible readings all in one go. Then I quickly threw together a cheese & sweetcorn flan, cooked it, and then we went off swimming. We met 2 other HE families at the pool so the girls were mostly happily occupied playing and splashing around and I got more chance than usual to actually get a bit of exercise. Then out of the pool, a quick visit to a friend's house, and home for tea.

The tooth is out!

At last!!! I'm sure her bottom two front teeth have been very wobbly for about 6 months, and it seems like forever I've been saying "it won't be long now till they come out". In fact, they've been there so long that her two new teeth have already come up and grown considerably. But at last, her very first baby tooth has fallen out. It caused a bit of trauma and tears at the time from the scariness of it, but after a long cuddle and some time sitting together reading stories, she seemed to be fine and happy. She gets very cross with me when I mention the tooth fairy, because she's already established that such a creature doesn't really exist (she insisted that I tell her the truth at the same time as she asked about Santa) so she knows that it's parental money that will be slipped under her pillow.

The other good news from today is that .... she will be able to go riding with Riding for the Disabled!!! The psychiatrist suggested it at the meeting we had last week, and we have spoken to the lady who runs the local group who says it is open to anybody who can benefit physically or emotionally from it, so she is happy to take her! She is very excited.

Silence is golden....?

I just had rather a pleasant morning, despite the down-side of sitting in the dentist's chair for about 45 minutes in the middle, being jabbed and drilled. But I got to drive there and back all on my own, which meant I had peace, quiet, time to think and time to listen to John Denver, to whom I have been listening for so long (30 years....!) that almost every song has a memory attached. It felt so .... healing .... to just be able to let myself go wherever the music took me.

Because DH now works at the university where I took my degree (10 years ago, wow!) and that's the only NHS dentist we could find, the trip took me to Oxford and to the place where I spent one of the happiest times of my life. I was musing on that as I walked past, today, and realised that much of the absolute pleasure I got from it was having hours and hours to sit and think - about nutrition as I sat in the library and researched topics, feeling like a detective as one research paper lead me to another and to another, but also about everything else about my life as I drove to and fro or studied at home.

I may have asked this before on this blog, but what do you do when what is best for your children is not what's best for you? If I knew that my children would be happy and fulfilled at school, then I'd probably grab the chance because I am so, so craving time on my own. How I wish I had time to follow up all the things that interest me, to sort myself out a bit, to do all the stuff that needs doing instead of always feeling like I'm drowning in a backlog, which leads me to not want to take on anything else (including any projects/activities the girls suggest) because I already feel I have too much on my plate. But I absolutely can't do that, not only because of all home education's benefits in general and having been utterly convinced that it is by far the better way, but also because of Jade's particular difficulties that mean she would be utterly miserable in school and of course I could never be happy about that. So somehow I have to find some time for myself, and none of the options are easy.

Talking of Jade, DH and I met with the psychiatrist and the speech therapist yesterday to discuss progress with the selective mutism. Actually, I have decided I would much prefer to use the name that one Canadian group gives it, which is Social Communication Anxiety Disorder, as it is so much more than just not being able to speak in certain situations. In stressful situations, body language becomes frozen too, as she attempts to disappear so that nobody can take any notice of her at all. And she seems to be anxious about moving forward with many life skills, such as brushing her own teeth, cutting her own food - it is noticeable that Shannon is already catching up fast in some of these areas and is far more keen to 'do it myself' than Jade ever was at her age. The upshot of the discussions is that we will continue the progress with the speech therapist for a few more sessions, but then she needs to slide out of the process so that we can introduce others. We have got to the stage where Jade will, somewhat reluctantly and still with a bit of difficulty, answer the speech therapist's simple questions, e.g. what is your favourite colour, or play games involving guessing the correct answers to riddles and speak out with the answer, so we now have to try and extend that into becoming proper conversation and then doing the same thing while out and about instead of just at home. Then we have to go through the same process with some other adult, who can then take over as keyworker, and gradually generalise the process out to more people and situations. It's going to take a long time though. We decided that the childminder we've been using for Shannon might well be the best person to get Jade talking to next, and the psychiatrist suggested we apply for Disability Living Allowance to enable us to do that and pay for it. Then, at least, I would have some reliable childcare for Jade, as she refuses to go to most people and my parents are now too old, and not geographically close enough, to help regularly. It really is tough when your child really can't bear to be looked after by anyone else. I do worry about her, a lot, particularly in the small hours of the morning when Shannon wakes me up and then I can't fall back to sleep for agonising over what I/we may have done to cause this in Jade. I know it doesn't help, but logic doesn't work very well at 3am.

Anyway, as I am at work I really must get on, but I really had to get that lot off my mind before I could concentrate on anything else.

I'm soooooooo behind!

I don't know what's happened to my (even previously limited) free time lately - it just seems to completely disappear and I can barely find a moment to blog. Lots has been going on, such as Jade's RIDING LESSONS!!! Which she has been utterly thrilled about. Yes, I do have pics from the first one but don't make me try and guess when I will get time to upload them. And there's been some nice educational stuff too, though not as much as part of me thinks there 'should' have been! And Shannon, despite being generally adorable, is developing a particularly fierce temper when things don't go her way and Jade is a bit scared of her!

I've just been attempting to do my Tax Return online but realise my figures don't add up - the trouble is I didn't do any record-keeping on Usborne Books for about the past year apart from keeping piles of invoices, so currently the figures look as though I lost about £600 and although I don't think I did very well, I don't think I lost THAT much! So will have to try and search around for some more info.

Gotta go and find some food for dinner before disappearing off to show this month's film to the good folk of this little Cotswold town - Bridge to Terabithia. Will try and do better blogging in the next few days.