Faith

I've surprised myself by going to church twice today ... not something I normally do but I just really felt the need to go again this evening. When I go (and can concentrate, i.e. without Tamsin), it feels like that feeling you get when you've finished all the jobs on your to-do list; or when you declutter and sort out a room and everything's clean and tidy and in its right place; or when you've gone out for a walk and you wander off the path, and are enjoying the nice scenery, but after a while you feel aimless and eventually find your way back to the proper path again ... it's a sense of peace and rightness and clarity, only much deeper and stronger. Life is so distracting, there's so much to do and so many things to think about and so many ways of looking at things that my thinking gets cloudy and I forget where I'm going and what it's all about... I'm sure people will assess and maybe negatively judge my behaviour when I claim to be a Christian (and I negatively judge myself,as well), but I would say that perhaps for most of us who make that claim, it's not that we've got it all right and our lives are anything approaching perfect, but just that we've glimpsed something, we've seen something that is so beautiful we just have to follow it, even though we're constantly being distracted or forget what we've seen or just feel too tired to follow it right now...

Anyway, just for this evening, I feel like everything is back in its proper perspective and place and I feel more at peace. If anybody knows how to stop the fog descending, I'd like to know, please!

What to put in; what to leave out....

I was musing earlier about what to write in my own blog, and then find Sally has been on a similar track.... My particular dilemma is that giving a blow-by-blow account of each day ("first we did ....; then afterwards we ....." etc) seems as though it must be unutterably boring to anyone else, but in fact when I read other blogs on the ring I actually enjoy hearing what people have been doing in their 'ordinary' days. Anyway, because today has been fairly positive, I think this will be a 'blow-by-blow' kind of blog entry!

My energy levels seem to have been a bit better this week, although frustratingly I don't know why. It meant that the pattern of the past few weekends, when I got up with Tamsin around 7am and kept her busy till Bill woke up around 10am, and then I went back to bed while he got up and entertained her, was different this morning. Tamsin went to bed slightly later last night so didn't wake till around 8am and we got up about 8.30 and went downstairs, and I managed to stay awake all morning! We built Brio track after breakfast, which has been Tamsin's daily favourite activity since before Kessingland, and later on played with a lovely new Playdough set which SIL brought yesterday. Tamsin then practised some 'writing' which really consists of making semi-random marks on a paper and then deciding which letters they look like - but it's all developing fine motor control and I am pleased to see that without specifically being told, she is holding the pen correctly most of the time now.

I wanted to go out to a local WI sale (in the hope of finding some lovely cheap books) but the midwife had promised to call just to listen to the baby's heartbeat as I am at the stage now where anxiety is rising a little that something will go wrong at the last minute, so I am going to have twice-weekly checks at least, rather than the normal weekly ones. I didn't know what time she was coming, so just had to hang out at home till she did arrive, which was around 1pm. All was well, thankfully, and she has promised to come everyday if I want, so although I don't need that at the moment, it's nice to know it's there if necessary. She also said there would be no problem arranging a scan if I want fluid level/umbilical blood flow checked, etc.

We did pop into town this afternoon, although the WI sale had finished by then. But we had a couple of nice incidents: when we arrived at the local supermarket, which is right next to the railway line, we saw a small crowd gathering so went to have a look, and saw, to Tamsin's great excitement and happiness, a large steam-train chuffing out of the station. Then inside the shop I met a friend and her DH and kids (the one who visited us on Thursday morning); and another woman from church who, when I mentioned that yesterday and today I have started getting sharp pains down the sciatic nerves, offered to give me a massage (and she is trained!), so I'll definitely be taking her up on that in the next few days.

When I got home, I was feeling fairly worn out, so after tea and chocolate cake (bliss!) DH took over playing with Tamsin while I perused the blogring. Later they both took the dog out for a walk, and then came back and I enjoyed hearing the squeals of delight from the garden as DH repeatedly launched a plastic firework rocket case they'd found while out - very much a 'Daddy' kind of activity, I thought!

I should have put Tamsin to bed by now but she's engrossed in Thomas the Tank Engine videos - I am glad she's not too much of a Cinderella and princesses kind of girl (although she does like some of that) and instead is much more into trains!

FINISHED!

Work, that is. Went in this morning and tied up a few loose ends - no more for 6 months! I just hope I've got a job to go back to ... I work for a small charity whose funding runs out in March '05 and I'm due to go back in about April/May time...

Now it's a quick nap for me, then collect Tamsin from my friend's house (we job-share and child-share) and then my SIL is coming to visit this afternoon.

Today's achievements...

A friend visited this morning with her 2 kids; later Tamsin and I washed the front door (been meaning to do that for ages...); Tamsin did some painting and we talked about mixing colours to get new colours, which she then practised; we started to make Christmas cards with glue and glitter (note to self: more preparation and planning needed to avoid a living room full of glitter!); made a proper meal with fresh food (which Tamsin didn't eat), and got her to bed early-ish.

I am going to have to go into work tomorrow, but hoping to only stay for a couple of hours, rather than all morning. And then that will be it for 6 months or so!

Added later: Forgot to say that the friend who visited this morning was at one point considering HE, but now feels she will send her DD to school because she is a very sociable little girl and "will do much better at school". We had a conversation about school/HE and I felt the same as I did with my other friend who considered HE but opted for school - pressure from them to make the same decision. I suppose I try and put subtle pressure on them to change to HE (it would make my life easier!) but I do resent the fact that they both saw really positive aspects to HE, and are now praising school all the time.

An invasion.....

of headlice - yuck!!! We had our very first attack a couple of months ago, and thought we had got rid of them .... but no, we're either re-infected or didn't quite do the job properly .... (sigh). I'm following this combing schedule which promises to get rid of them and avoids the nasty chemicals.

Better news - my supplier has my pink spotty TotsBots wraps!! Thanks to whoever pointed them out, I think on Merry's comments .... I love our TotsBots nappies but the wraps were new since I last bought any so I decided to treat the new baby to some as a Christmas present!

Good day (mostly) so far!

Apart from frustration this morning having lost several things which I needed to go out and "run errands", e.g. documents for re-taxing the car, my cheque book, the phone etc, and then finding out when I got the Post Office that I had the "Schedule" of motor insurance and not the "Certificate" (GRRR!!!!), nevertheless today feels quite good.

I've had a visit from my midwife, bringing the home delivery pack, together with one of those precious canisters of gas & air - although frustratingly not with an adapter/mask yet so I can't practise....!!! Heartbeat sounds good, strong and regular, not like when I was expecting Tamsin when her HB was very erratic, because I was so stressed (terrified something would go wrong). The midwives seem to all hope to be the one attending me because I have been doing this self-hypnosis for birth course and they're all fascinated as to how it will go, as I am as well!

Also, the EO pack has arrived, so I am gradually reading through all the bits and pieces, while Tamsin is happily watching a video of Thomas the Tank Engine (her favourite).

Grrr to M&S....

Why is it that the only time I decide to buy myself something (new undies!) instead of buying stuff for Tamsin all the time, the ones that I like best in M&S they don't have in my size...... and Next doesn't have any at all! And now that Stratford-on-Avon has restricted on-street parking to only 20 minutes, I didn't have time to go anywhere else ..... so neither did I get to the health food shop for red raspberry leaf tea (for toning the uterus!) or a multi-mineral supplement (just noticed the one I take is good on vits but not so good on mins) or any of the other stuff I wanted .....

Better...

Today had some good points, rather than just low ones... The first was while driving home from church, when Tamsin spontaneously counted from 1-7 in French ... She knew a bit of French several months ago when she watched the Tots TV French video over and over again, but she hadn't watched it for a few months and I was wondering if she'd forgotten ... but no, it's there in her brain just waiting for the right moment to pop out again! Fantastic!

[I suppose really the first good point of the day should have been actually in church, rather than while coming home again, but since Tamsin has refused to let me leave her in creche or 'Sparklers' (the 3-5 yr age group class) for absolutely months, it seems like forever since I've heard a sermon or done anything than sing a couple of worship songs with a wriggly toddler on my lap... hardly conducive to even a moment of deep thought or contemplation....!]

I was exhausted when I got home, and went straight to bed for a couple of hours, but that meant I was refreshed enough this afternoon to actually feel like achieving some stuff, so Bill went up into the loft and we retrieved the final vital items of baby equipment (car seat, changing mats, etc) and put some other stuff away in there. Tamsin also got hoisted into the loft a couple of times (on her insistence) and had a lesson from Daddy about the boiler and about roof structure while she was up there!

I reach official 'full-term' (37 weeks) tomorrow so am suddenly starting to feel that I'm not sure I should go anywhere in case labour suddenly starts .... not that I've ever shown any signs of going into labour before 39 weeks in previous pregnancies, but you never know..... and as it could be a really quick labour I am a little nervous....

Why am I still so tired....

after 11 hours' sleep last night, a 2-hour nap this morning (11am - 1pm) and a 1-hour nap this afternoon (4-5pm) .....? Ridiculous. I keep looking forward to not being pregnant any more so I can stop being so outrageously tired, and then I think how much worse it's going to be when I'm being woken several times a night as well......

Anyway, one thing was achieved today.... I joined EO (online) so it'll be interesting to start getting that stuff.

Sleep......

Oops, fell asleep last night while putting Tamsin to bed, around 8pm, and didn't get up again! Yesterday's events included buying and carving a small pumpkin, answering Tamsin's request to make a great big crocodile out of cardboard, which she then totally ignored and didn't want to colour in, and finding that one of the library books we got on Thursday was about crocodiles, so that went together reasonably well! I also managed to cook a proper meal rather than something instant out of the freezer, so that always makes me feel more virtuous. I'm trying to save the ready-made stuff for after the baby is born.

Ho hum sort of a day...

Worked this morning - may have been my last day before maternity leave, depending on how my replacement gets on tomorrow and Tuesday, when I'm not there.... or maybe I will have to go in again next Friday. Collected Tamsin and came home, she watched TV while I did not much, then we walked to the library and chose several books. Came home, Tamsin watched TV again while I resorted to transferring a 'convenience meal' from the freezer to the oven, and then subsided exhausted into an armchair.

Days like this make me think I can't do HE, when any time at home is spent with Tamsin watching TV, but maybe I shouldn't make such judgements when I'm 36 weeks preg. Not helped by having received some sad family news last night which I can't go into but has stirred up all sorts of feelings in me. Oh well, maybe tomorrow will be better...

Getting ready for a new baby...

Tamsin was at the last day of playgroup before half-term, this morning, so I started to pack my birth bag. I am planning a home-birth, but thought it would be a good idea to have everything in one place in a bag for when we need it, and, of course, to cover the possibility of having to transfer to hospital at some point. However, with my first birth (Benjamin, who died age 8 weeks) taking only 4 hours and Tamsin's birth taking 2 hours (both induced), I'm not expecting there to be enough time to transfer to hospital in any event, hence the home birth... I saw the midwife this morning and all is well, and next Wednesday she will visit me at home and bring the home delivery pack.

Tamsin's drawing is starting to show some recognisable features, now, rather than random scribbles. Last night she drew a 'smile with legs', which was lovely, and a washing line with clothes (little lines) hanging off it, as well as a few recognisable letters (A, C, T among others). This afternoon we did a puzzle which involves little jigsaws of objects (cat, fish, tree, snail) with each piece having one letter. She would say, for example, she wanted to do the cat and I would ask which letter it started with, and I'd give her the piece, then which letter came next, and which letter came at the end, and much of the time she got it right, with me saying the word very carefully to separate out the sounds. Then, when I was in the kitchen starting the evening meal, she did 'pig' all on her own.

Then we sat and did a bit of reading: I read to her for the first time from the Beginner's Bible, and then attempted a Grimm's Fairy Tale, but she wasn't that interested. I have to confess to some misgivings about indoctrinating her with tales about helpless females being cursed and having to be rescued by gallant males, but OTOH would she be missing out on a shared cultural experience and language if she didn't know them...?

And a little personal boast, if I may. On the 'Great British Spelling Test' on ITV this evening, I scored 47 out of 50!!!

Blissful Tuesday...

I love Tuesdays .... Tamsin goes to my Dad's for the whole day! I go to work in the morning, and then come home and sleep all afternoon... bliss. Not for much longer, I suppose, once there's another tiny babe in the house, but in the meantime I'm enjoying it. So who cares about getting the housework done......!

Have been to Week 2 of the Positive Parenting course being held at church, this evening, which really just covers the basics which I already know but it's good to be reminded and to share with others. Especially when I've been losing the plot so much lately with Tamsin, being so tired, irritable and lethargic. Homework for the week: top up Tamsin's 'emotional tank' with as much as positive stuff as possible, to counteract the negative...

Visiting schools....

Seems a strange thing to be writing about on a blog that is supposed to be about home education, but we're thinking about the pros and cons of flexi-schooling so thought we had better visit the local schools and see if any of them would be amenable to the idea. Bill took the day off and we had 2 appointments this morning, not in our nearest school which couldn't fit us in today but in adjoining villages.

I have to say, the first was lovely. It is a really small village school - they currently have 33 pupils in total age 4-11!! They have 2 classes, so reception to year 2 is in one class and years 3-6 are in a second class. Class 1 currently has 8 pupils, 1 of which is a reception age child, and usually 3 and sometimes 4 staff on at a time - can't beat that for a staff:pupil ratio!!! They normally have about 6 in reception, plus the Year 1 and 2s, but even so..... In class 2 we saw 4 or 5 children just getting on with their own thing, while 4 kids were in a separate room with a student teacher, doing some reading, and the 4 'brightest' girls were with the head teacher learning Latin, because it was something they all fancied! We had a chat with the headteacher and she is certainly prepared to be flexible in school attendance, as they have had to do with children with 'special needs' in the past, although she did say she would need to be clear which of us would be covering which areas/subjects. But with mixed age groups and mostly teaching in groups of 4-6, it seemed to come quite close to home-ed in some ways! Of course, you still have the issue of 'lessons' which start and finish at pre-determined times, rather than just following the individual child's interest for as long as it lasts.

The second school, although still a village school, was much more 'bog standard' with over 20 children and 1 teacher (and sometimes a learning support worker) in each class. Everything the Headteacher proudly presented to us as examples of the children's work and excellent opportunities just struck me as something we could cover even better at home on our own. Don't think we will be bothering with that one.

The rest of the day has been really good, too. While we were eating lunch Tamsin chose, on her own, all the right letters and spelled out her own name on the magnetic board (first time without help!), and also looked at the globe and identified the UK and also America where her uncle/aunt/cousins live. Then, while I had a quick nap after lunch, she and Bill played with the Letterland flash cards and I came down to lots more words spelled out all over the floor. Then I took Tamsin swimming, where she seemed much more confident than she has done in the past, although she's not swimming on her own yet but she was much happier about being adventurous and going under the water etc. Afterwards, we went to buy her some new shoes, which I was dreading because last time she had a complete hysterical tantrum in the shoe shop, but (with the promise of an ice-cream afterwards) she agreed to have her feet measured and tried on some shoes without any problem whatsoever. She got a nice solid pair of ankle boots for everyday winter use, and now I know what size she is I can look around for some fancier ones.

If only everyday felt as positive and well-balanced as this ..... Unfortunately, during this pregnancy, that has been far from the case as I have mostly been exhausted, very irritable and bad-tempered, as I expect will be evident in the coming few weeks at least, as well!

A tentative start...

After reading the MuddlePuddle blogring for months, I keep being tempted to start my own, but I know how hopeless I am at keeping things up-to-date, so I don't know how well I'll keep this up. But if I don't try, I'll never know!

I'm hoping this will be something of a home education record, although with Tamsin only 3y 4mo as I write, there's not much definite going on on that front at the moment, but a few minutes here and there each day is appropriate at this age, I think.

Also I'm only 4 weeks away (approx!) from having another baby, so things definitely won't be that straightforward for the next few months.