Dear Mrs T
Firstly I would like to re-iterate what Bill has said about the approach taken on Friday with T. It was completely counter-productive and has resulted in T and ourselves having no confidence that her difficulties are being understood and handled appropriately. From time to time that may be the appropriate approach to take, but on Friday she was in particular emotional distress after the meeting, had been crying for a significant length of time, was emotionally exhausted and was not messing anybody about. I had had to use significant persuasion and threat of sanctions to get her to allow me to leave her in SSC at all, and that was only with the agreement that she would be able to stay in that small room. I truly felt that in agreeing to that, she had been pushed as far as she could go at the time, and that getting her to stay at school in that state was a significant 'win' which was best held at that point and not pushed any further. I agreed with Mrs F that she could try and see if she would go to the lesson, but I assumed that it would be gentle discussion and persuasion given her emotional fragility that afternoon, and only after she had had time to calm down and feel better, not harsh pressure. She says that she finally agreed to go to the lesson because she was too afraid that otherwise you would come back, which was another level of fear and anxiety and stress added on top of what had already been a really difficult day for her. No wonder that she feels emotionally unable to cope with returning to that environment this morning.
As far as making the 'choice' to speak or interact, everybody must understand that this is not about choice. Of course she is physically able to speak - that has never been in question. She is a bright, highly-literate girl with a reading age and vocabulary significantly in advance of her actual age. Selective mutism is an extreme anxiety condition. There is no choice involved in the response, or lack of it. Below I have copied some extracts from the writings of an adult woman who suffered from SM as a child:
When I stepped
outside the door to walk to school I would get a knot in my
stomach and feelings of anxiety would rise up within me. At the same time,
heaviness would descend on me, causing me to move slower and
weigh me down more and more as I approached school. Once at school I would
find myself standing still. I
would walk to wherever I needed to go if I had to, then find the
nearest corner or seat, and either stand or sit still watching
others talking all around.
As far as
speaking, the nearest thing I can compare is like an anesthetic
injection you get at the dentist where your face goes dead and
the muscles won’t work. It
was like having one of these injections in the part of my brain
that controlled my speech function.
I would stay
like this all day. I
couldn’t ask to have my basic needs met such as putting my hand up
to go to the toilet, or for a drink, or if I had forgotten my
lunch money, or if hurt or bullied. I
couldn’t participate in lessons, or play with others in the
playground. Then as if
by magic, as soon as I came out of school to walk home, the
heaviness lifted and I would come back to life, playing, talking
and doing everything normally.I can see how others would have seen this as stubbornness. They encouraged me, disciplined me, got frustrated with me, asked me why I behaved that way and got no answer from me. They sent me to the educational psychologist and the behavioral-emotional unit and they didn’t know what was wrong either. Back then, SM was not an official diagnosis so they had no checklist to match my symptoms with. I was trapped in isolation, and I didn’t know how to get out of the trap. It felt beyond my power to escape from.
....I couldn’t show anyone my personality or abilities because they were locked inside.
It was a family who helped me on my way to recovery. They felt it was right to have me come and live with them when I had just turned 19. I had very little communication; I mainly used shoulder shrugs and gestures, body language and facial expressions although I did speak the odd word. Things like saying hello, goodbye, please and thank you were incredibly difficult. Their response to this was unlike any I had experienced, in that they sent me constant messages that I was loved and accepted unconditionally, and they didn’t feel awkward around my silence. After a couple of weeks the heaviness and paralysis began to lift. This was due to them reducing the pressure to speak and I felt safe around them.
(my emphases)
(from http://selectivemutismstories.blogspot.co.uk/)
I could find many many more examples of such stories and testimonies from both recovered and non-recovered SM sufferers.
This emphasises the need for a selective mutism sufferer to feel emotionally safe and unthreatened. It is like a tortoise retreating into its shell and nothing can be seen of it until it perceives the danger has passed and it is safe for it to come out. T no longer feels emotionally safe at school and therefore will freeze and not show anything of herself in that environment as it is at the moment. It is at times of high emotion and stress that she becomes unable to even nod or shake her head to simple questions. In a more relaxed state of course she is able to do that.
The need for 'control' is just one of the symptoms of anxiety: "Anxiety and The Need To Be In Control May 8, 2013
There is no point directly addressing the symptom of control - the strategy needs to be to address the underlying anxiety that causes the need to control.
I accept that school's responsibility is to educate T but as I said in the meeting on Friday, there is no point having a highly-educated person who can't speak to or interact with other people and in any event, she will be unable to properly learn and assimilate information when under high stress. So it seems clear to me that the very first priority with T should be to address her emotional needs before her educational needs. And it needn't be that complicated. Her experience in Year 6, when with the right approach she was able to interact fully in the classroom, speak to her teacher, raise her hand in class and answer questions, proves that it is possible to give her what she needs in an ordinary classroom. However at the moment several steps backwards have been taken and we will need to come in and discuss with you how to approach matters from today forwards.
JG
