Monday, January 31, 2005

Bargains

I've had a bit of a blitz on charity shops recently - I've got the bug! Anyway, over the past week or so, I've visited shops in Moreton-in-Marsh, Chipping Norton, Stratford-on-Avon and Farnham in Surrey, and have got:

Light Fantastic - Science Club book (79p)
Fun with Science hardback book - 170 pages of science experiments for 99p
"The Fantastic Flying Journey" by Gerald Durrell - an adventure story introducing wildlife, geography and conservation for £1
"Where's Wally - the absolutely amazing activity book" with all sorts of interesting facts and info for 50p
The Ultimate Atlas of the World - 250 page hardback book for £2
Fun with Photography for 79p

and, most excitingly, "Reading Reflex - The foolproof Phono-Graphix method for teaching your child to read" which, on reading the first couple of chapters, looks fantastic. I don't think Tamsin's ready for intensive reading lessons yet, but this looks like a great method when the time comes.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Remembering Tom

A year ago today, the 16-year old son of a family we know took his own life. Tom was a remarkable boy - the last kid in the world who you would expect to do such a thing. He always reminded me of Bambi - long legs and great big brown eyes, and a beautiful smile. And he was always smiling - he seemed (to me, knowing the family reasonably well but not very closely) to be nothing like those stereotypical moody teenagers. He was pleasant, thoughtful, kind and a pleasure to spend time with. But the most amazing thing about him was his sensitive and observant spirit, expressed in the most beautiful, mature and insightful writing you would expect from anybody, let alone a young boy. I had the privilege of reading some of his prose and poems, and was always touched and impressed by them. In the end, maybe that sensitive spirit was his undoing. I don't know. I know that, with a history of depression myself, I have feared knowing too much about the thoughts and feelings that led him to such a drastic step, although if I had asked his parents, I think they may have shared that information with me. I have in the past wrestled with such feelings and don't want to go there again.

But the other thing I know is that Tom knew Jesus, and he is now in an incredible place, with all his turmoil and pain long forgotten, and the eternal glory and joy of his Father God filling him. We will see him again, just like we will see our own son Benjamin, and all will be well.

Till then, Tom, I miss you, I remember you with love, and I am praying for your parents Alan and Jackie, and your brother James. God bless....

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Hmmm - ticker is wrong

Lilypie is 2 days ahead of itself ... but I can only get the right age for Isabelle if I change her birthday to 2 days earlier than it actually is .... I suppose I should e-mail the Lilypie owner!

Edited to add: I have e-mailed Lilypie and the explanation is this: The ticker calculates the number of months first, i.e. Isabelle was 2 months on 3rd January. The remaining number of days until today's date is divided into weeks and days. Therefore even though Isabelle was born on a Wednesday, and therefore I expected a complete number of weeks to be showing on Wednesday, in fact as it was the 26th, it was 23 days after 3rd January, so she was 2 months, 3 weeks and 2 days! Makes sense, although counter-intuitive.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Sticky moments

I felt a lot better on Friday and Saturday, but seem to be having something of a relapse today - more pain and achiness.

The weekend has been a bit sticky .... Tamsin's and my first attempt at papier mache is making progress (though not yet finished) - we're making Humpty Dumpty. Cue glue everywhere .... And on Friday night, on coming home from a (rare) evening out, I picked up in the front garden a little bottle which had been carelessly dropped and not cleared up by the guys installing our new guttering and cladding. It emptied the rest of its contents all over my fingers, as I was looking at it to see what it was - and you would have been impressed at the lightning speed of my thinking as I read that it was superglue, and separated all my fingers in a flash! We then had one of those wonderful internet moments where we were able to find out instantly how to remove superglue - the only problem was that the remedy was nail varnish remover, and I was pretty sure I didn't have any. We tried several substances from Bill's workshop, none of which worked, so I was resigned to having stiff immovable fingers until I could make a trip to the chemists in the morning. Desperation drove me to a search of my drawers and cabinets, and - tada! - a nearly full bottle of nail varnish remover. Instant relief and bendable fingers within moments!!

There's been a fair bit of education going on - Tamsin's discovered my stash of workbooks that I've been keeping until she was ready ... and has had a go at the first few pages of each of them - Telling the Time, Match and Sort, and Letterland First Reading Activity Book. She's done really well, and enjoyed them as long as it's kept low-key and low-pressure. That's fine by me - I do find it strange though that I have a firm belief in kids doing things when they are ready, and literacy usually being pressed upon kids too early in our culture, yet I find myself with a perverse desire to see her "progress" and am excited for her to start to read. It really doesn't matter if she doesn't read for another 3 years or more, so I must beware of any feeling of rushing her.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Ill

Woke up in the night feeling horrendous - very achey all over and very cold. It's mastitis ... and why that's developed I have no idea as there seems to be no reason for it. Anyway I've been in bed pretty much all day. Thankfully today was Tamsin's "Grandpa Day" so she was out of the house, and Bill stayed at home to look after Isabelle with just occasional visits to me for feeding. Quite blissful really, if only I wasn't feeling ill!

I've got up to eat some dinner and watch ER, and then it'll be back to bed, I guess.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Big Day Out

We enjoyed our trip to London today, but only met with Helen and Andy with the delightful Annie, Ada and Nataniel (did I spell that right?) whom we already knew from the MudPud camp at Kessingland. None of us had had the chance to check the e-mail before leaving, so we didn't know that Roslyn & co weren't coming, and Dorothy - if you were there, I'm sorry we missed you!

Tamsin adored the train rides, was struck dumb by the exuberant friendliness of Annie and Ada, and enjoyed our visit to the basement Garden in the Science Museum. Actually, I probably scared an attractive blonde woman in the Science Museum as I kept smiling at her in case she was Roslyn! In the end, I realised she only had one child with her, so it couldn't be! Isabelle was an angel, sleeping pretty much all the way, and especially all through the stressful tube-journey bits! We arrived home exhausted and grabbed some fish & chips for dinner before Tamsin fell asleep on my lap. And now I must hit the sack myself!

Monday, January 17, 2005

At last

Two weeks later than originally planned, I actually got round to starting "Sound of the Week". I made a poster with the words on, but adapted the 'official' lesson by adding pictures - after all, Tamsin can't read!

I set up the poster with the heading, and invited Tamsin to find the appropriate picture for the word, which I read to her and then broke down into the sounds/phonemes. She did really well, and at the end she was crowned "Queen of the Letters" and I praised her on doing brilliantly - at which point she went all sulky and started to pretend to be a baby - so what's that all about then?




Bill was off work today feeling ill - bad headache and feeling sick. I had a meeting at Little Hearts Matter about the bereavement book we've been writing. I am part of the bereavement support team for the charity that deals with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (which Benjamin had) and other single-ventricle heart conditions. This book has been 2 or 3 years in production, so far, but we're almost there, and we just had to discuss the last few amendments. Tamsin went to a friend's house for most of the day, and I took Isabelle with me.

This evening, I have developed quite a bad headache, so I do hope I'm not coming down with whatever Bill's got, because Tamsin and I are both looking forward to meeting other MuddlePuddlers at the V&A tomorrow! Well, to be honest, Tamsin is looking forward to the train journey, and couldn't care much about the rest of it!

Friday, January 14, 2005

Self-indulgence

Jax suggested I might reward myself with chocolate if I do well at keeping my cool with Tamsin ... but that pleasure is already being indulged to the full! My 'new baby' present from Bill (at my request!) was chocolates from this place, and you can't do much better than that! They're gorgeous, and I have to say to my credit that I'm only having one or two per day and haven't gorged them all at once. No ... the bulk of my chocolate intake is in the form of Twix, Fudge, Milky Way and chocolate biscuits. Well, chocolate has a 'feel-good' chemical in it so it's my duty to have plenty to make sure I don't get post-natal depression, LOL!

I haven't actually drawn up a reward chart for myself, however, but I have done the one for Tamsin and we started its use tonight. She did a good job at tidying up her toys, for one 'smiley face', and she has fallen asleep without being cuddled for a second 'smiley face', although I did stay in the room (will phase that out in a few days). When she gets 5 smiley faces on each line, she can have a trip out to the play-park of her choice, whether indoor (soft-play) or outdoor! She did really well this evening, and I think it will all go quite well. When the 'falling asleep on her own' issue is sorted out, therefore giving Bill and I more (some!) evening to spend with each other, then we'll move on to getting her to stay in her own bed all night, therefore giving Bill and I better sleep without being kicked and having the duvet pulled off, and there actually being space in the bed for me to feed Isabelle lying down instead of having to sit up to feed her in the night.

This morning I went to a LLL meeting (while Tamsin was at playgroup), but I was the only attendee apart from the two co-leaders. It meant I got all the advice and chat I needed, and more! It was good and I shall be going pretty regularly (meetings are fortnightly). This afternoon Tamsin watched Mary Poppins while I had about an hour's nap with Isabelle, and then there has been some painting, Junior Scrabble, baking (except I couldn't finish the apple cake I started as I didn't have any eggs) and, of course, the permanent favourite, Brio train track.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Bits and pieces

Isabelle weighed 11lb 8oz yesterday - right on the 50th percentile. She's doing great - lovely smiles and beginning to stare at her baby gym. I love it when they start to realise that they are moving something by hitting it and start to do it deliberately - and it won't be long now!

Today I've got 2 or 3 more things crossed off my To Do list - and then added 4 more :-(
But I have got Isabelle's passport photos done so I can now get that sorted out on the very small chance that we might be able to afford to go anywhere abroad this year. I've also managed to do the Reward/Sticker Chart printed out ready to encourage Tamsin to fall asleep on her own at night - we'll start that tomorrow night.

I went to Chipping Norton today and got a few bargains in WHSmith's sale and in a charity shop. Charity shop finds were a boxed set of 12 cassette tapes with books of fairy tales, a Junior Scrabble set for 50p, and some story books, including one which looks familiar and I think I had when I was a child!

Tamsin has been doing several things repeatedly, recently: she as always loves her Brio train track; she's been interested in a book about the human body (which she refers to as the 'bone book' due to the skeleton pic (and therefore I have ordered the make-a-skeleton kit from The Book People); she loves being read the Dr Seuss stories; and doing her Learning Land CD-roms on the computer. Oh, and we had a lovely time this evening looking at the DK "Animal" book for ages.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

The morning after the night before ......

I was horrendous last night - very short-tempered and even smacked Tamsin twice (I HATE myself when I do that) and shouted a great deal (not too fond of myself about that either) :-(. I think I'm venting anger/frustration/stress that is more appropriately targeted elsewhere .... but I'm not sure my marriage will stand it if I aim it that way ... :-(

I think it would also help if we could get Tamsin used to going to sleep on her own, instead of one of us having to stay with her (usually lie down with her) until she's asleep. I think I'll draw up a sticker chart (I've been watching 'Little Angels'!) and tempt her with a My Little Pony or some such as a reward for learning to fall asleep alone. I also think I'll do myself a sticker chart for keeping cool and not blowing my top! Hmmm, what shall I reward myself with?

After all that, it's been a really nice morning today. Well, Tamsin is at playschool! And I've stayed awake instead of napping, so I've got several things done off my "To Do" list which have been waiting for ages. So that feels good :-)

The Health Visitor has phoned this morning, after leaving us alone for 4 weeks. I don't like her much, actually, but she rang to tell me about the times of the Baby Clinic, and as I'd like to know how much Isabelle weighs now (she's growing fast!) I'm just off there now, after which I will collect Tamsin.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Routine, or lack of it

Okay, just a little vent, and then I'll try and get back into positive mode.

I am so annoyed with myself at my complete inability to ever stick to any kind of routine. I was signed up with Flylady for 4 years and have visibly failed to improve in any significant way with the housework, or have any sort of pattern to the days. I haven't managed to start the stuff I want to do with Tamsin, as mentioned yesterday. I keep having to give myself a fringe trim because I haven't got round to making a hair appointment (my normal lovely lady who comes to the house is on maternity leave at the moment); the girls get bathed at random (infrequent) intervals, etc.

Has anybody else suffered from a complete lack of self-discipline, and managed to improve at all? Or am I doomed to chaos for the rest of my life ....? I wouldn't mind if I was *happy* with being a 'free spirit', but I do feel that everything would run much more smoothly and I would get more done with less stress if only I could get a bit organised.

Anyway, there's been some nice educational stuff going on in a random kind of a way - Tamsin has had some interesting times playing with the Cuisenaire rods which arrived last week (thanks Sarah!), she's been slowly exploring her new LeapPad, and yesterday when we were about to go out to a friend's son's first birthday party, she saw the envelope with the birthday card in it, and I heard her say quietly "T....O.....M .... Tom.." which is the first time she's spontaneously read anything or broken down the sounds like that on her own!

Oh, and I've decided that since I missed out on celebrating my 40th birthday in August, due to being too tired while pregnant, I'm going to celebrate it on my half-birthday on 24th February!

Monday, January 10, 2005

Musings on mothering

Well, here I am again, but still with a baby on my knee. She fell into a deep sleep about 15 mins ago, and I put her down on a chair .... within 5 mins she was awake again - grrr!

In a way it links in a bit with what I wanted to blog about last night, mostly connected with feelings about motherhood. But I don't really feel I have the words for it now - the moment seems to have passed. In a nutshell, I am somewhat sad to not be able to hang on to the feelings of being aware of the miracle and wonder of having a child ... Obviously when Benjamin was born and his hold on life was so fragile, every moment with him was precious and to be treasured. Then we lost him, and it was another 2 years before Tamsin arrived, and she too was a complete blessing and I adored every moment with her for a long long time. Now she's a challenging 3.5 year old, and Isabelle has arrived, and everything is just 'normal'. In many ways that's great - no-one wants to live on a knife-edge of wondering if your child is going to live, and it's great to just have a very normal family life, but I feel a bit sad that I am not so aware of the miracle of every moment that I have with Tamsin and Isabelle. I wish I was less irritable, grumpy and wanting-to-be-somewhere-else and more immersing myself in the wonder of their presence. The grief after Benjamin died was horrendously awful, obviously, but I was aware even at the time of the gifts that it brought as well, one of which was the awareness that, truly, every breath a person takes is a gift, and the presence of your own child as a happy, living, breathing person is about the greatest high it's possible to have in this life. But I just can't recapture that feeling.

Hmmm, maybe I did have the words after all.

Anyway, I still haven't done anything about the learning stuff I blogged about a week ago, and I am also failing miserably in my New Year's aims.

Still, life isn't all bad - ER is back!

Will I ever get it all done?

It's frustrating - I have tons I want to blog but I don't seem to get enough time on the computer without a babe in arms. But I have realised one thing I'm doing wrong - I need to write my own blog before I read the blog-ring - otherwise I run out of time, thoughts and energy to do my own!

If Isabelle ever goes to sleep and lets me put her down without waking again within 5 minutes, I'll be back to blog some more!

Monday, January 03, 2005

Planning

I think I might start to bring just a tiny bit of structure into some learning. Tamsin is only 3.5 so I don't feel the need to do a lot - she mostly needs lots of playing time - but she does know all the single letters and letter sounds and is starting a little phonics work of putting them together (although so far she hasn't done any of this herself, but has listened to us as we explain). Anyway, it seems like a good time to start to introduce some blends, so, as a note to self:

1. Start doing the "Sound of the Week" lessons

2. Check out the Reading A-Z website and see if there's anything from there I want to be doing

Sunday, January 02, 2005

Aims and hopes for the New Year

I daren't call them New Year's Resolutions, because I know I haven't quite resolved to do these things, but cerrtainly I am going to work towards these things, and I must write them down to make it more likely that they happen.

1. Get Tamsin eating better. This includes us all eating at the table more often, and getting her to eat a wider variety of foods and less chocolate.

2. This means I have to eat less chocolate, because often I offer her some because I want some.

3. Less TV/videos for Tamsin. Ideal would be less than an hour a day. I will settle for 2 hours in the interim.

4. Spend more time with Bill, and therefore less time on the computer.

5. Improve on the evening routine, meaning get Tamsin's dinner by 5-5.30pm, so that there is time for a bath if necessary and into bed by 7pm. This will allow more time for number 4.

There are many more things I would like to work on, but these are the most pressing at the moment, and once achieved (!) we'll see about the rest!

The pics!

At last, I managed to get a pic of our very first Hama bead project - it's humble but it's a start!


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One of yesterday's fun times was face-painting again - this time she wanted to be a rabbit. I never was any sort of artist, so it's not brilliant, but it's fun anyway.


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Isabelle has done a lot of smiling and laughing recently - it's so gorgeous. If I could bottle the feeling this gives me, and sell it, the whole world would be ecstatic and I would be a multi-billionaire!


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And she's just so cute, I couldn't resist posting another pic:


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Saturday, January 01, 2005

Our first Hama!

Despite having resisted the temptation to Hama beads so far, due to Tamsin's tendency to fling small things in handfuls round the room, she got given some for Christmas so on about 27th/28th, we made our first item which was a very pretty heart. She was under very strict instructions that if any ended up on the floor, they would all be taken away, and she did really well although I had to remain close by for supervision.

Yes, I know, this post is useless without photos, LOL, but that's why it's been a week since I posted - I wanted to have a pic to put up but I haven't even managed to get to the camera to take a photo, let alone download it.

We've had a very low-key week, with surprisingly little having been achieved despite Bill being off work. Two children manage to take up all the time that these two adults have, considering that we need significant nap times each day (the adults, that is!) to cope, in my case, with feeding Isabelle several times during the night and in Bill's case, his tendency to stay up till 2 or 3am. Tamsin has spent most of her time either with her Brio train track or watching Thomas videos. She's lost interest, for the time being, in learning and practising letters, which she was really into a few months ago. I'm sure her interest will re-ignite in due course.

The only other thing of significance to be noted is that I watched the Wizard of Oz for the first time! How I managed to get to the age of 40 without ever having seen it, I don't really know, LOL! Tamsin is developing rather an affection for Mary Poppins, which we have on video, and also loves Tom and Jerry!