So, since March 8th, things haven't got any better. It's constantly been a case of one step forward, one or two steps back.
A couple of weeks ago, having finished the previous week quite well, talking again to the TA and feeling OK in school, on the Monday morning she unexpectedly refused to get out of bed and get dressed for school. As usual when she is feeling strong emotions she wasn't able to say anything about what was bothering her. Bill was completely unable to persuade her to get dressed either (often he's better at it than me) and in the end, I left him at home with Jade while I took Shannon to school, where I spoke to Jade's TA who offered to come to the house and see her.
Unlike previously, the TA was completely unable to get any response from Jade at all, except that she ran away to her bedroom, hid in her wardrobe and covered herself with toys so she was hidden. The TA did her absolute best, reading stories to Jade (in the wardrobe) to try and relax and engage with her, but she couldn't get anywhere. After about an hour and a half she gave up and went back to school. I can't remember now what I said to Jade, but I did manage to persuade her to get dressed and just go into school at lunchtime for a play with her friends, and then a brief visit into the classroom after lunch. This was successfully achieved, and then we went home.
On the Tuesday morning, she was much better about going to school, and had a fairly normal day there except she didn't want me to go home while she was in maths, but to sit outside the door instead. Then I just went home at lunchtime to grab a sandwich.
On the Wednesday, it being Bill's day to go to school with her, she again refused to get up and dressed. Lots more talking, encouraging and cajoling took place, before she eventually agreed to go in as long as I went in with them and stayed for the first 15 minutes or so.
On the Thursday and Friday, things went relatively smoothly.
The strange thing about this week was that we had no idea what had caused it. Previously we've always been aware of some particular incident that had upset her, but not this time. She started to say 'the work is too hard' which is difficult to believe as she is fairly bright and actually does pretty well most of the time. We wondered if she just meant she didn't like having to think and use her brain?! She said she felt uncomfortable in the classroom and didn't want to be in there most of the time, so we resorted to her spending her time doing work with the TA in the TA's office instead of in class. She let me go out to the staffroom a fair amount of the time.
Last Monday (22nd March) I took her into the TA's office as usual, they played a game to help Jade relax and settle in, and then started work. There was a literacy (reading comprehension) test, which the TA explained and then Jade sat and did quietly. As I was sitting behind Jade, I could see that she got everything correct as far as I could tell. As she had 10-15 minutes time still allowed when she had finished, the TA suggested that she should check her work. Jade idly flipped through the pages not being very thorough. The TA noticed, and told her she really should read through the questions and her answers thoroughly to make sure she was really happy that she had done everything she could. Jade was clearly very cross about this, frowning and glaring, but reluctantly did as she was told. Afterwards, she refused to talk, refused to go out into the playground for some fresh air, or to play, and then after break refused to go into the hall for the rehearsal of the Year 3/4 musical that is being staged. Prior to this she had been in the rehearsals, and I had just done a deal with her that morning that if she would mouth (not sing) the words to one verse of one song, I would get her a treat after school. She had agreed and said she would be able to manage that. She was also keen to do some of the percussion which I felt would be a fabulous step forward in actually making sounds in a public performance rather than just sitting there silently. Unfortunately, her anger over checking her test paper just made her refuse to do anything at all in the musical that day, despite our best efforts. She refused to even go into the hall, so we went back to the TA's office and did maths instead. I couldn't believe that she was actually preferring to do maths than be in a musical rehearsal! I eventually did manage to get her to go outside at breaktime and by stealth I managed to get her to do a bit of running and star jumps (I pretended I was really cold and needed to warm up) and sure enough after a bit of exercise in the fresh air with a friend (who she had said she didn't want to see) she started to cheer up.
During this time she would not speak to the TA while I was present, but when she was relaxed enough to agree that I could go to the staffroom, apparently she would start speaking and interacting more.
So, at the beginning of Monday 22nd March I had a child who was agreeing to mouth the words to a song, play percussion, take part in the performance, talk to and relax with the TA, let me go home at 10.55am and not return till 1.10pm. 10 days later I have a child who will not have anything to do with the musical performance, refuses to talk to the TA or even let me leave the office any more, wants me to stay after break while she is in her maths lesson, and, on Monday, who absolutely froze up completely and refused/was unable to bring herself to do anything at all while in the TA's office.
Things are just going further and further backwards.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Monday, March 08, 2010
More anxiety, and CBT
We've had 2 weeks back at school after half-term, and I want to keep track of what has been going on.
SHORT VERSION: For those who don't want to read every detail, in the two weeks since half-term I have been in school every day, mostly from 8.45 - 11am and 1-3pm. She stopped speaking to her TA, to my Dad and to my Mum during this time.
LONG VERSION: For my future reference and for the assistance/warning of any other people with socially anxious children!
Jade was reluctant to go back to school on the Monday morning (no surprise there) but I felt it was a small enough reluctance (not out-and-out terror!) that would succumb to a bit of bribery, so I promised to buy her a little something for her bravery after she had gone in, and also reminded her that she would be with her TA, and that I would make sure she was happy before I left. Sure enough, that helped and she agreed to go. She hung on to me at school to start with, and we spent some time in the TA's office playing games and getting her comfortable and relaxed again before I went home. Once again she refused to go into her own class due to the fear of her teacher saying something that would upset her (resulting from her teacher very kindly asking her if she wanted to borrow £1 for the bring-and-buy sale on that fateful Friday, not realising that's what had been scaring her in the morning, and inadvertently bringing the whole situation up again in Jade's head and resulting in her running away from school at lunchtime.) She stayed with the TA for the first 2 hours of the morning, was OK in her maths lesson on her own after break (different teacher), and was with the TA in the afternoon in another class lesson.
On the Tuesday we decided it was time to tackle this fear of being in her own teacher's class. We told Jade that both I and the TA would go into the class with her, the TA would sit with her, and I would sit at the back. She felt able to do this, so in we went. The first 1.5 hours of the day (after assembly) are always literacy, which she is good at, so she has a level of confidence in her ability to do the work, which also helped. The task of the lesson was to choose a traditional story/fairy tale and re-write it as a play. Working with her TA, she chose Rapunzel. We have the book at home and it has been around a lot lately because it is one of Shannon's favourites. The TA couldn't remember how the story started, so came over to me to ask, and I reminded her. After all, it had been about 15 years since the TA had read the story! In our version of the story, the mother, pregnant with Rapunzel, craves a vegetable she sees growing in the witch's garden. The father goes and steals it for her, but gets caught by the witch, who says she will take the baby once it is born in return for the vegetable. Because the stolen vegetable was called a 'rapunzel' that is what the baby is called when it is born. Then the witch takes her, puts her in a tower and so on.
So, the TA, prompting Jade to start writing her play, asked Jade what the vegetable was called. "Rapunzel", said Jade. "No, what is the vegetable called?" says the TA. "Rapunzel", says Jade. "No, not the name of the girl, what is the name of the vegetable?" says the TA, and Jade's face started to turn red and teary. I hadn't heard what was being said, but just noticed that she was looking upset. The TA signalled to me that it would all be ok, but actually Jade's tears got worse and after a few minutes the TA decided to take her out to her room, so I went too. After it had been explained to me, I was able to tell the TA that it had been a misunderstanding and Jade was right, and she was very apologetic. She apologised to Jade for getting it wrong. Jade was very upset, but recovered after a while. However she couldn't cope with the idea of me going home at breaktime, so I stayed, and stayed, and stayed.... and we only managed to persuade her to let me go home at lunchtime to get some food, as long as I went back for the afternoon, which I did.
On the Wednesday morning it was Bill's turn to go in to school with Jade as I work all day. We had a phone call from the TA in the morning before we left that the TA wouldn't be in school as her father was very ill. So Bill went in to school with Jade, stayed in the classrooms with her all day and just came home to get himself some lunch. The same happened again with me on the Thursday, except that I asked Jade if it would be OK if I went home at breaktime (after which she has maths which I have never attended with her) as long as I came back at the end of lunchtime ready for the afternoon. On the Thursday after school, my Dad came over as he often does, to see me and the girls. For the first time ever, Jade did not say one single word either to him or in his presence. She has very occasionally needed a little warm-up time before talking to him, but has always thereafter seemed completely at ease with him. On the Friday we did the same, except that I spent less time in the classroom and went out into the staffroom for an hour or so both before and after breaktime. The TA wasn't in for any of these days due to her father's illness.
On Monday we did the same again, and I was in the staffroom when the TA came in, having come in to school to discuss how/when she was going to work that week. Her father is terminally ill but had become relatively stable again. She told me that she would be in during the mornings for the rest of the week, but not be doing her usual afternoon teaching. We arranged that on the Tuesday morning, I would bring Jade to the TA's office at some point during the morning for a bit of game-playing, ice-breaking and getting back into the swing of things. This is what I did, but Jade would neither speak to the TA at all, nor even let her join in our game of Tiddlywinks. On Wednesday it was again Bill's turn to be in school with Jade. Strangely even though she feels less 'safe' with her Dad (though I don't know why - he's often more patient with her than I am, and certainly just as kind and understanding), this meant that she wanted him with her more, i.e. she didn't want him to leave the classroom to be in the staffroom at all, and she insisted on him going into maths with her, which I don't. Thursday and Friday followed the usual pattern, except that my Mum had come up to visit (she sleeps elsewhere as there's no room for her to sleep at our house). Jade did speak a little in front of her (but not to her) on the Thursday but not at all on the Friday.
SO.... during all this time I've been spending in the school staffroom, I have been studying books like this and this. Teach-yourself-CBT-so-you-can-teach-it-to-your-child. I consider it ridiculous that I have to do this instead of having a properly funded Child & Adolescent Mental Health Service with the resources to do so instead, but needs must. Nobody else is going to give her the help she needs, so we'll just have to do it ourselves.
SHORT VERSION: For those who don't want to read every detail, in the two weeks since half-term I have been in school every day, mostly from 8.45 - 11am and 1-3pm. She stopped speaking to her TA, to my Dad and to my Mum during this time.
LONG VERSION: For my future reference and for the assistance/warning of any other people with socially anxious children!
Jade was reluctant to go back to school on the Monday morning (no surprise there) but I felt it was a small enough reluctance (not out-and-out terror!) that would succumb to a bit of bribery, so I promised to buy her a little something for her bravery after she had gone in, and also reminded her that she would be with her TA, and that I would make sure she was happy before I left. Sure enough, that helped and she agreed to go. She hung on to me at school to start with, and we spent some time in the TA's office playing games and getting her comfortable and relaxed again before I went home. Once again she refused to go into her own class due to the fear of her teacher saying something that would upset her (resulting from her teacher very kindly asking her if she wanted to borrow £1 for the bring-and-buy sale on that fateful Friday, not realising that's what had been scaring her in the morning, and inadvertently bringing the whole situation up again in Jade's head and resulting in her running away from school at lunchtime.) She stayed with the TA for the first 2 hours of the morning, was OK in her maths lesson on her own after break (different teacher), and was with the TA in the afternoon in another class lesson.
On the Tuesday we decided it was time to tackle this fear of being in her own teacher's class. We told Jade that both I and the TA would go into the class with her, the TA would sit with her, and I would sit at the back. She felt able to do this, so in we went. The first 1.5 hours of the day (after assembly) are always literacy, which she is good at, so she has a level of confidence in her ability to do the work, which also helped. The task of the lesson was to choose a traditional story/fairy tale and re-write it as a play. Working with her TA, she chose Rapunzel. We have the book at home and it has been around a lot lately because it is one of Shannon's favourites. The TA couldn't remember how the story started, so came over to me to ask, and I reminded her. After all, it had been about 15 years since the TA had read the story! In our version of the story, the mother, pregnant with Rapunzel, craves a vegetable she sees growing in the witch's garden. The father goes and steals it for her, but gets caught by the witch, who says she will take the baby once it is born in return for the vegetable. Because the stolen vegetable was called a 'rapunzel' that is what the baby is called when it is born. Then the witch takes her, puts her in a tower and so on.
So, the TA, prompting Jade to start writing her play, asked Jade what the vegetable was called. "Rapunzel", said Jade. "No, what is the vegetable called?" says the TA. "Rapunzel", says Jade. "No, not the name of the girl, what is the name of the vegetable?" says the TA, and Jade's face started to turn red and teary. I hadn't heard what was being said, but just noticed that she was looking upset. The TA signalled to me that it would all be ok, but actually Jade's tears got worse and after a few minutes the TA decided to take her out to her room, so I went too. After it had been explained to me, I was able to tell the TA that it had been a misunderstanding and Jade was right, and she was very apologetic. She apologised to Jade for getting it wrong. Jade was very upset, but recovered after a while. However she couldn't cope with the idea of me going home at breaktime, so I stayed, and stayed, and stayed.... and we only managed to persuade her to let me go home at lunchtime to get some food, as long as I went back for the afternoon, which I did.
On the Wednesday morning it was Bill's turn to go in to school with Jade as I work all day. We had a phone call from the TA in the morning before we left that the TA wouldn't be in school as her father was very ill. So Bill went in to school with Jade, stayed in the classrooms with her all day and just came home to get himself some lunch. The same happened again with me on the Thursday, except that I asked Jade if it would be OK if I went home at breaktime (after which she has maths which I have never attended with her) as long as I came back at the end of lunchtime ready for the afternoon. On the Thursday after school, my Dad came over as he often does, to see me and the girls. For the first time ever, Jade did not say one single word either to him or in his presence. She has very occasionally needed a little warm-up time before talking to him, but has always thereafter seemed completely at ease with him. On the Friday we did the same, except that I spent less time in the classroom and went out into the staffroom for an hour or so both before and after breaktime. The TA wasn't in for any of these days due to her father's illness.
On Monday we did the same again, and I was in the staffroom when the TA came in, having come in to school to discuss how/when she was going to work that week. Her father is terminally ill but had become relatively stable again. She told me that she would be in during the mornings for the rest of the week, but not be doing her usual afternoon teaching. We arranged that on the Tuesday morning, I would bring Jade to the TA's office at some point during the morning for a bit of game-playing, ice-breaking and getting back into the swing of things. This is what I did, but Jade would neither speak to the TA at all, nor even let her join in our game of Tiddlywinks. On Wednesday it was again Bill's turn to be in school with Jade. Strangely even though she feels less 'safe' with her Dad (though I don't know why - he's often more patient with her than I am, and certainly just as kind and understanding), this meant that she wanted him with her more, i.e. she didn't want him to leave the classroom to be in the staffroom at all, and she insisted on him going into maths with her, which I don't. Thursday and Friday followed the usual pattern, except that my Mum had come up to visit (she sleeps elsewhere as there's no room for her to sleep at our house). Jade did speak a little in front of her (but not to her) on the Thursday but not at all on the Friday.
SO.... during all this time I've been spending in the school staffroom, I have been studying books like this and this. Teach-yourself-CBT-so-you-can-teach-it-to-your-child. I consider it ridiculous that I have to do this instead of having a properly funded Child & Adolescent Mental Health Service with the resources to do so instead, but needs must. Nobody else is going to give her the help she needs, so we'll just have to do it ourselves.
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