Faith

I've surprised myself by going to church twice today ... not something I normally do but I just really felt the need to go again this evening. When I go (and can concentrate, i.e. without Tamsin), it feels like that feeling you get when you've finished all the jobs on your to-do list; or when you declutter and sort out a room and everything's clean and tidy and in its right place; or when you've gone out for a walk and you wander off the path, and are enjoying the nice scenery, but after a while you feel aimless and eventually find your way back to the proper path again ... it's a sense of peace and rightness and clarity, only much deeper and stronger. Life is so distracting, there's so much to do and so many things to think about and so many ways of looking at things that my thinking gets cloudy and I forget where I'm going and what it's all about... I'm sure people will assess and maybe negatively judge my behaviour when I claim to be a Christian (and I negatively judge myself,as well), but I would say that perhaps for most of us who make that claim, it's not that we've got it all right and our lives are anything approaching perfect, but just that we've glimpsed something, we've seen something that is so beautiful we just have to follow it, even though we're constantly being distracted or forget what we've seen or just feel too tired to follow it right now...

Anyway, just for this evening, I feel like everything is back in its proper perspective and place and I feel more at peace. If anybody knows how to stop the fog descending, I'd like to know, please!