It's a gorgeous time, but it's not without its stresses and strains as well. I'm very glad I'll never have to live through Sunday again, when the 'baby blues' hit big time and I was in tears from 4am onwards for most of the day.... Isabelle suddenly started having problems breastfeeding, which had gone perfectly before that ... and I had all sorts of nightmares triggered by the memories of the day Benjamin died when he had gone off feeding too...
The midwife arrived around 10am, when I was just into a fresh bout of sobbing because I still couldn’t get Isabelle latched on at all. She re-did the complete neonatal physical check, with a really good prolonged listen to her heart, feeling all the pulses etc, and said there were really absolutely no causes for concern at all. We tried again for 5 minutes or so (which felt like hours!) to get I latched on but she just wouldn’t – she just kept pushing it out with her tongue. So Alison told me to hand express a little bit of milk, while she undressed I and put us skin-to-skin. These 2 measures worked, and Isabelle actually started feeding – hallelujah!! I had a really good talk with Alison and it helped – she is so nice and I feel completely comfortable with her. I talked about our uncertainty whether to request an echocardiogram for Isabelle, which is what we had for Tamsin after she was born, just to make sure her heart was completely healthy. Alison thought it would be a good idea, and will talk to the hospital to see what can be arranged.
The rest of Sunday gradually improved, with I's feeding going OK once I did the skin-to-skin bit, although I continued feeling weepy and wobbly.
Today has been better, although I definitely still feel fragile. Feeding has gone well today, though. I do feel quite anxious ... I'm not exactly sure what about but partly about lack of sleep/feeling so horribly tired yet still having to deal with Tamsin/anxiety about settling into this new situation .... but I know that I will grow and adapt to these changes and a new routine will develop that will feel fairly comfortable. Just give it time.... We've got 3 adults in this house, though (my Mum is here for a few days) and we're only just all keeping everything going. I hate to think what a state we'd be in if there were any less of us!
Having said all that, what a real joy it is to feel the love for Isabelle growing, and to smell her sweet skin and hold her ... she is gorgeous!
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2 comments:
Joanna, I really feel for you. I remember that new-baby-overwhelmed, hormones all over the place, feeling when I had M, and I'm not looking forward to it next time round.
Hugs and prayers
(((Joanna))) I've never been through the difficult times you've had so I can't begin to imagine what you are feeling on top of the standard (hah!) exhaustion and hormones. I hope that it gets better for you quickly - great that you're getting some support.
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