Another catch-up

I'll try and begin where I left off - just about to go to Greenbelt.

Friday 24th was my birthday, so I woke up to Bill bringing me breakfast in bed, with a lovely heap of cards and stuff. As expected Jade was desperate to help me open and unwrap, but I managed mostly to fend her off! DH's card said my prezzie was behind the sofa, so after getting up we went downstairs and I found a ................ bass guitar!!!! Lovely surprise! I've been talking about wanting to learn for a year or two, but hadn't mentioned it for ages and it had kind of faded into the background a bit, so that was a lovely surprise and so far I have done Lesson 1 of the accompanying book!

Then we had to get sorted out fairly quickly and break the news to Jade that we were off to see a doctor about her. Bill explained it to her very well and light-heartedly, and she was absolutely fine about it!! We saw a consultant psychiatrist together with a trainee, both women, with a view to exploring what we saw as the problem, what we wanted to do about it, what help we were looking for, what steps we felt we would like them to take - all very 'us-centred' which I thought was excellent. Jade of course didn't say a word through the whole thing but was relaxed enough to nod her head in response to a question from me which sometimes is too much for her so I was quite impressed by that. They agreed that they can help us, and will work together with the Speech Therapist that I had contacted separately a couple of weeks ago. We are now just waiting for them to let us know when we can go along. We have heard from the speech therapist now who can see us mid-September so that's good.

Then we went home to do the final bits of packing up before setting off for Greenbelt. It's only a 45 minute drive from here, and we arrived I think around 2pm and then had to wait for about 2 hours in a mammoth queue before we could get onto the campsite. We managed to find the Raine Drops and Off the Path folk along with their other friends, and later were joined nearby by the Deep Enders, so we had a nice weekend with other people around, although GB being as action-packed as it usually is we don't get to see as much of each other as we might like.

Pre-kids, I used to find GB frustrating, although wonderful. It was frustrating because there is so much stuff going on, much of it (talks etc) powerful and potentially life-changing, and much of it has time-clashes and anyway I only have a finite amount of energy and can't get to everything. With kids, that frustration is massively multiplied. I went to a lovely calming and centring Taize service along with Jan and Barbara on Friday night, and after that didn't manage to get to anything of any substance at all on Saturday, for various reasons mostly linked to the children's needs and desires. The plan was for Shannon to go into a children's play session in the afternoon while DH took Jade off to the bouncy castles (she of course won't go near the organised kids sessions), and so I could have a chunk of the afternoon doing things I wanted. It required a 45-minute wait in a queue in the blazing sunshine in order to get a token to qualify to get into the kids' session, and then 15 minutes before the actual time, Shannon fell asleep on my lap.

I am seriously considering somehow going without the kids next year. GB for me is the highlight of my entire year, it refreshes the parts that other festivals cannot reach and even that church cannot reach, it opens up new ways of thinking and being and worshipping and looking at the world, and it touches me in ways I can't even describe. I hate frittering much of it away because my kids want to go on bouncy castles or something!

Sunday and Monday were better. And one workshop session I went to (called "Smiley spirituality can change the world") about positive psychology was very illuminating about Jade in one particular respect. Without going into too much detail, it seems that the over-sensitive part of her brain that leads her to social anxiety and selective mutism is also the same part of the brain that deals with feelings like "it's mine!" or "I want it now!" and other such primitive urges, so she's over-sensitive there as well. That would explain a LOT of bad behaviour that we have been wondering about as to whether it is just 'normal' or whether she is in fact more demanding in those areas than other 6-year olds. It turns out she probably is! What we do about it is another question entirely, and one we haven't explored deeply yet, except since getting home we have had a family meeting and together agreed the way we want other people to treat us, and therefore the way we have to treat them in return.

Anyway, since getting back from GB I find I am more deeply challenged than before about the gap between rich and poor, how I am one of the rich of this world (despite not feeling like it in our society), the stupidity and emptiness of consumerism and how that is not where happiness lies, about what am I doing to care for others, climate change and environmental challenges generally, and other stuff. Much thought and prayer is ensuing. Who knows when it will result in a clearer vision as to what is my own personal mission in life? - God's not usually in much of a hurry about these things! He prefers to take it nice and slow. "I want it now!!!" (Hmm, sounds familiar!)

Anyway one of my first decisions, after something that prompted me at GB, was to decide that one day per week should be computer-free, so for me that works best on Sundays. It felt at times like a deprivation, but also a nice oasis of peace on Sunday evening which carried on into Monday morning.

Time to put the kids to bed. More later (maybe).