Time Out

I am sitting on my bed in my hotel room, all alone except for my laptop and a wi-fi connection. It is bliss! I am not going to link to which hotel until after I've left, as for some reason I am unusually concerned that some nutter will find out where I am on my own and come and harass me!!!

Anyway, here I am, absolutely revelling in the space and peace and quiet, thanks to the wonderful birthday present from my kind and generous hubby. I got here about 6pm last night. It was something of a culture shock after spending the weekend at a loud and muddy Greenbelt Festival! Greenbelt had its usual effect on me. It is the one place in the world (albeit that only exists temporarily) that I feel most at home and where I most love to be. There is so much life there. So much joy and celebration and learning and thinking and wondering and calls to action and praying and art and music and play and worship and quiet and noise and people and colour ..... Greenbelt is the me that I'd like to be. I do not have any artistic expression, but I know I want to. I am beginning to learn that it touches me and is important. Greenbelt shows me how to put faith into action and how to believe that one person can be a little part of changing the world. Having said all that, I personally find Greenbelt with children very frustrating. There is all this 'stuff' going on, and yet they're bored by the stuff I want to go to, and I'm bored by the stuff they want to do. It takes so long to get them ready and so long to get them to go anywhere that I miss loads of good stuff. I feel like a starving woman who can see a banquet spread out in front of me and yet I just can't reach most of it. So next year, I'm definitely going on my own (or with any friends who might come too). Bill is happy to stay home with the kids - GB doesn't have the same meaning for him and he doesn't go to much anyway. The girls can come again when they're old enough to enjoy their things without me.

So, on Tuesday morning we packed up the caravan, went home via my Dad's to collect the dog, unpacked the caravan and car, re-packed in a very different way for a smart hotel, leaving the muddy jeans and fleeces behind and putting in the floaty dress and high heels type of clothing, went shopping for easy food for the family to have while I'm away, kissed the family goodbye and went. It was surprisingly easy considering that Jade had wailed long and hard on Sunday when I'd told her that I was going to be away a couple of days. I guess she'd got it all out of her system then, though, as she didn't really bat an eyelid when it actually came to me going. Shannon was easy with it too, though how she's reacted at her traditional 4am awakening to find I'm not there will be interesting to hear! And this is the FIRST TIME I've ever been away from either of my children overnight, let alone for two nights, so it's new territory for us all!

So I got here, unpacked, settled in, got the laptop connection sorted out (high priority, that!) and then went for a quick swim and soak in the jacuzzi. Ahhhh, I could feel the tension just oozing away from me. Heavenly. Went back to my room, ordered my meal on room service and sat and watched "Maestro" on BBC2 which I have really been enjoying for the past couple of weeks. I hung a card on the outside of my door requesting breakfast in my room between 9-9.30am. Went to sleep. SLEPT!!!! I did wake a couple of times but didn't have to go and see to any small people so just turned over and shut my eyes again. Woke up properly around 8.45am. 8.45am!!!! Heaven again! Shannon normally wakes a few times from 4am onwards, and then is up for good at 7-7.30am. Stayed in bed resting in the peace and quiet, waiting for breakfast to arrive. Nothing happened. At 9.40am I checked to see if it had been quietly left outside my room. It hadn't. The card was still hanging on the handle. Argh! Quickly got up and dressed and went down to the restaurant and got there just in time before they stopped serving at 10am!

Since breakfast, I've been reading, thinking, praying, musing, writing. Much of it (the 'God' stuff) isn't for this blog, but I did get on to thinking about how to incorporate some more space into our days at home so that I don't get so overwhelmed and irritable and burnt out. I am just the type of person who needs quiet and 'head-space' to make it through the days, and without it, I am irritated by the girls' constant demands and need for attention, and I often try to push them away so I can get some 'me' time instead of being able to concentrate happily on giving them what they need. We need some more BALANCE so that we can all get our needs met instead of none of us.

So, what I WANT to do is to make two quiet spaces for myself in each day. Firstly, if (and it's a big IF!) I could get up at 6.30am for an hour's quiet time before the girls get up, I could think/write/pray and/or get a few chores out of the way. Then I'd have a much clearer head by the time they get up and could concentrate on them for the morning. Secondly, I'd like to make 1-2pm each day a quiet hour when we each go to our own room. The girls could play quietly or listen to story CDs or read, and I could either nap or read. This will need them to be trained! I'm hoping aim to get this into place by January 2009. In order to get there, I need to:

a) get Shannon sleeping through the night without me getting into her bed.
b) go to bed by 10pm and lights off by 10.30pm
c) set an alarm to get up at 6.30. I can promise myself that I can go back to bed in 10 minutes if I really want to, but I know that most of the time once I've been up for 10 minutes I will stay up.
d) start teaching the girls how to stay in their rooms quietly (particularly Shannon). I will need to start with 10 minutes, and be around to encourage and help her to stay/play happily and gradually increase the time.

I'm always much better at planning than getting things done! But if I can get this sorted out, I feel it would make for a much happier household and more enjoyable time together including better HE provision.

And now it's 2pm. I might just allow myself a little nap, before going for my full body massage at 3pm! Ahhhhh, bliss and more bliss.