Jade started asking about Father Christmas last night. I asked her if she really wanted me to always tell her the truth, and she said yes. So I told her that Father Christmas was just a story that everybody enjoyed pretending about, but that he didn't really come and fill her stocking with presents. She seemed fairly relaxed about that. It feels like a bigger deal to me than to her, I think! In fact I had started off when she was about 3 or 4 telling her that it was a fun story, in order to avoid conflict between believing in Father Christmas (benevolent kind man who goes round giving nice gifts to people) with God/Jesus (loving benevolent being/man who goes round doing good to people). One true, the other not. (OK, save your arguments about that for another time - I'm too tired right now!) But somewhere down the line she seemed to start believing it and I hadn't the heart to keep saying it was just a story, but last night I felt I had to. The only thing she seemed bothered about was who did put the presents in her stocking then? I told her it was love that put them there. I think that retains enough magic combined with the truth!!
Anyway, I have been horribly tired the past day or so and can't be bothered to try and do a full run-down of the educational stuff. Today was mostly a trip to Stratford for a couple of things - ended up buying about 10 books from a charity shop so that was a good haul. Some Rainbow Fairy ones, a couple of pony stories (she's absolutely crazy about anything horse/pony related at the moment), Art School and Nature School, and Fraction Jugglers, all at 99p each. In fact, I have so many lovely resources which I'm using more of than I'm using Sonlight, that I'm considering not persisting with Sonlight all the way through, which I had anticipated, but maybe just getting a few of their titles that I really like and just making up the rest as we go along. I don't know - I'll have to think about it some more, but it seems we could do what Sonlight do an awful lot more cheaply, although without all the help and pre-prepared answers of course. Not that I'm using those much at the moment anyway.
Must go and do something now - we're off this weekend to visit DH's Dad up north so should pack or something. Would rather just go to bed.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Tuesday's appointment with the speech therapist went well. She is very nice, well trained and experienced in SM so we are confident she knows what she's doing. Not so sure about the psychiatrist we will see next Tuesday who is training so possibly will be less help. We'll see.
We've been giving the Education City trial a go, which has been OK in parts but Jade is very reluctant to have a go at anything she doesn't think she can get completely right and is always asking me whether she's got it right before she will click the button! She doesn't want to have a go at subjects she's not so sure on! Will encourage her to have a go more tomorrow when she comes in to work with me. After all, we know she doesn't have to practice her phonics, spelling or vocabulary - it's the other stuff I want her to have a go at!
Been doing a bit more Story of the World (Sumerians/Akkadians/The Jewish people) and she learned and recited a Mother Goose poem earlier this week. I videoed her reciting it and showed it to the speech therapist, to prove she could talk! Shannon joined in too, and they did a duet of "Baa Baa Black Sheep" - it was very sweet.
We've been giving the Education City trial a go, which has been OK in parts but Jade is very reluctant to have a go at anything she doesn't think she can get completely right and is always asking me whether she's got it right before she will click the button! She doesn't want to have a go at subjects she's not so sure on! Will encourage her to have a go more tomorrow when she comes in to work with me. After all, we know she doesn't have to practice her phonics, spelling or vocabulary - it's the other stuff I want her to have a go at!
Been doing a bit more Story of the World (Sumerians/Akkadians/The Jewish people) and she learned and recited a Mother Goose poem earlier this week. I videoed her reciting it and showed it to the speech therapist, to prove she could talk! Shannon joined in too, and they did a duet of "Baa Baa Black Sheep" - it was very sweet.
Monday, September 17, 2007
It's all starting to come together ... I think!
The living room remains tidy! It's lovely, it is really helping my mood. I did have to dump a pile of boxes full of junk in the other room (should be the dining room, but is full of books and computers so don't actually know what to call it!). I am sorting through the boxes slowly and hope to find a proper space for everything or throw it away. Flylady says 15 minutes a day decluttering will get the job done so that's my minimum aim. I plunged into the tidying/cleaning all of a sudden on Thursday because we had an unexpected visit from a neighbour on Wednesday evening and I was so embarrassed about the state of the house, and again feeling very frustrated that I couldn't seem to get a few hours to myself (without children) while I was feeling energetic and inspired in order to get on with it, when I suddenly realised they were both going to be at the childminders on Thursday morning and I didn't have too much to do at work so I could take about 3 hours off and come home and get it done!
We are getting back into the swing of regular activities and work at home. However I have already twice offered the alternative of school if she really doesn't want to do what we do at home!! We're getting on quite well with Story of the World and the related activity book, and some other misc bits and pieces (odd bits of maths, writing 'All About Me' in a fill-in-the-spaces type book, some Usborne Spanish, a trial of Education City) but it all feels very haphazard and bitty to me. The trouble is I have so many books and resources and I want to use them all!
Shannon has been most irritating today - it seemed like she was constantly shouting, grizzling, whining for mummy milk, or making lots of noise just while I was trying to read to Jade, and I was really having to raise my voice to be heard. Jade kept interjecting comments about the dolls she was fiddling about with while I was reading, and it felt like really hard work. I do feel I'm not doing HE in the most interesting/stimulating way possible. Jade likes books and reading, but I think she needs more interaction/activity than we have at the moment. It's all looking a little bit too much like school for my liking - not very imaginative.
Shannon's toilet/potty learning is coming along nicely! After thinking it was never going to happen (she's a whole year later than Jade), she now seems to have pretty much got the hang of wees on the potty or toilet, whichever is nearest, as long as she's not wearing anything on her bottom half. If she has a nappy on, she stops bothering to think about potties. So I don't even want to risk putting pants on her till it's a bit more consolidated - she still only gives a few seconds' notice! We even managed to catch a poo on the potty yesterday and she seemed happy enough about that! We haven't risked going out without a nappy yet, though.
Tomorrow we (DH and I, but without the girls) have an appointment to see the Speech and Language Therapist for an initial appointment to explain all about Jade's reluctance to speak, and I hope we will begin to formulate a plan. We have also had an appointment through with the Child Mental Health Services for next week, so things should start to take shape.
We are getting back into the swing of regular activities and work at home. However I have already twice offered the alternative of school if she really doesn't want to do what we do at home!! We're getting on quite well with Story of the World and the related activity book, and some other misc bits and pieces (odd bits of maths, writing 'All About Me' in a fill-in-the-spaces type book, some Usborne Spanish, a trial of Education City) but it all feels very haphazard and bitty to me. The trouble is I have so many books and resources and I want to use them all!
Shannon has been most irritating today - it seemed like she was constantly shouting, grizzling, whining for mummy milk, or making lots of noise just while I was trying to read to Jade, and I was really having to raise my voice to be heard. Jade kept interjecting comments about the dolls she was fiddling about with while I was reading, and it felt like really hard work. I do feel I'm not doing HE in the most interesting/stimulating way possible. Jade likes books and reading, but I think she needs more interaction/activity than we have at the moment. It's all looking a little bit too much like school for my liking - not very imaginative.
Shannon's toilet/potty learning is coming along nicely! After thinking it was never going to happen (she's a whole year later than Jade), she now seems to have pretty much got the hang of wees on the potty or toilet, whichever is nearest, as long as she's not wearing anything on her bottom half. If she has a nappy on, she stops bothering to think about potties. So I don't even want to risk putting pants on her till it's a bit more consolidated - she still only gives a few seconds' notice! We even managed to catch a poo on the potty yesterday and she seemed happy enough about that! We haven't risked going out without a nappy yet, though.
Tomorrow we (DH and I, but without the girls) have an appointment to see the Speech and Language Therapist for an initial appointment to explain all about Jade's reluctance to speak, and I hope we will begin to formulate a plan. We have also had an appointment through with the Child Mental Health Services for next week, so things should start to take shape.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Look at my living room!
It's tidy! It's clean! It's lovely!!!
Oh, er, but look at my garden:
Guess what I'm going to be doing this afternoon!
Monday, September 10, 2007
Back to work!
Phew, once the girl-next-door started back at school on Thursday, we were able to get back to a bit of edyookayting! It's a relief not to have her in the house from morning till night every day!
So, with that usual back-to-it burst of enthusiasm that will probably last about 5 days max, we launched into some Story of the World last Friday out on the lawn in the sunshine. It was lovely! I read, we looked at the globe, filled in a photocopied map, she answered some questions, etc. Didn't get much else formal done that day - it still amazes me how little we manage to get done in the midst of requests for food, soothing bumps, getting the washing done, preparing more food, rushing Shannon to the toilet, walking the dog, trying to tidy up a bit and the girls' games and adventures. Never mind, Jade is still only 6 so if she prefers to spend most of her time in a world of fairies, unicorns and magical happenings then that's fair enough really!
On Saturday the Fire Service Training College nearby had a rare open day - I think it might only be the second one in the 11 years we've lived here and we were away on holiday last time. So we were keen to go along and have a nose around the place seeing as security is normally so high you can't see a thing. We had a lovely day including a ride on a fire engine racing along with siren blaring, a guided minibus tour round the 'fire ground' where they have all the training scenarios and buildings set up, fire dogs demonstrating sniffing out fire-starting stuff at the scene of an arson attack, and road accident rescues involving cutting open cars to get people out. It was fascinating, and I was particularly surprised but heartened by Jade saying how interesting it was seeing the car rescue equipment and air bags and so on. It was not what we imagined we'd be doing when 17 years ago we were getting married on 8th September, but it was good anyway!
On Sunday after church in the morning, we took the girls over to my Dad's and Bill and I had an extremely rare afternoon out together in celebration of our anniversary. It was most refreshing to actually spend time together without two adorable but demanding small people inserting themselves inbetween us at every opportunity! We must do it more often.
Today I've tried to get back into the swing of Sonlight - which we began in January and I reckon we are now on Week 4!!!! There have been lots of diversions along the way, obviously! We've done 6 pages of maths, she's written out a Bible verse which is one that we've been trying to drum into her anyway seeing as it's something she clearly needs to learn - "Treat other people the way you want them to treat you." - they've listened to an Usborne Spanish Beginner's tape and both girls have been practising bits of that, and at bedtime she's read out loud to me one chapter of her current reading book "Nina Fairy Ballerina" which she has then continued reading to herself when I left her in bed. I am again amazed that though it seemed like a full and busy morning we actually have done only a small proportion of what 'ought' to have been today's work - we haven't been anywhere near the history or the science or the other language arts stuff. We had an HE friend visiting this afternoon with her 6-year old and Jade treated her nicely after I talked her through the behaviour I expected of her beforehand so that was a bonus and a relief!
So, with that usual back-to-it burst of enthusiasm that will probably last about 5 days max, we launched into some Story of the World last Friday out on the lawn in the sunshine. It was lovely! I read, we looked at the globe, filled in a photocopied map, she answered some questions, etc. Didn't get much else formal done that day - it still amazes me how little we manage to get done in the midst of requests for food, soothing bumps, getting the washing done, preparing more food, rushing Shannon to the toilet, walking the dog, trying to tidy up a bit and the girls' games and adventures. Never mind, Jade is still only 6 so if she prefers to spend most of her time in a world of fairies, unicorns and magical happenings then that's fair enough really!
On Saturday the Fire Service Training College nearby had a rare open day - I think it might only be the second one in the 11 years we've lived here and we were away on holiday last time. So we were keen to go along and have a nose around the place seeing as security is normally so high you can't see a thing. We had a lovely day including a ride on a fire engine racing along with siren blaring, a guided minibus tour round the 'fire ground' where they have all the training scenarios and buildings set up, fire dogs demonstrating sniffing out fire-starting stuff at the scene of an arson attack, and road accident rescues involving cutting open cars to get people out. It was fascinating, and I was particularly surprised but heartened by Jade saying how interesting it was seeing the car rescue equipment and air bags and so on. It was not what we imagined we'd be doing when 17 years ago we were getting married on 8th September, but it was good anyway!
On Sunday after church in the morning, we took the girls over to my Dad's and Bill and I had an extremely rare afternoon out together in celebration of our anniversary. It was most refreshing to actually spend time together without two adorable but demanding small people inserting themselves inbetween us at every opportunity! We must do it more often.
Today I've tried to get back into the swing of Sonlight - which we began in January and I reckon we are now on Week 4!!!! There have been lots of diversions along the way, obviously! We've done 6 pages of maths, she's written out a Bible verse which is one that we've been trying to drum into her anyway seeing as it's something she clearly needs to learn - "Treat other people the way you want them to treat you." - they've listened to an Usborne Spanish Beginner's tape and both girls have been practising bits of that, and at bedtime she's read out loud to me one chapter of her current reading book "Nina Fairy Ballerina" which she has then continued reading to herself when I left her in bed. I am again amazed that though it seemed like a full and busy morning we actually have done only a small proportion of what 'ought' to have been today's work - we haven't been anywhere near the history or the science or the other language arts stuff. We had an HE friend visiting this afternoon with her 6-year old and Jade treated her nicely after I talked her through the behaviour I expected of her beforehand so that was a bonus and a relief!
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Another catch-up
I'll try and begin where I left off - just about to go to Greenbelt.
Friday 24th was my birthday, so I woke up to Bill bringing me breakfast in bed, with a lovely heap of cards and stuff. As expected Jade was desperate to help me open and unwrap, but I managed mostly to fend her off! DH's card said my prezzie was behind the sofa, so after getting up we went downstairs and I found a ................ bass guitar!!!! Lovely surprise! I've been talking about wanting to learn for a year or two, but hadn't mentioned it for ages and it had kind of faded into the background a bit, so that was a lovely surprise and so far I have done Lesson 1 of the accompanying book!
Then we had to get sorted out fairly quickly and break the news to Jade that we were off to see a doctor about her. Bill explained it to her very well and light-heartedly, and she was absolutely fine about it!! We saw a consultant psychiatrist together with a trainee, both women, with a view to exploring what we saw as the problem, what we wanted to do about it, what help we were looking for, what steps we felt we would like them to take - all very 'us-centred' which I thought was excellent. Jade of course didn't say a word through the whole thing but was relaxed enough to nod her head in response to a question from me which sometimes is too much for her so I was quite impressed by that. They agreed that they can help us, and will work together with the Speech Therapist that I had contacted separately a couple of weeks ago. We are now just waiting for them to let us know when we can go along. We have heard from the speech therapist now who can see us mid-September so that's good.
Then we went home to do the final bits of packing up before setting off for Greenbelt. It's only a 45 minute drive from here, and we arrived I think around 2pm and then had to wait for about 2 hours in a mammoth queue before we could get onto the campsite. We managed to find the Raine Drops and Off the Path folk along with their other friends, and later were joined nearby by the Deep Enders, so we had a nice weekend with other people around, although GB being as action-packed as it usually is we don't get to see as much of each other as we might like.
Pre-kids, I used to find GB frustrating, although wonderful. It was frustrating because there is so much stuff going on, much of it (talks etc) powerful and potentially life-changing, and much of it has time-clashes and anyway I only have a finite amount of energy and can't get to everything. With kids, that frustration is massively multiplied. I went to a lovely calming and centring Taize service along with Jan and Barbara on Friday night, and after that didn't manage to get to anything of any substance at all on Saturday, for various reasons mostly linked to the children's needs and desires. The plan was for Shannon to go into a children's play session in the afternoon while DH took Jade off to the bouncy castles (she of course won't go near the organised kids sessions), and so I could have a chunk of the afternoon doing things I wanted. It required a 45-minute wait in a queue in the blazing sunshine in order to get a token to qualify to get into the kids' session, and then 15 minutes before the actual time, Shannon fell asleep on my lap.
I am seriously considering somehow going without the kids next year. GB for me is the highlight of my entire year, it refreshes the parts that other festivals cannot reach and even that church cannot reach, it opens up new ways of thinking and being and worshipping and looking at the world, and it touches me in ways I can't even describe. I hate frittering much of it away because my kids want to go on bouncy castles or something!
Sunday and Monday were better. And one workshop session I went to (called "Smiley spirituality can change the world") about positive psychology was very illuminating about Jade in one particular respect. Without going into too much detail, it seems that the over-sensitive part of her brain that leads her to social anxiety and selective mutism is also the same part of the brain that deals with feelings like "it's mine!" or "I want it now!" and other such primitive urges, so she's over-sensitive there as well. That would explain a LOT of bad behaviour that we have been wondering about as to whether it is just 'normal' or whether she is in fact more demanding in those areas than other 6-year olds. It turns out she probably is! What we do about it is another question entirely, and one we haven't explored deeply yet, except since getting home we have had a family meeting and together agreed the way we want other people to treat us, and therefore the way we have to treat them in return.
Anyway, since getting back from GB I find I am more deeply challenged than before about the gap between rich and poor, how I am one of the rich of this world (despite not feeling like it in our society), the stupidity and emptiness of consumerism and how that is not where happiness lies, about what am I doing to care for others, climate change and environmental challenges generally, and other stuff. Much thought and prayer is ensuing. Who knows when it will result in a clearer vision as to what is my own personal mission in life? - God's not usually in much of a hurry about these things! He prefers to take it nice and slow. "I want it now!!!" (Hmm, sounds familiar!)
Anyway one of my first decisions, after something that prompted me at GB, was to decide that one day per week should be computer-free, so for me that works best on Sundays. It felt at times like a deprivation, but also a nice oasis of peace on Sunday evening which carried on into Monday morning.
Time to put the kids to bed. More later (maybe).
Friday 24th was my birthday, so I woke up to Bill bringing me breakfast in bed, with a lovely heap of cards and stuff. As expected Jade was desperate to help me open and unwrap, but I managed mostly to fend her off! DH's card said my prezzie was behind the sofa, so after getting up we went downstairs and I found a ................ bass guitar!!!! Lovely surprise! I've been talking about wanting to learn for a year or two, but hadn't mentioned it for ages and it had kind of faded into the background a bit, so that was a lovely surprise and so far I have done Lesson 1 of the accompanying book!
Then we had to get sorted out fairly quickly and break the news to Jade that we were off to see a doctor about her. Bill explained it to her very well and light-heartedly, and she was absolutely fine about it!! We saw a consultant psychiatrist together with a trainee, both women, with a view to exploring what we saw as the problem, what we wanted to do about it, what help we were looking for, what steps we felt we would like them to take - all very 'us-centred' which I thought was excellent. Jade of course didn't say a word through the whole thing but was relaxed enough to nod her head in response to a question from me which sometimes is too much for her so I was quite impressed by that. They agreed that they can help us, and will work together with the Speech Therapist that I had contacted separately a couple of weeks ago. We are now just waiting for them to let us know when we can go along. We have heard from the speech therapist now who can see us mid-September so that's good.
Then we went home to do the final bits of packing up before setting off for Greenbelt. It's only a 45 minute drive from here, and we arrived I think around 2pm and then had to wait for about 2 hours in a mammoth queue before we could get onto the campsite. We managed to find the Raine Drops and Off the Path folk along with their other friends, and later were joined nearby by the Deep Enders, so we had a nice weekend with other people around, although GB being as action-packed as it usually is we don't get to see as much of each other as we might like.
Pre-kids, I used to find GB frustrating, although wonderful. It was frustrating because there is so much stuff going on, much of it (talks etc) powerful and potentially life-changing, and much of it has time-clashes and anyway I only have a finite amount of energy and can't get to everything. With kids, that frustration is massively multiplied. I went to a lovely calming and centring Taize service along with Jan and Barbara on Friday night, and after that didn't manage to get to anything of any substance at all on Saturday, for various reasons mostly linked to the children's needs and desires. The plan was for Shannon to go into a children's play session in the afternoon while DH took Jade off to the bouncy castles (she of course won't go near the organised kids sessions), and so I could have a chunk of the afternoon doing things I wanted. It required a 45-minute wait in a queue in the blazing sunshine in order to get a token to qualify to get into the kids' session, and then 15 minutes before the actual time, Shannon fell asleep on my lap.
I am seriously considering somehow going without the kids next year. GB for me is the highlight of my entire year, it refreshes the parts that other festivals cannot reach and even that church cannot reach, it opens up new ways of thinking and being and worshipping and looking at the world, and it touches me in ways I can't even describe. I hate frittering much of it away because my kids want to go on bouncy castles or something!
Sunday and Monday were better. And one workshop session I went to (called "Smiley spirituality can change the world") about positive psychology was very illuminating about Jade in one particular respect. Without going into too much detail, it seems that the over-sensitive part of her brain that leads her to social anxiety and selective mutism is also the same part of the brain that deals with feelings like "it's mine!" or "I want it now!" and other such primitive urges, so she's over-sensitive there as well. That would explain a LOT of bad behaviour that we have been wondering about as to whether it is just 'normal' or whether she is in fact more demanding in those areas than other 6-year olds. It turns out she probably is! What we do about it is another question entirely, and one we haven't explored deeply yet, except since getting home we have had a family meeting and together agreed the way we want other people to treat us, and therefore the way we have to treat them in return.
Anyway, since getting back from GB I find I am more deeply challenged than before about the gap between rich and poor, how I am one of the rich of this world (despite not feeling like it in our society), the stupidity and emptiness of consumerism and how that is not where happiness lies, about what am I doing to care for others, climate change and environmental challenges generally, and other stuff. Much thought and prayer is ensuing. Who knows when it will result in a clearer vision as to what is my own personal mission in life? - God's not usually in much of a hurry about these things! He prefers to take it nice and slow. "I want it now!!!" (Hmm, sounds familiar!)
Anyway one of my first decisions, after something that prompted me at GB, was to decide that one day per week should be computer-free, so for me that works best on Sundays. It felt at times like a deprivation, but also a nice oasis of peace on Sunday evening which carried on into Monday morning.
Time to put the kids to bed. More later (maybe).
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Off we go!
To Greenbelt! I love it - this will be my 20th year in attendance and it just sorts me out in all sorts of ways. And there will be the Off the Path'ers, the Raine Drops and the Deep Enders so it's going to be fab!
And it's my birthday tomorrow! I've bought a lovely big sticky chocolate cake to take with us, plus a bottle of Baileys and a couple of bottles of wine to share tomorrow evening - fab!!
But before we go tomorrow morning, we have an appointment at the local outpatients dept here in town for us and Jade to see someone from Child & Adolescent Mental Health Services about her selective mutism. She doesn't know yet as I'm pretty sure she won't want to go and I want to limit the amount of protest we all have to undergo. Not sure if that's the right decision but it's where we've ended up, anyway.
And it's my birthday tomorrow! I've bought a lovely big sticky chocolate cake to take with us, plus a bottle of Baileys and a couple of bottles of wine to share tomorrow evening - fab!!
But before we go tomorrow morning, we have an appointment at the local outpatients dept here in town for us and Jade to see someone from Child & Adolescent Mental Health Services about her selective mutism. She doesn't know yet as I'm pretty sure she won't want to go and I want to limit the amount of protest we all have to undergo. Not sure if that's the right decision but it's where we've ended up, anyway.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
So much to write, so little time
I've been meaning to blog for a few days now but time just escapes me. Here are a few highlights:
Shannon has been spending quite a bit of time putting the organs back into the anatomical man, and doing fairly well!
Her language is coming on every day, with more and more full sentences and new phrases. I love it! This morning I told her she was going to see Mandy (the childminder) later on and she said, "I'm a bit sad." "Why, because you're going to see Mandy?" I said, surprised because she absolutely loves going to the childminder. "Yes," she said. "And I'm a bit excited!" I thought that was a lovely summary of her mixture of feelings!
I did a poster together with Jade earlier this week, of all the things we could think of that are good/lovely about her or that she is good at. She really enjoyed doing it, contributed a lot, enjoyed decorating it prettily and has it hung up in her bedroom. Something at least has helped - last night she got out of bed and came downstairs again while I was on the phone, and while hanging around waiting for me she wrote a note "Jade is nise." I've been trying to remember to thank and praise her every time I catch her doing something positive/helpful/kind.
I've also had a breakthrough with getting help for her selective mutism. An acquaintance I bumped into last weekend who is a speech therapist in Sheffield told me that in her area, parents can refer their own children for speech therapy, and she suggested I enquire whether we can here. I did, and we can! So I did! She is now on the waiting list for the local speech and language therapist who hopes to see us by the end of September, and what's more, she has obviously treated SM before as she talked knowledgeably about it! Result!!! So many people get referred to people who haven't got a clue, so I'm really encouraged. The referral to Mental Health services remains in place as the SLT said she can often work together with the MH team with good results.
Persuaded DH to come swimming with us all last weekend, because Jade is at the stage where she needs a bit of one-to-one support and she'll soon be swimming without armbands. We had a fantastic session and she is so close to being able to swim. She just needs the confidence to know she can do it, TBH. And Shannon made her own breakthrough in letting go of a parent for the first time, and hanging on to the edge of the pool and walking round on tiptoe on her own, the first time she's touched the bottom!
Had a real disappointment this week also. Money is extremely tight in this household, and holidays are pretty scarce (our entire holiday budget is £30 per month) and are pretty much always just a week away in our ancient and tatty caravan, that's if we manage to afford anything on top of MuddlePuddle camps! Going abroad is a sweet but extremely rare luxury. A few weeks ago I managed to grab some Ryanair tickets to Venice in early October for all 4 of us. Even 1p flight offers are too much for us after you've added in taxes etc, but in this offer the airline were even paying all the taxes! All we had to pay was £10 each for baggage handling. I didn't tell DH about it because I didn't even know if we would be able to find anywhere cheap enough to stay, so thought I'd sit tight until I'd searched and seen if I could come up with anything. I was innocently telling my Dad this tale on Monday, and like the true treasure he is, he went home, checked with his wife and then phoned me to say they'd give us £200 towards accommodation! I was really thrilled. I could actually truly begin to imagine us having a lovely week's holiday in Venice! DH came home that evening and happened to be telling me about how his boss had to have some surgery, and told me the dates and I nearly had a heart attack because it overlapped with the dates I had booked away. Just to backtrack a little, DH works in a university (in computer services) and as far as I was concerned, he had been told that he couldn't have holiday in September because that's when the students arrive and they all have to be allocated computer access and got set up on the network and so on. Anyway I thought I'd better tell DH about the holiday booking, which I did, and he said he would check because he wasn't allowed holiday from mid-September to mid-October!!!! Turns out there is no way he can take holiday for when our flights are booked. Expletive, expletive, expletive! I am so disappointed!
To try and have a bit of spontaneous fun, I have decided to take Jade to London tomorrow. My Dad will have Shannon for the day. First Great Western are doing half-price train tickets this week on our bit of line due to it being closed for about 4 weeks after the floods. We'll be arriving mid-morning, hopping straight onto a tour bus, hope to go to the National Portrait Gallery and then Covent Garden market in the afternoon where there is free entertainment connected with Kids Week. I have been dithering about it all week, again because of the cost, but I got two work expenses cheques yesterday so suddenly feel like I can afford it!
I'm sure there was loads more educational stuff, but it's disappeared from memory. Must try harder!
Shannon has been spending quite a bit of time putting the organs back into the anatomical man, and doing fairly well!
Her language is coming on every day, with more and more full sentences and new phrases. I love it! This morning I told her she was going to see Mandy (the childminder) later on and she said, "I'm a bit sad." "Why, because you're going to see Mandy?" I said, surprised because she absolutely loves going to the childminder. "Yes," she said. "And I'm a bit excited!" I thought that was a lovely summary of her mixture of feelings!
I did a poster together with Jade earlier this week, of all the things we could think of that are good/lovely about her or that she is good at. She really enjoyed doing it, contributed a lot, enjoyed decorating it prettily and has it hung up in her bedroom. Something at least has helped - last night she got out of bed and came downstairs again while I was on the phone, and while hanging around waiting for me she wrote a note "Jade is nise." I've been trying to remember to thank and praise her every time I catch her doing something positive/helpful/kind.
I've also had a breakthrough with getting help for her selective mutism. An acquaintance I bumped into last weekend who is a speech therapist in Sheffield told me that in her area, parents can refer their own children for speech therapy, and she suggested I enquire whether we can here. I did, and we can! So I did! She is now on the waiting list for the local speech and language therapist who hopes to see us by the end of September, and what's more, she has obviously treated SM before as she talked knowledgeably about it! Result!!! So many people get referred to people who haven't got a clue, so I'm really encouraged. The referral to Mental Health services remains in place as the SLT said she can often work together with the MH team with good results.
Persuaded DH to come swimming with us all last weekend, because Jade is at the stage where she needs a bit of one-to-one support and she'll soon be swimming without armbands. We had a fantastic session and she is so close to being able to swim. She just needs the confidence to know she can do it, TBH. And Shannon made her own breakthrough in letting go of a parent for the first time, and hanging on to the edge of the pool and walking round on tiptoe on her own, the first time she's touched the bottom!
Had a real disappointment this week also. Money is extremely tight in this household, and holidays are pretty scarce (our entire holiday budget is £30 per month) and are pretty much always just a week away in our ancient and tatty caravan, that's if we manage to afford anything on top of MuddlePuddle camps! Going abroad is a sweet but extremely rare luxury. A few weeks ago I managed to grab some Ryanair tickets to Venice in early October for all 4 of us. Even 1p flight offers are too much for us after you've added in taxes etc, but in this offer the airline were even paying all the taxes! All we had to pay was £10 each for baggage handling. I didn't tell DH about it because I didn't even know if we would be able to find anywhere cheap enough to stay, so thought I'd sit tight until I'd searched and seen if I could come up with anything. I was innocently telling my Dad this tale on Monday, and like the true treasure he is, he went home, checked with his wife and then phoned me to say they'd give us £200 towards accommodation! I was really thrilled. I could actually truly begin to imagine us having a lovely week's holiday in Venice! DH came home that evening and happened to be telling me about how his boss had to have some surgery, and told me the dates and I nearly had a heart attack because it overlapped with the dates I had booked away. Just to backtrack a little, DH works in a university (in computer services) and as far as I was concerned, he had been told that he couldn't have holiday in September because that's when the students arrive and they all have to be allocated computer access and got set up on the network and so on. Anyway I thought I'd better tell DH about the holiday booking, which I did, and he said he would check because he wasn't allowed holiday from mid-September to mid-October!!!! Turns out there is no way he can take holiday for when our flights are booked. Expletive, expletive, expletive! I am so disappointed!
To try and have a bit of spontaneous fun, I have decided to take Jade to London tomorrow. My Dad will have Shannon for the day. First Great Western are doing half-price train tickets this week on our bit of line due to it being closed for about 4 weeks after the floods. We'll be arriving mid-morning, hopping straight onto a tour bus, hope to go to the National Portrait Gallery and then Covent Garden market in the afternoon where there is free entertainment connected with Kids Week. I have been dithering about it all week, again because of the cost, but I got two work expenses cheques yesterday so suddenly feel like I can afford it!
I'm sure there was loads more educational stuff, but it's disappeared from memory. Must try harder!
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Sunny, but with dark clouds appearing
We've had a lovely day, but it's been overshadowed for me by Jade's comment this morning while I was brushing her hair. We were both facing the mirror and I was eulogising about how beautiful her hair was, and showing her. She said "I don't like my hair. And I don't like myself." Now as a one-off comment maybe it shouldn't be taken to heart, but put together with lots of her other behaviour and comments, I think she means it. It nearly broke my heart. Have been desperately wracking my brains all day long to try and think how to convince her that she is fab! And of course riddled with mother-guilt that it's all my fault!
However there was not much time to hang around and wrestle with the matter there and then as I had arranged to meet a friend up at the park. She has a little boy the same age as Shannon, and a newborn boy too. And we ended up being there all morning in the sunshine, which was lovely. I got a long and lovely baby-cuddle, and then both my girls insisted on having several turns holding the baby too and both adored the experience! Shannon would quite like for us to have one, I think ("my turn to have it", she kept insisting!), and so would Jade but only if it stayed small and didn't grow up to be a nuisance! Anyway there's no chance of that having to be put to the test!
So we walked home eating ice-creams, had lunch in front of the telly, and then they played while I attempted to tidy/organise some of the toys a little better. After that I enticed them outside with a big bowl of water and some paintbrushes to 'paint' the patio while I attacked the kitchen. Then they both came into the kitchen to 'help' while I started making pastry for quiche. Jade did help with weighing, mixing and rolling, and then I gave her a spare bit of pastry to play with while I did the rest of the dinner. Meanwhile Shannon played in the sink and splashed loads of water everywhere. After a while they swapped over, so a very pleasant hour or so was spent in the kitchen, for a change!
While the quiche was cooking we got out the "Alpha Animals" game which I bought on Sunday from the charity shop for £1.99, which in its simplest form necessitated thinking of animals beginning with each letter of the alphabet. Then we ate dinner while watching the second half of the DVD we started yesterday - "The Inn of the Sixth Happiness" about the missionary to China, Gladys Aylward, about whom we'd read in our Sonlight stuff a few months ago. I didn't think Jade was paying that much attention, but at the end she said, "That was brilliant"! I was surprised but pleased!
A quick tidy-up, a quick bath, and a very long session of bedtime story ("My Magical Pony" and she was desperate to find out what happened so I just kept reading") and I'm just about to go up and check that Jade's asleep. Shannon conked out pretty quicky after the bath.
However there was not much time to hang around and wrestle with the matter there and then as I had arranged to meet a friend up at the park. She has a little boy the same age as Shannon, and a newborn boy too. And we ended up being there all morning in the sunshine, which was lovely. I got a long and lovely baby-cuddle, and then both my girls insisted on having several turns holding the baby too and both adored the experience! Shannon would quite like for us to have one, I think ("my turn to have it", she kept insisting!), and so would Jade but only if it stayed small and didn't grow up to be a nuisance! Anyway there's no chance of that having to be put to the test!
So we walked home eating ice-creams, had lunch in front of the telly, and then they played while I attempted to tidy/organise some of the toys a little better. After that I enticed them outside with a big bowl of water and some paintbrushes to 'paint' the patio while I attacked the kitchen. Then they both came into the kitchen to 'help' while I started making pastry for quiche. Jade did help with weighing, mixing and rolling, and then I gave her a spare bit of pastry to play with while I did the rest of the dinner. Meanwhile Shannon played in the sink and splashed loads of water everywhere. After a while they swapped over, so a very pleasant hour or so was spent in the kitchen, for a change!
While the quiche was cooking we got out the "Alpha Animals" game which I bought on Sunday from the charity shop for £1.99, which in its simplest form necessitated thinking of animals beginning with each letter of the alphabet. Then we ate dinner while watching the second half of the DVD we started yesterday - "The Inn of the Sixth Happiness" about the missionary to China, Gladys Aylward, about whom we'd read in our Sonlight stuff a few months ago. I didn't think Jade was paying that much attention, but at the end she said, "That was brilliant"! I was surprised but pleased!
A quick tidy-up, a quick bath, and a very long session of bedtime story ("My Magical Pony" and she was desperate to find out what happened so I just kept reading") and I'm just about to go up and check that Jade's asleep. Shannon conked out pretty quicky after the bath.
Monday, August 06, 2007
More pics
Having downloaded the pics from my camera to get the one in the post below, I thought I'd throw in a few others too!
First..... THE FLOOD!
OK, so it's not all that clear, but you might be able to see that the trampoline is standing in a lake!
Next, another of Jade's pics which I thought was very expressive, when she was feeling sad:
Talking of Jade being expressive, I bet you've never seen her like this:
Yes, she is noisy, funny, animated and bossy when playing with L from next door! I do wish she could show her character to everybody else instead of feeling she wants to hide.
On the other hand, I don't suppose this little character will surprise anybody:
First..... THE FLOOD!
OK, so it's not all that clear, but you might be able to see that the trampoline is standing in a lake!
Next, another of Jade's pics which I thought was very expressive, when she was feeling sad:
Talking of Jade being expressive, I bet you've never seen her like this:
Yes, she is noisy, funny, animated and bossy when playing with L from next door! I do wish she could show her character to everybody else instead of feeling she wants to hide.
On the other hand, I don't suppose this little character will surprise anybody:
I hadn't realised it was so long since I blogged properly.
The slump has mostly gone - don't know why it came; don't know why it went away, LOL! Of course that doesn't stop me being overtired and grumpy rather too frequently, but at least it's not an overall malaise. In fact I treated myself to a very rare afternoon off yesterday on mental health grounds. I was feeling overwhelmed by the constant interruptions and demands of 2 (or 3 when L the neighbour is visiting, which is most of the time) small girls, and in particular, Jade's clinginess when we go out. We went to a local fete on Saturday afternoon, and to church on Sunday morning, and in public places like that where she feels shy and anxious she is all over me all the time. Her hands are up my top, pulling on my skirt, stretching my sleeves, hanging on to me, wanting to be picked up and carried, leaning on me, and it drives me bonkers!! And all that on top of a couple of really bad nights of sleep due to Shannon's shenanigans! I just had to get away where I could finish a thought that I began, and was not being touched and clung to all the time. So I left the girls at home with DH and went to Stratford. I spent a bit of time shopping, where I could browse uninterrupted (bliss) and a bit of time sitting on the grass by the river, where there were hordes of people so I enjoyed a bit of people-watching, a bit of peace and quiet and a bit of reading my book that I'd taken. Utter bliss! Treated myself to some jewellery from Monsoon at 70% off so that was an utter bargain, and a jewellery box which was supposed to be my Mum's birthday present to me a year ago but I never found one I liked till now! Found a couple of bargains in a charity shop too - a Per Una t-shirt, an animal board game and a new bag for carting all my stuff round.
We seem to have given up on overt education for the summer. Not by design, but by omission. A couple of times Jade has asked to do some 'learning' stuff, but time just slides away and it doesn't happen. She's having a fab time mostly playing outside with L the neighbour, spending loads of time on the trampoline and enjoying the good weather, at last, so that's no bad thing. She's done a lovely picture this morning - a labelled collage. She's stuck various things down and then labelled them without asking spellings and they're pretty good! There's "cotten wooll", "string", "paper", "flap", "cicele" (circle) and then "drew by Tamsin"!!! She asked me if I thought it was excellent, but before answering I asked her if she thought it was excellent, and she said yes, and I said that's what really matters. I did say I thought it was excellent as well, though.
(edited to add the pic)
I've been doing a fair bit of reading to her, mainly lightweight stories like Secret Unicorn, Magic Kitten, Magic Pony, Rainbow Fairies which she can of course read on her own but she likes me to read to her and I quite like it too so we're both relatively happy with that! After everybody else recommending the Magic Tree House books I have just won 14 off Ebay from the USA, costing $14 or about £7 which is fab, but apparently the cheapest postage now is $28!!! I suppose £21 for 14 books is still not too bad but I didn't want to pay that much so fortunately my brother who lives in Kansas is due to come over in September so I'm getting them delivered to him for $3 and he can bring them over!!
And now we're off swimming, so that's all for now.
The slump has mostly gone - don't know why it came; don't know why it went away, LOL! Of course that doesn't stop me being overtired and grumpy rather too frequently, but at least it's not an overall malaise. In fact I treated myself to a very rare afternoon off yesterday on mental health grounds. I was feeling overwhelmed by the constant interruptions and demands of 2 (or 3 when L the neighbour is visiting, which is most of the time) small girls, and in particular, Jade's clinginess when we go out. We went to a local fete on Saturday afternoon, and to church on Sunday morning, and in public places like that where she feels shy and anxious she is all over me all the time. Her hands are up my top, pulling on my skirt, stretching my sleeves, hanging on to me, wanting to be picked up and carried, leaning on me, and it drives me bonkers!! And all that on top of a couple of really bad nights of sleep due to Shannon's shenanigans! I just had to get away where I could finish a thought that I began, and was not being touched and clung to all the time. So I left the girls at home with DH and went to Stratford. I spent a bit of time shopping, where I could browse uninterrupted (bliss) and a bit of time sitting on the grass by the river, where there were hordes of people so I enjoyed a bit of people-watching, a bit of peace and quiet and a bit of reading my book that I'd taken. Utter bliss! Treated myself to some jewellery from Monsoon at 70% off so that was an utter bargain, and a jewellery box which was supposed to be my Mum's birthday present to me a year ago but I never found one I liked till now! Found a couple of bargains in a charity shop too - a Per Una t-shirt, an animal board game and a new bag for carting all my stuff round.
We seem to have given up on overt education for the summer. Not by design, but by omission. A couple of times Jade has asked to do some 'learning' stuff, but time just slides away and it doesn't happen. She's having a fab time mostly playing outside with L the neighbour, spending loads of time on the trampoline and enjoying the good weather, at last, so that's no bad thing. She's done a lovely picture this morning - a labelled collage. She's stuck various things down and then labelled them without asking spellings and they're pretty good! There's "cotten wooll", "string", "paper", "flap", "cicele" (circle) and then "drew by Tamsin"!!! She asked me if I thought it was excellent, but before answering I asked her if she thought it was excellent, and she said yes, and I said that's what really matters. I did say I thought it was excellent as well, though.
(edited to add the pic)
I've been doing a fair bit of reading to her, mainly lightweight stories like Secret Unicorn, Magic Kitten, Magic Pony, Rainbow Fairies which she can of course read on her own but she likes me to read to her and I quite like it too so we're both relatively happy with that! After everybody else recommending the Magic Tree House books I have just won 14 off Ebay from the USA, costing $14 or about £7 which is fab, but apparently the cheapest postage now is $28!!! I suppose £21 for 14 books is still not too bad but I didn't want to pay that much so fortunately my brother who lives in Kansas is due to come over in September so I'm getting them delivered to him for $3 and he can bring them over!!
And now we're off swimming, so that's all for now.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
At last!
I've completed that DfES consultation on Home Education. Been putting that off for ages - glad I've got it done! I was number 470.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Fatigue, floods and being fed-up
I am still in the slump that started last weekend. Maybe even a bit depressed, though I don't know why. Can't be bothered with anything, feel tired and unmotivated and generally blah. So I'm doing nothing constructive with the girls but just letting them free-range with toys and the trampoline and too much but not completely unrestricted TV. Whether it's a cause or an effect, I don't know, but there is a huge amount of sibling jealousy going on especially from Jade's end. They're squabbling and fighting more often than not, and Jade frequently says things like, "I wish I could cut Shannon in half". Charming. I am so sick of dealing with their arguments.
So 30 hours or so of torrential rain starting in the small hours of Friday did nothing to improve my mood. We were obviously stuck in the house all day, though did venture for a 10 minute walk to the post box and back. We ended up with a small lake in the back garden, though nothing in the house. DH got home late, soaked up to his hips, and it was only then I discovered that the main street in our little town was flooded in 4-5 feet of water, and he'd had to abandon his car on the other side of town and wade home. I went out with the dog at about 11.30 pm and viewed the scene - very strange to see streets turned into rivers. Call me hard-hearted if you like, but I really cannot feel that it's such a huge tragedy to have your house flooded several inches. Sure, it's a pain, a nuisance and hard horrible work to clear it all up, but no, it's not a tragedy. Having buried one of my children I really can't understand calling the physical loss of material possessions a tragedy. So there. Having said that, DH has just discovered that the flashing round our chimney has leaked and soaked loads of stuff (maps, slides, electronic bits and bobs) in the cupboard in our bedroom and he's spending ages sorting it all out so he may not agree with me!
Isabelle did her first ever few drops of wee in the potty on Friday, after I caught her starting to go on the floor. I persuaded her to sit on the potty for aaaaaages, and she managed a few drops. There were great celebrations and then I was just IMing with DH telling him all about it when she let loose torrents all over the sofa, cushions and floor!!! Jade was totally dry day and night just after she was 2, so I'm feeling a bit frustrated that it's taking so much longer for Shannon.
Anyway you probably wish you'd not bothered to come by my blog today, so I'll stop before I depress you all any more.
So 30 hours or so of torrential rain starting in the small hours of Friday did nothing to improve my mood. We were obviously stuck in the house all day, though did venture for a 10 minute walk to the post box and back. We ended up with a small lake in the back garden, though nothing in the house. DH got home late, soaked up to his hips, and it was only then I discovered that the main street in our little town was flooded in 4-5 feet of water, and he'd had to abandon his car on the other side of town and wade home. I went out with the dog at about 11.30 pm and viewed the scene - very strange to see streets turned into rivers. Call me hard-hearted if you like, but I really cannot feel that it's such a huge tragedy to have your house flooded several inches. Sure, it's a pain, a nuisance and hard horrible work to clear it all up, but no, it's not a tragedy. Having buried one of my children I really can't understand calling the physical loss of material possessions a tragedy. So there. Having said that, DH has just discovered that the flashing round our chimney has leaked and soaked loads of stuff (maps, slides, electronic bits and bobs) in the cupboard in our bedroom and he's spending ages sorting it all out so he may not agree with me!
Isabelle did her first ever few drops of wee in the potty on Friday, after I caught her starting to go on the floor. I persuaded her to sit on the potty for aaaaaages, and she managed a few drops. There were great celebrations and then I was just IMing with DH telling him all about it when she let loose torrents all over the sofa, cushions and floor!!! Jade was totally dry day and night just after she was 2, so I'm feeling a bit frustrated that it's taking so much longer for Shannon.
Anyway you probably wish you'd not bothered to come by my blog today, so I'll stop before I depress you all any more.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Saturday, July 14, 2007
I saw a fairy in the woods yesterday
Am feeling grumpy and lethargic and have been for over 24 hours now, so this will not be a scintillating blog post but thought I'd better catch up anyway.
I cannot blog about what we did on Tuesday, for complicated reasons which I can't go into now, but it was a lovely day, and one which I wish we could have much more often. I will mention, though, that Jade threw a complete strop at the thought of going off with my Dad for an hour while I visited a friend and her new baby. Her separation anxiety is getting worse. I am very sympathetic and encouraging when she's anxious about going somewhere new, but when she's afraid to go with my Dad with whom she's spent far too many hours to calculate over the whole 6 years of her life, well I'm afraid I just got cross with her. It did the trick in the end, although not until it had cut my time down with my friend to about 45 minutes, which is just not enough when she is just getting used to having a new baby after a stillbirth last year.
On Wednesday I went to work, and Jade also moaned and complained that she wanted to come with me instead of staying at home with DH. Apparently she missed me quite a lot that day. Dunno what's going on. Hurry up, NHS, and get that referral going! While I was out, Dh started putting up the new trampoline that arrived on Tuesday, and when I got home we finished it together. Much joy and excitement all round! Oh yes, and we had to go and collect the old estate car from the garage which set us back £370+
I can't remember what we did on Thursday morning, except eventually get everything ready for Shannon to go to the childminder and Jade to come with me to work. I took various 'educational' stuff but she left all the 'serious' stuff in favour of doing a jigsaw puzzle and drawing pictures. That was OK. Worked till 3.15, collected Shannon, visited a friend for half-an-hour, gave a lift to someone to take her cat to the vet, got home, kids played on trampoline etc.
On Friday, Jade begged to go for a walk in the woods dressed as a fairy! Even though it was a bit rainy, I happily obliged and, though I wouldn't have chosen that activity that morning myself, we had a really lovely time and I took several pics of my fairy and my ladybird (Shannon in waterproof ladybird coat) in the woods! We hid in dens, ate a little snack perched on tree stumps, and pretended to be explorers. Pics later, if I can be bothered. Did a couple of errands on the way home, then settled the girls down with some food and a Tom and Jerry DVD while I went upstairs for a nap. That seems to have been a mistake. Ever since then I've felt completely tired and lethargic and very grumpy. I must've put all my biorhythms out of sync or something!
Today I've lolled around in bed all morning and then taken the girls plus L from next door out to the Wildlife Trust nature reserve to collect wildflower seeds - an organised event. I'd never been there before, though, and didn't realise that it would involve a 20 minute hike across muddy and cow-patty fields before we got to the wildflower meadow, by which time Shannon was tired, clingy and waily and it was almost impossible to actually do anything useful. We stayed about 20 minutes and then I left the rest of the group and made a slow trip back, carrying Shannon all the way. Not our most successful field trip! One useful thing was to see a badger sett which the warden says we're allowed to go and watch any time to see if we can spot them one evening. Would love to see wild badgers out playing.
I cannot blog about what we did on Tuesday, for complicated reasons which I can't go into now, but it was a lovely day, and one which I wish we could have much more often. I will mention, though, that Jade threw a complete strop at the thought of going off with my Dad for an hour while I visited a friend and her new baby. Her separation anxiety is getting worse. I am very sympathetic and encouraging when she's anxious about going somewhere new, but when she's afraid to go with my Dad with whom she's spent far too many hours to calculate over the whole 6 years of her life, well I'm afraid I just got cross with her. It did the trick in the end, although not until it had cut my time down with my friend to about 45 minutes, which is just not enough when she is just getting used to having a new baby after a stillbirth last year.
On Wednesday I went to work, and Jade also moaned and complained that she wanted to come with me instead of staying at home with DH. Apparently she missed me quite a lot that day. Dunno what's going on. Hurry up, NHS, and get that referral going! While I was out, Dh started putting up the new trampoline that arrived on Tuesday, and when I got home we finished it together. Much joy and excitement all round! Oh yes, and we had to go and collect the old estate car from the garage which set us back £370+
I can't remember what we did on Thursday morning, except eventually get everything ready for Shannon to go to the childminder and Jade to come with me to work. I took various 'educational' stuff but she left all the 'serious' stuff in favour of doing a jigsaw puzzle and drawing pictures. That was OK. Worked till 3.15, collected Shannon, visited a friend for half-an-hour, gave a lift to someone to take her cat to the vet, got home, kids played on trampoline etc.
On Friday, Jade begged to go for a walk in the woods dressed as a fairy! Even though it was a bit rainy, I happily obliged and, though I wouldn't have chosen that activity that morning myself, we had a really lovely time and I took several pics of my fairy and my ladybird (Shannon in waterproof ladybird coat) in the woods! We hid in dens, ate a little snack perched on tree stumps, and pretended to be explorers. Pics later, if I can be bothered. Did a couple of errands on the way home, then settled the girls down with some food and a Tom and Jerry DVD while I went upstairs for a nap. That seems to have been a mistake. Ever since then I've felt completely tired and lethargic and very grumpy. I must've put all my biorhythms out of sync or something!
Today I've lolled around in bed all morning and then taken the girls plus L from next door out to the Wildlife Trust nature reserve to collect wildflower seeds - an organised event. I'd never been there before, though, and didn't realise that it would involve a 20 minute hike across muddy and cow-patty fields before we got to the wildflower meadow, by which time Shannon was tired, clingy and waily and it was almost impossible to actually do anything useful. We stayed about 20 minutes and then I left the rest of the group and made a slow trip back, carrying Shannon all the way. Not our most successful field trip! One useful thing was to see a badger sett which the warden says we're allowed to go and watch any time to see if we can spot them one evening. Would love to see wild badgers out playing.
Monday, July 09, 2007
In brief...
Today we have:
* Done cuneiform writing on clay (well, I did cuneiform, Jade did normal writing and decorations, and Shannon just mashed it up!) Pics are available but, erm, prob. not till Weds or Thurs as I don't think I'll have time before then!
* Revised chapter 3 of Story of the World about the earliest writing, covering the relative merits of stone, clay and papyrus.
* Made paper, or to put it more accurately, recycled paper using a paper-making kit. 2 sheets came out very nicely.
* Jade has coloured in Egypt and Sumer on a photocopied map.
* Been out for a walk with the dog.
* Got the living room tidier by the end of the day than it was at the beginning.
* Put Milton-y water through the caravan water system.
* Got one load of washing done.
* The girls have played 'schools' with their dolls and soft toys.
That'll do.
* Done cuneiform writing on clay (well, I did cuneiform, Jade did normal writing and decorations, and Shannon just mashed it up!) Pics are available but, erm, prob. not till Weds or Thurs as I don't think I'll have time before then!
* Revised chapter 3 of Story of the World about the earliest writing, covering the relative merits of stone, clay and papyrus.
* Made paper, or to put it more accurately, recycled paper using a paper-making kit. 2 sheets came out very nicely.
* Jade has coloured in Egypt and Sumer on a photocopied map.
* Been out for a walk with the dog.
* Got the living room tidier by the end of the day than it was at the beginning.
* Put Milton-y water through the caravan water system.
* Got one load of washing done.
* The girls have played 'schools' with their dolls and soft toys.
That'll do.
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Do ya think I'm sexy?
No, please don't answer that!!! But just a reference to Rod Stewart whom I saw in concert last night!! Great fun. A friend had a spare ticket due to her DH having had emergency knee surgery, so I went along to the Cardiff Millennium Stadium and we had a blast! Wouldn't have particularly called myself a fan, but it was a really good evening and it's got to be impressive when someone can sing 31 songs, nearly all of which were Top 10 or Top 20 hits!!
Tons else been going on here - some nice Story of the World reading and we're going to do some paper making and cuneiform writing on real clay in the next day or two when we get the chance. Also some nice number work (I borrowed tons of lovely resources last week from the Learning Resources section at Oxford Brookes Uni Library (teacher training section) thanks to Bill's staff ticket! And reading books about poo with Isabelle in a so far vain attempt to persuade her to use the potty (several wees on the floor, none in the potty) ....... but no time to blog. 10pm and girls are still up due to an afternoon nap - must put them to bed, and probably myself too!
Tons else been going on here - some nice Story of the World reading and we're going to do some paper making and cuneiform writing on real clay in the next day or two when we get the chance. Also some nice number work (I borrowed tons of lovely resources last week from the Learning Resources section at Oxford Brookes Uni Library (teacher training section) thanks to Bill's staff ticket! And reading books about poo with Isabelle in a so far vain attempt to persuade her to use the potty (several wees on the floor, none in the potty) ....... but no time to blog. 10pm and girls are still up due to an afternoon nap - must put them to bed, and probably myself too!
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Out of the swamp!
We wore our wellies ALL week! Yes, Muddle Puddle summer camp was extremely wet. Our awning was flooded for the first half of the week until we moved to a drier spot, therefore the four of us were extremely cramped in our little caravan much of the time. But it says a great deal for the quality of the company that we still had a lovely time, and are glad we didn't miss it.
Friday, June 22, 2007
22nd June
In one way it's a day just like any other. But even after 8 years I can't help giving it a significance - the anniversary of Benjamin's death. I haven't really paid much attention to it today - I didn't even light a candle as I have done in the past. Partly because Jade is always terrified that we're going to have a fire. But as the evening wears on, the memories always grow stronger of that day and night. Rather than dwell, though, on those memories, I just want to set out what he gave me, and what I learned through him being here:
1. He taught me that I am strong. I always had an image of myself as being emotionally weak and unstable, because of the phobia and associated depression I'd had since childhood. But living through the news of his heart defect while I was pregnant, the poor odds in his favour, his short life and his death, taught me that I am indeed a lot stronger than I ever thought I was. I did it - I lived through something I never thought I could cope with - and came out stronger the other side. Nothing else is quite as fearful to me now. I know if I could survive that, I can survive anything.
2. He taught me that children are very, very, very precious. To be honest, I was very ambivalent about motherhood. After I conceived, I was terrified. Wasn't sure I really wanted to do this. The utter, utter joy of having him with us just blew all that away. I am sure I am a better mother because of him.
3. I learned that God really is with me. Isaiah 61 says “He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted ..... to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” We experienced this, for real. Of course, we grieved for Benjamin. But our overwhelming feeling in the months that followed was just pure joy that he had come to be ours, even for a short time. We felt we had been given a precious gift, far more wonderful than we deserved, and we were full of joy, as well as times of pain.
4. I learned to look more to heaven, and less to earth. I seem to have forgotten this lesson as time has gone on, but every now and then I become aware again just how much more important eternity is than this temporary home. I didn't write the poem below, and I don't know who did, but it speaks so strongly to me:
The day will come when I will stand
At the entrance to that perfect land
And there to greet me will be my son
Who will gently show me the wonders to come
In that place where sunshine never ends,
Where the shining waters flow
Through hills and valleys green
Bathed in a golden glow,
And in those heavenly hills I’ll find
The love and beauty which will always be mine,
And once again a mother I’ll be
To that son I loved so tenderly.
******************************
Some people come into our lives
And go very quickly,
Some people come into our lives
And move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to understand
With their passing whisper of their wisdom.
And make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon,
They stay in our lives for a time,
Leaving footprints in our hearts,
And we are never, ever the same
I didn't write that one either, but Benjamin taught my soul to dance, taught me to love, and taught me about joy. I wouldn't have missed it for the world!
1. He taught me that I am strong. I always had an image of myself as being emotionally weak and unstable, because of the phobia and associated depression I'd had since childhood. But living through the news of his heart defect while I was pregnant, the poor odds in his favour, his short life and his death, taught me that I am indeed a lot stronger than I ever thought I was. I did it - I lived through something I never thought I could cope with - and came out stronger the other side. Nothing else is quite as fearful to me now. I know if I could survive that, I can survive anything.
2. He taught me that children are very, very, very precious. To be honest, I was very ambivalent about motherhood. After I conceived, I was terrified. Wasn't sure I really wanted to do this. The utter, utter joy of having him with us just blew all that away. I am sure I am a better mother because of him.
3. I learned that God really is with me. Isaiah 61 says “He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted ..... to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” We experienced this, for real. Of course, we grieved for Benjamin. But our overwhelming feeling in the months that followed was just pure joy that he had come to be ours, even for a short time. We felt we had been given a precious gift, far more wonderful than we deserved, and we were full of joy, as well as times of pain.
4. I learned to look more to heaven, and less to earth. I seem to have forgotten this lesson as time has gone on, but every now and then I become aware again just how much more important eternity is than this temporary home. I didn't write the poem below, and I don't know who did, but it speaks so strongly to me:
The day will come when I will stand
At the entrance to that perfect land
And there to greet me will be my son
Who will gently show me the wonders to come
In that place where sunshine never ends,
Where the shining waters flow
Through hills and valleys green
Bathed in a golden glow,
And in those heavenly hills I’ll find
The love and beauty which will always be mine,
And once again a mother I’ll be
To that son I loved so tenderly.
******************************
Some people come into our lives
And go very quickly,
Some people come into our lives
And move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to understand
With their passing whisper of their wisdom.
And make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon,
They stay in our lives for a time,
Leaving footprints in our hearts,
And we are never, ever the same
I didn't write that one either, but Benjamin taught my soul to dance, taught me to love, and taught me about joy. I wouldn't have missed it for the world!
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