I seem to do so little HE at the moment that there's not much to blog. We hardly seem to be at home. And when we are, the new girl-next-door comes round to play after school and just about all weekend (rolls eyes)! I don't feel as though I get much quality time with Jade at all.
Anyway, despite all that, a few things have happened today. She requested the Reader Rabbit CD-Rom this morning, which she is far beyond now in terms of phonics/reading but she thinks it's fun anyway. Then we went out to the women's group at church, and then came home and we did some reading - she read an early reader book we got from the Library and I read her something or other - can't remember now.
While I got lunch she played with Shannon, and then we all sat at the table. Memo: don't serve soup to a 19-month old - it gets messy! We then walked into town to post an important letter and to try and get Shannon to go to sleep in the buggy - no luck! Back home at about 4pm and girl-next-door immediately arrived. Much loud playing and throwing of water around in the back garden followed, clothes divested, and much mess made. After dinner, though, at which Shannon fell asleep at the table and was put swiftly to bed, Jade sat down with me and we read through April, May, June and July in the Year at Maple Hill Farm, and a section of the Berenstain Bears Book of Science and Nature dealing with matter and its 3 states - solid, liquid and gas. So that was timely, as DH had talked at dinner-time about her drink being liquid and she had denied it! Then, to wrap it all up, at bedtime I read her another of those Laurence Anholt books about famous artist - Camille and the Sunflowers
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Somewhere down the road ...
We woke late this morning, so it was a mad rush to get everyone dressed and breakfasted ready to get Jade to playschool and me to work with Shannon (who is collected by my Dad after about an hour so I can work). So it was only when I was driving past the end of the tiny country lane leading to the church where Benjamin is buried that I remembered it's the 7th anniversary of his death today.
So what's it like, 7 years down the line after losing your first child? Well, for me at least, it's a mixture of maybe 15% missing him and 85% not missing him. I don't know if that's a surprise to you reading - I feel like maybe I 'go on' about it more on this blog than I do anywhere in real life, but then this is my thinking space and exploring my feelings space to some extent, so I guess it's bound to come out here. Actually, I started by writing that it's 10% missing him and 90% not, and then felt guilty and thought, no, surely it can't be that small a space that he has in my life now? When I think about him, my heart swells up with love so much that I feel surely he must still take up 90% of my life - he certainly deserves that - but in reality, no he does not.
I have no idea what it would be like to have a 7-year old boy, and to have 3 children instead of 2, and for Jade to be the middle one and not the oldest one. And would we even have had 3 children, or stuck at 2? Family dynamics would have been quite different, and I have no way of knowing how it would have been.
So here we are, with a family of 2 girls which seems quite normal and complete and OK. And there are 4 places round the dinner table and beds for each of us and most of the time it's not even thought about. But sometimes, and I find it hard to assess how often, I think of him and wonder what it would be like if he had lived, and what would he be like and what would he be doing? And every time (once or twice a month) I drive along the road on which we were driving, approaching Warwick on the way to Birmingham Children's Hospital to get him checked out because I was worried about him, and he collapsed and probably effectively died there in the car, and I remember every single detail and nuance of what happened, and go over it in my mind and wonder if it could have been any different. And every time I feel envious of people who have 3 or 4 children instead of 2, I remind myself that I have had 3, it's just that I have to wait a long time till I get to see one of them again. And when I chat with people about the challenges of having baby number 2, and then I feel a twinge of guilt that I am referring to Shannon as number 2 and not number 3 and am excluding Benjamin from our lives. And when I feel relief that I have girls and not boys, and then feel guilty because of course I did love my boy with all my heart. And when I hear the songs that have special significance in connection with him. And, of course, when I hear of other people losing babies or children and I remember exactly that black hole feeling of the worst thing possible in your entire life actually and really happening and how horrific it is and how the whole world stops and how you can literally think of nothing else for years.
And when I still wonder about exactly how God works in our lives, and why do some people get miraculous healings and others don't, and how exactly do I trust him about difficult and fearful things I have to face, and will He ever intervene, or do I just have to draw courage and strength from knowing He is there, and just keep on going, and then reassuring myself that of course He really was there, most definitely, in our time of need... So the title of this post is an Amy Grant song - "And you say, why why why does it go this way? And why why why, is all I can say. Somewhere down the road, there'll be answers to the questions; somewhere down the road, though you cannot see it now, somewhere down the road you will find mighty arms reaching for you, and they will hold the answers at the end of the road."
However, although on days like today it looms larger than normal, I almost never cry about him these days. We are happy and life is busy with the girls and the shopping and work and trying to get organised and HE and friends and plans for the future and the niggles of everyday life. There's just a little space for Benjamin, that when looked at becomes as if through a magnifying glass and looks enormous and all-encompassing, but then I turn my gaze away again onto the rest of life and it shrinks back down to that little corner. And I guess that's as it should be.
So what's it like, 7 years down the line after losing your first child? Well, for me at least, it's a mixture of maybe 15% missing him and 85% not missing him. I don't know if that's a surprise to you reading - I feel like maybe I 'go on' about it more on this blog than I do anywhere in real life, but then this is my thinking space and exploring my feelings space to some extent, so I guess it's bound to come out here. Actually, I started by writing that it's 10% missing him and 90% not, and then felt guilty and thought, no, surely it can't be that small a space that he has in my life now? When I think about him, my heart swells up with love so much that I feel surely he must still take up 90% of my life - he certainly deserves that - but in reality, no he does not.
I have no idea what it would be like to have a 7-year old boy, and to have 3 children instead of 2, and for Jade to be the middle one and not the oldest one. And would we even have had 3 children, or stuck at 2? Family dynamics would have been quite different, and I have no way of knowing how it would have been.
So here we are, with a family of 2 girls which seems quite normal and complete and OK. And there are 4 places round the dinner table and beds for each of us and most of the time it's not even thought about. But sometimes, and I find it hard to assess how often, I think of him and wonder what it would be like if he had lived, and what would he be like and what would he be doing? And every time (once or twice a month) I drive along the road on which we were driving, approaching Warwick on the way to Birmingham Children's Hospital to get him checked out because I was worried about him, and he collapsed and probably effectively died there in the car, and I remember every single detail and nuance of what happened, and go over it in my mind and wonder if it could have been any different. And every time I feel envious of people who have 3 or 4 children instead of 2, I remind myself that I have had 3, it's just that I have to wait a long time till I get to see one of them again. And when I chat with people about the challenges of having baby number 2, and then I feel a twinge of guilt that I am referring to Shannon as number 2 and not number 3 and am excluding Benjamin from our lives. And when I feel relief that I have girls and not boys, and then feel guilty because of course I did love my boy with all my heart. And when I hear the songs that have special significance in connection with him. And, of course, when I hear of other people losing babies or children and I remember exactly that black hole feeling of the worst thing possible in your entire life actually and really happening and how horrific it is and how the whole world stops and how you can literally think of nothing else for years.
And when I still wonder about exactly how God works in our lives, and why do some people get miraculous healings and others don't, and how exactly do I trust him about difficult and fearful things I have to face, and will He ever intervene, or do I just have to draw courage and strength from knowing He is there, and just keep on going, and then reassuring myself that of course He really was there, most definitely, in our time of need... So the title of this post is an Amy Grant song - "And you say, why why why does it go this way? And why why why, is all I can say. Somewhere down the road, there'll be answers to the questions; somewhere down the road, though you cannot see it now, somewhere down the road you will find mighty arms reaching for you, and they will hold the answers at the end of the road."
However, although on days like today it looms larger than normal, I almost never cry about him these days. We are happy and life is busy with the girls and the shopping and work and trying to get organised and HE and friends and plans for the future and the niggles of everyday life. There's just a little space for Benjamin, that when looked at becomes as if through a magnifying glass and looks enormous and all-encompassing, but then I turn my gaze away again onto the rest of life and it shrinks back down to that little corner. And I guess that's as it should be.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Life since Kessingland
Feet haven't touched the ground really. I got home around 3.30pm on Saturday, and Bill got home around an hour later with the caravan. At 5.30pm I had to go out as it was our monthly film showing for the Rural Cinema - Kate and I run it in aid of the charity we work for. We showed Nanny McPhee, so an uplifting evening in the celluloid presence of a dishy Colin Firth was great, but the house and family were still in total disarray when I left. This wasn't remedied much the next day as I had to travel down to Farnham to collect our dog from my brother, so after getting home at 8pm and then getting kids to bed there wasn't time or energy for much clearing up. Bill had done a mammoth task sorting out and clearing up the caravan while I was out but the house was in much chaos.
I had planned a productive Monday morning sorting everything out while Tamsin was at Playschool, but an emergency phone call from the Playleader who was short of staff meant I had to go in and cover, so that was that morning gone. In the afternoon I went to Witney to visit a friend, which was most enjoyable. Exhaustion by the evening meant all I was fit for after the kids went to bed was sitting at my computer ;-)
This morning we went off to our women's group at church, where I benefitted from some support after receiving a letter in the post this morning of another friend's child's death in a horrible accident in the garden. And this in a family of 3 sons, one of whom has HLHS like Benjamin had, but it's the youngest healthy son who has died. How horrendous is that? I have so many feelings I just don't know what to do with them all.....
But still, this afternoon I have at last got some tidying done and am feeling just a little better as a result.
So when I tell you there are three draft blog posts about London, Kessingland and Tamsin's 5th birthday last week, I'm sure you will understand that I can't quite get them done just yet, let alone Flickr!
Back later, I hope.
I had planned a productive Monday morning sorting everything out while Tamsin was at Playschool, but an emergency phone call from the Playleader who was short of staff meant I had to go in and cover, so that was that morning gone. In the afternoon I went to Witney to visit a friend, which was most enjoyable. Exhaustion by the evening meant all I was fit for after the kids went to bed was sitting at my computer ;-)
This morning we went off to our women's group at church, where I benefitted from some support after receiving a letter in the post this morning of another friend's child's death in a horrible accident in the garden. And this in a family of 3 sons, one of whom has HLHS like Benjamin had, but it's the youngest healthy son who has died. How horrendous is that? I have so many feelings I just don't know what to do with them all.....
But still, this afternoon I have at last got some tidying done and am feeling just a little better as a result.
So when I tell you there are three draft blog posts about London, Kessingland and Tamsin's 5th birthday last week, I'm sure you will understand that I can't quite get them done just yet, let alone Flickr!
Back later, I hope.
London
I really must blog our recent trip to London, if only for our own records. Please don't feel obliged to read on!
Wednesday 7th June - spent the morning packing and got going at about lunchtime to drive to the Travelodge on the M4 near Heathrow. It was the only one near London offering the £10 per night price, so Heathrow it was! We found it OK and unpacked the car, and then drove into West London to get the tube at Barons Court. My Mum used to live there so we know the area well. Jade was tremendously excited about being on the Underground as she absolutely adores trains and had been disappointed that we weren't travelling down from home on the train, but the price made that impossible, especially compared to our frugal Toyota Prius! Anyway we were off to Horseguards Parade to watch the Beating the Retreat. There were major security checks and Bill had his pocket knife confiscated(!) but it was a gorgeously warm sunny evening and the waiting was pleasant. We all thoroughly enjoyed the ceremony, the horses, the marching soldiers and seeing a small royal-blue dot on the dais in the distance which was the Queen! Thankfully we had binoculars so got a closer look at her and Prince Philip. Afterwards we walked up through Green Park and The Mall to look at Buckingham Palace. I reminisced about sleeping on the streets on the night of 28th July 1981, the night before the wedding of Charles and Diana! We got close-up to the Palace and saw they were about to do the Changing of the Guard, so that was fun to watch too. Then we walked back to the nearest Tube station and back to the Travelodge for a late night finish.
Thursday 8th June was Jade's 5th b'day. We had a slow start due to the previous late night and the mountains of prezzies to unwrap! She was thrilled with her pink Maglite torch, her binoculars, telescope, Fun Blox, and the promise of more to buy later with money she'd been sent. There was a slightly tense moment when she asked, "When are my friends coming?" and I realised I hadn't done a great job of explaining that this London trip was instead of a party .... Anyway she took it in her stride and soon perked up again at the thought of visiting the Natural History Museum and the Science Museum. I think we eventually got to the first one around about lunchtime so it really was a slow morning, but we all enjoyed seeing the dinosaurs. Jade was absolutely awe-struck by the size of the big one in the lobby and was rather frightened of the large animatronic one! We also took a quick dash round the mammals section and gasped at the size of the blue whale and cooed over the panda. Must spend more time there when she is a bit older. We then went downstairs to eat, and discovered the 'Investigate' section in the Basement where there were all sorts of hands-on and educational activities to explore. We had a fascinating time there feeling all sorts of specimens like crocodile skin, crystals, lions' teeth and so on. When we'd all had enough of that, we moved on to the Science Museum, and at the birthday girl's request went down to The Garden in the basement, where she had a lovely time splashing and playing and generally spending ages doing her thing. Meanwhile Bill and a sleeping Shannon had a bit of a browse of the space rockets. They chucked us out at 6pm and we went back to where we'd left the car and then drove up and down Chiswick High Street looking for a particular restaurant that we had Tesco vouchers for, but didn't find it, so to avoid imminent starvation we just went back to the Travelodge and ate at the Little Chef. Another very late night!
Friday 9th June was Bill's birthday, so again it was prezzies in the morning after a relatively late start. Eventually we set off for the Tower of London. A few people on the journey commented on the cuteness of Shannon, which always warms a mummy's heart! We paid for the Tower with Tesco vouchers! You probably can't 'do' London cheaper than we did it! Of course there was much explaining to Jade about castles, portcullises, moats, slit windows, wars, attacking, William the Conqueror, Henry the 8th and much other stuff. She was fascinated that people used to travel by river and the Traitor's Gate into the castle. We looked at the scaffold site where several people had their heads chopped off, which she took quite calmly! After a bit more of a wander round, but not much due to Jade's nagging to get on, we went to see the Crown Jewels. That was brilliant. I have the vaguest of memories of going to see them when I was a child, but it was fantastic to see them again and the wonderful short movies they have running while you wait to go in showing the Queen's coronation - again very educational for Jade. We came out and had a wander round the Crown Jewels shop and although I would have absolutely loved to buy Jade the £150 set of miniature Crown Jewels, we settled for just one so she has the cutest little miniature Crown which was far too expensive really but I couldn't resist! It was already getting late on in the day by this time so we went off down the road to see the Monument near Pudding Lane. Jade has been fascinated by the Great Fire of London ever since she heard about it - I think it's something of a fearful fascination as she is quite scared of fire/candles/the gas cooker. But she was keen to visit the monument although I had not bargained for her wanting to go up it! But she did, so she and I went all the way up the 311 steps, waved at Daddy and Shannon from the top and then came back down again. It took a couple of hours before my legs stopped shaking! We then took a gentle stroll back up to Tower Hill and got on a boat for a short river cruise down to the Westminster Embankment. We had a quick ogle at the Houses of Parliament and Big Ben (yes, I know....) and then back to our car. This time round we found the restaurant, so had a fab meal out at the Cafe Rouge courtesy of Tesco vouchers but with two very tired girls by this time we had to cut it a bit short and skip dessert.
Saturday 10th June when the rest of you were setting off for Kessingland was the hottest day of an extremely hot week. After packing away all the stuff we thought it would be great to go to Kew Gardens before going off to the Polka Children's Theatre for which we had tickets. So we drove to Kew, parked down a side street and walked way back up the road in the searing heat, only to find out they charged an absolute fortune for entry, and we only had about 1.5 hours to fill! For some reason, I'd thought it was like the Royal Parks and would be free! Anyway, we walked further up the road and came to an open village-green type space where we settled down under a large maple tree and relaxed. The girls were quite happy tootling about there and playing all sorts of made-up games while Bill and I laid down and relaxed as much as possible. We eventually set off for the Polka Theatre, and got there in the nick of time to see a strange performance called "That's Mine" but Jade had so enjoyed the theatre when we went to see the Gruffalo a few months ago that I had wanted to foster her enjoyment by taking her as often as possible. Well, I have to really seeing as one of my brothers is a professional voice coach who works in acting and the theatre. The other one is an astronomer, hence the telescope we got Jade for her birthday!!
And there endeth the trip to London. We dashed home, unpacked the car and got up the following morning to do it all again for Kessingland. But that's another story.
Wednesday 7th June - spent the morning packing and got going at about lunchtime to drive to the Travelodge on the M4 near Heathrow. It was the only one near London offering the £10 per night price, so Heathrow it was! We found it OK and unpacked the car, and then drove into West London to get the tube at Barons Court. My Mum used to live there so we know the area well. Jade was tremendously excited about being on the Underground as she absolutely adores trains and had been disappointed that we weren't travelling down from home on the train, but the price made that impossible, especially compared to our frugal Toyota Prius! Anyway we were off to Horseguards Parade to watch the Beating the Retreat. There were major security checks and Bill had his pocket knife confiscated(!) but it was a gorgeously warm sunny evening and the waiting was pleasant. We all thoroughly enjoyed the ceremony, the horses, the marching soldiers and seeing a small royal-blue dot on the dais in the distance which was the Queen! Thankfully we had binoculars so got a closer look at her and Prince Philip. Afterwards we walked up through Green Park and The Mall to look at Buckingham Palace. I reminisced about sleeping on the streets on the night of 28th July 1981, the night before the wedding of Charles and Diana! We got close-up to the Palace and saw they were about to do the Changing of the Guard, so that was fun to watch too. Then we walked back to the nearest Tube station and back to the Travelodge for a late night finish.
Thursday 8th June was Jade's 5th b'day. We had a slow start due to the previous late night and the mountains of prezzies to unwrap! She was thrilled with her pink Maglite torch, her binoculars, telescope, Fun Blox, and the promise of more to buy later with money she'd been sent. There was a slightly tense moment when she asked, "When are my friends coming?" and I realised I hadn't done a great job of explaining that this London trip was instead of a party .... Anyway she took it in her stride and soon perked up again at the thought of visiting the Natural History Museum and the Science Museum. I think we eventually got to the first one around about lunchtime so it really was a slow morning, but we all enjoyed seeing the dinosaurs. Jade was absolutely awe-struck by the size of the big one in the lobby and was rather frightened of the large animatronic one! We also took a quick dash round the mammals section and gasped at the size of the blue whale and cooed over the panda. Must spend more time there when she is a bit older. We then went downstairs to eat, and discovered the 'Investigate' section in the Basement where there were all sorts of hands-on and educational activities to explore. We had a fascinating time there feeling all sorts of specimens like crocodile skin, crystals, lions' teeth and so on. When we'd all had enough of that, we moved on to the Science Museum, and at the birthday girl's request went down to The Garden in the basement, where she had a lovely time splashing and playing and generally spending ages doing her thing. Meanwhile Bill and a sleeping Shannon had a bit of a browse of the space rockets. They chucked us out at 6pm and we went back to where we'd left the car and then drove up and down Chiswick High Street looking for a particular restaurant that we had Tesco vouchers for, but didn't find it, so to avoid imminent starvation we just went back to the Travelodge and ate at the Little Chef. Another very late night!
Friday 9th June was Bill's birthday, so again it was prezzies in the morning after a relatively late start. Eventually we set off for the Tower of London. A few people on the journey commented on the cuteness of Shannon, which always warms a mummy's heart! We paid for the Tower with Tesco vouchers! You probably can't 'do' London cheaper than we did it! Of course there was much explaining to Jade about castles, portcullises, moats, slit windows, wars, attacking, William the Conqueror, Henry the 8th and much other stuff. She was fascinated that people used to travel by river and the Traitor's Gate into the castle. We looked at the scaffold site where several people had their heads chopped off, which she took quite calmly! After a bit more of a wander round, but not much due to Jade's nagging to get on, we went to see the Crown Jewels. That was brilliant. I have the vaguest of memories of going to see them when I was a child, but it was fantastic to see them again and the wonderful short movies they have running while you wait to go in showing the Queen's coronation - again very educational for Jade. We came out and had a wander round the Crown Jewels shop and although I would have absolutely loved to buy Jade the £150 set of miniature Crown Jewels, we settled for just one so she has the cutest little miniature Crown which was far too expensive really but I couldn't resist! It was already getting late on in the day by this time so we went off down the road to see the Monument near Pudding Lane. Jade has been fascinated by the Great Fire of London ever since she heard about it - I think it's something of a fearful fascination as she is quite scared of fire/candles/the gas cooker. But she was keen to visit the monument although I had not bargained for her wanting to go up it! But she did, so she and I went all the way up the 311 steps, waved at Daddy and Shannon from the top and then came back down again. It took a couple of hours before my legs stopped shaking! We then took a gentle stroll back up to Tower Hill and got on a boat for a short river cruise down to the Westminster Embankment. We had a quick ogle at the Houses of Parliament and Big Ben (yes, I know....) and then back to our car. This time round we found the restaurant, so had a fab meal out at the Cafe Rouge courtesy of Tesco vouchers but with two very tired girls by this time we had to cut it a bit short and skip dessert.
Saturday 10th June when the rest of you were setting off for Kessingland was the hottest day of an extremely hot week. After packing away all the stuff we thought it would be great to go to Kew Gardens before going off to the Polka Children's Theatre for which we had tickets. So we drove to Kew, parked down a side street and walked way back up the road in the searing heat, only to find out they charged an absolute fortune for entry, and we only had about 1.5 hours to fill! For some reason, I'd thought it was like the Royal Parks and would be free! Anyway, we walked further up the road and came to an open village-green type space where we settled down under a large maple tree and relaxed. The girls were quite happy tootling about there and playing all sorts of made-up games while Bill and I laid down and relaxed as much as possible. We eventually set off for the Polka Theatre, and got there in the nick of time to see a strange performance called "That's Mine" but Jade had so enjoyed the theatre when we went to see the Gruffalo a few months ago that I had wanted to foster her enjoyment by taking her as often as possible. Well, I have to really seeing as one of my brothers is a professional voice coach who works in acting and the theatre. The other one is an astronomer, hence the telescope we got Jade for her birthday!!
And there endeth the trip to London. We dashed home, unpacked the car and got up the following morning to do it all again for Kessingland. But that's another story.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
They're even more disorganised than I am!
Just got a letter from Park Resorts:
"Dear Mrs G,
We hope you had a safe journey home and are feeling relaxed and refreshed after your touring holiday with us at Kessingland Beach Holiday Park."
!!!!!
Still, it prompted me to phone them and arrange to get an £8 refund seeing as they overcharged me for my hook-up pitch!
We're off to London in the morning. Will catch up with many of you at Kessingland when we get there on Sunday (late, probably)!
"Dear Mrs G,
We hope you had a safe journey home and are feeling relaxed and refreshed after your touring holiday with us at Kessingland Beach Holiday Park."
!!!!!
Still, it prompted me to phone them and arrange to get an £8 refund seeing as they overcharged me for my hook-up pitch!
We're off to London in the morning. Will catch up with many of you at Kessingland when we get there on Sunday (late, probably)!
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Another baby in heaven
What can we say about another baby, heartbeat not found in utero at 24 weeks. More grieving parents, my good friends Kate and Mark, who may even now be going through labour to deliver their dead daughter. I've barely been able to stop crying for 24 hours since I heard. And they are one of three couples going in this weekend for the same thing. FUCK, I hate life sometimes.
So I escaped the house this afternoon and drove 2 hours to just north of Mansfield to collect Jade's new bed. After a mega-blowout with Jade this morning, I knew it would just be best if I went out and left Bill with the girls - we had originally arranged it to be the other way round. So, bed is duly collected, and on the way back I stopped off at a large cemetery and found the dead babies section (there always is one :-( ) and sat and contemplated the meaning of everything for half-an-hour.
Got home around 5.30pm to find the next-door neighbour's daughter here - erm, but she was here when I left at 12.00 .... well, she hadn't quite been here all day but almost! And yesterday too..... I guess I feel safer and better able to keep an eye on things if the neighbouring kids come here instead of Jade disappearing round there, but it takes a little getting used to! She's a nice enough girl, though, polite and friendly. It's good to see them playing together very imaginatively and nicely.
And I was just reading in the EO newsletter about how we should just be encouraging playing, playing and more playing ..... so that's a day-full of education really!
And now I must pull together a very specific packing list for both London and Kessingland to make the next few days as straightforward as it possibly can be while packing for 2 holidays simultaneously!
So I escaped the house this afternoon and drove 2 hours to just north of Mansfield to collect Jade's new bed. After a mega-blowout with Jade this morning, I knew it would just be best if I went out and left Bill with the girls - we had originally arranged it to be the other way round. So, bed is duly collected, and on the way back I stopped off at a large cemetery and found the dead babies section (there always is one :-( ) and sat and contemplated the meaning of everything for half-an-hour.
Got home around 5.30pm to find the next-door neighbour's daughter here - erm, but she was here when I left at 12.00 .... well, she hadn't quite been here all day but almost! And yesterday too..... I guess I feel safer and better able to keep an eye on things if the neighbouring kids come here instead of Jade disappearing round there, but it takes a little getting used to! She's a nice enough girl, though, polite and friendly. It's good to see them playing together very imaginatively and nicely.
And I was just reading in the EO newsletter about how we should just be encouraging playing, playing and more playing ..... so that's a day-full of education really!
And now I must pull together a very specific packing list for both London and Kessingland to make the next few days as straightforward as it possibly can be while packing for 2 holidays simultaneously!
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
| Career Inventory Test Results
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personality tests by similarminds.com
Monday, May 29, 2006
Drowning, not waving
I've not been feeling well for the past 24 hours - just around the children's bedtime last night I came over all achey - just a cold really but it's made me feel like I'm having an out-of-body experience at times today. And then the weather, good grief, I'm thinking it's about time I wrote and complained to somebody. I am so fed up with rain ruining everything, from planned days out to playing in the garden, my washing and my mood.
The good news is I've just won an Ebay auction very cheaply for the sort of bed Jade wants. He could have got a lot more money for it if only he'd listed it better. Anyway, all we have to do now is get to Mansfield to collect it! Anybody nearby who wants a visit? And then, we have to completely rearrange and redecorate two of the bedrooms, swapping the guest room and Jade's room around and making the bigger room a joint one for the two girls.
As far as HE goes, I bought a lovely set of books about famous artists and we've read a few of those, she's played with her LeapPad, Learning Land CD-Rom and Bill's read her some history stories he's found online - I'll try and remember to get the link - about King Alfred and King Canute. She did seem rather more interested in fiddling about with toys and stuff than listening - but hey, maybe something went in.
And she's chatted over the fence with the new girl who lives next door, so it would be nice if that develops into a friendship.
And now I'm going to drag my aching body off to bed.
The good news is I've just won an Ebay auction very cheaply for the sort of bed Jade wants. He could have got a lot more money for it if only he'd listed it better. Anyway, all we have to do now is get to Mansfield to collect it! Anybody nearby who wants a visit? And then, we have to completely rearrange and redecorate two of the bedrooms, swapping the guest room and Jade's room around and making the bigger room a joint one for the two girls.
As far as HE goes, I bought a lovely set of books about famous artists and we've read a few of those, she's played with her LeapPad, Learning Land CD-Rom and Bill's read her some history stories he's found online - I'll try and remember to get the link - about King Alfred and King Canute. She did seem rather more interested in fiddling about with toys and stuff than listening - but hey, maybe something went in.
And she's chatted over the fence with the new girl who lives next door, so it would be nice if that develops into a friendship.
And now I'm going to drag my aching body off to bed.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
New blog title
I never liked 'Trying our best' - far too earnest and serious and worthy. I just couldn't think of anything else. Been meaning to change it for ages, and at last I have. Will also be using the girls' middle names for a tad more anonymity.
This morning I got up at 8'ish with Shannon, while Jade slept till 9.30ish, having had a very late night last night. We just pootled about this morning, while I actually did some tidying up (first time in days!) and Jade did some painting. We have new neighbours moving in today so she painted a goodbye picture for the 2 girls moving away, and a welcome picture for the new family moving in. I'm quite excited about it, actually, as the Mum is a childminder!!! Could be very useful! Apparently they have 3 kids - 2 boys and the youngest is a girl aged 6, so I'm hoping Jade will make friends with her.
This afternoon, we've been over to visit a friend's new house. It's lovely, and throws our messy, run-down place into stark contrast. I just do not know why I find it so hard to keep things in order - I just look at stuff lying around and simply don't know what to do with it, so I leave it there. Not helped by always feeling I am 'behind' with important stuff like our finances, letters, playschool or Usborne stuff, and feeling like it's more important to get on with those than tidy up once the girls have gone to bed. I have a great urge just to chuck everything out onto the lawn and start again. If only it would stop raining long enough to do so. It's an extremely wet drought we're having, isn't it!
Anyway, I have 2 birthdays (Bill and Jade) and 2 holidays to plan (a few days in London just prior to Kessingland) so must dash!
This morning I got up at 8'ish with Shannon, while Jade slept till 9.30ish, having had a very late night last night. We just pootled about this morning, while I actually did some tidying up (first time in days!) and Jade did some painting. We have new neighbours moving in today so she painted a goodbye picture for the 2 girls moving away, and a welcome picture for the new family moving in. I'm quite excited about it, actually, as the Mum is a childminder!!! Could be very useful! Apparently they have 3 kids - 2 boys and the youngest is a girl aged 6, so I'm hoping Jade will make friends with her.
This afternoon, we've been over to visit a friend's new house. It's lovely, and throws our messy, run-down place into stark contrast. I just do not know why I find it so hard to keep things in order - I just look at stuff lying around and simply don't know what to do with it, so I leave it there. Not helped by always feeling I am 'behind' with important stuff like our finances, letters, playschool or Usborne stuff, and feeling like it's more important to get on with those than tidy up once the girls have gone to bed. I have a great urge just to chuck everything out onto the lawn and start again. If only it would stop raining long enough to do so. It's an extremely wet drought we're having, isn't it!
Anyway, I have 2 birthdays (Bill and Jade) and 2 holidays to plan (a few days in London just prior to Kessingland) so must dash!
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Not much of anything
I haven't been blogging because we haven't been doing anything educational. It's just been work, playschool and random playing or TV watching. Too much going on, not much of it of any interest. I have, however, resigned as Chairperson of playschool effective from September, so that's one pie I shall no longer have a finger in! I've also been working out what times/days I need Tamsin to go to school in September when we start the flexi-schooling arrangement. We are moving offices at work, next week, to save money and this will give us the chance to re-arrange our working hours. And Bill is applying for flexible working - condensed hours on 4 days per week and spending one day a week at home with the girls. So, if that is successful, the plan is that Bill will be at home on Wednesdays and I will work all day. Then I will work on Thursday morning and Tamsin can go to school that morning. She will also go on a Monday afternoon when they do music/dance and possibly on a Friday morning when they go swimming. So she'll be at school 2 or 3 half-days per week, mostly for non-academic stuff, and the rest at home.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Quick blog
We had quite an educational afternoon, for a change, so I thought I'd better blog. This morning was playschool for Tamsin and work for me, and after collecting her and getting home, Isabelle was asleep so I took the chance for a half-hour lie-down too. After Isabelle woke and was dealt with, Tamsin started playing with the sea-shells she collected in March at Exmouth beach. I suggested she might like to draw them, so she decided to draw round them and compare shapes and sizes. After that, I suggested we Google to find out what sort of creatures the shells were from. We tried good old Enchanted Learning, which came up with some interesting stuff. Then we looked at the Usborne Children's Encyclopedia, and read through about coral reefs, the sea-shore, the deep ocean, plants and more. We talked about gills and oxygen and photosynthesis and fish and mammals and molluscs and shells and skeletons and all sorts! I then followed up some of the Usborne Quick Links for the first time, and was very impressed with the activities and colouring and worksheets they include. We got to some video clips of sea-snails and anemones and all sorts of other sea-creatures feeding.
Then Bill started playing some music to try and keep Isabelle occupied instead of climbing up on my knee, only it distracted Tamsin too and it became PE time with lots of dancing. Tamsin then put on a dance show, spontaneously, which was lovely! And then we just moved on into general playing, TV watching, and dinner making etc.
Then Bill started playing some music to try and keep Isabelle occupied instead of climbing up on my knee, only it distracted Tamsin too and it became PE time with lots of dancing. Tamsin then put on a dance show, spontaneously, which was lovely! And then we just moved on into general playing, TV watching, and dinner making etc.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Sometimes I sit here for ages, trying to think what to start writing about, and other days it just flows. Today is a 'sitting and thinking and coming up with a blank' day... So, with apologies for poor literary style or continuity or flow, here are my random thoughts about the past few days.
Bill had all last week off due to 'you-know-what', and would have gone back to work on Monday in reasonably fine fettle except that, yes, he did break a tooth but I'm not entirely sure it was due to gritting his teeth so hard... anyway he woke up on Monday morning in fair oral agony, phoned the dentist immediately and took some strong painkillers, which sent him so woozy that I ended up having to drive him to the dentist in the afternoon. In Oxford. Where he had a triple root canal filling. And today he looks like a hamster storing his food in a pouch in his cheek ..... poor love!
In the meantime, there have been some nice positive learning times with Tamsin. This morning, for instance, she found her scrapbook and some pre-printed pictures that Granny had given her, and asked me to sit with her while she invented a story with them. So she chose and stuck pictures and dictated the story to me which I wrote. She did manage to write one word - iron - but she's really not too keen on writing much. Still, no rush! She did write a birthday to a card as well today.
Yesterday she pulled out some maths workbooks which we have on the shelf, and I suggested we try the 'Simple Adding Up' one, which went down pretty well - I think we did about 8 or 9 pages of that and she seemed to be getting the hang of it. We've really done very little maths stuff, but I think it would be nice to do a bit more of that while it's still in her mind, to consolidate it, if she's willing. She's done some more Dot-to-Dot, using numbers up to 50. She's counted up to 100 orally quite a bit, but not done much written work with those higher numbers, so it was quite good to go over those and have her actually recognise that thirty-two is 32 and so on.
This afternoon we've had a couple of girls age 4 and 6 and their mum over - we met them at HE group and it was the first time they've been here. It went really nicely, with the girls running down the driveway shouting, "Tamsin, Tamsin ....!" excitedly, which was encouraging! They all played very well and happily together. I showed T, their Mum, my box of Sonlight stuff and she was very taken with Handwriting without Tears. She doesn't have internet access at home but is going to go to the library to try and find a UK supplier - anybody know of one?
Today's most exciting moment, however, came when we went to the local park after dinner because I was roped in to helping to paint the railings round the new play equipment in advance of the Grand Official Opening to be held on Sunday. We met my friend Kate and her girls there, and they had their bikes, so Tamsin had a go on a bike without stabilisers for the first time! She did fantastically well - it was so exciting. She managed 10 metres or so on bumpy grass before wobbling and falling off! She did that several times, and was so thrilled that after the 3rd or 4th time she jumped up after falling off, and ran towards me giggling and laughing so much she just couldn't stop, and threw herself into my arms in utter joy!!!! And of course I had the biggest face-splitting grin and tears in my eyes too! Perfect moment.
Bill had all last week off due to 'you-know-what', and would have gone back to work on Monday in reasonably fine fettle except that, yes, he did break a tooth but I'm not entirely sure it was due to gritting his teeth so hard... anyway he woke up on Monday morning in fair oral agony, phoned the dentist immediately and took some strong painkillers, which sent him so woozy that I ended up having to drive him to the dentist in the afternoon. In Oxford. Where he had a triple root canal filling. And today he looks like a hamster storing his food in a pouch in his cheek ..... poor love!
In the meantime, there have been some nice positive learning times with Tamsin. This morning, for instance, she found her scrapbook and some pre-printed pictures that Granny had given her, and asked me to sit with her while she invented a story with them. So she chose and stuck pictures and dictated the story to me which I wrote. She did manage to write one word - iron - but she's really not too keen on writing much. Still, no rush! She did write a birthday to a card as well today.
Yesterday she pulled out some maths workbooks which we have on the shelf, and I suggested we try the 'Simple Adding Up' one, which went down pretty well - I think we did about 8 or 9 pages of that and she seemed to be getting the hang of it. We've really done very little maths stuff, but I think it would be nice to do a bit more of that while it's still in her mind, to consolidate it, if she's willing. She's done some more Dot-to-Dot, using numbers up to 50. She's counted up to 100 orally quite a bit, but not done much written work with those higher numbers, so it was quite good to go over those and have her actually recognise that thirty-two is 32 and so on.
This afternoon we've had a couple of girls age 4 and 6 and their mum over - we met them at HE group and it was the first time they've been here. It went really nicely, with the girls running down the driveway shouting, "Tamsin, Tamsin ....!" excitedly, which was encouraging! They all played very well and happily together. I showed T, their Mum, my box of Sonlight stuff and she was very taken with Handwriting without Tears. She doesn't have internet access at home but is going to go to the library to try and find a UK supplier - anybody know of one?
Today's most exciting moment, however, came when we went to the local park after dinner because I was roped in to helping to paint the railings round the new play equipment in advance of the Grand Official Opening to be held on Sunday. We met my friend Kate and her girls there, and they had their bikes, so Tamsin had a go on a bike without stabilisers for the first time! She did fantastically well - it was so exciting. She managed 10 metres or so on bumpy grass before wobbling and falling off! She did that several times, and was so thrilled that after the 3rd or 4th time she jumped up after falling off, and ran towards me giggling and laughing so much she just couldn't stop, and threw herself into my arms in utter joy!!!! And of course I had the biggest face-splitting grin and tears in my eyes too! Perfect moment.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
You Are Red Orange |
 You are a very genuine person, although it takes a while for you to show the true you. A bit introverted, you desire respect and affection from those close to you. You are quite empathetic, and you have a true concern for the well being of others. Many people have warm, heartfelt memories of you - even if you don't remember them well. |
Friday, May 12, 2006
Doesn't time fly when you're ......
having fun? Well, I don't know about that, but time has flown anyway.
Last Sunday we went to see the dance show that Tamsin would have been in but decided not to. I thought she was quite brave as she went to sit on the steps right at the front of the audience, so that she could see properly, while I sat nearer the back. She stayed there for most of the performance too. I enjoyed the dance show, and so did she, and she did say later, "I didn't know it would be so easy." So, next year, she thinks she will want to be in it!
On Monday, Bill was very brave and underwent a Short Procedure to his Manly Bits. No more babies for us. He's therefore been at home all week, recovering, poor thing. On Monday afternoon I tucked Bill into bed with several strong painkillers while the rest of us went off to HE group. It was so nice to see all the different age groups playing together with no difficulty whatsoever. And I made arrangements with a couple of the other mums with similar-aged girls to mine to come over in the next week or two. So that's good!
The rest of the week has proceeded pretty much as normal - work for me on Weds, Thurs and Friday mornings and playschool for Tamsin. We did make a trip to the library on Tuesday and came back with another armful of early readers for Tamsin, which she is making short work of.
Oh, and Isabelle fell asleep at the dinner table this evening!
That's it!
Last Sunday we went to see the dance show that Tamsin would have been in but decided not to. I thought she was quite brave as she went to sit on the steps right at the front of the audience, so that she could see properly, while I sat nearer the back. She stayed there for most of the performance too. I enjoyed the dance show, and so did she, and she did say later, "I didn't know it would be so easy." So, next year, she thinks she will want to be in it!
On Monday, Bill was very brave and underwent a Short Procedure to his Manly Bits. No more babies for us. He's therefore been at home all week, recovering, poor thing. On Monday afternoon I tucked Bill into bed with several strong painkillers while the rest of us went off to HE group. It was so nice to see all the different age groups playing together with no difficulty whatsoever. And I made arrangements with a couple of the other mums with similar-aged girls to mine to come over in the next week or two. So that's good!
The rest of the week has proceeded pretty much as normal - work for me on Weds, Thurs and Friday mornings and playschool for Tamsin. We did make a trip to the library on Tuesday and came back with another armful of early readers for Tamsin, which she is making short work of.
Oh, and Isabelle fell asleep at the dinner table this evening!
That's it!
Sunday, May 07, 2006
"Oh dear"
'Oh Dear' is Isabelle's newest phrase, and a very appropriate one too last night, when I would have blogged but couldn't. Because my new (to me, cheap but legal, if you remember :-) ) computer has been behaving temperamentally, and finally spit the dummy last night when it refused to boot up no matter what we did. So, seeing as there was no computer to use and therefore no point to life at all, I fell asleep with the children and stayed there all evening, and got up this morning to find a rejuvenated computer thanks to my dearly beloved :-) !! There was a faulty memory chip, apparently. I'm so glad I don't have to know any of this stuff myself! In fact, I was having a conversation with Bill in the car the other day, trying to make him aware of how little I know about the basics of computers, like backing-up, etc. He does it all, you see! The conversation was prompted by the news that my Mum (72) has ordered a laptop. She's never used a computer. She hasn't a clue. Bill said I could teach her. That's when I revealed I didn't really have a clue either.
Anyway, we've been away. I had a work conference to go to in Cardiff, and as I am still feeding Isabelle, she had to come. And I didn't fancy trying to look after her while trying to be professional and take part in a conference too, so the whole family came, and Bill did kids' stuff while I conferenced. It was good, it's given me lots of new ideas, and the only problem is it hasn't given me any extra time in which to carry out those good ideas. Ah well. Oh, but I love staying in hotels. So tidy! So clean! It makes me want to come home and throw everything away.
This afternoon, my Mum is coming, bringing back Poppy the dog who's been on holiday with her for a week while we've been at the Beans' party and at the conference. We'll then go off to see the dance show that Tamsin should have been in, but refused. That's OK. Being confident enough to perform in public isn't compulsory, and all I want is for her to enjoy her dancing, and it's saved me an awful lot of time and worry getting costumes together, but it would have been so cute to see her up there on stage. Maybe next year!
Anyway, we've been away. I had a work conference to go to in Cardiff, and as I am still feeding Isabelle, she had to come. And I didn't fancy trying to look after her while trying to be professional and take part in a conference too, so the whole family came, and Bill did kids' stuff while I conferenced. It was good, it's given me lots of new ideas, and the only problem is it hasn't given me any extra time in which to carry out those good ideas. Ah well. Oh, but I love staying in hotels. So tidy! So clean! It makes me want to come home and throw everything away.
This afternoon, my Mum is coming, bringing back Poppy the dog who's been on holiday with her for a week while we've been at the Beans' party and at the conference. We'll then go off to see the dance show that Tamsin should have been in, but refused. That's OK. Being confident enough to perform in public isn't compulsory, and all I want is for her to enjoy her dancing, and it's saved me an awful lot of time and worry getting costumes together, but it would have been so cute to see her up there on stage. Maybe next year!
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Catching up
We really enjoyed the party at Chris & Helen's on Saturday! It was good to see everybody again and catch up. I did take pics but haven't downloaded them yet.
Today would have been a good day to do the "home-ed day" photoblog meme but as two interesting things had happened before I had even left the bedroom and found my camera, I thought I had better get more organised and plan in advance to do it another day.
Tamsin went downstairs with Bill while I was still waking up slowly, and came up 15 minutes later bouncing and shouting excitedly that she'd done her first crossword! And indeed she had - in her "Thomas Activity Book" she'd filled in a little crossword with the names of Thomas, Edward, Percy and so on .... - beautifully done! And then while I was trying to get the girls and myself dressed, Isabelle was wandering about naked, and I found her reclining upon a piled-up duvet, thinking, and looking very cherubic - I would have loved to catch that on the camera!
So, apart from that, the day has been full of washing, phone calls, reading, did an Usborne Puzzle Adventure book with Tamsin, receiving and putting away a huge Tesco delivery, e-mails, Tamsin mixed up some flour-and-water 'glue' and then added various other stuff to make a 'cake' - she loves making up these 'recipes' that are inedible! Also My Little Ponies, Fuzzy felt, beads, and other enjoyable pursuits.
Today would have been a good day to do the "home-ed day" photoblog meme but as two interesting things had happened before I had even left the bedroom and found my camera, I thought I had better get more organised and plan in advance to do it another day.
Tamsin went downstairs with Bill while I was still waking up slowly, and came up 15 minutes later bouncing and shouting excitedly that she'd done her first crossword! And indeed she had - in her "Thomas Activity Book" she'd filled in a little crossword with the names of Thomas, Edward, Percy and so on .... - beautifully done! And then while I was trying to get the girls and myself dressed, Isabelle was wandering about naked, and I found her reclining upon a piled-up duvet, thinking, and looking very cherubic - I would have loved to catch that on the camera!
So, apart from that, the day has been full of washing, phone calls, reading, did an Usborne Puzzle Adventure book with Tamsin, receiving and putting away a huge Tesco delivery, e-mails, Tamsin mixed up some flour-and-water 'glue' and then added various other stuff to make a 'cake' - she loves making up these 'recipes' that are inedible! Also My Little Ponies, Fuzzy felt, beads, and other enjoyable pursuits.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Friday, April 28, 2006
I am so tired, but it's all done! Today's Baby Show went well - sold some books and also got 2 possibles for signing up as my first Usborne recruits! Isabelle loved being a model - she boogied down the catwalk with such verve that she got a spontaneous round of applause! She was utterly gorgeous all morning and was loving all the flashes as the paparazzi took pics! Well, Stroud News, anyway.
And Tamsin's playleader said Tamsin has been positively chatty for the past few days! So I'll try and stop worrying about her non-speaking, anyway.
And Tamsin's playleader said Tamsin has been positively chatty for the past few days! So I'll try and stop worrying about her non-speaking, anyway.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Incredibly busy
I'm in the middle of one of my busiest weeks ever, I think. It looks like my job is safe for about another year, but we have to move offices to somewhere cheaper. So we've been viewing, negotiating and planning. Tomorrow BBC Radio Gloucestershire is in town and we have been invited to promote our charity on air by doing some sort of challenge event, so have been racking our brains what to do and eventually, after a few false starts caused mostly by the inertia of the local Town Council, we are going to renovate some of the floral raised stone beds in town. And on Friday I have the morning off work, and I am doing an Usborne thing at a Baby Show which is to promote Real Nappy Week, and Isabelle will be modelling! So lots of preparation required for that. Not to mention Playschool and Nursery Grant forms and then, oh yes, I've got 2 children too .....
So I'm looking forward to being at the Beans' party on Saturday, 'cos that will mean I can relax a little bit ....!
So not much HE to report, but then, life's like that, isn't it?!!
So I'm looking forward to being at the Beans' party on Saturday, 'cos that will mean I can relax a little bit ....!
So not much HE to report, but then, life's like that, isn't it?!!
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