Nothing to do with HE, but it's been on my mind all day, so I have to blog it. My friend, Kate, with whom I job-share and child-share and spend quite a lot of time, has been to Center Parcs this weekend. How nice for her, you might think. Except that she and her family went last year, with another friend and her daughter, and discussing it afterwards I said I would love to do that. She said they were thinking of making it an annual 'March' event, so every now and then over the past few months I would ask her if they were making any plans to go again because we would love to go with them. She always said they hadn't planned anything yet. And then this morning I popped in to see her at work (I am still on maternity leave) to ask about some child-care, only to find my temporary replacement there instead and when I asked where Kate was, she said "Center Parcs". So she has deliberately not said anything to me, and kept it quiet and gone without us.
I thought we were good friends, I thought we got on very well, I get on well (but not *too well*!) with her husband (in fact I knew him first because we met at work), our kids have a great time together ...... so what's the problem? I'm hurt, and I'm not sure how to handle it. After all, she's not obliged to invite us on her holiday, is she? And, TBH, we don't tend to deeply share things. I tend to go into relationships at what I think is the other person's comfort level. If they are open and confiding, then I am too. If they are inhibited and private, so am I. And Kate and I definitely have the more 'inhibited and private' type of relationship. So to confront her directly about it would definitely be a step beyond where we've been - and maybe I'd hear something I don't want to hear? But there's a lump in my chest and a dark cloud has been cast over a lovely day.
Anyway, apart from that, Tamsin has had some definite biological education today when I took her with me for my smear test ... oh and a lovely conversation while I was dressing afterwards when she was asking me how did you spell 'test', and I encouraged her to tell me how she thought it was spelled, as I said the word very slowly, and she got it absolutely right! We've worked through her new 'Postman Pat' magazine with its stories, puzzles and questions. We've read about Jesus' entry into Jerusalem in the Children's Bible. We've done a bit of Brio train track, and quite a lot of watching Nick Jr.
Am also feeling a bit useless educationally. 'Everybody else' seems to know where they are with their HE, i.e. they are Montessori, or autonomous, or Steiner-influenced or something. I still don't feel I know enough about any of those things to know if I want to follow them. We don't do much. In some ways I think that's right, because one of my reasons for wanting to HE is that I think formal learning comes too soon in this country, and there is not enough time for free play, but is that just my excuse for being plain lazy? I spend much of my day at the computer with Tamsin in front of the TV and playing with something at the same time. I don't think it's right, but I feel at a bit of a loss to know what activities to put in front of her. And besides, I am a computer addict .... sometimes I wonder if I am a bit depressed, and just hiding here. Certainly feel quite lethargic and unmotivated for much of the time. Or it could just be simple sleep deprivation - Isabelle wakes maybe 3-4 times per night and Tamsin once during the night and then around 5.30-6am and only sleeps very lightly after that so I'm not getting many consecutive hours of sleep at all.
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6 comments:
Tamsin's still very young, and you're right, children in this country are often puched to do stuff before they're ready. Some families go into HE because they already have a clear educational philosophy which they follow, others feel their way for a while. I'm sure you're doing just fine.
Have you got a friendly GP or HV you can talk to about the possibility of depression? Though sleep deprivation does feel remarkably similar
Sounds like a bit of a sad day. Couldn't begin to advise you about your friend, although I can see why you would feel hurt. I favour the bull in a china shop approach myself (although my mum calls it "the where angels fear to tread method", which sounds slighly better ;-)). Tamsin is still awfully young - I think I would say if she seems happy then its fine. I certainly wasn't anything when Hannah was her age (though as you know, I would recommend the lazy sod method at a push). Looking forward to seeing you again in the summer.
oh, hugs, Joanna. Can quite understand why you feel hurt over that one, and sleep deprivation/slight PND would make that all feel worse.
wrt the education, we don't really fit into any of the 'labels' (and as Jax said somewhere else, a label is only for everyone else's benefit!) either. You *do* do plenty, from what you write here it sounds absolutely fine.
and wrt being a computer addict, I'm with you on that one too. Hope you have a better day today anyway, and that you can hold the holiday thing lightly and not let it affect you and the children, until Kate gets back and then maybe you need to talk to her, if you feel you could?
I can understand you being upset by your friend, not sure what I would do (apart from sulk for a bit...) in the same situation.
As for what you do with Tamsin. Ahem, you do a lot more than I seem to!!!! I have decided I have a Montessori via Charlotte Mason round the scenic route of Sonlight and back sort of educational phil - in other words I've no idea really but I like to have it all prepared for me (hence Sonlight is wining favour!)
((Joanna))) about Kate and CenterParcs. I would be more inclined to ask her but then I would not have done what she has done and said nothing either. I really value the time me and Ady have with just the kids and often turn away other arrangements in favour of doing very little except just being the four of us. Even our dearest friends would not really be welcome on a 'family' holiday if that is how we had planned it - but I would be upfront about saying so and explaining the reasons for that.
WRT education I do hope I have never added to you feeling that everyone else knows what they are doing. We veer towards autonomy more out of my laziness than anything else! I plan at least three days of the five during the week to get out and meet people so I can tick off boxes mentally - the one or two days a week we are at home I tend to spend mainly on the computer while they are infront of the TV with toys. Today for example they have played with playdough while watching Cbeebies while i have sat on the soft either reading magazines or plugged into my laptop pretending to be working :-)
Most of the education my two are receiving is unplanned - but when I look back on the day I am able to spin it into categories which makes me feel better about it all!
You need to find the approach that works for you as well as the children and mine is a whole lot of sitting at the computer :-)
Looking forward to meeting you at camp btw :-)
TBH I think TV really stunts children's (and adults) creativity and makes them more reliant on us to "entertain" them rather than letting them discover things themselves. I was reading a book (Montessori, and no, I don't know what I am either!) that states TV and PC should not be on the agenda before the age of 6. I don't have a TV but I know people who do but they have a firm rule - no TV before 4pm.
Activities: I used to think playing was enough, but I sensed recently that my son was ready to move for a little sit-down stuff (about 5 minutes a day and more if he requests it), and so we do ABC sticker books together, or "find the number/letter" games, I am instigating some skill work with him everyday in that I make sure every day that he holds a pencil correctly, practises scissors, tries lacing/pouring/whatever. I also try to make sure I introduce simple things like how to do dot-to-dots (even though he doesn't know his numbers visually yet), so at least he gets the idea of what is required .
Play doh is a big thing here too.
I do babble dont I...
I wouldn't worry about what HE style you are; I am sure you know when the time is right when it is time to move on. We're all in the same boat, I think we all have the same panics so don't worry too much about it all.
PS about the friend thing. Ouch. That really was a bit low of her IMHO; she is an aquaintance and not a friend, then. But perhaps there is a perfectly reasonable explaination - so try to think of the best excuse until you know for sure. Save your own sanity ;-)
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