June 22nd

I wish, on this date every year, I didn't keep checking the clock, remembering what was happening at this moment x years ago. This year x = 11. It was in the evening when it all started to go wrong. The nagging thoughts that had me tense all afternoon, grew larger and louder, until, after Bill got home, we decided to take Benjamin to the hospital in Birmingham to get him checked out. Well, we never got there. And ever since then, on 22nd June, I have spent the daytime thinking, "well, here we are on June 22nd, and I'm fine!", and then the sun starts to go down and the shadows lengthen and the feelings grow and I don't want to remember but I can't help it.