How she's doing.

Jade has continued to make great progress.

Back in July, the same week that she first answered the register at school and danced in the school production, she conquered another big fear. Anybody who knows Jade knows she is pony-mad (like mother, like daughter). She has loved ponies and riding since the age of 4, had her first ride on a pony at 4 and had her first lessons at age 6. She has had regular lessons for about 3 years, has been highly praised by all her different instructors for her natural seat and skill, and can ride beautifully ... but only at walk and trot. Canter has been way too scary for her to try. She has wanted to do it, has driven me mad asking what it feels like, has read about it, thought about it, pretended to do it ... but always refused to try on a real pony. Earlier this year I thought we were going to get somewhere because she agreed to try a canter in her lesson. She was scared of being run away with, though, so wanted to do it on the lunge rein rather than on her own. This means she was going round in a circle instead of a straight line, and although she did manage a few steps of canter, she unfortunately but gently fell off. She then refused to go back to those stables. Instead she wanted to go where her friend E goes, so I asked E's mum, who turns out to have been a qualified riding instructor in a previous life(!) and she recommended Turpins Lodge near Banbury. It's a good 20-25 minute drive from our house and I never would have gone there of our own accord, but they've been absolutely brilliant with Jade. And on about her 4th or 5th lesson, she took us all by surprise. As usual, at canter time, her instructor said "Okay Jade, it's your turn. Trot to the corner, then do sitting trot and kick on and canter round to the back of the ride". And blow me down, she did! I was astonished, and so thrilled! And more importantly, so was she! Check out the video:



So, in the space of a week, she had done her first public performance, said her first word in front of the whole class, and done her first successful canter on a pony. It felt like all the walls were coming tumbling down! Fantastic!

Then came the summer holidays, and a bit of a lull. Having pretty much always spoken to her Grandpa (my Dad) she went all quiet and stopped talking when he was here, for most of the summer.

In early August, the girls and I went for a 3-day camping trip to the New Forest. On our last morning, we all went to a riding stables for an hour's hack. Shannon was in front on a leading rein, then me, and then Jade and another girl behind me. Shortly after we set off, I thought I heard Jade's voice and turned round to hear what she was saying to me, and almost fell off my horse when I realised one of the ride leaders had asked her a question and she was answering!!!! Honestly, that is one of the best moments of my life. And later on when we were talking about it, she told me that when she was wandering round the campsite one day stroking the wild ponies, a man had asked her a question and she had answered him.

Then, of course, it was back-to-school time, with a new teacher and a mix-up of classes, so some old friends and some new classmates. I had a lot of confidence in her teacher, though, because at the end of last term I went to have a chat with her, and discovered she is studying for a Masters in Special Educational Needs, had already read up about SM and her Mum is some sort of SEN trainer who has taught and advised others on selective mutism. However Jade told me she was not planning on answering the register in her new class so I did not know what to expect. Here's how it went:

Sept 2nd - Day 1 of term - Jade did not answer the register but did read out loud to her teacher.

Sept 5th - Day 2 of term - Jade asked her teacher for a maths sheet that she needed. (Initiating speech - quite amazing!!)

Sept 6th - Day 3 - called out the score she got on her maths test in front of the whole class.

Week 2 - answering the register, calling out her maths scores, talking in circle time, answering questions, and volunteering to go up and write stuff on the white board.

Sept 15th - She stood up and explained the third stage of the water cycle to the whole class.

Early Oct - has put up her hand to answer questions in class. She is 'Star of the Week' in her class this week because of her progress with talking, so gets to wear a badge all week which she was presented with in assembly in front of the whole school.

Oct 7th - along with 2 friends Jade has performed a puppet show (with speech) to the whole class.

To say I am proud, relieved and joyful is an understatement. There have been so many dark times when I truly doubted we would ever see such progress, times when I berated myself for not doing more, noticing earlier, helping her better and more consistently, when I felt I identified and empathised too much with her anxiety and didn't help her conquer it. We have not dealt with this perfectly at all. We have muddled through, sometimes pushing forward, sometimes just leaving things be for a long while. We have held back for fear of pushing her too hard, and not known what to do. And yet, imperfectly, slowly, we have helped her along and the results are beginning to show.

She still has a long way to go. She is still silent in every other social situation. She doesn't want to go to any groups or join in after-school activities. She has never asked for what she wants in a cafe or restaurant, is silent while buying things in shops, hides behind me when we meet new people and hates family gatherings and doesn't answer people's questions if we (parents) are there. Nevertheless, we can at last see signs that she is truly on the road to recovery, that it may take time but we can see a positive and normal future for her. Fantastic.