More about yesterday than today

Swimming was great yesterday. We were late (as always) and only had 20 minutes in the pool, but while Isabelle played with the acoustics (she was definitely fascinated by the different sound of her voice in that place) Tamsin played about with some floats and was eventually persuaded to lean forward onto one, lift her feet off the floor and kick a bit! On the way home I called in on a friend who has 2 boys aged 3 and 5 and Tamsin had a good time playing with them, while Louise and I chatted non-stop about all sorts of things, ranging from creation/evolution to HE/school. She offered us tea/supper there which I gladly accepted and we left for home at about 7pm. My hopes that the girls would fall asleep on the half-hour journey home and then be quickly and easily transferred to bed came to naught when Tamsin resolutely stayed wide-awake and Isabelle fell asleep but woke up when I was getting her car-seat out of the car. Damn.

Today has been relaxed playing, quick trip to Tesco, out for a communal/shared lunch at someone's house in celebration of a friend's new baby, home, swing, Learning Land CD-Rom, dinner, bath and bed by 7pm. Must find the Melrose booking form! NB: I've already sung Isabelle back to sleep twice this evening - which she accepted very quickly - but please, please, please let her quickly stop waking so often! I'm having lots of sad feelings about the leaving behind of babyhood stage as she approaches her 1st birthday and is almost standing/walking, and I just keep cuddling her (probably too much!) and cherishing her baby-ness, but the disturbed sleep is something I will be *so* glad to leave behind, whenever it eventually happens!

Making a little progress

Every time Isabelle woke last night, I attempted to sing her back to sleep instead of feeding. Several times she accepted it! I think I fed her 2 or 3 times, when the noise was escalating instead of calming down, but probably 4 or 5 times she heard me sing or hum and just rolled over and went back to sleep. I'm hoping she will quickly learn she'd rather sleep through than hear me sing!

This morning Tamsin's been at playschool and I have totally failed to make positive use of the time available. Took Isabelle and the dog for a walk to try and get her to sleep but she didn't drop off till I got to the office, where I had some stuff to give to Kate. Then got tied up in helping a guy from South Carolina try and connect to our internet service..... failed .... and then had to go and get Tamsin back from playschool. Bright spot of the morning - my first Usborne order arrived. Haven't had time to have a good look through yet though. Going swimming this afternoon.

Sleeeeeeeep

Is what I did all afternoon today - well, I've had precious little of it for several nights so I asked Bill (or was it 'insisted') to give me the afternoon off and I just slept - okay so it was still disturbed every hour or so due to Isabelle waking 3 times from her nap and then Tamsin coming in, but it still helped.

Tamsin loved her dancing again yesterday. It made me feel rather inadequate about HE, actually, seeing her have such fun with other kids and responding well to a teacher, but still I can see there is a big difference between doing that for an hour or so at a time and full-time 9am - 3pm every weekday. I so wish it was easier and more 'normal' to arrange flexi-schooling. Even if we did manage to arrange it, there is a danger the child would be seen as odd and not really being accepted due to not being there for the same hours the other kids were.

At last, some education! EDITED

Isabelle has definitely said 'mum' a couple of times today (yah boo to Bill!! who had Tamsin say 'dada' long before she ever said 'mama', so it's only fair....!). I'd like to kid myself that she was addressing me, but I don't think she was, instead just practising the sound.

Anyway, having awoken from a strange dream (in which I and the family were visiting the Beans and I cooked a very strange large hot curry for lunch which I certainly wouldn't have wanted to eat, and then we were all poring over the Chinese takeaway menu choosing what to have for dinner, but Isabelle woke me before I chose) I whizzed off to Tamsin's playgroup slightly early with a box full of Usborne books to try and flog some. Didn't manage to get there early enough to catch many of the mums, but handed out several leaflets nevertheless and also some to mums coming for the Baby & Toddler Group. In the end I decided to say I needed orders to be in by Friday, so here's hoping. I need to make a few phone calls and try and drum up a few parties here and there too.

I was on the parents' duty rota today, and it was absolutely manic. On Wednesdays and Fridays they take 2-year olds (2 years and 9 months upwards for the rest of the week) so there were 14 kids this morning, plus my own 2 being fairly demanding for my attention. I was completely knackered by 11am. Plugged on till 1pm, came home, and absolutely insisted to Tamsin that I would sit down uninterrupted for 10 minutes, and not get up for anything.

Having recovered slightly, this afternoon we have looked at "Things People Do", one of the Sonlight books. First time we've done any Sonlight for over a week (or anything overtly educational at all, as a matter of fact!). I think I'll have to accept that I'm definitely not going to follow the schedule, but instead just have the books there to look at as and when. Then we've made bread by hand, instead of in the machine. Next we took the dog for a little walk, during which we saw a car going through the carwash at the local garage, and watched the postman emptying the postbox. Then I've actually made a proper healthy dinner (roast chicken, roast new potatoes and broccoli followed by melon) and Isabelle, having missed her afternoon nap, has gone straight to bed.

I'm supposed to be going out these evening, for the first of a series of group meetings on "Freedom in Christ", but I'm so knackered I don't know if I can drag myself out. In fact, I realise that it's time I was going out of the door, but Bill still isn't home, so obviously I can't go atm anyway.....

Edited to add: I knew there was something else we did. We actually got round to attaching most of the postcards from the postcard exchange to the map of the UK. Too many of you live in the South - there isn't enough room.

And, I did go out to FIC - it was very good and well worth it.

She has consonants!!!

Isabelle woke this morning, rolled over, and said "g g g". And then "muh muh". Wow, at last she has consonants! Slowly but surely ....

Still no crawling, but she pulls herself up at every opportunity and is getting much steadier while standing.

Shall we dance?

Well, Tamsin will anyway. We had her first session at the "Fun Dance Club" this afternoon, and she loved it! Mostly 'kiddy' stuff, pretending to be bears or kangaroos or whatever, but some 'country dancing' complete with do-si-do, and a bit funky stuff too. Actually it's lucky that she got there, because true to form I lost the letter and booking form, and once the closing date past I regretfully decided we'd just have to wait till next term to try again, but the organiser phoned me yesterday to see if we did want a place because she was holding one for us!

The title is also appropriate because tonight has been 'Rural Cinema' night, when Kate and I show a film at the local school. Today's offering has been 'Spanglish', which was OK-ish but not worth going out for, and only 12 people turned up, but next month we are showing "Shall we Dance" with Richard Gere, so that'll be worth it!

Have recovered a little from Wednesday's stress, making a special effort to remain calm and low-key and not snap irritably at Tamsin so much. Thanks for all the encouraging comments everyone. There is still an overwhelming amount to do and too little time, but c'est la vie ....

Losing it...

I just feel like I have not got a grip on anything. I am juggling too many balls in the air and they're starting to come crashing down. The house is a tip; we're not doing proper HE because first of all I need to read the instructions on how to do the Miquon, Handwriting without Tears, Reading Reflex and I haven't got time or the mental energy; whenever Tamsin asks to do something I say "not right now, I've just got to ....." (insert next most urgent task that's been waiting for days and really *has* to be done now); Isabelle is waking several times a night and I cannot get my head round how to night-wean her without it being a terrible ordeal (she still won't take any kind of cup or bottle); I cannot seem to stick to any of the boundaries I set for myself or Tamsin like less TV or less computer because I give in as soon as I have a weak moment (very often); Tamsin has taken to shouting or snapping back at me and it's only because I do it to her so often; ..... I could go on about all the other things that are pressing in on me .... but I'm too tired. AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

A perfect heart

.... is what Isabelle has got, thank God! Not that we had much doubt about it, but it was good to check. Finally today, after appointments, cancelled appointments, changed appointments, missed appointments which we didn't know about and rescheduled appointments, we got an ECG and echo on Isabelle's heart, just to make sure. We did the same with Tamsin too, when she was a baby. It's good to know there are no little surprises lurking there for the future.

Sonlight is going well. Tamsin pounced on Berenstain Bears book of Science and Nature, and we're well into the seasons at the moment. She's had a go at making animals with her pattern blocks, and proved today that she definitely can decode some three-letter cvc words. With no pictures or other clues, this afternoon she read 'cat', 'leg', 'mat' and 'bed' and, with a little help, 'milk' and 'book'. She was delighted with herself, but still says she doesn't want to learn to read ..... okaaaay!

Hooray!

Sonlight package arrived today!!! Very exciting - lovely books. I think we'll have fun with this.

Happy Anniversary

to me and Bill. 15 years ago we got married on an absolutely wonderful day in Stratford-on-Avon, followed by the most beautiful outdoor reception at the Mill at Harvington. Those with more time (I'm just about to put the kids to bed) and lyrical ability with words would insert a romantic description of the day, the dress and all those little stories that go to make up a happy wedding day, including the 'rollers stuck in the hair' bedtime fun that we had ..... but you'll either have to beg me to tell you all about it when I've got more time, or use your imaginations ....

Anyway, I may be a bit scarce this evening. Got celebratin' to do, y'know!!!

On other news, the second day of attempting to get Isabelle used to a little formula milk to aid in the night-weaning process has not gone well. Yesterday she just refused to taste it, today she tasted it and gagged. Hmm, will keep trying, but am not confident!

Yesterday

was not good. Well, the morning was OK as I had to go into work for an hour to meet some people, took the kids in with me and all was fine. It was market day as well, so on the way back we mooched, had ice-cream and paid in some cheques that had been waiting for ages to go in. (Most of it my birthday money - I love having a bit of money to spend and musing over what to buy for *myself*!)

Got home and had lunch, and then, as per usual, I was sooooo tired that I just couldn't motivate myself to anything. Didn't want to move, didn't want to interact with Tamsin's incessant chatter. So I resorted to Nick Jr for Tamsin and bed for me and Isabelle, in the hope that Isabelle would nap. She didn't. I dragged myself up again and failed to do anything productive or interesting with the girls. Decided a trip to Tesco would be the highlight of our day, so did a big shop and had to threaten never to bring Tamsin shopping again if she continued to behave the way she was. Isabelle fell apart with tiredness while I was cooking dinner (late, at around 6.30pm) so I put her to bed, Tamsin and I ate, Bill came in just as we were finishing off and I then went into 'brain switched off' mode and stared at the computer for an hour or two. Never got round to making the decision to take Tamsin to bed until I couldn't stay awake any longer myself, so around 9pm we went upstairs, never to be seen again.

Last night's waking tally is difficult to recall in the fuzziness of sleep. I remember trying hard to compute how many times it was and to force my tired brain into remembering the number, but obviously it didn't work. I know that after being put to bed at 6.30pm, she woke up at 8pm, 10pm and 11pm and then there were at least two or three more wakings during my sleep time. Plus two wakings by Tamsin. Humph, this is getting old very quickly.

Last night's waking tally:-

5 times by Isabelle
Twice by Tamsin

(Yawn) No wonder I'm fit for nothing this afternoon.

Stressful day

Had an argument with Bill as he left for work this morning (since resolved, I think); my Mum came for a couple of hours to drop off the dog (who she'd had for a few days while we were away) and took *huge* offence because Tamsin frowned at her (shock, horror!) and even worse, later on, said "Don't be silly!" to her. I thought my mother was about to spontaneously combust or something ..... She is just so quick to take offence and get angry but can't stand it if anyone dares to get cross with her... anyway, I'm not going to waste any more bandwidth on her.

Then I had to do a desperately urgent search for some papers needed for Playschool - thankfully found them! Then off to a Playschool committee meeting of which I am Chair, so I got landed with the job of phoning a parent to chase up some outstanding money. Was worried she might let rip at me, and as she wasn't answering her phone this afternoon it was hanging over me for ages. Fortunately when I did speak to her she was just apologetic.

So, today's had more than its fair share of minor stresses. But it's also had some positive touches. Managed to keep the TV off for most of the day, and had some good one-on-one time with Tamsin, doing jigsaw puzzles, train track, counting money, drawing (some lovely pics of the family, including dog!) and so on. Was very aware that I had been intending to start more serious HE stuff today, but I still haven't got half the Sonlight stuff and haven't prepared the other things, so decided to wait another week.

Now have just got to go and catch up on the 5 months of finances I haven't done .....

In my defence:

... we were away at Greenbelt for the Bank Holiday weekend (Friday till Tuesday), emptied the caravan on Wednesday, went north to Teesside on Thursday to visit Bill's Dad and got home late on Friday, had a full day out with friends to Moreton-in-Marsh Show on Saturday and been out at church all morning - so not much time to get things straight!

I feel it's time I blogged about Isabelle, now she is 10 months old. She's still not mobile - her attempts to crawl pretty much stopped when she learned to sit - but she does love standing up (supported). She pretty much forces us to help her stand whenever she can. She's not quite safe enough to leave hanging onto something, but she's nearly there. Last Saturday at Greenbelt she spontaneously started walking while being held up, so that was fun! She absolutely loves pressing buttons, being in the bath, and blowing little bubbles. She loves a little game we have where she will vocalise something and I will copy, then she changes the pitch or the sound a little and waits for me to follow suit, over and over again! She is quite keen on food, although doesn't take much at each sitting. I usually give her a portion of whatever we are eating, as long as it is suitable, otherwise just the veg, and she pretty much feeds herself as it is all finger food.

Temperamentally she is very laid back, easy going and happy. Her beaming smile is bestowed upon many people, although lately she has taken more to seriously studying faces before eventually relaxing into the big grin. She takes life at an easy pace, not rushing to reach her milestones (!) ... who knows, maybe she is as tired as I am seeing as she wakes several times a night - I am determined tonight to try and count exactly how many. I remarked to a friend this morning that I thought she was waking me about 6 times per night - "well, that's better than the 14 times Tamsin used to wake you," she said, "I used to wonder if there was any point in you actually going to bed!" I'd forgotten about that. I am thankful for small mercies! But still want to get Isabelle used to a bottle so that I can water it down at night to night-wean her.

Oh, and my plan was to start HE properly tomorrow, seeing as Tamsin would have been starting Reception. But having had such a manic week I don't feel ready in any way. I plan to use Sonlight Pre-K (and some of it hasn't arrived yet), Miquon maths, Handwriting without Tears, and Reading Reflex as the main backbone of our stuff with bits and pieces added day to day as interests arise. But I haven't got my head round it all yet, so maybe it'll have to be next week.

In solidarity with Jax

Perhaps there could be a blog award for 'messiest living room' or something ... Here's my entry:






And that's 'after' I have done some tidying up - I did the table and was working on the pile by the chair when I started to feel quite ill and had to stop. (Recuperating at the computer!). The rest of the house is just as bad.

Back from Greenbelt

It was great. I love it. There's just nowhere else in the world I feel more at home. The blend of people with a spiritual worldview, not dogmatic but willing to ask and explore all kinds of questions about their faith or lack of it; music of all types (Christian hip hop/rap/funk anybody?) mostly very loud; art of every description all round the site; great food stalls, clothes stalls and all sorts of other shopping opportunities; and great speakers discussing issues of poverty, justice, ecology, radical action and humour .... there's just nothing like it anywhere else!

It was lovely to see Jan and Jonathan and the girls and to meet baby J! Jan and I had one evening together when we wandered down to the village with her baby to calm him down and get him to sleep (yes, it worked) and I left my kids in the caravan with Bill, so that was nice and relaxing.

Tamsin had a good time, with lots of time on the bouncy castles, lots of ice-creams and even a session where she was happy to be left in one of the very carefully supervised kids' areas playing with train track (what else?!) while I went off elsewhere. Isabelle doesn't mind where she is, of course! Bill chilled, and we all had a good time together. Except that we confirmed that our caravan is not big enough for 4! On the way home, we stopped off at a caravan dealers and drooled over the cheapest 4- or 5- berth caravans they had, which at £5-6000 and 7-10 years old were still light years ahead of ours and amazingly well-equipped. Not that we can afford 5 grand, but it's given us something else to dream about, anyway!

The whole experience still hasn't taught Isabelle to sleep any better, though, although Jan did give me night-weaning tips which will take a bit of work to implement but I hope to aim towards. Anyway, I hear her murmuring again so I'd better go!

My favourite weekend of the year...

...is just approaching. (Hmm, at this point, 10.30pm, Isabelle woke for the 3rd time since 7.30pm bedtime and I gave up and went to bed.)

Resuming the following morning:
We're off to Greenbelt today! I love it! It is the place in the world where I feel most at home. The spirituality, the music, the people, the non-mainstream feel, the food, the kids' activities, the outdoors-ness - it's fantastic!

So, I should have been madly packing yesterday afternoon and evening, but got precious little done. We always intend to leave mid-morning to get there by lunchtime (it's only in Cheltenham so not far) but are always late, and almost certainly will be this time too. We're going to be 'Stepping off the Path' with J 'n' J too!

There is a small chance that I may be able to blog while there, if I can remember my Blogger password, but otherwise, I'll be back on Tuesday!

Feeling nicely fuzzy.....

after a *very* large glass of Baileys. Definitely not one of my better birthdays. Been in a foul mood all day. Sobbed in the shower after blogging this morning. Half-way through the morning I decided to sod work and indulge in my second-favourite form of therapy: retail. (Favourite therapy being sleep!) Took kids to Stratford and spent over £40 in Boots .... various bits and pieces but sorted out a few problems i.e. replaced my lost tweezers so can now get eyebrows into shape, and bought some waxing strips to use with the home-made sugaring solution I made months ago.

Then came home and a quick change of clothes to go to my friend Kate's eldest daughter's 6th birthday party. I got a small fairy cake with a candle in it while they sang Happy Birthday to me, as well as Daisy. Tamsin was not in party mood - she refused to take part in any games or indeed to play with any other children although she knows many of them very well - she just kept asking me to play with her. Probably she's feeling my 'go away' vibes and it's making her feel insecure.... One of the major things that's been making me feel so weepy is that I am so fed up with her wanting 'mummymilk' every couple of hours throughout the day and I want to wean her, but am worried about inflicting a major emotional wound. Maybe it's the only one of her persistent demands that I feel I can change. Maybe I should find something else to change so that I find her demands easier to cope with. I don't know. I just know I feel very conflicted about it all.

Anyway, I'm just waiting for Bill to get home with a huge Chinese takeaway ... thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Or maybe not .... I am feeling distinctly ropey. Feel sick as a hangover of getting travel-sick on a train on Monday, feel weepy, cried myself to sleep last night, and am fed-up of highly demanding children. Bill is working, as am I later. Hohum. Must get a grip!

Hooray, and yikes!

Hooray, because after 2-3 years of wishing something like this would happen, at last I have found a gaggle of local girls who like coming round to play with Tamsin and the dog. There are three 11-year olds who live on our road who this week have been dropping in every day to walk the dog and then play with the girls, which has been nice. The 'yikes' bit is that a couple of times Tamsin has gone out with them for a walk, without me. They've stayed on the estate, and only been gone a max of half-an-hour, but it's still kind of scary. They're really nice, sensible girls, though. Comments please - would you let your 4-year old go out with 11-year olds unsupervised?

Isabelle wakes ..... must go!