Not much blatant HE going on here but plenty of playing including Tamsin learning to play 'Snap' with her Thomas the Tank Engine playing cards, which she has enjoyed and requested to do several times over the past few days. Other things have been occupying my mind recently:
1. I've just become Chairperson of the Playgroup that Tamsin attends, and my first important job was to make sure the forms to claim the Nursery Grant were sent in on time..... and I missed it :-( Not the final claim date, thankfully, but the interim date which would have meant the playschool received 50% of its grant this week instead of in June. I had to confess at the first meeting I led last night. Great big OOPS! The rest of the committee and the staff were very kind about it, and turned down my offer to lend them the £2000 or so for the two months that they will now have to wait for the money. The final claim has been posted today, in good time!
2. At last, nearly six years after the event, we have decided what to do with Benjamin's heart and lungs that were retained at Birmingham Children's Hospital. Being the procrastinators that we are, we had wrestled with the issue now and then but not come to a final conclusion. In the end, we have decided to allow them to be used for research purposes if approved by the Hospital Ethics Committee. This way, it may be that they lead to the cause of Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome being discovered some time, and that would be good :-)
3. At the first opportunity we've had to talk together without kids present, I talked to my friend Kate about the 'Center Parcs incident' which I was hurt about a couple of weeks ago. I was surprised to find myself go all weepy about it, but the air is cleared and there is no problem :-)
4. I've been monitoring myself more closely, and I do have serious concerns about my energy levels and my ability to HE. I generally feel tired, irritable and unable to think clearly or constructively from about noon onwards for the rest of the afternoon. Even when I do occasionally manage a nap, I don't recover from it and am still very sluggish all afternoon. And in about 2 weeks time I will be returning to work for 3 mornings per week. We seem to have very little quality time together when I feel alert enough to suggest ideas and participate in activities with Tamsin. Sometimes I gather ideas and plan things for the coming day or two, but a vast amount of the time they just get put aside because I'm tired and not in the mood, and TV is easier. I will keep thinking about this and monitoring how things are going, but I don't feel good about my ability to do a good job with HE at the moment. It may be that I just need a good detox diet and some regular exercise, but I'm generally too knackered to plan and carry through those plans either!
Anyway, I now have about 1.5 hours before Tamsin comes home, and I've got to go and do a big food shop as the cupboards are almost bare.
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4 comments:
It certainly sounds like you've got a lot on your plate Joanna, and I know sleeping is a problem in your household, but have you been to the Docs to see if there's anything they can suggest to help?. Perhaps a predictable question, from me, but you do sound like you're struggling.
1. Oh pants! I chaired Anna's school governors for a while and was so glad to get out of it - I don't envy you that job. At least the money will come eventually, sounds like everyone was understanding at least.
2. Wow. I can't imagine the process at all but well done for having come to that decision - hope you both feel positive about it, having made that choice.
3. Glad you've managed to clear the air, and talk things through with your friend.
4. It does sound like you're suffering a bit. I know we all probably have times of wondering if we're doing a good job (well, I know I do) but I'm with Jan on this one. lots of hugs from me, xxx
1. Oh pants! I chaired Anna's school governors for a while and was so glad to get out of it - I don't envy you that job. At least the money will come eventually, sounds like everyone was understanding at least.
2. Wow. I can't imagine the process at all but well done for having come to that decision - hope you both feel positive about it, having made that choice.
3. Glad you've managed to clear the air, and talk things through with your friend.
4. It does sound like you're suffering a bit. I know we all probably have times of wondering if we're doing a good job (well, I know I do) but I'm with Jan on this one. lots of hugs from me, xxx
well as you read my blog you will already know that i have my grey moments now and again :-) i do know that the less sleep i have had and the more time i spend closeted away inside the house with the kids getting yelled at the more i start to doubt whether HE can possibly work or not.
I am a year or so ahead of you in terms of my children's ages and can honestly say that the first year with a pre school ager and a baby was the hardest year ever - i too was trying to balance part time work with it all and musing on HE and it seemed like an impossible dream.
The thing i have probably learnt to do (and often still forget!) is to go easy on myself and be honest about the challenges and not place too many expectations on myself to do everything for everyone all of the time. Sounds like you are taking on a lot - is it all stuff which you are finding rewarding in some way???
S has never had the same level of time or attention that D did, but D didn't have a (mainly) adoring older sibling to play with all the time and I was not having to deal with a toddler as well as him when he was a newborn.
(((Joanna))) what you are doing in blogging it to talk it through is what i find the most theraputic way of dealing with doubts so hopefully it is helping you too.x
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