I have just had the craziest, busiest 2-3 weeks I can remember for a long time. And the silly thing is I can't really put my finger on why. I just feel like I've had a list of 100 things each day that I absolutely had to remember, and do, and follow up, and it's been extremely hard keeping up with it all. I hardly seem to have had time to sit down for days!
So therefore I can't remember much of what we've been up to. I know that Jade and I have covered how to put things in alphabetical order, we've done some number place work (is that what you call it? when you're doing units, tens, hundreds etc?), she's done double column addition with carrying, and some more stuff about common nouns and proper nouns from First Language Lessons for the Well-Trained Mind. She's made a 'bus' from a huge box that our new car towbar came in; Jade and Shannon have both made fairy gardens in seed trays, and Jade's gained her Disability Awareness badge at Brownies. I know we've had several significant conversations too, including micro-climates, centrifugal force, right angles, 90-degree and 180-degree turns (which she's had great fun practising while marching), and about the current state of the economy.
Shannon has been alternately utterly charming and completely impossible. She is so affectionate I can't be angry with her for long, when she gazes deeply into my eyes, strokes my cheek and says "I love you, Mum". She'll go far, that girl! She is still annoyingly rigid in her 4-year old thinking, though, and trying to dissuade her from her established pattern of doing certain things is a recipe for grey hair and high blood pressure! I continue to be astonished at the polar opposite characters that my 2 daughters have. Jade will not speak to anybody outside the family whereas Shannon winds down the car windows to wave and shout hi at random pedestrians; Jade still cannot be left anywhere without a parent present but Shannon this week was saying how much she loves to go places on her own without anyone else in the family being there (e.g. to a friend's house, and to playschool); Shannon is mostly very amenable to discipline, whereas Jade, well let's just say she's still very much a work-in-progress! We love them both dearly, of course, but just shake our heads at how we got these chalk-and-cheese girls!
We got a new(ish) car last weekend - a Citroen Xsara Picasso to replace the clapped-out old Subaru Estate. I'm pleased to have a manual car again, whereas DH prefers automatics. It's bright red, and has been christened "Ruby". The girls love her, especially the little tables they get in front of them in the back seats.
And we're off on a week's holiday tomorrow - to stay in a converted railway carriage in a village near Scarborough. DH's Dad has recently gone into a care home and we are going to visit him there for the first time, and Bill needs to help his sister sort out the stuff in his old house. We've also wanted a holiday in Yorkshire for a long time to enable us to get to see stuff in York and elsewhere.
Jade is making nice progress in her SM therapy now. We have started 'sliding-in' the teenage assistant at Brownies, and in only 4 short sessions Jade has been able to talk out loud with this other person sitting right next to her. I just really want to fast forward over the next six months or year, because I am so excited about the progress she is making and I want it to hurry up and be done!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Important Things
Yesterday, all of us went to Leicester to attend the SMIRA (Selective Mutism Information and Research Association) Parents' meeting, which is held annually. It was the first time we had attended, although we had booked to go last year and couldn't go because I was unwell.
I'm not good at estimating numbers, but there were probably around 50-60 adults and 30 kids, some with SM and some were siblings. The first thing that struck me, to the extent of bringing me to the verge of tears when I first saw all the kids together, was seeing so many of them with "the look", which once you've seen it in your own child is burned on your heart forever. It's a kind of timidity/shyness/anxiety look and it was just astonishing to me to see all these others with it when I have seen it so often on Jade. And really sad, considering that some of these kids were in their mid to late-teens, absolutely beautiful, gorgeous people who should have been so proud of who they were but instead were crippled with the anxiety of being with other people. (And as I type that, I'm reminding me of me, as I also know that objectively I have nothing to be afraid of but am often way too anxious around other people). What was also really interesting, though was finding out later that some of the kids were SM kids but they didn't look like that.
The other thing that struck me before long was I assumed that many of the selectively mute children would not be able to stay in the kids' activities room without their parents, like Jade couldn't, but in fact I think Bill and I were the only parents who had to stay with our child. We took it in turns to be in the sessions or staying with Jade (and Shannon, except she didn't need us there). Most of them, of course, will be used to being at school without their parents.
I think the reason for this became clear later in the day. There was some discussion in the afternoon session about how some children with selective mutism also have social anxiety, and some don't. Many SM kids can perform dancing or music on stage, or be perfectly relaxed in the classroom or elsewhere, as long as there is no pressure on them to speak. Jade, however, seems to have a hefty dose of social anxiety as well as SM, and will not join in games or activities in groups because of the fear of failure and embarrassment, will not join in games at Brownies except 'tag' for fear she might be 'out', will not do anything when other people are watching her. And that was the mistake we made when we first flexi-schooled her in Year 1, when she went 3 afternoons per week for dance, games, PE, music etc. We thought she'd have fun with these activities, but they were precisely the activities that she had trouble with, and of course by the end of the year she was hating it and refused to go any more. It's odd how sometimes things suddenly become clear - we are dealing with two separate but closely-related diagnoses. I knew she had social anxiety, but somehow I was thinking of it as part of the SM, whereas it is not exactly.
The formal morning sessions were dealing with SM in bilingual children, who have a higher incidence of the problem. I missed a lot of this bit because I was in the childrens' area with the girls. The first thing Jade noticed were two horses head masks being played with by some of the children, and then she couldn't concentrate on anything else at all until she'd got hold of one of them. Meanwhile we noticed another girl who had a sweatshirt with a pony on it, and I told her that Jade was made about ponies too. She told me she had a pony of her own, whose name was Moose, and from then on Jade was her devoted shadow! What was amazing was that I got chatting with a woman at lunchtime who recognised my nametag because we had e-mailed each other a bit a year or so ago, because she home-educates her SM daughter, who is pony mad, and this was the girl! I told her that her daughter had spoken to me, and she said yes, she did speak in pony-related activities only, and obviously I had just got her on the right subject! And it turns out that she doesn't have much social anxiety either - she can dance on stage, and go to pony camps on her own, and is happy to go to HE activities and groups.
The afternoon sessions contained more general discussions, which raised some useful points for us to take note of, though mainly reinforcing the principles of 'no pressure' to speak or do a particular thing in most circumstances, and 'baby-step exposure' during planned therapy sessions to try and improve the situation.
The other important thing to report is that we have decided on school. If you go here to read about the preamble it will save me a lot of time repeating myself.
Because Jade became very keen on going to the school here in Moreton, due to knowing several girls from Brownies, in January I went for a second visit on my own and discussed with them what measures they might be able to put in place for Jade if she went there. They were incredibly positive and helpful, being willing to do almost anything that would help her to settle in and be happy there. The Headteacher suggested that, because Jade's best friend who lives next door is on one of the joint Year 3&4 classes, it might be a good idea for Jade to go into that class after Easter (in Year 3) so she has a term while L is still there (in Year 4), to help her settle in. He also suggested that she could start part-time, and that a parent could go and stay with her if needed. After mulling it over for quite a while, the whole scenario sat much easier with me than I would have expected, and so that is what we are going to do. We have not yet defined what 'part-time' means, and we still have to work out the finer details, but Jade will be starting there after Easter and Shannon will start in September. I am much encouraged that she has made really good progress with the speech therapist in the past few weeks and last Tuesday did absolutely brilliantly and actually answered the ST's questions directly, albeit only one-word answers in a somewhat mumbled fashion. I was thrilled! And we have talked an awful lot with her about how all sorts of things are difficult and scary when you first do them, but you take baby steps and keep practising and get better and better at doing them. We've also talked a lot about how some things might seem scary, but when you achieve them you feel absolutely on top of the world afterwards, and so proud of yourself. So we are more hopeful than we have been for a long time that we might actually be able to make a big improvement in her situation, even if she is always a bit prone to anxiety just as I have been all my life.
I will reiterate that I do only see this as a medium-term temporary measure. I see it as specifically to help her get over her social anxiety and selective mutism, and to hell with what happens academically. I will be pleased if she stays for a year, maybe two, feels successful and happy socially, and then decides to be home-educated again. I am certain that I do not want either of them to go to secondary school.
I'm not good at estimating numbers, but there were probably around 50-60 adults and 30 kids, some with SM and some were siblings. The first thing that struck me, to the extent of bringing me to the verge of tears when I first saw all the kids together, was seeing so many of them with "the look", which once you've seen it in your own child is burned on your heart forever. It's a kind of timidity/shyness/anxiety look and it was just astonishing to me to see all these others with it when I have seen it so often on Jade. And really sad, considering that some of these kids were in their mid to late-teens, absolutely beautiful, gorgeous people who should have been so proud of who they were but instead were crippled with the anxiety of being with other people. (And as I type that, I'm reminding me of me, as I also know that objectively I have nothing to be afraid of but am often way too anxious around other people). What was also really interesting, though was finding out later that some of the kids were SM kids but they didn't look like that.
The other thing that struck me before long was I assumed that many of the selectively mute children would not be able to stay in the kids' activities room without their parents, like Jade couldn't, but in fact I think Bill and I were the only parents who had to stay with our child. We took it in turns to be in the sessions or staying with Jade (and Shannon, except she didn't need us there). Most of them, of course, will be used to being at school without their parents.
I think the reason for this became clear later in the day. There was some discussion in the afternoon session about how some children with selective mutism also have social anxiety, and some don't. Many SM kids can perform dancing or music on stage, or be perfectly relaxed in the classroom or elsewhere, as long as there is no pressure on them to speak. Jade, however, seems to have a hefty dose of social anxiety as well as SM, and will not join in games or activities in groups because of the fear of failure and embarrassment, will not join in games at Brownies except 'tag' for fear she might be 'out', will not do anything when other people are watching her. And that was the mistake we made when we first flexi-schooled her in Year 1, when she went 3 afternoons per week for dance, games, PE, music etc. We thought she'd have fun with these activities, but they were precisely the activities that she had trouble with, and of course by the end of the year she was hating it and refused to go any more. It's odd how sometimes things suddenly become clear - we are dealing with two separate but closely-related diagnoses. I knew she had social anxiety, but somehow I was thinking of it as part of the SM, whereas it is not exactly.
The formal morning sessions were dealing with SM in bilingual children, who have a higher incidence of the problem. I missed a lot of this bit because I was in the childrens' area with the girls. The first thing Jade noticed were two horses head masks being played with by some of the children, and then she couldn't concentrate on anything else at all until she'd got hold of one of them. Meanwhile we noticed another girl who had a sweatshirt with a pony on it, and I told her that Jade was made about ponies too. She told me she had a pony of her own, whose name was Moose, and from then on Jade was her devoted shadow! What was amazing was that I got chatting with a woman at lunchtime who recognised my nametag because we had e-mailed each other a bit a year or so ago, because she home-educates her SM daughter, who is pony mad, and this was the girl! I told her that her daughter had spoken to me, and she said yes, she did speak in pony-related activities only, and obviously I had just got her on the right subject! And it turns out that she doesn't have much social anxiety either - she can dance on stage, and go to pony camps on her own, and is happy to go to HE activities and groups.
The afternoon sessions contained more general discussions, which raised some useful points for us to take note of, though mainly reinforcing the principles of 'no pressure' to speak or do a particular thing in most circumstances, and 'baby-step exposure' during planned therapy sessions to try and improve the situation.
The other important thing to report is that we have decided on school. If you go here to read about the preamble it will save me a lot of time repeating myself.
Because Jade became very keen on going to the school here in Moreton, due to knowing several girls from Brownies, in January I went for a second visit on my own and discussed with them what measures they might be able to put in place for Jade if she went there. They were incredibly positive and helpful, being willing to do almost anything that would help her to settle in and be happy there. The Headteacher suggested that, because Jade's best friend who lives next door is on one of the joint Year 3&4 classes, it might be a good idea for Jade to go into that class after Easter (in Year 3) so she has a term while L is still there (in Year 4), to help her settle in. He also suggested that she could start part-time, and that a parent could go and stay with her if needed. After mulling it over for quite a while, the whole scenario sat much easier with me than I would have expected, and so that is what we are going to do. We have not yet defined what 'part-time' means, and we still have to work out the finer details, but Jade will be starting there after Easter and Shannon will start in September. I am much encouraged that she has made really good progress with the speech therapist in the past few weeks and last Tuesday did absolutely brilliantly and actually answered the ST's questions directly, albeit only one-word answers in a somewhat mumbled fashion. I was thrilled! And we have talked an awful lot with her about how all sorts of things are difficult and scary when you first do them, but you take baby steps and keep practising and get better and better at doing them. We've also talked a lot about how some things might seem scary, but when you achieve them you feel absolutely on top of the world afterwards, and so proud of yourself. So we are more hopeful than we have been for a long time that we might actually be able to make a big improvement in her situation, even if she is always a bit prone to anxiety just as I have been all my life.
I will reiterate that I do only see this as a medium-term temporary measure. I see it as specifically to help her get over her social anxiety and selective mutism, and to hell with what happens academically. I will be pleased if she stays for a year, maybe two, feels successful and happy socially, and then decides to be home-educated again. I am certain that I do not want either of them to go to secondary school.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Organising miracle!
I've just finished a 6-week online course on how to be organised - called Organising 101. I am quite certain it is changing my life!!!! How about that for a recommendation! For the first time ever I can see how it is possible to live differently and in a house that I like. No online course can look after my kids for long periods of time to enable me to get a lot done quickly, but at least I now know what to do when I do get some time, and I have a plan and a vision for doing it.
So now I'm just about to start "Quick and Simple Clutter Control" also run by Aby on the same website - Simplify101.com. So if you're in need of some organisational or decluttering help, I would highly recommend that you go and sign up. Yes it does cost a bit of money ($30, so around £22-25 I think) but it's well worth it. The course starts today, so be quick! (And no, I'm not on commission - just a very happy customer!) Click on the button below to take you straight there.
So now I'm just about to start "Quick and Simple Clutter Control" also run by Aby on the same website - Simplify101.com. So if you're in need of some organisational or decluttering help, I would highly recommend that you go and sign up. Yes it does cost a bit of money ($30, so around £22-25 I think) but it's well worth it. The course starts today, so be quick! (And no, I'm not on commission - just a very happy customer!) Click on the button below to take you straight there.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
It's about time
Jade can tell the time, yay! After trickle-feeding her little bits of information over the months and years as she has asked about it, the last bit has finally clicked into place and she is proudly telling the time about every 10 minutes!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Tired Tuesday
So I stayed up way too late last night (blogging, amongst other things!) and have been very tired and grumpy today as a result. Not helped by getting a phone call at 8am to say that playschool was cancelled because the playleader is ill. So if Shannon has to be at home all morning, there was no point sending Jade to the childminder either, and bang goes my one free morning to get anything useful done. I was childishly grumpy and resentful about this for a long time today. In fact, I think I still am ....
Anyway when I managed to get myself together enough to do so, we went off to my lovely group at church, put the kids in the creche and felt a lot better for being with a warm, caring and funny group of women. We're starting a whole-church study for Lent called "Better Together" which will encourage us all to really care and be there for one another both in the church and in the wider community too, so I'm looking forward to getting into that.
We came home via the supermarket so that we had the necessary stuff to make pancakes with. Then I put a film on for the girls, and I went off to bed! It was bliss.
Much restored, I got up and helped Jade to finish off the last two things for her Friend to Animals badge so that's all ready to hand in at Brownies tomorrow. She wrote something about how you know when an animal needs to go to the vet, where and when the vets are open, and what to do if you find a sick or stray animal. Finally she has decorated a hard plastic mask in a zebra print. She did it in felt tip pen, though it might benefit from going over in paint tomorrow. I think the felt-tip pen might just wipe off - I haven't tried it now it's had a good long time to dry. Meanwhile Shannon did a bit of computery stuff - CBeebies and Webkinz I think. L from next door came round and they all played together for a bit while I prepared dinner and did computer stuff myself. They've also both played with Polly Pockets.
From time to time during the day, when I remembered, I threw the odd '5 times table' question to Jade, and though she usually looked resentful when I did so, she answered them correctly anyway.
Anyway when I managed to get myself together enough to do so, we went off to my lovely group at church, put the kids in the creche and felt a lot better for being with a warm, caring and funny group of women. We're starting a whole-church study for Lent called "Better Together" which will encourage us all to really care and be there for one another both in the church and in the wider community too, so I'm looking forward to getting into that.
We came home via the supermarket so that we had the necessary stuff to make pancakes with. Then I put a film on for the girls, and I went off to bed! It was bliss.
Much restored, I got up and helped Jade to finish off the last two things for her Friend to Animals badge so that's all ready to hand in at Brownies tomorrow. She wrote something about how you know when an animal needs to go to the vet, where and when the vets are open, and what to do if you find a sick or stray animal. Finally she has decorated a hard plastic mask in a zebra print. She did it in felt tip pen, though it might benefit from going over in paint tomorrow. I think the felt-tip pen might just wipe off - I haven't tried it now it's had a good long time to dry. Meanwhile Shannon did a bit of computery stuff - CBeebies and Webkinz I think. L from next door came round and they all played together for a bit while I prepared dinner and did computer stuff myself. They've also both played with Polly Pockets.
From time to time during the day, when I remembered, I threw the odd '5 times table' question to Jade, and though she usually looked resentful when I did so, she answered them correctly anyway.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Monday (not original, but the best I can do right now!)
It makes a change to feel like I've actually got anything to blog, but today I have so I will try and make it the beginning of a new era! Get Back To Blogging!
Shannon was at playschool this morning, so Jade and I sat down in peace and quiet to get on with just a little of the more formal stuff, i.e. maths. She's dipping her toe into the waters of multiplication, and as with all things maths-related it has to be taken very slowly and gently otherwise she will take fright and refuse to do it at all. I think we made some progress - we spent about 20 minutes on it and she remained happy all the way through so that was a good result! Then I read a chapter from "Penrose the Mathematical Cat" about Pancake Land (thought that was topical, even though a day early) on the difference between two and three dimensions.
Then we got on with another piece of work towards her Brownies 'Friend to Animals' badge. She's already done a piece about her favourite animal (the horse, of course!) and how it should be kept and looked after. She's done a study of 4 different extinct animals, what they were, where from, why they became extinct and how we could avoid something similar happening in future. The piece she worked on today was about animal patterns and colours and why animals need camouflage. She needs to do a piece of art using some of the animal patterns she wrote about. With all of these pieces either Bill or I have helped her by suggesting how she needs to go about it and roughly how to structure it and then she's used her own words to dictate to us. We have typed it up verbatim and shown her how to insert pictures into Word. We've obviously covered lots about Googling, saving pictures to the computer, layout and the like as well. The final piece she needs to do is about the local vet's surgery, where it is, when it is open, why your pet might need to visit the vet and what you would do if you found a sick or stray animal. I don't suppose we'll get both that and the art done tomorrow, so one of them might be left for Bill to help her with on Wednesday, which is when it all has to be taken to hand in at Brownies.
After that it was time to go and pick up Shannon from playschool, and then we came home for a quick lunch before setting off for the Redwings horse sanctuary/rescue centre at Oxhill. We tend to go there about every 3 months, so it's a familiar place to us and very welcome to me because it's free! Except for the usual agonising and traumas in the gift shop at the end when Jade desperately tries to find something she can buy with her £1 pocket money. She still hasn't fully absorbed the reality that if you keep spending your £1, you don't get to save up so that you can buy the nicer things for £5+! She begs and begs me to give her some extra money towards what she wants, but I refuse because a) otherwise she would always expect it everywhere we go and we would be bankrupt and b) she would never learn to live within her means. She thinks I am just mean, of course!
We only spent about an hour at Redwings because it was cold and I wanted to travel to near Banbury to look at a car. Our old Subaru is in some ways on its last legs (the engine's fine but everything else is wearing out) and besides I've always disliked it. And now Bill's pinched the Prius off me and I have to drive the Subaru, I'm determined to change it. And the Subaru is too thirsty for our budget so we need something cheaper to run. Anyway, I really would rather like a Renault Scenic 4x4 diesel which seems to cover all our needs, and I had seen one advertised at this garage so went to take a look. It was very nice, but overpriced in my opinion and he wasn't prepared to come down as far as we want him to, so I don't think that is 'the one' which is a shame because it is a nice car.
There are masses of things I could blog about to catch up over the past couple of months, but I can't decide which to include and which to leave out except the very most recent which was that I was supposed to run in my first 10k race yesterday but didn't. I've had a slight niggle in my left hip when I've run the longer distances which I'm being very wary about because I don't want it to turn into a full-blown injury, and then the two weeks of snow and ice stopped me going out for the duration, so effectively I have not done anywhere near as much training as I should have. So there. I will do a 10k at some point, but only when I'm fit enough!
Shannon was at playschool this morning, so Jade and I sat down in peace and quiet to get on with just a little of the more formal stuff, i.e. maths. She's dipping her toe into the waters of multiplication, and as with all things maths-related it has to be taken very slowly and gently otherwise she will take fright and refuse to do it at all. I think we made some progress - we spent about 20 minutes on it and she remained happy all the way through so that was a good result! Then I read a chapter from "Penrose the Mathematical Cat" about Pancake Land (thought that was topical, even though a day early) on the difference between two and three dimensions.
Then we got on with another piece of work towards her Brownies 'Friend to Animals' badge. She's already done a piece about her favourite animal (the horse, of course!) and how it should be kept and looked after. She's done a study of 4 different extinct animals, what they were, where from, why they became extinct and how we could avoid something similar happening in future. The piece she worked on today was about animal patterns and colours and why animals need camouflage. She needs to do a piece of art using some of the animal patterns she wrote about. With all of these pieces either Bill or I have helped her by suggesting how she needs to go about it and roughly how to structure it and then she's used her own words to dictate to us. We have typed it up verbatim and shown her how to insert pictures into Word. We've obviously covered lots about Googling, saving pictures to the computer, layout and the like as well. The final piece she needs to do is about the local vet's surgery, where it is, when it is open, why your pet might need to visit the vet and what you would do if you found a sick or stray animal. I don't suppose we'll get both that and the art done tomorrow, so one of them might be left for Bill to help her with on Wednesday, which is when it all has to be taken to hand in at Brownies.
After that it was time to go and pick up Shannon from playschool, and then we came home for a quick lunch before setting off for the Redwings horse sanctuary/rescue centre at Oxhill. We tend to go there about every 3 months, so it's a familiar place to us and very welcome to me because it's free! Except for the usual agonising and traumas in the gift shop at the end when Jade desperately tries to find something she can buy with her £1 pocket money. She still hasn't fully absorbed the reality that if you keep spending your £1, you don't get to save up so that you can buy the nicer things for £5+! She begs and begs me to give her some extra money towards what she wants, but I refuse because a) otherwise she would always expect it everywhere we go and we would be bankrupt and b) she would never learn to live within her means. She thinks I am just mean, of course!
We only spent about an hour at Redwings because it was cold and I wanted to travel to near Banbury to look at a car. Our old Subaru is in some ways on its last legs (the engine's fine but everything else is wearing out) and besides I've always disliked it. And now Bill's pinched the Prius off me and I have to drive the Subaru, I'm determined to change it. And the Subaru is too thirsty for our budget so we need something cheaper to run. Anyway, I really would rather like a Renault Scenic 4x4 diesel which seems to cover all our needs, and I had seen one advertised at this garage so went to take a look. It was very nice, but overpriced in my opinion and he wasn't prepared to come down as far as we want him to, so I don't think that is 'the one' which is a shame because it is a nice car.
There are masses of things I could blog about to catch up over the past couple of months, but I can't decide which to include and which to leave out except the very most recent which was that I was supposed to run in my first 10k race yesterday but didn't. I've had a slight niggle in my left hip when I've run the longer distances which I'm being very wary about because I don't want it to turn into a full-blown injury, and then the two weeks of snow and ice stopped me going out for the duration, so effectively I have not done anywhere near as much training as I should have. So there. I will do a 10k at some point, but only when I'm fit enough!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Shannon is reading!
Well, it's only a very simple phonics beginners book with three letter words, but she has read a whole book all on her own! She's loving it. She's completely obsessed by letters and words and writing at the moment - she rarely does anything else. It's lovely to see.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Not really an update
I will blog properly again one day, I promise. I just keep thinking I've got so much to catch up on that I need a good long time for blogging, and I just don't get it.
Things I could mention when I get round to it are:
1. Center Parcs holiday - excellent
2. Jade's Friend to Animals badge for Brownies
3. More maths meltdowns
4. My Organizing 101 online class
5. Snow and sledging fun
6. School decision
7. Selective mutism therapy.
There's probably more, but that's all I've got the brainpower for right now.
I do want to give a big thanks to Lotusbirther for pointing out that the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence has included selective mutism as one of the possible signs of child maltreatment in their proposed Guidance on which they are currently consulting, on the basis of one very flimsy and poorly-conducted piece of evidence. The Selective Mutism Information & Research Association had no idea about this until I was able to point it out to them last Thursday night, and an awful lot of work has been going on behind the scenes all of a sudden to get some proper scientific evidence in there to refute their false belief.
Heavens above, I am a home-educator with a selectively mute child - clearly we are definitely child abusers!
Things I could mention when I get round to it are:
1. Center Parcs holiday - excellent
2. Jade's Friend to Animals badge for Brownies
3. More maths meltdowns
4. My Organizing 101 online class
5. Snow and sledging fun
6. School decision
7. Selective mutism therapy.
There's probably more, but that's all I've got the brainpower for right now.
I do want to give a big thanks to Lotusbirther for pointing out that the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence has included selective mutism as one of the possible signs of child maltreatment in their proposed Guidance on which they are currently consulting, on the basis of one very flimsy and poorly-conducted piece of evidence. The Selective Mutism Information & Research Association had no idea about this until I was able to point it out to them last Thursday night, and an awful lot of work has been going on behind the scenes all of a sudden to get some proper scientific evidence in there to refute their false belief.
Heavens above, I am a home-educator with a selectively mute child - clearly we are definitely child abusers!
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Christmas and more
A pleasant Christmas was had in the GATF household. Jade was delighted by her pink DS and Shannon is very envious. We've said she can have one when she's 5, and now she frequently insists that she is 5 and should have her own DS right now! Nevertheless, Shannon was delighted with her Barbie Mariposa doll and a pair of roller skates.
Jade gave Shannon her old Dora pull-along suitcase, and Jade got a new horsey one, so both girls will proudly take their own luggage to Center Parcs in a couple of weeks.
I was delighted with my Garmin ForeRunner 301 from DH (bought more cheaply than at Amazon, I must add!). I am now getting very technical with my running, charting paces and heart rates and it's great fun and distracts me from the effort of the actual running! I've signed up for a 10k run (6.2 miles) on 22nd Feb, so really need to step up the running. 5k is the most I've ever done so far.
My Mum came on Boxing Day to stay for a couple of nights. That can always be a slightly sticky situation but it went OK this time. After she left, I managed to persuade DH to start sorting out the appalling state of the hall, stairs and landing. We've had flakey, peeling paint since a water leak a year or two ago, and despite asking for it to be done as my Christmas present last year, it never was. At last we have started! I can do ordinary decorating myself, and indeed I enjoy doing so, but replacing rotting skirting boards and replastering where holes and channels have been dug is beyond me. He's done a fab job so far and it's almost ready for me to get my hands on it for painting and papering.
I'm sure there were all sorts of other things I wanted to put in this blogpost, but needless to say they have all exited my mind since I sat at the computer. I will just record here that we have just finished reading "The Hobbit" to Jade as her bedtime story over the past 2-3 weeks, and she loved it. I can't say there's much else to report on the HE front, and although I do want to get on with a bit of 'orgo-planning' it just doesn't seem to be happening so far. Constant requests from children for one thing or another means I never get to sit and look through the resources we have to decide what to do next.
Jade gave Shannon her old Dora pull-along suitcase, and Jade got a new horsey one, so both girls will proudly take their own luggage to Center Parcs in a couple of weeks.
I was delighted with my Garmin ForeRunner 301 from DH (bought more cheaply than at Amazon, I must add!). I am now getting very technical with my running, charting paces and heart rates and it's great fun and distracts me from the effort of the actual running! I've signed up for a 10k run (6.2 miles) on 22nd Feb, so really need to step up the running. 5k is the most I've ever done so far.
My Mum came on Boxing Day to stay for a couple of nights. That can always be a slightly sticky situation but it went OK this time. After she left, I managed to persuade DH to start sorting out the appalling state of the hall, stairs and landing. We've had flakey, peeling paint since a water leak a year or two ago, and despite asking for it to be done as my Christmas present last year, it never was. At last we have started! I can do ordinary decorating myself, and indeed I enjoy doing so, but replacing rotting skirting boards and replastering where holes and channels have been dug is beyond me. He's done a fab job so far and it's almost ready for me to get my hands on it for painting and papering.
I'm sure there were all sorts of other things I wanted to put in this blogpost, but needless to say they have all exited my mind since I sat at the computer. I will just record here that we have just finished reading "The Hobbit" to Jade as her bedtime story over the past 2-3 weeks, and she loved it. I can't say there's much else to report on the HE front, and although I do want to get on with a bit of 'orgo-planning' it just doesn't seem to be happening so far. Constant requests from children for one thing or another means I never get to sit and look through the resources we have to decide what to do next.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
The school thing
Back in July you may remember I blogged about Jade saying she wanted to go to school. And then I blogged here about how there wasn't a place, and I was relieved.
Well, she has continued to say she wants to go. I have tried asking her why, but she never had a clear answer. And, to be honest, I do feel that though HE is best for Jade, it's not best for me. I really am struggling with the lack of time and space for myself and my own needs and interests. And I do think it would be good for her in one very important way. She has very specific needs for help to reduce her anxiety in social situations and improve her ability to talk to people. This simply is not going to happen of its own accord. It's basically a phobia, and as with any fear, avoidance of the feared situation only strengthens the problem. She really needs a structured intervention programme with people she sees really frequently so she can become very familiar with them and learn that it is not scary to be sociable and talk. And although we have tried to set up situations within the parameters we have at the moment, it has proved to be very difficult when you are talking about asking people who are volunteers and who have made a weekly commitment to some activity to significantly increase their involvement and come to our house 2 or 3 times per week for a while to help Jade get comfortable, and then to take over that process helping her to get comfortable with other people. It's a lot to ask, and there are only a few people with the right qualities who would be good at doing it anyway. So, at least in that specific way, school (with support, help and special measures put into place) would be good for Jade at least for the short term. I've had sleepless nights worrying about her social anxiety and her inability to join in with activities or even talk to anyone outside our house. It is a fact that people who have carried selective mutism into their adult lives have suffered a lot of social isolation, anxiety and depression as a result, and as I was a child with a lot of anxiety which led to depression and sometimes feeling suicidal I am desperately scared that she might end up going down that road. So, for those reasons, we are considering sending her to school even if it's only a relatively temporary thing to really help her move forward socially. I don't envision her going to secondary school - I hope she doesn't want to. I do hope that she can enjoy maybe a year (or more if she wants) at primary school to really get over this fear.
If Jade does go to school in September, we would probably send Shannon as well who would be of the age to enter Reception then. Shannon is a very sociable happy child who really loves playschool and seeing her friends and has said quite clearly that she would miss not seeing them most days. She is also fairly robust and will be able to cope well, I think, with the classroom environment. I do have some anxieties about sending one so young into 'the system' but we would keep a close eye on her as to how she was faring, of course. Then I could spend some time achieving some of the things that have been on hold for the past 7+ years, e.g. further nutrition study and, I would hope, having an utter and complete blitz on the house and sorting out organisation and storage solutions and decluttering so that if/when we did HE again the systems would be in place for it all to run more smoothly. I know many people can manage go organise their houses and get systems in place while their children are at home, but it has become clear that I just can't! I need quiet time and space to get it done.
The question then arises, which school? Jade originally only wanted to go back to Longborough School where she went 3 afternoons per week in Year 1. But they still don't officially have a place. However I wanted to talk to them in more detail because I wasn't sure which year they were talking about putting her into, and I wanted to explore all the options. So we went to visit and talk to the (new) Headteacher last week. They would put her into her correct year (Yr 4 in Sept) but they don't have a space officially (8 pupils in each year!). However there is physically room in the classroom because Years 3-6 share a classroom and some of the older classes have less than their allocated number of pupils. So it seems that we could make a special application to the Local Authority and ask whether Jade could have special permission to attend. This would have to be based on special needs and any other criteria we could think of, and it's not certain that they would agree. But they might! And I do know they are lovely there - it's just a gorgeous little school and I think they would help Jade as much as they possibly could, whether that meant starting part-time or a parent staying with her a bit and getting the correct SEN funding for a support assistant etc. However it is a 2-mile journey which would mean always driving there and back (no, there really isn't any way we could be up early enough in the morning to walk there!), and the friends that she makes there do not live in Moreton and therefore she would always have to be driven to playdates etc.
Jade was as usual quite uncomfortable in that situation and didn't want to go into the classrooms to look, as she didn't want everybody looking at her. She hid behind Bill most of the time and was fairly stiff and awkward-looking. However in the older classroom, where her ex-classmates now are, one of them came over to see her and held her hand, which was really sweet, and a few others in both classrooms called her name and were pleased to see her.
Later in the evening I asked her how she felt about it now, and she said she wasn't so sure as before we had visited. So I asked what things does she picture in her mind when she thinks about going to school that make her want to go. And she said it was "seeing her friends". So I asked whether, if we arranged for her friends to come and play say once a month or so, she would still want to go to school, and she said no. Hmm.
That left us feeling in a bit of a dilemma, because although we do have fears and reservations about the school system, for the reasons connected with her anxiety and selective mutism we do think it might be a good idea for her to go, at least for a while. And, if we did put both girls into Longborough School and then Jade pulls out again, we might well be left with Shannon still wanting to go because she would think it's fun and having to trek her over to Longborough every day. Whereas Shannon's existing friends will be going to school in Moreton, and it's bigger and she would have a bigger group of kids to pick friends from. It would be much easier because it's a 5 minute walk, and friends could pick up/drop off for us if we needed to etc. In a nutshell, it seemed that Longborough might be best for Jade but Moreton best for Shannon.
Anyway, none of us knew whether Jade would know any of the children in the class at Moreton school, so I decided that at least on information-gathering grounds we would go and have a look and see who was there. And we've been this afternoon, and sure enough there are at least 2 or 3 children in each class who Jade knows and likes either because they are neighbours or she knows them from Brownies. And on the way home, Jade said she wanted to go there.
At Moreton, they take 45 children into each year. In the Reception class, they are all in two adjoining rooms, 1 teacher and 3 classroom assistants, so broken down it's not a bad ratio. In the older years, they combine years 1&2, years 3&4 and years 5&6 so that they have 90 children over the 2 years, and split them into 3 classes with 30 in each class. There are normally 2 staff (1 teacher, 1 assistant) in each class. And of course Jade would probably have a special support assistant allocated to her at least part of the time.
Other parents of SM children I have been in touch with have said it is not the size of the class or the school that is important in helping the SM child, but purely the commitment and understanding of the individual staff and how well they put into place the provisions for helping the child to get better.
I think we need to give this a try, because it is so so important for Jade's future that she learns that social interaction is not as scary as she thinks and so that she takes big steps to overcome the selective mutism which is by far more easily done in a school environment than outside it. The question is, which school to go for? On the assumption that Shannon will love it and want to stay even if we take Jade out, and on the grounds that we wouldn't have to fight for a place there, and because Jade says she would like to go, we would opt for Moreton. But I am happier about envisaging Jade at Longborough because I think they will have more flexibility about accommodating her special needs and because she is always happier the smaller the group of people she is with.
I truly do hope this is only a temporary situation, because I still love and value HE and believe that in many ways it is the better option, and certainly I cannot envisage for the life of me my babies going into the savage world that is secondary school, but I also admit that I would be feeling at least partly blissful at having time and space for ME!
Well, she has continued to say she wants to go. I have tried asking her why, but she never had a clear answer. And, to be honest, I do feel that though HE is best for Jade, it's not best for me. I really am struggling with the lack of time and space for myself and my own needs and interests. And I do think it would be good for her in one very important way. She has very specific needs for help to reduce her anxiety in social situations and improve her ability to talk to people. This simply is not going to happen of its own accord. It's basically a phobia, and as with any fear, avoidance of the feared situation only strengthens the problem. She really needs a structured intervention programme with people she sees really frequently so she can become very familiar with them and learn that it is not scary to be sociable and talk. And although we have tried to set up situations within the parameters we have at the moment, it has proved to be very difficult when you are talking about asking people who are volunteers and who have made a weekly commitment to some activity to significantly increase their involvement and come to our house 2 or 3 times per week for a while to help Jade get comfortable, and then to take over that process helping her to get comfortable with other people. It's a lot to ask, and there are only a few people with the right qualities who would be good at doing it anyway. So, at least in that specific way, school (with support, help and special measures put into place) would be good for Jade at least for the short term. I've had sleepless nights worrying about her social anxiety and her inability to join in with activities or even talk to anyone outside our house. It is a fact that people who have carried selective mutism into their adult lives have suffered a lot of social isolation, anxiety and depression as a result, and as I was a child with a lot of anxiety which led to depression and sometimes feeling suicidal I am desperately scared that she might end up going down that road. So, for those reasons, we are considering sending her to school even if it's only a relatively temporary thing to really help her move forward socially. I don't envision her going to secondary school - I hope she doesn't want to. I do hope that she can enjoy maybe a year (or more if she wants) at primary school to really get over this fear.
If Jade does go to school in September, we would probably send Shannon as well who would be of the age to enter Reception then. Shannon is a very sociable happy child who really loves playschool and seeing her friends and has said quite clearly that she would miss not seeing them most days. She is also fairly robust and will be able to cope well, I think, with the classroom environment. I do have some anxieties about sending one so young into 'the system' but we would keep a close eye on her as to how she was faring, of course. Then I could spend some time achieving some of the things that have been on hold for the past 7+ years, e.g. further nutrition study and, I would hope, having an utter and complete blitz on the house and sorting out organisation and storage solutions and decluttering so that if/when we did HE again the systems would be in place for it all to run more smoothly. I know many people can manage go organise their houses and get systems in place while their children are at home, but it has become clear that I just can't! I need quiet time and space to get it done.
The question then arises, which school? Jade originally only wanted to go back to Longborough School where she went 3 afternoons per week in Year 1. But they still don't officially have a place. However I wanted to talk to them in more detail because I wasn't sure which year they were talking about putting her into, and I wanted to explore all the options. So we went to visit and talk to the (new) Headteacher last week. They would put her into her correct year (Yr 4 in Sept) but they don't have a space officially (8 pupils in each year!). However there is physically room in the classroom because Years 3-6 share a classroom and some of the older classes have less than their allocated number of pupils. So it seems that we could make a special application to the Local Authority and ask whether Jade could have special permission to attend. This would have to be based on special needs and any other criteria we could think of, and it's not certain that they would agree. But they might! And I do know they are lovely there - it's just a gorgeous little school and I think they would help Jade as much as they possibly could, whether that meant starting part-time or a parent staying with her a bit and getting the correct SEN funding for a support assistant etc. However it is a 2-mile journey which would mean always driving there and back (no, there really isn't any way we could be up early enough in the morning to walk there!), and the friends that she makes there do not live in Moreton and therefore she would always have to be driven to playdates etc.
Jade was as usual quite uncomfortable in that situation and didn't want to go into the classrooms to look, as she didn't want everybody looking at her. She hid behind Bill most of the time and was fairly stiff and awkward-looking. However in the older classroom, where her ex-classmates now are, one of them came over to see her and held her hand, which was really sweet, and a few others in both classrooms called her name and were pleased to see her.
Later in the evening I asked her how she felt about it now, and she said she wasn't so sure as before we had visited. So I asked what things does she picture in her mind when she thinks about going to school that make her want to go. And she said it was "seeing her friends". So I asked whether, if we arranged for her friends to come and play say once a month or so, she would still want to go to school, and she said no. Hmm.
That left us feeling in a bit of a dilemma, because although we do have fears and reservations about the school system, for the reasons connected with her anxiety and selective mutism we do think it might be a good idea for her to go, at least for a while. And, if we did put both girls into Longborough School and then Jade pulls out again, we might well be left with Shannon still wanting to go because she would think it's fun and having to trek her over to Longborough every day. Whereas Shannon's existing friends will be going to school in Moreton, and it's bigger and she would have a bigger group of kids to pick friends from. It would be much easier because it's a 5 minute walk, and friends could pick up/drop off for us if we needed to etc. In a nutshell, it seemed that Longborough might be best for Jade but Moreton best for Shannon.
Anyway, none of us knew whether Jade would know any of the children in the class at Moreton school, so I decided that at least on information-gathering grounds we would go and have a look and see who was there. And we've been this afternoon, and sure enough there are at least 2 or 3 children in each class who Jade knows and likes either because they are neighbours or she knows them from Brownies. And on the way home, Jade said she wanted to go there.
At Moreton, they take 45 children into each year. In the Reception class, they are all in two adjoining rooms, 1 teacher and 3 classroom assistants, so broken down it's not a bad ratio. In the older years, they combine years 1&2, years 3&4 and years 5&6 so that they have 90 children over the 2 years, and split them into 3 classes with 30 in each class. There are normally 2 staff (1 teacher, 1 assistant) in each class. And of course Jade would probably have a special support assistant allocated to her at least part of the time.
Other parents of SM children I have been in touch with have said it is not the size of the class or the school that is important in helping the SM child, but purely the commitment and understanding of the individual staff and how well they put into place the provisions for helping the child to get better.
I think we need to give this a try, because it is so so important for Jade's future that she learns that social interaction is not as scary as she thinks and so that she takes big steps to overcome the selective mutism which is by far more easily done in a school environment than outside it. The question is, which school to go for? On the assumption that Shannon will love it and want to stay even if we take Jade out, and on the grounds that we wouldn't have to fight for a place there, and because Jade says she would like to go, we would opt for Moreton. But I am happier about envisaging Jade at Longborough because I think they will have more flexibility about accommodating her special needs and because she is always happier the smaller the group of people she is with.
I truly do hope this is only a temporary situation, because I still love and value HE and believe that in many ways it is the better option, and certainly I cannot envisage for the life of me my babies going into the savage world that is secondary school, but I also admit that I would be feeling at least partly blissful at having time and space for ME!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Time flies
I'm another of those people who thought they were getting ready for Christmas well in advance and now suddenly feel that they are behind with little hope of getting it all done! So what's new?! I guess going away on holiday for the first week of December, then coming home with a still-ailing velcro-child Shannon, which said ailment she then kindly passed on to her parents (cough, splutter, blow) has taken a great chunk out of the preparation time. I am still struggling with coughing and sinus pain - running has obviously stopped for the time being, though I have just signed up for a 10k run in February!
Some education has happened! I distinctly remember (though not when) Jade asking to do some handwriting practice and working very hard to get each letter the correct size, and also some Timez Attack which she found daunting (though it is excellent - she just needs to take maths very slowly otherwise she gets scared of it). I read her the story of King Rufus from this book at her request and she also browsed through it looking at some other stories. Shannon, in the meantime, is extremely keen on writing letters wherever she can find them to trace over - usually magazines thank goodness. She has spent a lot of time colouring-in this week too. There is also lots of counting up as high as she can go, though she still gets confused when she gets to 29 and then goes back to 20. She has learned off-by-heart "1+1=2, 2+1=3, 3+1=4 ...." and so on up to 10, though I don't know if she knows what it really means (Jade taught it to her).
There has been a visit by all of us to Longborough School where Jade went when flexi-schooling in Year 1. A separate blogpost is required for that, I think.
And so, ready or not, Christmas approaches. The (new to us, thanks to Freecycle) artificial (first time ever!) tree is up and decorated, most other decorations are up, the cake is made and is still being fed with brandy, the turkey is purchased and in the freezer, nearly all presents are purchased though not wrapped. However cards are not written and I'm having trouble with mail-merging to produce labels; we have a Jesse Tree branch but nothing hung on it and no readings/stories done (I have lost the book!); almost no Christmas crafts have been done and the girls need to make presents for some of their friends and, ideally, their parents and grandparents. And I really wanted to get everything else ready by early December so that we could enjoy the crafts and traditions side of Christmas. So far I just keep being grumpy because the 'not really a dining-room but a computer room instead' looks like a junk-yard and there seems to be too much else to do for me to get it cleared. Ah well, I still have 10 days to catch up on things, I guess.
Some education has happened! I distinctly remember (though not when) Jade asking to do some handwriting practice and working very hard to get each letter the correct size, and also some Timez Attack which she found daunting (though it is excellent - she just needs to take maths very slowly otherwise she gets scared of it). I read her the story of King Rufus from this book at her request and she also browsed through it looking at some other stories. Shannon, in the meantime, is extremely keen on writing letters wherever she can find them to trace over - usually magazines thank goodness. She has spent a lot of time colouring-in this week too. There is also lots of counting up as high as she can go, though she still gets confused when she gets to 29 and then goes back to 20. She has learned off-by-heart "1+1=2, 2+1=3, 3+1=4 ...." and so on up to 10, though I don't know if she knows what it really means (Jade taught it to her).
There has been a visit by all of us to Longborough School where Jade went when flexi-schooling in Year 1. A separate blogpost is required for that, I think.
And so, ready or not, Christmas approaches. The (new to us, thanks to Freecycle) artificial (first time ever!) tree is up and decorated, most other decorations are up, the cake is made and is still being fed with brandy, the turkey is purchased and in the freezer, nearly all presents are purchased though not wrapped. However cards are not written and I'm having trouble with mail-merging to produce labels; we have a Jesse Tree branch but nothing hung on it and no readings/stories done (I have lost the book!); almost no Christmas crafts have been done and the girls need to make presents for some of their friends and, ideally, their parents and grandparents. And I really wanted to get everything else ready by early December so that we could enjoy the crafts and traditions side of Christmas. So far I just keep being grumpy because the 'not really a dining-room but a computer room instead' looks like a junk-yard and there seems to be too much else to do for me to get it cleared. Ah well, I still have 10 days to catch up on things, I guess.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Too little time....!
I wanted to blog about NicCamps at Helmsley, but I don't have time! Suffice to say it was a really great week - my favourite HE camp so far - and I think in their own ways the girls loved it too. It was a shame Shannon was ill (though not, thank goodness, with a tummy bug as I feared when she threw up within 5 minutes of arriving at the Hostel) but with a nasty cough and cold that had her intermittently feverish all week. But highlights were snow, Christmas lunch, Mamma Mia sing-along, Helen and Em's beautiful music playing, and my one run through the crisp snowy Yorkshire countryside. I also did a quick visit to my father-in-law who was very pleased to see the girls especially when Shannon sang to him (Twinkle Twinkle and Baa Baa Black Sheep) and while there made a quick visit to Guisborough, where I lived from age 1-8, and showed the girls my old house and school. It was a real shame my oldest friend from those times couldn't come to visit us at the Hostel as planned due to the snowy and icy weather, though. I also finally managed to relive childhood memories and make a visit to the Castle Museum in York on the Friday, having ended up at completely the wrong museum when I attempted to get there on the way up on Monday! I was horrified to find that pink sugar mice no longer have a string tail, but instead have some poor modern stick substitute - it's just not right! And also somewhat shaken to find that items from my childhood are displayed in the museum. Ah well, tempus fugit!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Christmas gifts for HE kids?
Here. Or for LEA inspectors? Hmmm. Or your 'favourite' auntie?
In other news, I had my free morning today (Jade at childminder, Shannon at playschool). I went for a run and did my first proper 5k run without any walking at all - and finished in 32 minutes!! Woohoo! I was a bit miffed that I didn't manage to run my whole 5k race back in October because of a huge great hill in the middle of the course, so had to walk 5+ minutes up the mountain. So it had been my ambition to actually RUN a 5k, and it's taken me this long to manage it!
This afternoon we went swimming (which I've really gone off lately and have reduced it to once a fortnight instead of once a week). Then home where Jade read a Magic Unicorn book and Shannon 'helped' me with preparing the meal.
In other news, I had my free morning today (Jade at childminder, Shannon at playschool). I went for a run and did my first proper 5k run without any walking at all - and finished in 32 minutes!! Woohoo! I was a bit miffed that I didn't manage to run my whole 5k race back in October because of a huge great hill in the middle of the course, so had to walk 5+ minutes up the mountain. So it had been my ambition to actually RUN a 5k, and it's taken me this long to manage it!
This afternoon we went swimming (which I've really gone off lately and have reduced it to once a fortnight instead of once a week). Then home where Jade read a Magic Unicorn book and Shannon 'helped' me with preparing the meal.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Productive day
It's been a good day. With Shannon at playschool this morning, Jade and I knuckled down to some maths (beginning of times tables), the first lesson from "First Language Lessons for the Well-Trained Mind", and then loads more of me reading from "Under Fire" as linked to yesterday. After about an hour of reading, I needed a break so we walked the dog, had a quick lunch and then went to collect Shannon. We stopped off at the supermarket on the way back and picked up some essentials, and then came home again.
They both spent some time with their new magazines from the supermarket. - Shannon in particular spent ages on the "Fun to Learn Friends" magazine. Firstly we all played the Snakes & Ladders game on the front, then Shannon spent ages doing lots of letter copying and writing, colouring and counting. Jade got bored with her magazine quicker, so I suggested we play Hangman. I got out the blackboard and we played that for quite a while, taking it in turns to hang and be hanged! Then while I was folding laundry I suggested to Jade that she teach Shannon how to read simple three-letter words. She didn't actually do any 'teaching' as such - she just wrote up some simple words and asked Shannon to read them. Well, Shannon took us all by surprise and did it! Hence the video below! So that was a thrill. Of course, she had been doing it perfectly until I got the camera out, and then started getting it wrong, but eventually I captured a correct section again! And then I even managed to cook a healthy dinner, and all but one of us ate it! (Jade resorted to a bowl of cereal - I still don't know whether to just make her eat stuff which is honestly perfectly nice or give her a not so good alternative - I'm damned if I'm going to cook 2 meals though!).
They both spent some time with their new magazines from the supermarket. - Shannon in particular spent ages on the "Fun to Learn Friends" magazine. Firstly we all played the Snakes & Ladders game on the front, then Shannon spent ages doing lots of letter copying and writing, colouring and counting. Jade got bored with her magazine quicker, so I suggested we play Hangman. I got out the blackboard and we played that for quite a while, taking it in turns to hang and be hanged! Then while I was folding laundry I suggested to Jade that she teach Shannon how to read simple three-letter words. She didn't actually do any 'teaching' as such - she just wrote up some simple words and asked Shannon to read them. Well, Shannon took us all by surprise and did it! Hence the video below! So that was a thrill. Of course, she had been doing it perfectly until I got the camera out, and then started getting it wrong, but eventually I captured a correct section again! And then I even managed to cook a healthy dinner, and all but one of us ate it! (Jade resorted to a bowl of cereal - I still don't know whether to just make her eat stuff which is honestly perfectly nice or give her a not so good alternative - I'm damned if I'm going to cook 2 meals though!).
Saturday, November 22, 2008
I really am overdue for an HE-type post on here. I'll try and summarise roughly what we've been up to.
Firstly, I'm feeling that our week is just too full to get 'enough' educational stuff done. On Monday mornings, Shannon is at playschool and Jade and I have a morning together to do a bit more organised stuff than we do with S around. I usually launch enthusiastically into getting some maths done with her, and maybe some reading to her while she plays and that seems to be about as far as we get given household tasks to accomplish, the dog to walk and Shannon to go and collect. Monday afternoons nothing much seems to happen, so I could try and plan for some more activities then.
On Tuesday mornings I have a free morning while Jade is at the childminder and Shannon is at playschool. I usually try to fit in a run (yes, still running!), going to a group at church and then about 45 minutes of mad rushing about tidying/computering/sorting/dog-walking before going to collect the girls. On Tuesday afternoons we go swimming.
On Wednesdays I'm at work all day and DH is home with the girls. Some practical stuff usually gets done on those days, e.g. lately they have made a tree for a toy lemur to sit in, they have made a wooden stable, and a set of monster feet. Sometimes if I have left directions/books out, some of the maths or other things will get done, but not always.
On Thursday mornings I go to work, taking Jade with me while Shannon is at playschool. I used to insist that Jade did Education City at some point during the morning, but she only liked to do the same easy literacy exercises over and over again and balked at doing anything else (too scary) and I've kind of given up. She usually takes books to read and plays on the Barbie or CBeebies websites. Of course she is with me, taking note of my work and getting an insight into having a responsibility to do the work that you're paid for, and she hears me talking on the phone etc, so I guess there is a good deal more background stuff going on there as well. Straight after work, at lunchtime, she goes riding with the RDA. She's doing well there and has mastered the rising trot, but of course speaks not a single word and will only give the tiniest nod or shake of the head when asked a question. She got upset a few weeks ago when a couple of the ladies started to say things like "Go on, give us a smile" and "Tell the pony to 'Walk on'". After 2 or 3 weeks of this happening she got very upset one night and said she would stop going riding if they kept saying things like that. I had to print off and summarise as much info about Selective Mutism as I could and pass it to the RDA people, and now they are worried about saying anything to her in case they upset her!!! She loves it though, and as I was a horse-mad kid and still have a lot of interest it's nice for me to be there too.
On Fridays we have a completely free day. I often like to arrange visits to/from friends in the afternoon, but try to fit in a little more formal stuff into the morning. The days just easily disappear, though, with not much seeming to be achieved.
I don't even think about doing anything formally educational at the weekends, although I could. I just tend to think of them as days when I can legitimately leave the kids to their own devices (including usually L. from next door) while DH and I frantically battle to catch up with some of the backlog of things we are trying to get done.
So I'm finding myself a bit worried, particularly about maths. She has always found it hard, and is scared of anything she finds hard, so we have had to take it very very slowly indeed. She is still on very basic addition and subtraction, with merely the slightest venture into the 2, 5 and 10 times tables (skip-counting, rather than full tables). It wouldn't matter so much, except that she is insisting that she still wants to go to school next September. And I am having fearful imaginings of the teacher tut-tutting over the appalling gaps in her knowledge.
Anyway, on a more positive note, we have bought the LeapFrog Globe which is really good and all of us have been enjoying using it fairly often. I have certainly learned a few things, as have Jade and Shannon.
Jade has also had a strong interest in WW2, and picked up a couple of books at the library a couple of weeks ago. "Under Fire - Children of the Second World War tell their stories" is fascinating and Jade begged me to read and keep on reading for most of the day when we got this. (Memo - must pick it up again and carry on!). She also chose The Holocaust which I haven't read yet but DH said he learned a few things when he looked at it.
However have various lovely resources that I really want to use but are just not getting picked up. I bought "First Language Lessons for the Well-Trained Mind" at the same time I bought the globe, and that hasn't even been opened yet. We haven't touched "Story of the World" for months, and some living maths books (like Penrose the Mathematical Cat), games for learning, games for maths that I don't seem to find the time for. And we haven't done any proper science in yonks either. Nor any languages.
I had a brief chat with her today about her cello. She has been completely resistant to being shown or taught anything. We have a "teach yourself cello"-type DVD which she says she doesn't like. She hasn't got past bowing on open strings for a minute or two and then leaving it. I've had enough, and I've told her that I will hire it for one more term (i.e. till Easter) and if she isn't showing proper progress or learning of some sort by then, it's going back to the hire people. She immediately went and got it out and had a go, and within 5 minutes was in tears and a foul mood when I tried to show her how to place her fingers on a string to change the notes. I suspect we do not have the new Jacqueline du Pre in our house.
I suspect I just need a little bit more planning and organisation in our week and things would feel a lot better. I wonder how on earth I'm going to manage that then?
Firstly, I'm feeling that our week is just too full to get 'enough' educational stuff done. On Monday mornings, Shannon is at playschool and Jade and I have a morning together to do a bit more organised stuff than we do with S around. I usually launch enthusiastically into getting some maths done with her, and maybe some reading to her while she plays and that seems to be about as far as we get given household tasks to accomplish, the dog to walk and Shannon to go and collect. Monday afternoons nothing much seems to happen, so I could try and plan for some more activities then.
On Tuesday mornings I have a free morning while Jade is at the childminder and Shannon is at playschool. I usually try to fit in a run (yes, still running!), going to a group at church and then about 45 minutes of mad rushing about tidying/computering/sorting/dog-walking before going to collect the girls. On Tuesday afternoons we go swimming.
On Wednesdays I'm at work all day and DH is home with the girls. Some practical stuff usually gets done on those days, e.g. lately they have made a tree for a toy lemur to sit in, they have made a wooden stable, and a set of monster feet. Sometimes if I have left directions/books out, some of the maths or other things will get done, but not always.
On Thursday mornings I go to work, taking Jade with me while Shannon is at playschool. I used to insist that Jade did Education City at some point during the morning, but she only liked to do the same easy literacy exercises over and over again and balked at doing anything else (too scary) and I've kind of given up. She usually takes books to read and plays on the Barbie or CBeebies websites. Of course she is with me, taking note of my work and getting an insight into having a responsibility to do the work that you're paid for, and she hears me talking on the phone etc, so I guess there is a good deal more background stuff going on there as well. Straight after work, at lunchtime, she goes riding with the RDA. She's doing well there and has mastered the rising trot, but of course speaks not a single word and will only give the tiniest nod or shake of the head when asked a question. She got upset a few weeks ago when a couple of the ladies started to say things like "Go on, give us a smile" and "Tell the pony to 'Walk on'". After 2 or 3 weeks of this happening she got very upset one night and said she would stop going riding if they kept saying things like that. I had to print off and summarise as much info about Selective Mutism as I could and pass it to the RDA people, and now they are worried about saying anything to her in case they upset her!!! She loves it though, and as I was a horse-mad kid and still have a lot of interest it's nice for me to be there too.
On Fridays we have a completely free day. I often like to arrange visits to/from friends in the afternoon, but try to fit in a little more formal stuff into the morning. The days just easily disappear, though, with not much seeming to be achieved.
I don't even think about doing anything formally educational at the weekends, although I could. I just tend to think of them as days when I can legitimately leave the kids to their own devices (including usually L. from next door) while DH and I frantically battle to catch up with some of the backlog of things we are trying to get done.
So I'm finding myself a bit worried, particularly about maths. She has always found it hard, and is scared of anything she finds hard, so we have had to take it very very slowly indeed. She is still on very basic addition and subtraction, with merely the slightest venture into the 2, 5 and 10 times tables (skip-counting, rather than full tables). It wouldn't matter so much, except that she is insisting that she still wants to go to school next September. And I am having fearful imaginings of the teacher tut-tutting over the appalling gaps in her knowledge.
Anyway, on a more positive note, we have bought the LeapFrog Globe which is really good and all of us have been enjoying using it fairly often. I have certainly learned a few things, as have Jade and Shannon.
Jade has also had a strong interest in WW2, and picked up a couple of books at the library a couple of weeks ago. "Under Fire - Children of the Second World War tell their stories" is fascinating and Jade begged me to read and keep on reading for most of the day when we got this. (Memo - must pick it up again and carry on!). She also chose The Holocaust which I haven't read yet but DH said he learned a few things when he looked at it.
However have various lovely resources that I really want to use but are just not getting picked up. I bought "First Language Lessons for the Well-Trained Mind" at the same time I bought the globe, and that hasn't even been opened yet. We haven't touched "Story of the World" for months, and some living maths books (like Penrose the Mathematical Cat), games for learning, games for maths that I don't seem to find the time for. And we haven't done any proper science in yonks either. Nor any languages.
I had a brief chat with her today about her cello. She has been completely resistant to being shown or taught anything. We have a "teach yourself cello"-type DVD which she says she doesn't like. She hasn't got past bowing on open strings for a minute or two and then leaving it. I've had enough, and I've told her that I will hire it for one more term (i.e. till Easter) and if she isn't showing proper progress or learning of some sort by then, it's going back to the hire people. She immediately went and got it out and had a go, and within 5 minutes was in tears and a foul mood when I tried to show her how to place her fingers on a string to change the notes. I suspect we do not have the new Jacqueline du Pre in our house.
I suspect I just need a little bit more planning and organisation in our week and things would feel a lot better. I wonder how on earth I'm going to manage that then?
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Fantastic 4!
Shannon is 4 - a big girl now, she says! Well, big enough to get her own proper bed in her own bedroom, instead of being on a mattress underneath Jade's cabin bed! And also big enough to finally wean completely - my choice, not hers! She's complaining about it a couple of times per day, but not for too long and I am quite sure I'm not changing my mind on this one.
So, she had a party on Sunday afternoon, which necessitated much of the 'stash and dash' house-tidying technique. This means there are now teetering piles of stuff which desperately need sorting through. But her little friends didn't notice that, and a good time was had by all I think. I am doing a bit of stern self-talk to push away the guilt of buying her birthday cake instead of making it like I always have for Jade's - going to Monty Roberts on Friday night and not going to bed till 2am left me too exhausted to do the things on Saturday that I meant to, and I just ran out of time and energy for the cake. Nevertheless I think a good time was had by all what with the Charlie & Lola themed games/decor, musical bumps/statues, pass the parcel and of course jelly and ice-cream for pud!
On Monday, her actual birthday, there was a lovely traditional prezzie-opening session in bed, leading to much playing with all the new Polly Pocket stuff during the morning. Jade had a very bad case of the green-eyed monster and lots of re-framing her perceptions and encouragement was required - exhausting! My Dad and Pat came round in the early afternoon to deliver their present and stayed for about an hour, then the girls and I went off for Shannon's birthday treat which was a ride on a bus! Poor deprived child - never gets to go on one! So we went for a trip to Bourton-on-the-Water where we only stayed for about 40 minutes, mostly looking round the toyshop, and then home again, but that was fun for her.
On Tuesday we went to the mums & toddlers group at church, then off for an impromptu shared lunch at one woman's house, then the girls and I headed off to Stratford-on-Avon to collect some library books I had reserved. Unfortunately I had forgotten that I had reserved them at Shipston-on-Stour instead! So then we went off to Shipston; meanwhile Jade chose a huge pile of books at both libraries, mostly Magic Pony/Secret Unicorn/Animal Ark/Horrid Henry.
Wednesday was my normal work day, coming home for a quick turnaround to take Jade and L from next door to Brownies. Jade is getting a little more confident there, running around playing with the girls in the downtimes between activities, but still very much requiring me to be there and stand with her in the pow-wow time and during other organised bits. Still, it's progress, even if I would like it to be quicker. Then we went off to the firework display - it's very handy having the national Fire Service Training College on the doorstep! They put on a fantastic display free each year, although there is lots of bucket-rattling for donations for the Fire Service Benevolent Fund. We have never yet managed to stay and see the firework display because always one or both of our children has dissolved into tears at the noise and insisted on leaving. So we equipped them both with ear defenders in the hope of staying this time. It didn't work for Jade - she wanted to leave before the bangs even started, just from the anxious anticipation of it, and once it did start she definitely got upset and Bill took her back to the car. Shannon, however, should have been filmed for a promotional video for the display - arms flung up high every time a firework exploded in sheer pleasure at the spectacle and a suitably happy awed expression on her face. Every time a big firework went off, I'd turn to look at her, and she'd try and turn my face back to look at the fireworks. What she just couldn't realise was that she was more beautiful and amazing to watch than the fireworks themselves so I just had to look at her, not them.
So, she had a party on Sunday afternoon, which necessitated much of the 'stash and dash' house-tidying technique. This means there are now teetering piles of stuff which desperately need sorting through. But her little friends didn't notice that, and a good time was had by all I think. I am doing a bit of stern self-talk to push away the guilt of buying her birthday cake instead of making it like I always have for Jade's - going to Monty Roberts on Friday night and not going to bed till 2am left me too exhausted to do the things on Saturday that I meant to, and I just ran out of time and energy for the cake. Nevertheless I think a good time was had by all what with the Charlie & Lola themed games/decor, musical bumps/statues, pass the parcel and of course jelly and ice-cream for pud!
On Monday, her actual birthday, there was a lovely traditional prezzie-opening session in bed, leading to much playing with all the new Polly Pocket stuff during the morning. Jade had a very bad case of the green-eyed monster and lots of re-framing her perceptions and encouragement was required - exhausting! My Dad and Pat came round in the early afternoon to deliver their present and stayed for about an hour, then the girls and I went off for Shannon's birthday treat which was a ride on a bus! Poor deprived child - never gets to go on one! So we went for a trip to Bourton-on-the-Water where we only stayed for about 40 minutes, mostly looking round the toyshop, and then home again, but that was fun for her.
On Tuesday we went to the mums & toddlers group at church, then off for an impromptu shared lunch at one woman's house, then the girls and I headed off to Stratford-on-Avon to collect some library books I had reserved. Unfortunately I had forgotten that I had reserved them at Shipston-on-Stour instead! So then we went off to Shipston; meanwhile Jade chose a huge pile of books at both libraries, mostly Magic Pony/Secret Unicorn/Animal Ark/Horrid Henry.
Wednesday was my normal work day, coming home for a quick turnaround to take Jade and L from next door to Brownies. Jade is getting a little more confident there, running around playing with the girls in the downtimes between activities, but still very much requiring me to be there and stand with her in the pow-wow time and during other organised bits. Still, it's progress, even if I would like it to be quicker. Then we went off to the firework display - it's very handy having the national Fire Service Training College on the doorstep! They put on a fantastic display free each year, although there is lots of bucket-rattling for donations for the Fire Service Benevolent Fund. We have never yet managed to stay and see the firework display because always one or both of our children has dissolved into tears at the noise and insisted on leaving. So we equipped them both with ear defenders in the hope of staying this time. It didn't work for Jade - she wanted to leave before the bangs even started, just from the anxious anticipation of it, and once it did start she definitely got upset and Bill took her back to the car. Shannon, however, should have been filmed for a promotional video for the display - arms flung up high every time a firework exploded in sheer pleasure at the spectacle and a suitably happy awed expression on her face. Every time a big firework went off, I'd turn to look at her, and she'd try and turn my face back to look at the fireworks. What she just couldn't realise was that she was more beautiful and amazing to watch than the fireworks themselves so I just had to look at her, not them.
Saturday, November 01, 2008
The day, in brief
It's after 1am, so I must be quick here and go to bed.
Today we had a girl from Jade's Brownie pack round. She's a confident, chatty girl who I thought would be a good first pick to come round so that the more comfortable Jade gets with each girl, the happier I hope she'll be at Brownies. She is very happy to go, but still not confident enough to let me leave her there on her own. The visit was a reasonable success, although Jade did show a bit of a tendency to want to do solitary things like play on the computer or do her magic painting book, and had to be encouraged to find things to do for both (and later for all of them once L from next door arrived too). While the visitor was here we carved a large pumpkin, bought yesterday but I was way too tired after we got home to get round to carving.
Visiting girl was here from 10am to 3pm, and after she went we took the dog for a walk, along with a neighbour's dog. Then I finished off the pumpkin and sweetcorn soup (Delia!) which we ate with garlic bread for an early dinner before dashing out. Shannon was off to stay with a friend of mine for 3 hours till DH could pick her up, while Jade and I went down to the Forest of Dean area to watch Monty Roberts do a horse-training demo. He is an absolutely phenomenal man, with what I think is a life-changing message even for people who have nothing to do with horses, if they will but listen. He has many basic beliefs, including "no-one has the right to say 'you must or I will hurt you' to any creature, animal or human", "there is no such thing as teaching, only learning", and "everyone has the right to fail". And though it was expensive to go, I had to give Jade the possibly once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see the man in action. She was ecstatic! We saw him work with four horses - one almost totally untouched youngster who was taken from nowhere to receiving a saddle and rider on his back within about 30 minutes, one horse who had been taught to jump by using an electric prod to shock it into jumping as high as possible, and who consequently was now absolutely terrified of going anywhere near any jumps at all (and who was going over a 1' jump without a terrified dash for escape after landing by the end), a pony who was totally unrideable through ill-treatment, who took a rider by the end of the session and his owners were totally shocked and amazed at this being possible, and a horse who was scared to load into a trailer who took only about 15 minutes to teach how to load himself without even being led!!! It has given me lots of thoughts and inspiration about how to help Jade with her anxieties!
Tomorrow I have a vast amount to do to prepare for Shannon's 4th birthday party which takes place on Sunday afternoon. Her actual birthday is on Monday. I need to plan/buy/make food, cake, decorations, games, buy an extra present, wrap presents, etc! I'd better go to bed then.
Today we had a girl from Jade's Brownie pack round. She's a confident, chatty girl who I thought would be a good first pick to come round so that the more comfortable Jade gets with each girl, the happier I hope she'll be at Brownies. She is very happy to go, but still not confident enough to let me leave her there on her own. The visit was a reasonable success, although Jade did show a bit of a tendency to want to do solitary things like play on the computer or do her magic painting book, and had to be encouraged to find things to do for both (and later for all of them once L from next door arrived too). While the visitor was here we carved a large pumpkin, bought yesterday but I was way too tired after we got home to get round to carving.
Visiting girl was here from 10am to 3pm, and after she went we took the dog for a walk, along with a neighbour's dog. Then I finished off the pumpkin and sweetcorn soup (Delia!) which we ate with garlic bread for an early dinner before dashing out. Shannon was off to stay with a friend of mine for 3 hours till DH could pick her up, while Jade and I went down to the Forest of Dean area to watch Monty Roberts do a horse-training demo. He is an absolutely phenomenal man, with what I think is a life-changing message even for people who have nothing to do with horses, if they will but listen. He has many basic beliefs, including "no-one has the right to say 'you must or I will hurt you' to any creature, animal or human", "there is no such thing as teaching, only learning", and "everyone has the right to fail". And though it was expensive to go, I had to give Jade the possibly once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see the man in action. She was ecstatic! We saw him work with four horses - one almost totally untouched youngster who was taken from nowhere to receiving a saddle and rider on his back within about 30 minutes, one horse who had been taught to jump by using an electric prod to shock it into jumping as high as possible, and who consequently was now absolutely terrified of going anywhere near any jumps at all (and who was going over a 1' jump without a terrified dash for escape after landing by the end), a pony who was totally unrideable through ill-treatment, who took a rider by the end of the session and his owners were totally shocked and amazed at this being possible, and a horse who was scared to load into a trailer who took only about 15 minutes to teach how to load himself without even being led!!! It has given me lots of thoughts and inspiration about how to help Jade with her anxieties!
Tomorrow I have a vast amount to do to prepare for Shannon's 4th birthday party which takes place on Sunday afternoon. Her actual birthday is on Monday. I need to plan/buy/make food, cake, decorations, games, buy an extra present, wrap presents, etc! I'd better go to bed then.
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