Better late than never

I didn't make it back to blog yesterday - subsided into bed exhausted at 9.20pm!

So, back to the birthday girl. She is of course an absolute beacon of joy in our lives - she is extremely funny, extraordinarily clever and quite amazingly beautiful in our eyes at least. I used to wonder whether watching a second child (and another girl) grow up and develop would be a bit boring, having already watched the first with those astonished newbie-parent eyes, but no, not a bit of it. Watching Shannon grow in some ways that are similar but some ways that are totally different from Jade is just as enchanting the second time around. And I particularly adore this 'learning to talk' stage, when language is just developing and their little individual interpretations of words mean that only a parent can understand a lot of what is said. I love Shannon's "Dair-DENN" (shouted!) which means 'again', and the way she calls her sister "Dabdid" or "Dadid", although I would not mind hearing an awful lot less of "u-miwk" which has recently turned into "mu-mee-miwk" or "hungry" which is not satisfied by food but only by boob . I swear that girl sometimes asks (and gets!) said substance about 10 times an hour, as refusal brings on wailing, sobbing, clinging to my legs and general heartbreak all round. No wonder she's somewhere round the 99th percentile for weight!

Anyway, as far as early predictions of her future are concerned, I would currently suggest she will either end up as a comedian or a musician as she seems to have a definite talent for both, so it will be interesting to look back in 20 or 30 years and wonder with astonishment how on earth she turned into an accountant!

Birthday celebrations were low-key. We had a lazy morning when she enjoyed learning about opening presents and enjoying the contents! In the afternoon we went to an HE session organised by the woman who I met a couple of weeks ago with the stunning house! It was at her local village hall and she had invited several other HE families for a clay/pottery session with clay, wheel and tuition provided by a local potter. I hadn't met any of these other families before as she is in the totally opposite direction to the other group that I have been attending, so it was lovely to meet a whole new group of HErs (all Christians although there weren't any distinguishing features from any other HE get-together to make it obvious!!!) and a whole new bunch of kids! She is hoping to arrange get-togethers every so often so that'll be great. She was kind enough to organise a birthday cake complete with candles for Shannon and a large group rendition of 'Happy Birthday' to go with it. Jade declined to make anything recognisable from her lump of clay, so after fiddling about a bit making the letters for her name which she then destroyed I made a birthday cake with 2 candles for Shannon and, on request, a person (head, body, legs but no arms!) for Jade. Jade then had a go on the potter's wheel and 'made' a vase (with some help!) but predictably refused to utter a single word or even nod or shake her head in response to any questions from the man so that felt slightly embarrassing although I should not take it that way, I know. Shannon spent the time mostly completely engrossed in playing with the toy kitchen but unfortunately (fortunately?) we do not have the space for any such kind of thing in this house so she'll just have to enjoy them elsewhere.

Afterwards, seeing as we were three-quarters of the way to my Dad's house, we continued on there where DH met us and we had a birthday tea complete with yet another scrummy birthday cake and candles. Shannon made a sort of 'Fff-Ffff' attempt at blowing out the candles but didn't get on too well so we all helped! But that was all lovely and quite fitting as Jade had had her second birthday at her other grandparents' house in the north-east so it was kind of nice to continue the tradition.

Sadly, being 2 hasn't diminished Shannon's desire for mummymilk in the night although we are down to about 2 wakings per night rather than 5 or 6. Not enough of an improvement yet to bring about a vast change in the amount of my daytime fog or sleepiness so that's still something to work on. Hence my early collapse last night!

TWO!

Shannon is 2 today!! Happy Birthday sweet girl - we love you!

More later.

Thankfully the week did improve. I had work all day on Wednesday which gave me a break and time to re-group a bit, and then a massive tantrum from Jade on Wednesday evening gave further food for thought. From then on I was careful to remain extremely calm with her, even in response to difficult behaviour, and feel much better about myself as a result!

We've also done some nice learning stuff. I can't remember it all, but there's been a breakthrough on mental addition and subtraction while we were in the car; reading about her favourite subject - trains; a brief conversation and demo taught her about syllables; we visited a Victorian Farm Museum last week so lots of conversations about how things were done 100+ years ago; and in response to her playing one evening saying she was in 'Jadeland', she has drawn a map of Jadeland, designed a flag for it and I intend to pursue this every now and then by suggesting she designs the clothes they wear in Jadeland, we make up the laws for the country, discuss the weather, etc etc!

Shannon's sleeping is better than it was but still not great. We've moved her to share the bedroom with Jade, because proximity to me was making things worse. She now usually wakes about twice per night and if it's in the small hours, she will go back to sleep without feeding quite readily, but once we get to 4 or 5am she's harder to soothe. If not fed, she keeps re-awakening repeatedly so I usually give in at some point. We soldier on.

Foul

Yesterday was horrible, I am being foul, I am weepy and fed-up, I hate this house and the tattiness of it, I hate my messiness, I hate all the 'making-do' which means that nothing technical is straightforward and I hate that my children just demand, demand, demand taking no account of the fact that I am feeling fragile.

Mostly brought on by tiredness, I suspect. Shannon has had me awake so much in the past couple of nights that I need some IV caffeine, I think.

Also brought on by going to someone else's beautiful house. No, not beautiful - stunning! And they're home-edders, but somehow without all the associated mess that normally goes along with it. Maybe because of the au-pair

Well, I suppose I'd better get us all dressed to go out to an HE group weaving session. Better than staying home being grouchy all day.

It's my blog...

...and I'll boast if I want to.

Jade's reading is so good I couldn't resist trying to find out what her reading age is. I found a test here, and carried it out this evening. At the age of 5 years and 4 months, she has a reading age of 8 years and 9 months!!!

On Tuesday, it briefly passed through my mind to get her to practise a bit more handwriting, but we were too busy with other stuff. In the early evening, however, she spontaneously collected some of the symbols off her calendar and wrote out the words. Autonomy rules!

History Matters blog

My name is Joanna, I am 42 and I live in the North Cotswolds, Gloucestershire. I am married to Bill and we have 2 daughters, Jade age 5 and Shannon who is almost 2. I home-educate Jade and I also work part-time.

Our day started in the usual way, too early for me after being woken several times in the night by Shannon. My husband left for work around 8am and then the rest of us got up and had breakfast (cereal and milk, toast and jam, and coffee for me to try and wake me up). The children watched some TV while we had breakfast.

Around 8.40am our dog was brought back from a walk by our dog-walker. This is done under the Fair Shares Time Bank, for which I also work, so she earns time credits for the dog-walking and can spend them on getting someone else’s help or skill when she needs it. The principle is one of co-production where each participant is both a giver and a receiver, and everyone’s time is of equal value. However today is not a working day for me – my job-share partner is in the office instead.

After breakfast we got on with some learning activities, although I try not to separate ‘work’ and ‘play’ too much but instead to integrate learning into our everyday life as much as possible. Jade did some colouring while I read to her from a book on food and eating and the human body. She loves to learn about the body and says often that she wants to be a doctor – I wonder if she will? Although there are other ways to work in health or human biology. I have studied nutrition to degree level myself and don’t think that doctors have the monopoly on how to be healthy! Shannon pottered about with various stacking toys, shape sorters and scribbling madly with coloured pencils.

After the reading, we moved on to some websites with interactive activities connected to food and the body, including watching some short videos and playing some games. Jade then wanted to play on the CBeebies website so she did this and Shannon watched her while I got on with sorting out the laundry and some other domestic tasks.

By this time it was around noon so we had a quick snack and then I got Shannon to sleep for her nap. While she slept, I also had a doze as I was still particularly tired from the night before, and then Jade and I had some lunch.

After lunch we set off to go swimming with the local home education group, on the way picking up another mum and her son. To get to the swimming pool at Shipston-on-Stour we had to travel along the Fosse Way, the old Roman road. I sometimes try to picture what the surroundings would have looked like in Roman times. I recall very little from my own history education, and am very much enjoying beginning to fill in the gaps by studying things with Jade. I have managed to live perfectly well without much historical knowledge or awareness, but it is satisfying to learn more.

We had a long swim, with both girls making progress as they grow braver and try different things. It was enjoyable and relaxed, as ideally all learning should be.

We got home around 5pm, after which the girls played and watched some more TV while I made dinner, consisting of brown rice mixed with sweet potato, peas and sausage, seasoned (unconventionally!) by some Caesar salad dressing. Then an early night as we were all exhausted.

Mondays always seem to go fairly well. It really suits me to have free mornings with no commitments and then a clear afternoon while Shannon is asleep and Jade is at school.

But first a quick catch-up of the weekend. On Saturday I helped all day at the Stratford-on-Avon NCT sale, because that entitles you to a pre-sale leisurely shop with first pick of all the stuff. So among other things I got Jade a pair of jodhpurs (she wants to have riding lessons although I have not yet worked out how on earth to afford them), I got Shannon a couple of birthday presents, a lovely Boden coat for only £3 and then, best of all, a SuperPlexus (known to all those who went to J&J's weekend at the beginning of September) for 50p!! On Saturday evening a friend came round and did a home demonstration of the 'Enjo' cleaning system which uses fibres only, no chemicals. She's returning the favour by holding an Usborne party in a little while. Anyway I am impressed by the stuff and ordered a couple of things.

Sunday was the usual mix of church, sleep after lunch (still suffering from Shannon's shenanigans in the night!) and wall-to-wall play for Jade and the next-door-neighbour.

This morning, during breakfast we had CBeebies on as we usually do, and Jade saw Justin playing 'Mary had a little lamb' on the recorder. She at once picked up a cheap plastic recorder we got off the front of a magazine and played the tune herself! She was thrilled with her first proper tune and played it repeatedly all day long. I have to say the thrill wore off for me quite quickly! But I think it's time to break out the 'Recorder from the Beginning Book 1' which we have and see how well she gets on.

Once we were all up, dressed and fed, we did a bit of a spelling puzzle. She didn't want to spend long on it, but she found the right letters to spell the word 'girl' and eventually 'fish', although her first attempt was 'fich'. She knew without me saying anything that it was wrong, though, and put it right herself. We went on to play I-Spy for a while and then had a quick browse through my Usborne delivery which arrived. I also managed to catch Shannon on video doing a bit of unstructured singing and then a rendition of 'Twinkle Twinkle', which is going to be incredibly cute when played at her wedding .

We took the dog for a walk with Jade on her bike and Shannon on a trike with a handle for the first time. She had a bit of trouble keeping her feet on the pedals as they went round so after about 10 minutes she got off and walked. She thoroughly enjoyed holding the dog on the lead for the final half of the walk. I took a book called "Which Tree" to do some identification as we went round, but totally forgot to do so!

On our return, I can't remember what the girls did but at some point I got time to scrub the inside of my oven door with a brillo pad (shamed after the Saturday night cleaning demo!) and have done about 3 loads of washing today. Jade did a bit of the CBeebies website (mostly the Charlie and Lola butterfly thing). All too quickly it was time to get her ready for school, so after a quick lunch off she went and Shannon obligingly fell asleep in the car, leaving me a bit of quiet time this afternoon. I moved some of the dangerously wobbly piles of books and papers and re-arranged a bit of stuff so there are more HE books on the shelves that she can reach (and more full boxes in the middle of the floor that I don't know what to do with). While doing so I found some resources I had forgotten about so that was useful!

Shannon woke just as it was time to collect Jade. After we got back I was seized by a sudden burst of 'get up and go' and tidied up the patio which was disgusting and removed some of the weeds from between the cracks and generally made the place a bit more respectable. Meanwhile the kids pottered, cycled and climbed about happily. Then it was dinner and bath but bed was delayed because Bill wasn't home. He's got to put Shannon to bed at the moment while we get her used to doing without mummymilk, so I brought her back downstairs while I caught up with the repeat of Trinny & Susannah and eventually DH got home around 8.45pm and took them off to bed.

The nights are short; the days are long ...

Shannon is putting up a good fight. Three nights in and she's still extremely wakeful, and letting us know all about it. To be fair, she's not desperately unhappy. If she was, I couldn't see it through. But she does grumble and moan, sometimes wails a bit, or sometimes just stands up and chats or tries to crawl over DH to get to me. Tonight I think I'm going in the spare room again - it's much less fuss that way. DH and I are walking zombies.

It's a good job she's totally delightful in the daytime. She's at the very imitative stage and copies much of the stuff we say in her gorgeous baby-like way, and tries to do as much of the stuff that Jade does as she can. It's very cute.

There has been some HE going on this week, I just can't remember any of it.

Last night...

I did not feed Shannon. Instead, I took myself off to the spare room and DH Bill did wonderful soothing and calming work. Which meant that Shannon had only one session of crying-till-she-was-almost-sick but the rest of the night was relatively peaceful. Not that she didn't wake up - she did, and although I was in the spare room I woke up every time that she did, as of course did DH - but although she woke probably more frequently than normal, she would just call out for Daddy, complain a bit, clutch his hand, and fall back to sleep reasonably quickly.

I am soooooo hoping that things continue to improve. As, of course, is Bill. Poor soul, he is totally wrecked today, having had to go to work of course.

The rest of us had a peaceful morning at home, during which Jade did lots of painting, very creatively I thought, and did some Reader Rabbit CD-Rom, which is far too easy for her mostly but is still good for concentration and memory.

And I made headway into the washing mountain that is still towering from before our holiday.

This afternoon Jade went to school and enjoyed herself doing some PE, and hearing a story. That's all she told me anyway. There was probably more. Straight after school we visited some friends, then home for tea, much playing and a late (9pm) bedtime for the girls.

Stop the world -

I want to get off!

I've had a completely manic week since getting back from Cornwall. I can't even remember what I've been doing, but the days have been spent rushing from one thing to another with no time to do anything remotely resembling education. And all this on top of Shannon waking 5+ times per night and needing feeding to go back to sleep. I am absolutely shattered, and am grumpy, gloomy and forgetful as a result. Night-weaning Shannon and getting her to sleep better are the absolute priorities right now. The priority after that is to reduce her day-time feeding from about 20 to 3!

I keep coming up with ideas to de-clutter and get a little more organised so that life runs a little more smoothly, but have absolutely no time or energy to get it sorted out. The house looks like an explosion in a toy-and-paper factory. I forget things all the time and carry a constant anxiety that someone else is going to challenge me with something important I've completely forgotten about.

I'm sure life will look completely different when I'm getting some sleep. Please God let it be soon.

Please pray ....

.... for Canon, a little boy with the same heart defect that Benjamin had. Canon has had a heart transplant, but is not doing too well right now.

Saturday

Not much going on today. I was supposed to be driving down to my Mum's to collect the dog from her, but after travelling nearly all day yesterday I couldn't face another 2 hours each way in the car, let alone not having any chance to start the washing mountain or put anything away. So at 10am, the time we were supposed to be setting off but we were all still in our pyjamas, I phoned my Mum and postponed till Tuesday.

So girl-next-door came round and played for much of the day. I attempted to make some order out of chaos, making very little headway until later in the afternoon when I have put aside some toys to be got rid of and put away a load of stuff that has been dumped messily into boxes for weeks. Also managed to make a healthy and frugal dinner (meatloaf recipe from Hillbilly Housewife) and get the kids into bed by 8pm !

In the middle of the day we went out to a nearly-new sale of kids' stuff, and managed to only spend £8 so that was better than I normally do! If we hadn't been on holiday for the past week I would have listed a load of stuff to sell, but didn't have time. Plan to do that for the local NCT sale in a couple of weeks instead.

This evening I have had a long conversation with another woman in my own town who is now HE-ing 4 of her 5 kids - the ones still at primary age. As we started talking (the EO helpline contacted me to ask if was happy to chat with her) I realised I had read about her story in the newspaper a few weeks ago. Her 8-year old girl was bullied at the local school and she was disgusted at the lack of action taken, so she has withdrawn her 4 girls and as she cannot get a place or transport to any other local schools she is HEing by default. Not that we talked about HE at all really - she talked at length about the lies the Head has told and the underhand tactics of the Governors and getting the police and lawyers involved and so on ..... . Still, even if it doesn't last long, that means that currently there are nine HE'd children in this tiny one-horse town!!!! (And that's not counting Shannon!!)

Now I come to mention it - I realise I didn't blog about meeting the other new family who have just moved here from Brighton. The family have 8-year old twin girls and a 5.5 year old girl, who were previously all at the Brighton Steiner School. Before that they lived in Eastbourne and were HE'd. She didn't know Nic but she did know Ros - somebody give her a nudge because she doesn't visit this blog!! They came to visit about 10 days ago and I think we're going to get on really well - all the girls are really lovely and they brought their new little puppy too!!! So I'm just thrilled about that. The girls and Jade didn't play together until right at the end, of course, but a few more visits together should put that right!

Just practising!

Thanks Anita!

Hey, it's good to be back home again

(With thanks to John Denver for the title).

Back from our week away. The Travelodge in Taunton was good, and was especially nice as it was on a retail park with a bowling alley, so after having seen it on the telly recently and saying she wanted to go bowling, Jade got her wish. We all had a really good evening there, and Jade and Shannon (not yet age 2!) had a great time bowling. I came last - am particularly useless at that sort of thing but it was fun anyway. The next morning we moved on to St Austell. I must be careful what I write about our accommodation as I would not want to get done for libel. But hey, we only paid £54 for all of us for the 5 days. Certainly very glad we didn't pay any more.

Still, they had their own little beach (down a long steep hill) which we went straight to when we arrived as our accommodation was not ready. That was a lovely afternoon. It was warm, sunny and Jade in particular had the most fantastic time jumping and splashing in the waves. There were rockpools and sand and that lovely seaside-y smell and we all loved it.

On Tuesday I took the girls swimming in the morning while DH languished in bed feeling a bit unwell. After lunch we went to Mevagissey, specifically for the World of Model Railways which was really good, and a stroll along the harbour wall eating real Cornish pasties followed by Cornish ice-cream - yum!

Wednesday is best left largely unmentioned, as it consisted mostly of a lot of bad-temper on my part, yelling at DH, going out with the girls at 4pm for a walk and getting caught in torrential rain, followed by the only treat I could think of which was a biggish shop at Asda, which we don't have round here.

On Thursday we went to the Eden Project, which was really the main point of the entire holiday. I'm glad we managed to offset the large entry fee by taking along both an adult's and a child's guide-book which I had got from charity shops in advance! And I'd packed an entire picnic, so we only had to spend money on large coffees for DH and I during the morning otherwise we would both have been sleep-walking due mostly to Shannon's nightly shenanigans!!! Having to get out of bed each time she woke, instead of just rolling over in a sleepy haze, brought it home to me just exactly how much of my sleep she disturbs. *Must* find a strategy to night-wean her without it involving loads of 'crying till she's sick' episodes. Anyway I digress. Jade particularly loved the 'jungle' bit as she loves trees, so she says! She enjoyed filling in some stuff in the children's guide-book so got loads of writing practice as well as all the science.

Today, Friday, was disappointing as I had hoped we would travel a couple of hours, stop in Devon for some sort of half-day touristy thing, and then carry on home, but it just poured with rain the whole way, and Shannon and I fell asleep in the car, so we just came straight home, though the total journey did take 6.5 hours instead of 4-ish due to horrendous traffic.

We're off!

On holiday for a week! This was one of those special offers in our local newspaper - collect a load of tokens and then get a holiday for £10 each - so £40 is getting us a Monday-Friday holiday at this place in St Austell. Chose it mostly so that we can go to the Eden Project. We're staying one night at a Travelodge on the way down. So ... catch up with you all in a week!

OK, this is 3+ months old, but having just discovered how to do on-line videos, I thought I would test it with this ecstatic moment when Jade first rode a bike without stabilisers, at Kessingland this year.

Yesterday....

...all my troubles seemed so far away ....!

No, not really, but we did have a pretty good day. Started after breakfast with just a little bit (5-10 mins) of handwriting practice - we're just going to take it slowly with 1 or 2 letters per day just to make sure she learns how to form them properly. Then cuddled on the sofa with a pile of library books and Shannon joined in too with her own books to look through. Then I put some music on, and lots of dancing went on. Have I ever mentioned how much Shannon loves dancing? And Jade put on a 'show'.

When we were (OK, I was) in need of a bit of peace and quiet, Jade disappeared to do something with dolls and I sat with Shannon doing bricks and blocks and shape sorters and casually started teaching her some colours - red and green - as well.

Then lunch, then packing piles of Usborne books into the car for a delivery, and finally off to swimming!!! The exclamation marks are the amazement that we actually made it there successfully - 4 times we've tried and failed to go:
Attempt 1 - had to do a bit of shopping first and were then too late for the pool;
Attempt 2 - pranged the car on the way;
Attempt 3 - got there, paid for a 2-hour car-park ticket and then found the pool was closed due to it being full of rusty water;
Attempt 4 - forgot my purse!

So it was with great relief we actually made it safely into the water, and then the delight was increased when Jade managed, for the first time albeit with arm-bands, to actually get her feet off the ground and swim on her own! And I did lots of floating and jumping in stuff with Shannon so she got even more water experience then she's ever had before. And then, to top it all, they both gradually crept nearer and nearer when I was in the (communal) shower area, and both ended up having showers, which if you knew how much fuss Jade makes about getting her hair wet you would know was something of a miracle. Great breakthroughs all round!

Got home to a depressing confirmation that the Subaru which we have just spent £1200 on is still losing water and over-heating, and we have no money left to either fix it any more or buy anything else. Still musing on what to do about that little situation!

And then I fell asleep at 8pm and didn't re-surface till this morning!

Good stuff

We've had a good day today! Got up determined that we are going to do some regular, although low-key, 'work' so after breakfast I sat Jade down for a little bit of adding up stuff. She got on pretty well, although at the end she did get all stroppy. I ranted a bit when she wouldn't tell me what was wrong, and probably didn't handle it very well at all, but in the end discovered she was frustrated with not writing some of the numbers very well - and it was only the '2' that she had trouble with, and wouldn't let me show her how to do it anyway!

Anyway to break the tension we took the dog out for a walk, encountering a few neighbours with the usual 'why isn't she at school' question - we haven't run this particular gauntlet with them yet because she did 4 mornings at playschool till July so didn't see the neighbours much in normal school hours.

Got back and made a mask using one of the designs from the "Rainy Day Activities" cards that arrived in my Usborne order this morning. We had a huge glitter-fest and Isabelle joined in too! Meanwhile I was madly cleaning trying to make the house even half-way decent for our afternoon guests.

Then it was time for a quick lunch, get Jade changed into school clothes and everything ready for her afternoon at school ...... and just when we were about to go out of the door I could not find my car-key anywhere. Hunted high and low, phoned Bill and used some very unladylike words, phoned the school to say I didn't know if we would make it ... and then thought hard and looked down the side of the sofa and armchair - and found the key in among the biscuit crumbs and other yuck. I have a new pair of trousers (well, new-to-me - they're actually a lovely pair of Boden jeans costing £4 from the charity shop) with sloping pockets that obviously I'm not going to be able to rely on! So got Jade to school in the nick of time, and then rushed home again to receive a visit from someone I've met a couple of times before who has an adopted Chinese daughter the same age as Shannon, and she is interested in HE. We had a good long chat about all sorts of stuff - I pointed her at MuddlePuddle among other things - so that was good.

(Oh, and I can't believe I forgot to blog yesterday about the phone call I received - there is a new HE family IN MY OWN TOWN!!! (which is very small) with 8-year old twins and a 5-year old daughter!! So they're coming here on Friday afternoon!)

After collecting Jade from school, we went to Tesco's, then home for tea and playing and bedtime went very smoothly so now the evening's my own!

Some good news!

I have my first Usborne recruit! And I have 2 events lined up for this week, and already some for October and November. I would dearly love to give up the day job, so am focussing more on Usborne to see how far I can go with it. And if anyone out there is interested in earning money towards Christmas, let me know!

I had a serious chat with Jade last week, telling her that now she was partly at school but mostly learning at home, we had to start doing some regular learning stuff together. I really want to try and get into some kind of rhythm. I'm definitely not going to be a 'school at home' type, but I need some kind of structure to stop me from descending into complete chaos, and to feel like we're getting somewhere. So I'm going to think up some kind of manageable 'pattern' to our days at home, which can change when necessary but at least is a basic plan to work to.

I was somewhat disappointed when she was adamant on Saturday that she did not want to re-start her dancing class this term, despite telling me the week before that she did. She loved it so much when she was there, but I think the social anxiety has just got the better of her and she just refused to go. Such a shame, because she was so thrilled with herself when she did it. She really wants riding lessons now, but as they're about six times the cost of the dancing, it's going to take some serious thinking about.

Things I haven't blogged about lately:

~ The extraordinary amount of money we've had to spend on the old estate car;
~ How said estate car has just broken down again, leaving Bill stranded;
~ The phenomenal amount of money he's had to pay this evening to join the AA and get brought home;
~ The ridiculously extended period of time the crash repair company has kept our Prius for, just to repair a long scratch down one side, therefore keeping it past its MOT renewal date so even when it comes back I won't be able to drive it;
~ How I nearly had my eye out by bashing myself on the corner of the courtesy car's door;
~ How the flood at Jade's school has meant she hasn't been there this week at all;
~ The 4th time in a row that we have set out to Stratford to go swimming, and yet not been able to swim (this time, I forgot my purse);
~ The ridiculous number of times Shannon wakes in the night and needs feeding back to sleep and how it's barely worth my while closing my eyes;
~ The simply lovely visit we had from Katy and Becca;
~ The unbelievable weight that Shannon is and how she's off the top of the charts;
~ How we still haven't started anything vaguely resembling 'proper' HE this 'term'.

She's been to school!

Today was Jade's first afternoon at school.


I was at work all day, so it was down to DH to organise it all. It felt strange. In one way, I was thinking, "This is Jade's first day at school - it is momentous - I should be there!" In another sense, as she is only going to do 3 afternoons per week, for the fun, less academic stuff, it doesn't feel that important. She is mainly HE'd - she is doing less school than she did playgroup - and I still mainly consider us an HEing family, obviously. But it was odd to come home and see her jumping about in her uniform and telling me how it had been ("it was fantastic") just like all those other newly-at-school kids are doing this week.

She did some painting, playing, dressing-up, playing outside on the field, all the kids inspected a grasshopper they found, then the teacher read them a poem sitting under a tree outside.

I don't know what she did this morning - I was at work and she was at home with DH!

School plans

At last, we have sorted out some flexi-school attendance for Jade. We visited this afternoon and talked everything through, and for the first 'term' (half-term as it used to be, but now they have a 6-term year) she will attend for the afternoons (12.45 - 3.15pm) of Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. It's a bit ironic really as I originally really needed to flexi-school to cover my working hours, and now DH does compressed hours so is home all day on Wednesdays and I guess my Dad will have to continue to cover a Thursday morning for a little while longer. I had suggested to him last week that at the age of 74 he might want to stop having to come over every week for childcare duties. However, we felt that with Jade's speech anxiety and the difficulties of her being there for some of the academic work but not all of it (and therefore how do we ensure she is not all-at-sea with what they're doing?), it would be better for her to start off going in for the more practical/sports/social type stuff like dance, drama, IT, which they do in the afternoons, and when she's settled in for the first six weeks, we will review it and see how it is going and maybe then she may start going for a morning session too.

So, we're off to buy the last couple of bits of uniform tomorrow, and then she'll go in on Wednesday afternoon. She's rather excited at the prospect and says she likes it there! But OTOH she says she definitely wouldn't want to have to go all day every day!

And this morning, as Jade, Shannon and I walked the dog in the still sunny and warm day, with a tree-identification book at hand, and picking blackberries as we went, I thought how sad it was that all those other kids would be stuck in school for such a long time from now on. Other sad things - a friend of mine said that her 2nd DD (same age as Jade) was going to get a shock going into Year 1 as there was no 'home corner' or play stuff in the classroom like there was in Reception. And yet so many reports confirm what we HErs know in our bones, that playing is so essential to learning, and that in this country we push formal academics too early. The other thing this friend said was that her two DDs (7 and 5) get on really well during the summer holidays, whereas during the school year the older one treats the younger one like somebody too low for her to associate with. Shame.

Apart from all that, today we've read some of "The BFC big book of planet earth (charity-shop find) and talked about the earth, the sun and the moon, and how each rotates and orbits, and why that makes day and night, months and years; about the equator and the two Poles, and about the unique atmosphere of the Earth. I got the globe out, and another ball, to demonstrate. I wonder where all that comes in the National Curriculum - about Year 4, I imagine!!! She's also done lots of drawing (she's really into that lately), some stamping pictures, lots of imaginative play at being a mummy, a big sister and a baby, and just a bit of CBeebies.

Post-Greenbelt doldrums

I always hate the post-Greenbelt feeling - a whole year till I can go again. I love being surrounded by artistic, creative stuff, even though (or perhaps because) I'm not gifted that way myself. I love there being 20-30 fascinating things I could go to at any one time, like talks or dance or comedy shows that I wouldn't normally visit; I love the music of all descriptions all over the place, and I love being challenged in the way I look at the world, and to become aware of issues I don't have the time or space to concentrate on the rest of the year.

So, we had a great time, except that Jade refused to go to any of the children's sessions, despite the fact that C from Stepping off the Path was there. And just a couple of days before we went, Shannon began displaying extreme shyness in the presence of strangers too, to the extent of hiding her face in a parental chest for up to an hour! It was also a shame that we barely got to see J&J, or the TwoRedBoots tribe, despite camping with them. We were all too busy! We have bought our tickets for next year, though. Looking forward to having the RaineDrops there and crossing my fingers for the Katy/Becca combo too!

Now we're back I need to concentrate on the strange task of finalising Jade's school attendance. We have the school dress, the navy trousers, skirt and cardigan and black shoes, and just need some white polo shirts to complete her uniform! Oh, and I need to discuss with the headteacher when she's actually going to go! I think it will probably be a Monday afternoon (for dance/music) and all day on a Thursday. It has to be a Thursday morning because that's one of my work times, but it's a shame really because the class has two teachers who job-share, and I prefer the one who teaches Monday - Wednesday.

Happy Birthday to me!

I've had a lovely day today. I got breakfast and prezzies in bed, then just lolled around most of the morning. This afternoon Bill and I went to Cheltenham, alone, without children!!! It was fab - my Mum has come to stay to look after the dog while we go to Greenbelt, so she looked after the girls while we went out. I think the last time Bill and I went out together without children was when I was having my labour induced with Jade, and we went for a stroll round Cheltenham while waiting for things to get started.

Anyway, I finally managed to spend the last of my Christmas presents - M&S vouchers - by treating myself to some new underwear! And we went in The Works and I got the 120 Great History Projects book plus 2 or 3 others for myself. And we had afternoon tea together in the M&S cafe - tea and scones and jam and cream - absolutely fabulous!!

And tomorrow we're off to Greenbelt. Life is good!

More aaarrrggghhh!

Broadband has gone down. Bill's cobbled together a dial-up connection but it is interminably slow and I am so conscious of the phone bill ticking away.... 24 hours without an internet connection was dire.

Also whenever I sit down Isabelle climbs up for mummymilk and takes aaaaaages so I am doing this with one finger of left hand!

Bill is off work for 2 weeks now and we are off to Greenbelt on Friday so if I don't manage to get back on before we go, I'll be back next week.

NOT a good day!

Don't really want to go into the whole boring detail, but suffice to say it involved more (thankfully slight) damage to the car, more substantial damage to my ego and confidence but, contrary to my fears, no damage to my relationship with DH as he proved wonderfully absorbent this evening.

Also we have tried and failed 3 times to go swimming this week. Today's two attempts ended in (1) the above car damage and (2) arriving, paying for a car park ticket and then being told the pool was closed due to it having filled up with rusty water.

I have been MIA during the evenings trying to catch up on the unbelievable backlog of our finances, only to find that I kind of wish I didn't know what I found out. What with a £250 excess on the car insurance policy and a £110 excess on the home insurance policy, plus both cars needing servicing and repairs to the tune of several hundreds of pounds I am somewhat stressed.

Somebody send me links to extremely frugal meals/recipes please!

So, no educational things to report here. Unless you count the swear words that the girls may well have learned today.

Very quick blog

.... so that certain people know I arrived home safely! Sorry - couldn't blog last night as I was so tired I fell asleep with the girls and never got up again.

So, the girls and I stepped off the path at the weekend, and very pleasant and enjoyable it was too. Got home yesterday around 2pm, only 10 minutes after Isabelle succumbed to travel sickness .... :-(

Shortly before leaving J&J's, I suddenly noticed the middle diamond out of my engagement ring was missing. Katy B had the excellent idea that I should unpack everything out of the car carefully in the dark, with a torch, so that I would see anything glinting. I totally forgot to do it. I foresee my first ever home insurance claim!

Not an end-of-year report!

But really just an excuse to brag.

Sometimes I read other people's blogs with children of Jade's age, and worry a little in case she is not doing as well in some areas. For instance, she's still not really into addition yet, though we've tried a little; she can't swim, even with arm-bands, and her drawing still seems rather simple (head with legs!), but what she *can* do is read, boy she can really read! Today she has worked out 'congratulations' and 'granddaughter' without any help whatsoever, and I notice she is starting to read quietly to herself without asking for help or support, but just for interest. This afternoon she was sitting reading the Usborne Flip Flap Body book.

And really, that is one big reason why we HE. So that she can take each 'subject' at her own speed. The 'one-size-fits-all' National Curriculum hangs over us looming so large, especially as we are going to be flexi-schooling from September and therefore do have to stick to the NC (though what that means I don't actually know!); but we know that each child develops in fits and starts at their own pace, and I just love to see that happening in reality. I know that she will be able to add up soon enough, and that all the other skills she needs in life will develop too, at the pace that is just right for *her*.

I suppose the worry comes in about whether I am doing HE 'right' - am I offering enough, exposing her to enough, involved enough, or am I doing too much of the Lazy Bugger method of HE? I'm very good at buying resources and not so good at using them. I think a bit of orgo-planning and pulling my socks up a little in September would be no bad thing, but really, when it comes down to it, to have fostered a love of reading means I've pretty well done all I have to do! Light the blue touch paper and stand back!

I've not been keeping up again, and it's too late to want to go into much detail. But the edited highlights follow!

This morning started with Geomags, and a jigsaw puzzle of the UK which I've just unearthed from a cupboard. We didn't go to church this morning as Shannon has had a rash for a couple of days and although she seems completely well we didn't want to risk spreading anything. But we did go out this afternoon to a Dogs Trust Open Day (thought there was little risk of spreading viruses or whatever in the open air) so we've had a lovely afternoon in the sun. We met my Dad and his wife Pat and various of her family there. Poppy took part in the doggy dash and didn't disgrace herself although she didn't win either! We looked round the kennels bit and looked at all the dogs needing re-homing - no, I didn't bring any home! We got home to find that Bill had put together Jade's new bed which I drove up near Chesterfield for a couple of months ago after winning it on Ebay. So there's been great excitement while the finishing touches have been put to that and although the rest of the room still needs sorting out, she is very happy in her big girl bed with the tower and slide!

In the last few days we've also had a sleepover of Tamsin's best friend, we've driven over and visited my Dad for a while and we've done various stuff round the house. The odd bit of education here and there but nothing focussed on. I was reading somewhere or other recently how Finland doesn't start formal schooling until the age of 7 and yet they have they highest pupil assessment scores at age 16 of the whole EU. No sweat for another couple of years, then.

Work day

Not much to report today - I was at work all day while DH was home with the girlies! and I would have got to work on time too (for a change) if Jade hadn't had a bout of severe separation anxiety when I was about to leave - she had to be peeled off me, poor girl :-( She seems fine now though!

However I have been spending a fair amount of time reading Montessori stuff. Is it just me, or does everyone else flit from one educational style to another like some kind of butterfly, trying to decide which one to settle on? Everytime I read another blog which says "we home-school in a combination of classical and Moore", or "we are Charlotte Mason style home educators,", I just think, 'what am I?'. I don't have enough time to read sufficient about any of these styles to decide which one to be! I'm just a messy lazy home-educator, that's all. I think I'll have to devise a new style, and call it "The slovenly procrastinator's guide to home-education". Perhaps I could write a book and make my fortune!

A game of two halves

We had an active morning, a moderately active late-afternoon, with a huge slump of nothingness in the middle, so it seemed an appropriate title.

First thing, Jade insisted on making the cakes with the Dora cake mix packet that she persuaded me to buy in the supermarket yesterday - I must have had a weak moment because I usually absolutely refuse to buy such overpriced crap, but now I have two Dora fans in the household (yes, Shannon does a lovely 'Dor-wa' now and a great dance to the 'We Did It' music!) I gave in. Still, it gave me the chance to do a bit of tuition on cooking temperatures, though not much else.

Mixing, baking, cooling and icing made us late for HE group, though. It started at 10.30 but we didn't manage to arrive till 11.30! So the huge castle made from cardboard boxes was already constructed and very impressive it was too - with towers and a drawbridge! So there was mostly just general playing, running around and chatting going on after that. I met another new attendee who has a 4.5 yr old son and an 18-month old daughter although she had left the little one with someone else to give her son a bit of sister-free time - apparently she drives him mad! Anyway they don't live too far away and are also going to be flexi-schooling mostly because they have only just moved to the area and want to find him some friends. But they might be up for reciprocal visits.

We drove home in the blissfully air-conditioned car, Shannon fell asleep and I parked Jade in front of Nick Jr with the intention of going for a nap myself when the phone rang and it was a long-lost friend. Fortunately Shannon's nap was very long so I still managed some rest after the chat. After getting up I still felt horribly lethargic and devoid of any energy or inclination to do anything. I did manage to sit with Jade and read a couple of her library books - Antarctica and Are you a snail? But mostly I just lolled and grumped.

I did manage to make myself an iced coffee, though, and that did the trick because later on I felt a little energy trickle back and managed to tidy up a little, vacuum the living room floor and set up a big Brio train track layout for Jade, which is a rare occurrence these days since Shannon became mobile. But having spent about 20 minutes building it, she then spent about 5 minutes playing with it so I was not too impressed.

Can't remember how things progressed from there - I know Shannon did a bit more shape-sorter and has noticeably progressed since yesterday's practice, Jade found some old stickers and stuck them on a big piece of paper and did some drawing round them and as usual she spent much of the time with a teddy stuffed up her top pretending to be pregnant. This is a regular occurrence these days as her best friend's mum is about to have a baby. Said best friend is actually coming to stay overnight on Thursday and Jade is in ecstasy about this - several times a day she works out how many days it is till Thursday and goes into hyperactive overdrive for a few minutes with excitement.

Jade read her own bedtime stories again - a very simple DK Touch & Feel book and a Miffy book and is currently not asleep in her room - but then again it is 28 degrees up there so that won't be helping.

ETA - how could I forget Shannon singing the Alphabet Song along with Jade? Well, OK, only a handful of letters are recognisably pronounced, but she's having a jolly good go! Very sweet! Counting 1-10 and the alphabet before the age of 2 - what an upstart she is!!

I heard that sickening crunch.....

.... of metal on metal, or whatever bumpers and car doors are made of these days. Yes, I pranged our lovely Prius. I can't imagine why on earth I did - I was just pulling out of a parking spot at the side of the road and scraped the whole left hand side on someone else's bumper - and I'm normally good at parking and driving and I just don't *do* that sort of thing! Bugger. We have comp. insurance but the excess is probably about £150 and we just don't need that on top of the cost of the other car this week, which BTW cost £530 the other day and still needs about £650 worth of work on it. Good job there isn't still a workhouse or we'd be headed there ....

Until then, I'd been having quite a good day! The first thing Jade chose after getting up was the Geomags, and I sat with her while she made 'pancakes' (!) - or rather various flat geometric shapes with panels in. We then moved on to building a castle with bricks and blocks, while Shannon practised with her shape sorter at which we applauded and said 'Hooray' every time she got one in so she joined in clapping and hooraying at herself! Then Jade moved on to a Learning Land CD-Rom while I tried to do a bit of summer planning - looking at events going on locally and making notes of which I'd quite like to go to, along with more general stuff like swimming and picnics. After that we decided to go for a walk, but why on earth does it have to take so long to get ready? It was about an hour before we were ready to go, what with getting them both dressed, nappy changing, finding shoes, persuading them not to play upstairs but get dressed instead, etc. Eventually we got out and went for a very hot walk out to the duck pond and back, and then a quick lunch was followed by getting Shannon to sleep while Jade watched a bit of TV. Then I sat with her to do a bit of reading, so we went through the 'Please and Thank You book' by Richard Scarry, a book I got from the charity shop called "One World" of which she read the first half, and then we were about to start 'King Arthur' when she got stroppy and hit me and threw the book on the floor so she had to go and sit on the stairs for 5 minutes. I was not in the mood for more after that, though, so had a bit of quiet computer time while she had a bit more TV till Shannon woke up. Then we all went out in the car to do some food shopping and then crunched the car. :-(

Around teatime Jade found a stray notelet card lying around on the table so decided to write to my Dad - "Grandpa, I love you" so that was a good bit of writing practise, although after all that effort she couldn't manage to write her own name so I did that!

Around bedtime she started to sort through her Letterland alphabet cards and to lay out all the capital letters. I was a bit surprised that she needed to keep asking me which ones were the capitals as opposed to lower case, as I thought she had that all very clear, but anyway she got fed up by about F or G and messed them all up.

Oh, and she mostly read her own bedtime stories, too, by choice!

Not so bad after all

We're all still here - no-one's killed anybody else off!

The electricity went off about 9.45am, but came on again just before 1pm, although they'd warned it would be off till 4pm. The worst news was about Bill's car which has cost over £500 to only partially fix .... yikes!

After breakfast, the morning started with some reading. Jade pulled out a Learning Land magazine and we went through that, although she did skip the page about numbers saying "I hate that bit!". We did some reading exercises, she did a tiny bit of lovely writing, and then did the 'healthy eating' exercise during which I talked about needing the right kind of fuel in a car otherwise it breaks down and the same is true in our bodies. She also did a drawing of a 'healthy lunchbox' and drew a sandwich, a banana, a drink and a chocolate bar which I thought was pretty OK!

We moved on to Spanish after that, when I got out our little collection of fun Spanish activities that I'd got from The Book People a while ago. There are three bilingual stories so she read the English and I read the Spanish - with guesses at much of the pronunciation! We practised some of the words together and discussed the Spanish -v- English words.

Then I remembered reading something lately about how short breaks of physical exercise improve learning, and I was certainly beginning to feel a bit sluggish esp. with the heat, so I took them upstairs to bounce on the bed! They started having fun, but fairly soon Jade went into a very moody/grumpy state, and started shouting at me to go away and leave her alone and shouting that no, I didn't love her after I said I did. She curled up on my bed, and shortly after that started crying, but still didn't want me anywhere near. So I pottered around nearby, putting clean washing away, while wondering and praying about what was wrong and totally at a loss as to this sudden mood swing which is not completely unusual as she has been rather volatile lately. And suddenly it hit me - she'd had porridge with honey in it for breakfast and had then continued eating more honey - more than I'd realised before I'd stopped her. So she was having a complete sugar meltdown! And it might well be that the rest of her behaviour lately is perhaps partly due to sugar issues too. Time for some serious sweet-limiting action, I think. The sugar intake has very slowly crept up from just one piece of chocolate per day, to that plus lollies/ice-creams in the hot weather, and biscuits, and sometimes the next-door-neighbours give her something as well without checking first ... (Grrr). And it certainly won't do me any harm to completely cut down on sugar either. Anyway I brought them downstairs for a healthy and hearty lunch and playing out in the garden, so peace and harmony were resumed.

Straight after lunch I wanted some peace and quiet sitting at my computer, so Jade did a Learning Land CD-Rom and Shannon pottered around with bits and pieces. During the afternoon they've played on the swing, climbing frame and slide, although I limited Shannon's time on the swing as she threw up again on Tuesday after a long swing so I am fairly sure she's getting motion sickness from it, although she protests like mad at being taken off. Jade and I played Snakes & Ladders this afternoon, and as I made tea they've watched about 45 mins of CBeebies. Jade read a library book to Bill when he came in and only needed help with 1 word - disguise - so we've started to fill in her "Reading Mission" card from the library that we got last Thursday.

It's Jade's last day of playschool tomorrow. She seems fine about it, but she has loved it so much I wouldn't be surprised if we have a bit of an emotional rollercoaster tomorrow!

It's going to be a tough one...

Today I will have no electricity, no car, no Grandpa visiting, and it's too hot to walk anywhere. Pray that we all survive!!!

Really must blog....

But somehow by this time of the evening all power of thought seems to have disappeared and I just can't think what to put.

Today was a playschool morning for Jade, and Shannon and I just pootled around not doing much - a bit of tidying up, a little book browsing, a bit of computering and finally, a long swing for Shannon while I chatted on the phone with a friend. She loves staying on the swing for ages these days - an hour if I can stand it. Usually I swing her high and then go off and do something, and then go back to her when she's slowed down, but combining it with a phone conversation seemed a better way to do it. She was enjoying it, as always, and towards the end (after about 45 minutes) seemed to be getting drowsy and it was approaching her normal nap time. She didn't want to get out, though, so I lay on the grass next to the swing and pushed her lazily with my foot ... and only just avoided it being thrown up on. I don't know if it was motion sickness or something else that disagreed with her. I'm very prone to motion sickness and actually felt slightly unwell just from pushing and watching her while she swung. She still didn't want to get out of the swing, amazingly, but I made her do so because it was time to go and get Jade.

Shannon fell asleep in the car on the way, so when we got home Jade and I got some food and I offered to read to her but she never did bring a book for me. We had a very lazy afternoon in the extreme heat, mostly staying indoors. I felt very lethargic and unmotivated to do anything but did manage to do a tiny bit of tidying. After school time the girl-next-door came round and fortunately she and Jade had a great time mopping my kitchen floor and vacuuming the living room floor!! Oh, this was after Jade had another spell of appalling behaviour after L appeared, stomping off into her bedroom, refusing to let L in, playing with toys but saying L couldn't play with them, and generally being exceedingly unpleasant. {Sigh} - wish I knew what it was all about. Later a bit of painting (on paper, and a mug-painting kit) got done and just miscellaneous playing.

So, that was such a boring day it probably wasn't even worth blogging, but maybe it's a start that'll get me going again.

***What Your Soul Really Looks Like***


You are very passionate and quite temperamental. While you can be moody, you always crave comfort.

You are not a very grounded person. You prefer dreams to reality. For you, it's all about possibilities.

You believe that people see you as a bit small and insignificant. People pay more attention to you than you think.

Your near future is calm, relaxing, and pretty much what you want. And it's something you've been anticipating for a while now.

For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.


Inside the Room of Your Soul
http://www.blogthings.com/insidetheroomofyoursoulquiz/

Musical interlude

A musical education has been going on here today, for a change. After getting home from our church group, when Shannon was asleep in the car, Jade wanted some music to listen to so I dug out something we used to play when she was a baby, Medwyn Goodall. Although this is supposedly New Age music, it doesn't sound like it - it's just basically lovely Celtic stuff like Enya. And we danced together - lovely! And after that was finished, she wanted some more, so, being thoroughly sick of 'kids music' I put on Carnival of the Animals/Peter and The Wolf and we listened to it quite closely, discussing the instruments being used to denote each animal and incident and we both really enjoyed it! It's the first time she's listened properly to anything classical, so it was good it grabbed her attention. Not that it's vital - I think I was thirty-something before I wanted to go near classical music with a bargepole - but it's nice to be able to introduce her to a wide range of experiences and have her evaluate them for what they are in themselves and not what popular culture says a child ought to like.

We then did a little bit of reading "Why is the Sea Salty?" and other questions about the oceans, but didn't get very far with that before she got bored. In fact, at one point today she declared "I hate reading books", which I don't really believe at all but just put it down to her contrary mood lately, or maybe just heat and hunger. or something.

Her behaviour lately, though, has been particularly horrible. I have noticed that other bloggers discuss the 'phase' or age that their child is going through when difficult behaviour occurs whereas I immediately blame myself for being irritable, bad-tempered, a bad role-model and teaching her inappropriate ways of dealing with anger and frustration and conclude that I have already ruined her for life. Whichever is the reason, she's been behaving really horribly quite a bit, especially with Lauren, the girl-next-door who comes round almost every day after school. Jade is extremely bossy and rude some of the time, and can quite often go into major strops where she screams at Lauren to go home and never come here again. It's difficult to know what to make of it really. I know kids have to learn to get along with each other and sort out their differences, but I don't know if Jade is behaving worse than one would normally expect. I only really have Lauren to compare her with, and she seems pretty even-tempered and certainly doesn't go into the strops and tantrums and bossiness that Jade does. House of Tiny Tearaways, here we come ......

Wiggle wiggle

Big excitement here today, as in a mad moment a few months back I had bought tickets for The Wiggles live concert in Oxford. So I picked Jade up early from playschool, dropped Shannon at the childminder's and off we went. We parked at the Park & Ride and caught the bus, which for Jade was probably as exciting as the concert itself! The bus was full of hordes of over-excited small children all heading the same way as us! The concert itself was pretty good if you like dancing dinosaurs and dippy kids' songs, but in the interests of scientific research I can confirm that Greg is the only Wiggle worth looking at although the others are good for amusement purposes. Jade's reaction was really funny because she was totally overwhelmed by being in the actual presence of the 'real' Wiggles. She said "I feel so funny I want to do something but I don't know what I want to do!" So she just stood and stared.

Gotta go - shannon is wailing!

5 things

I've been tagged by Kath, and Katy (passworded blog!):

5 things in my fridge:
Red seedless grapes
Half an avocado
Organic butter
An opened bottle of dessert wine
A box of yummy chocolates from the Chocolate Tasting Club

5 things in my wardrobe:
Most of my clothes (apart from the ones on the floor in front)
The jewellery I'm hiding from DD1
A big wooden cross
My wedding shoes which I've never worn since (16 years ...)
Moths (judging by the holes in my jumpers)

5 things in my bag:
Purse
Travel sickness pills
Mobile phone and car charger
A Shewee
A book - "Cancer-causing chemicals in cosmetics and daily use products"

5 things in my car:
A buggy
Several stones and pebbles in the glove box
2 child car-seats
Sun blinds
Lots of crumbs

5 people I'm tagging:
Ali
Erm, can't find anyone else not already tagged!

I wish I could write like this:

But I can't, so thank Goodness there's Jamie.

I'm lovin' it!

Tamsin is at playschool, and Isabelle has been asleep for 2 hours so far!

I adore my girls, but I just love time on my own at home too, and I get so exceedingly little of it that I'm just basking in the wonder of it!

I seem to do so little HE at the moment that there's not much to blog. We hardly seem to be at home. And when we are, the new girl-next-door comes round to play after school and just about all weekend (rolls eyes)! I don't feel as though I get much quality time with Jade at all.

Anyway, despite all that, a few things have happened today. She requested the Reader Rabbit CD-Rom this morning, which she is far beyond now in terms of phonics/reading but she thinks it's fun anyway. Then we went out to the women's group at church, and then came home and we did some reading - she read an early reader book we got from the Library and I read her something or other - can't remember now.

While I got lunch she played with Shannon, and then we all sat at the table. Memo: don't serve soup to a 19-month old - it gets messy! We then walked into town to post an important letter and to try and get Shannon to go to sleep in the buggy - no luck! Back home at about 4pm and girl-next-door immediately arrived. Much loud playing and throwing of water around in the back garden followed, clothes divested, and much mess made. After dinner, though, at which Shannon fell asleep at the table and was put swiftly to bed, Jade sat down with me and we read through April, May, June and July in the Year at Maple Hill Farm, and a section of the Berenstain Bears Book of Science and Nature dealing with matter and its 3 states - solid, liquid and gas. So that was timely, as DH had talked at dinner-time about her drink being liquid and she had denied it! Then, to wrap it all up, at bedtime I read her another of those Laurence Anholt books about famous artist - Camille and the Sunflowers

Somewhere down the road ...

We woke late this morning, so it was a mad rush to get everyone dressed and breakfasted ready to get Jade to playschool and me to work with Shannon (who is collected by my Dad after about an hour so I can work). So it was only when I was driving past the end of the tiny country lane leading to the church where Benjamin is buried that I remembered it's the 7th anniversary of his death today.

So what's it like, 7 years down the line after losing your first child? Well, for me at least, it's a mixture of maybe 15% missing him and 85% not missing him. I don't know if that's a surprise to you reading - I feel like maybe I 'go on' about it more on this blog than I do anywhere in real life, but then this is my thinking space and exploring my feelings space to some extent, so I guess it's bound to come out here. Actually, I started by writing that it's 10% missing him and 90% not, and then felt guilty and thought, no, surely it can't be that small a space that he has in my life now? When I think about him, my heart swells up with love so much that I feel surely he must still take up 90% of my life - he certainly deserves that - but in reality, no he does not.

I have no idea what it would be like to have a 7-year old boy, and to have 3 children instead of 2, and for Jade to be the middle one and not the oldest one. And would we even have had 3 children, or stuck at 2? Family dynamics would have been quite different, and I have no way of knowing how it would have been.

So here we are, with a family of 2 girls which seems quite normal and complete and OK. And there are 4 places round the dinner table and beds for each of us and most of the time it's not even thought about. But sometimes, and I find it hard to assess how often, I think of him and wonder what it would be like if he had lived, and what would he be like and what would he be doing? And every time (once or twice a month) I drive along the road on which we were driving, approaching Warwick on the way to Birmingham Children's Hospital to get him checked out because I was worried about him, and he collapsed and probably effectively died there in the car, and I remember every single detail and nuance of what happened, and go over it in my mind and wonder if it could have been any different. And every time I feel envious of people who have 3 or 4 children instead of 2, I remind myself that I have had 3, it's just that I have to wait a long time till I get to see one of them again. And when I chat with people about the challenges of having baby number 2, and then I feel a twinge of guilt that I am referring to Shannon as number 2 and not number 3 and am excluding Benjamin from our lives. And when I feel relief that I have girls and not boys, and then feel guilty because of course I did love my boy with all my heart. And when I hear the songs that have special significance in connection with him. And, of course, when I hear of other people losing babies or children and I remember exactly that black hole feeling of the worst thing possible in your entire life actually and really happening and how horrific it is and how the whole world stops and how you can literally think of nothing else for years.

And when I still wonder about exactly how God works in our lives, and why do some people get miraculous healings and others don't, and how exactly do I trust him about difficult and fearful things I have to face, and will He ever intervene, or do I just have to draw courage and strength from knowing He is there, and just keep on going, and then reassuring myself that of course He really was there, most definitely, in our time of need... So the title of this post is an Amy Grant song - "And you say, why why why does it go this way? And why why why, is all I can say. Somewhere down the road, there'll be answers to the questions; somewhere down the road, though you cannot see it now, somewhere down the road you will find mighty arms reaching for you, and they will hold the answers at the end of the road."

However, although on days like today it looms larger than normal, I almost never cry about him these days. We are happy and life is busy with the girls and the shopping and work and trying to get organised and HE and friends and plans for the future and the niggles of everyday life. There's just a little space for Benjamin, that when looked at becomes as if through a magnifying glass and looks enormous and all-encompassing, but then I turn my gaze away again onto the rest of life and it shrinks back down to that little corner. And I guess that's as it should be.

Life since Kessingland

Feet haven't touched the ground really. I got home around 3.30pm on Saturday, and Bill got home around an hour later with the caravan. At 5.30pm I had to go out as it was our monthly film showing for the Rural Cinema - Kate and I run it in aid of the charity we work for. We showed Nanny McPhee, so an uplifting evening in the celluloid presence of a dishy Colin Firth was great, but the house and family were still in total disarray when I left. This wasn't remedied much the next day as I had to travel down to Farnham to collect our dog from my brother, so after getting home at 8pm and then getting kids to bed there wasn't time or energy for much clearing up. Bill had done a mammoth task sorting out and clearing up the caravan while I was out but the house was in much chaos.

I had planned a productive Monday morning sorting everything out while Tamsin was at Playschool, but an emergency phone call from the Playleader who was short of staff meant I had to go in and cover, so that was that morning gone. In the afternoon I went to Witney to visit a friend, which was most enjoyable. Exhaustion by the evening meant all I was fit for after the kids went to bed was sitting at my computer ;-)

This morning we went off to our women's group at church, where I benefitted from some support after receiving a letter in the post this morning of another friend's child's death in a horrible accident in the garden. And this in a family of 3 sons, one of whom has HLHS like Benjamin had, but it's the youngest healthy son who has died. How horrendous is that? I have so many feelings I just don't know what to do with them all.....

But still, this afternoon I have at last got some tidying done and am feeling just a little better as a result.

So when I tell you there are three draft blog posts about London, Kessingland and Tamsin's 5th birthday last week, I'm sure you will understand that I can't quite get them done just yet, let alone Flickr!

Back later, I hope.

London

I really must blog our recent trip to London, if only for our own records. Please don't feel obliged to read on!

Wednesday 7th June - spent the morning packing and got going at about lunchtime to drive to the Travelodge on the M4 near Heathrow. It was the only one near London offering the £10 per night price, so Heathrow it was! We found it OK and unpacked the car, and then drove into West London to get the tube at Barons Court. My Mum used to live there so we know the area well. Jade was tremendously excited about being on the Underground as she absolutely adores trains and had been disappointed that we weren't travelling down from home on the train, but the price made that impossible, especially compared to our frugal Toyota Prius! Anyway we were off to Horseguards Parade to watch the Beating the Retreat. There were major security checks and Bill had his pocket knife confiscated(!) but it was a gorgeously warm sunny evening and the waiting was pleasant. We all thoroughly enjoyed the ceremony, the horses, the marching soldiers and seeing a small royal-blue dot on the dais in the distance which was the Queen! Thankfully we had binoculars so got a closer look at her and Prince Philip. Afterwards we walked up through Green Park and The Mall to look at Buckingham Palace. I reminisced about sleeping on the streets on the night of 28th July 1981, the night before the wedding of Charles and Diana! We got close-up to the Palace and saw they were about to do the Changing of the Guard, so that was fun to watch too. Then we walked back to the nearest Tube station and back to the Travelodge for a late night finish.

Thursday 8th June was Jade's 5th b'day. We had a slow start due to the previous late night and the mountains of prezzies to unwrap! She was thrilled with her pink Maglite torch, her binoculars, telescope, Fun Blox, and the promise of more to buy later with money she'd been sent. There was a slightly tense moment when she asked, "When are my friends coming?" and I realised I hadn't done a great job of explaining that this London trip was instead of a party .... Anyway she took it in her stride and soon perked up again at the thought of visiting the Natural History Museum and the Science Museum. I think we eventually got to the first one around about lunchtime so it really was a slow morning, but we all enjoyed seeing the dinosaurs. Jade was absolutely awe-struck by the size of the big one in the lobby and was rather frightened of the large animatronic one! We also took a quick dash round the mammals section and gasped at the size of the blue whale and cooed over the panda. Must spend more time there when she is a bit older. We then went downstairs to eat, and discovered the 'Investigate' section in the Basement where there were all sorts of hands-on and educational activities to explore. We had a fascinating time there feeling all sorts of specimens like crocodile skin, crystals, lions' teeth and so on. When we'd all had enough of that, we moved on to the Science Museum, and at the birthday girl's request went down to The Garden in the basement, where she had a lovely time splashing and playing and generally spending ages doing her thing. Meanwhile Bill and a sleeping Shannon had a bit of a browse of the space rockets. They chucked us out at 6pm and we went back to where we'd left the car and then drove up and down Chiswick High Street looking for a particular restaurant that we had Tesco vouchers for, but didn't find it, so to avoid imminent starvation we just went back to the Travelodge and ate at the Little Chef. Another very late night!

Friday 9th June was Bill's birthday, so again it was prezzies in the morning after a relatively late start. Eventually we set off for the Tower of London. A few people on the journey commented on the cuteness of Shannon, which always warms a mummy's heart! We paid for the Tower with Tesco vouchers! You probably can't 'do' London cheaper than we did it! Of course there was much explaining to Jade about castles, portcullises, moats, slit windows, wars, attacking, William the Conqueror, Henry the 8th and much other stuff. She was fascinated that people used to travel by river and the Traitor's Gate into the castle. We looked at the scaffold site where several people had their heads chopped off, which she took quite calmly! After a bit more of a wander round, but not much due to Jade's nagging to get on, we went to see the Crown Jewels. That was brilliant. I have the vaguest of memories of going to see them when I was a child, but it was fantastic to see them again and the wonderful short movies they have running while you wait to go in showing the Queen's coronation - again very educational for Jade. We came out and had a wander round the Crown Jewels shop and although I would have absolutely loved to buy Jade the £150 set of miniature Crown Jewels, we settled for just one so she has the cutest little miniature Crown which was far too expensive really but I couldn't resist! It was already getting late on in the day by this time so we went off down the road to see the Monument near Pudding Lane. Jade has been fascinated by the Great Fire of London ever since she heard about it - I think it's something of a fearful fascination as she is quite scared of fire/candles/the gas cooker. But she was keen to visit the monument although I had not bargained for her wanting to go up it! But she did, so she and I went all the way up the 311 steps, waved at Daddy and Shannon from the top and then came back down again. It took a couple of hours before my legs stopped shaking! We then took a gentle stroll back up to Tower Hill and got on a boat for a short river cruise down to the Westminster Embankment. We had a quick ogle at the Houses of Parliament and Big Ben (yes, I know....) and then back to our car. This time round we found the restaurant, so had a fab meal out at the Cafe Rouge courtesy of Tesco vouchers but with two very tired girls by this time we had to cut it a bit short and skip dessert.

Saturday 10th June when the rest of you were setting off for Kessingland was the hottest day of an extremely hot week. After packing away all the stuff we thought it would be great to go to Kew Gardens before going off to the Polka Children's Theatre for which we had tickets. So we drove to Kew, parked down a side street and walked way back up the road in the searing heat, only to find out they charged an absolute fortune for entry, and we only had about 1.5 hours to fill! For some reason, I'd thought it was like the Royal Parks and would be free! Anyway, we walked further up the road and came to an open village-green type space where we settled down under a large maple tree and relaxed. The girls were quite happy tootling about there and playing all sorts of made-up games while Bill and I laid down and relaxed as much as possible. We eventually set off for the Polka Theatre, and got there in the nick of time to see a strange performance called "That's Mine" but Jade had so enjoyed the theatre when we went to see the Gruffalo a few months ago that I had wanted to foster her enjoyment by taking her as often as possible. Well, I have to really seeing as one of my brothers is a professional voice coach who works in acting and the theatre. The other one is an astronomer, hence the telescope we got Jade for her birthday!!

And there endeth the trip to London. We dashed home, unpacked the car and got up the following morning to do it all again for Kessingland. But that's another story.

They're even more disorganised than I am!

Just got a letter from Park Resorts:

"Dear Mrs G,
We hope you had a safe journey home and are feeling relaxed and refreshed after your touring holiday with us at Kessingland Beach Holiday Park."

!!!!!

Still, it prompted me to phone them and arrange to get an £8 refund seeing as they overcharged me for my hook-up pitch!

We're off to London in the morning. Will catch up with many of you at Kessingland when we get there on Sunday (late, probably)!

Another baby in heaven

What can we say about another baby, heartbeat not found in utero at 24 weeks. More grieving parents, my good friends Kate and Mark, who may even now be going through labour to deliver their dead daughter. I've barely been able to stop crying for 24 hours since I heard. And they are one of three couples going in this weekend for the same thing. FUCK, I hate life sometimes.

So I escaped the house this afternoon and drove 2 hours to just north of Mansfield to collect Jade's new bed. After a mega-blowout with Jade this morning, I knew it would just be best if I went out and left Bill with the girls - we had originally arranged it to be the other way round. So, bed is duly collected, and on the way back I stopped off at a large cemetery and found the dead babies section (there always is one :-( ) and sat and contemplated the meaning of everything for half-an-hour.

Got home around 5.30pm to find the next-door neighbour's daughter here - erm, but she was here when I left at 12.00 .... well, she hadn't quite been here all day but almost! And yesterday too..... I guess I feel safer and better able to keep an eye on things if the neighbouring kids come here instead of Jade disappearing round there, but it takes a little getting used to! She's a nice enough girl, though, polite and friendly. It's good to see them playing together very imaginatively and nicely.

And I was just reading in the EO newsletter about how we should just be encouraging playing, playing and more playing ..... so that's a day-full of education really!

And now I must pull together a very specific packing list for both London and Kessingland to make the next few days as straightforward as it possibly can be while packing for 2 holidays simultaneously!

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Drowning, not waving

I've not been feeling well for the past 24 hours - just around the children's bedtime last night I came over all achey - just a cold really but it's made me feel like I'm having an out-of-body experience at times today. And then the weather, good grief, I'm thinking it's about time I wrote and complained to somebody. I am so fed up with rain ruining everything, from planned days out to playing in the garden, my washing and my mood.

The good news is I've just won an Ebay auction very cheaply for the sort of bed Jade wants. He could have got a lot more money for it if only he'd listed it better. Anyway, all we have to do now is get to Mansfield to collect it! Anybody nearby who wants a visit? And then, we have to completely rearrange and redecorate two of the bedrooms, swapping the guest room and Jade's room around and making the bigger room a joint one for the two girls.

As far as HE goes, I bought a lovely set of books about famous artists and we've read a few of those, she's played with her LeapPad, Learning Land CD-Rom and Bill's read her some history stories he's found online - I'll try and remember to get the link - about King Alfred and King Canute. She did seem rather more interested in fiddling about with toys and stuff than listening - but hey, maybe something went in.

And she's chatted over the fence with the new girl who lives next door, so it would be nice if that develops into a friendship.

And now I'm going to drag my aching body off to bed.

New blog title

I never liked 'Trying our best' - far too earnest and serious and worthy. I just couldn't think of anything else. Been meaning to change it for ages, and at last I have. Will also be using the girls' middle names for a tad more anonymity.

This morning I got up at 8'ish with Shannon, while Jade slept till 9.30ish, having had a very late night last night. We just pootled about this morning, while I actually did some tidying up (first time in days!) and Jade did some painting. We have new neighbours moving in today so she painted a goodbye picture for the 2 girls moving away, and a welcome picture for the new family moving in. I'm quite excited about it, actually, as the Mum is a childminder!!! Could be very useful! Apparently they have 3 kids - 2 boys and the youngest is a girl aged 6, so I'm hoping Jade will make friends with her.

This afternoon, we've been over to visit a friend's new house. It's lovely, and throws our messy, run-down place into stark contrast. I just do not know why I find it so hard to keep things in order - I just look at stuff lying around and simply don't know what to do with it, so I leave it there. Not helped by always feeling I am 'behind' with important stuff like our finances, letters, playschool or Usborne stuff, and feeling like it's more important to get on with those than tidy up once the girls have gone to bed. I have a great urge just to chuck everything out onto the lawn and start again. If only it would stop raining long enough to do so. It's an extremely wet drought we're having, isn't it!

Anyway, I have 2 birthdays (Bill and Jade) and 2 holidays to plan (a few days in London just prior to Kessingland) so must dash!

Verbal intelligence test

Here. Pinched from Nic.

I did, ahem, rather well .....!

Not much of anything

I haven't been blogging because we haven't been doing anything educational. It's just been work, playschool and random playing or TV watching. Too much going on, not much of it of any interest. I have, however, resigned as Chairperson of playschool effective from September, so that's one pie I shall no longer have a finger in! I've also been working out what times/days I need Tamsin to go to school in September when we start the flexi-schooling arrangement. We are moving offices at work, next week, to save money and this will give us the chance to re-arrange our working hours. And Bill is applying for flexible working - condensed hours on 4 days per week and spending one day a week at home with the girls. So, if that is successful, the plan is that Bill will be at home on Wednesdays and I will work all day. Then I will work on Thursday morning and Tamsin can go to school that morning. She will also go on a Monday afternoon when they do music/dance and possibly on a Friday morning when they go swimming. So she'll be at school 2 or 3 half-days per week, mostly for non-academic stuff, and the rest at home.

Quick blog

We had quite an educational afternoon, for a change, so I thought I'd better blog. This morning was playschool for Tamsin and work for me, and after collecting her and getting home, Isabelle was asleep so I took the chance for a half-hour lie-down too. After Isabelle woke and was dealt with, Tamsin started playing with the sea-shells she collected in March at Exmouth beach. I suggested she might like to draw them, so she decided to draw round them and compare shapes and sizes. After that, I suggested we Google to find out what sort of creatures the shells were from. We tried good old Enchanted Learning, which came up with some interesting stuff. Then we looked at the Usborne Children's Encyclopedia, and read through about coral reefs, the sea-shore, the deep ocean, plants and more. We talked about gills and oxygen and photosynthesis and fish and mammals and molluscs and shells and skeletons and all sorts! I then followed up some of the Usborne Quick Links for the first time, and was very impressed with the activities and colouring and worksheets they include. We got to some video clips of sea-snails and anemones and all sorts of other sea-creatures feeding.

Then Bill started playing some music to try and keep Isabelle occupied instead of climbing up on my knee, only it distracted Tamsin too and it became PE time with lots of dancing. Tamsin then put on a dance show, spontaneously, which was lovely! And then we just moved on into general playing, TV watching, and dinner making etc.

Sometimes I sit here for ages, trying to think what to start writing about, and other days it just flows. Today is a 'sitting and thinking and coming up with a blank' day... So, with apologies for poor literary style or continuity or flow, here are my random thoughts about the past few days.

Bill had all last week off due to 'you-know-what', and would have gone back to work on Monday in reasonably fine fettle except that, yes, he did break a tooth but I'm not entirely sure it was due to gritting his teeth so hard... anyway he woke up on Monday morning in fair oral agony, phoned the dentist immediately and took some strong painkillers, which sent him so woozy that I ended up having to drive him to the dentist in the afternoon. In Oxford. Where he had a triple root canal filling. And today he looks like a hamster storing his food in a pouch in his cheek ..... poor love!

In the meantime, there have been some nice positive learning times with Tamsin. This morning, for instance, she found her scrapbook and some pre-printed pictures that Granny had given her, and asked me to sit with her while she invented a story with them. So she chose and stuck pictures and dictated the story to me which I wrote. She did manage to write one word - iron - but she's really not too keen on writing much. Still, no rush! She did write a birthday to a card as well today.

Yesterday she pulled out some maths workbooks which we have on the shelf, and I suggested we try the 'Simple Adding Up' one, which went down pretty well - I think we did about 8 or 9 pages of that and she seemed to be getting the hang of it. We've really done very little maths stuff, but I think it would be nice to do a bit more of that while it's still in her mind, to consolidate it, if she's willing. She's done some more Dot-to-Dot, using numbers up to 50. She's counted up to 100 orally quite a bit, but not done much written work with those higher numbers, so it was quite good to go over those and have her actually recognise that thirty-two is 32 and so on.

This afternoon we've had a couple of girls age 4 and 6 and their mum over - we met them at HE group and it was the first time they've been here. It went really nicely, with the girls running down the driveway shouting, "Tamsin, Tamsin ....!" excitedly, which was encouraging! They all played very well and happily together. I showed T, their Mum, my box of Sonlight stuff and she was very taken with Handwriting without Tears. She doesn't have internet access at home but is going to go to the library to try and find a UK supplier - anybody know of one?

Today's most exciting moment, however, came when we went to the local park after dinner because I was roped in to helping to paint the railings round the new play equipment in advance of the Grand Official Opening to be held on Sunday. We met my friend Kate and her girls there, and they had their bikes, so Tamsin had a go on a bike without stabilisers for the first time! She did fantastically well - it was so exciting. She managed 10 metres or so on bumpy grass before wobbling and falling off! She did that several times, and was so thrilled that after the 3rd or 4th time she jumped up after falling off, and ran towards me giggling and laughing so much she just couldn't stop, and threw herself into my arms in utter joy!!!! And of course I had the biggest face-splitting grin and tears in my eyes too! Perfect moment.

You Are Red Orange

You are a very genuine person, although it takes a while for you to show the true you. A bit introverted, you desire respect and affection from those close to you. You are quite empathetic, and you have a true concern for the well being of others. Many people have warm, heartfelt memories of you - even if you don't remember them well.

What Color Red Are You?

Doesn't time fly when you're ......

having fun? Well, I don't know about that, but time has flown anyway.

Last Sunday we went to see the dance show that Tamsin would have been in but decided not to. I thought she was quite brave as she went to sit on the steps right at the front of the audience, so that she could see properly, while I sat nearer the back. She stayed there for most of the performance too. I enjoyed the dance show, and so did she, and she did say later, "I didn't know it would be so easy." So, next year, she thinks she will want to be in it!

On Monday, Bill was very brave and underwent a Short Procedure to his Manly Bits. No more babies for us. He's therefore been at home all week, recovering, poor thing. On Monday afternoon I tucked Bill into bed with several strong painkillers while the rest of us went off to HE group. It was so nice to see all the different age groups playing together with no difficulty whatsoever. And I made arrangements with a couple of the other mums with similar-aged girls to mine to come over in the next week or two. So that's good!

The rest of the week has proceeded pretty much as normal - work for me on Weds, Thurs and Friday mornings and playschool for Tamsin. We did make a trip to the library on Tuesday and came back with another armful of early readers for Tamsin, which she is making short work of.

Oh, and Isabelle fell asleep at the dinner table this evening!

That's it!