Yesterday and today have felt fairly productive. I've been feeling a bit fed-up of being very aimless in our HE, although that is partly to do with a definite lean towards the "better late than early" school of thought. Anyway, I decided to put together a vague topic or two and as the subject of butterflies came up over the weekend, I decided that could be one of them. So after Tamsin was at playschool yesterday morning during which I vacuumed, tidied, dog-walked and napped (following a terrible night's sleep due to Isabelle's emerging cold), off we went to the Butterfly Farm at Stratford-on-Avon. I wasn't sure how Tamsin would cope with the fluttering round her head, but she was really excited and amazed to start with. She excitedly spotted all the different coloured ones she could find and went up to look at them close-up feeding on fruit, and we tried to compare them with the identification sheet we'd bought, although we largely failed to be certain about any of them. We talked about the proboscis and how a butterfly feeds. After wandering round for only about 5 or 10 minutes, though she started to get twitchy about them fluttering round her head, and after a large butterfly landed on my chest and stayed for a minute or so she became largely undone. We made a quick exit into the caterpillar room and studied some pupae for a while (although didn't see any caterpillars) but she was quite anxious still and we left fairly shortly afterwards, only just escaping before she got hysterical. She calmed down quickly once we were in the shop and after buying a lollipop and a cut-out butterfly model book we left.

I still have a few vouchers from Christmas, so we walked over the river into town to see if I could spend anything, but it's just too distracting with 2 small children so I gave up and we came home.

In the evening when the girls were in bed I did some planning and I have a list of activities and ideas on the butterfly theme to pursue over the next couple of weeks.

After another appalling night's sleep - Tamsin came into our bed around 2am and spent the next hour or so coughing, (so Bill made a sharp exit to sleep in Tamsin's bed!) and then not long after she eventually fell asleep, Isabelle woke all stuffed up and hot and was very restless and unsettled from then on - we all slept late this morning but I did remember to check out Class TV for about 10 minutes this morning so we watched a little about the 'ar' sound and about adding up 3 numbers.

Then we went off to our church group and as usual had a good time there with the kids in creche while us mums had some adult time. Isabelle fell asleep on the way home so over lunch Tamsin and I read through a book we had out of the library about the United Kingdom. After seeing an idea on a website somewhere I'd had the thought of doing a 'Country of the week/month' idea and had ordered some library books to start with the UK. So both at lunchtime and again at bedtime we've looked through the 2 books we borrowed and talked about the United Kingdom and how it is made up of England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland; what an island is; what a capital city is and that London is ours; about the Government, voting, the 3 main political parties and the Queen; and Beefeaters/the Tower of London/the London Underground/farming/ship-building and about cities, towns and the countryside. Phew!

We've also been to look at a freecycled sofa but decided to decline due to the (not previously mentioned) holes in the back cushions and it belonging to a smoker (yuck!), and received in the post an Usborne order, an Amazon order and a parcel for Tamsin from Granny. I have cleaned the toilet more thoroughly than it's been done for a year or two, made a wholesome and tasty dinner and processed about 3 loads of washing.

Just before dinner I was thrilled to re-acquaint myself with Oprah now showing on ITV2 - I have so missed that programme!! And while I watched, Tamsin did a Hama butterfly, which reminds me I must go and iron it. I must also familiarise myself with the new Usborne catalogue and think about how to drum up some sales parties, and finish Ebaying the current batch of baby clothes.

Well, it hasn't been a bad sort of a day, considering the start it had. It's not good when you check the bank balance first thing, and find you're hundreds of pounds overdrawn ... :-( So that would be why my Switch card was rejected at the supermarket yesterday then .... I guess that's what comes of trying to do Christmas without putting anything on the credit cards. So after a swift bit of account juggling and balance transferring, off we went to church. After another stonking good sermon from Phil, I was ready for anything so after lunch I took the girls up to the park which was just re-opened with all brand-new fab play equipment! It was extremely muddy and very busy, with a goodly proportion of Moreton's kids there to try it out for the first time, but Tamsin and Isabelle had a good time anyway.








Yes, I know it looks deserted but I was being careful not to photograph other people's kids to publish to the internet.

Back home and after sandwiches all round I spent 2 hours listing 2 items on Ebay (rolls eyes) but the more I do the quicker I'm getting so I'm keeping at it this evening. Just baby clothes, though - nothing for you lot to get excited about. But we've got to pay off that overdraft somehow!

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 7/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?

But I don't know which one I got wrong! Probably the electrical charge of a neuron. What is it Helen?

Flexi-life

Last night was the 3rd time this week I fell asleep around 7pm putting the girls to bed and just stayed there - I have been *so* exhausted by the end of the day. I seem to be running so fast just to stand still, and trying to keep up with things and so conscious that I am doing so little productive or educational with Tamsin what with work and everything else going on and I am eating too much junk (cakes, biscuits etc) that I'm probably not properly fuelled and I am just knackered! So not much blogging or anything else. Actually I remember now it's a pattern I've had for a long time - either running on overdrive or sitting around doing almost nothing. I prefer the active feeling but I hate losing my evenings to sleep.

Anyway, you'll be wanting to know about the flexi-schooling meeting with the Headteacher :-) ! It was great. They're all in favour. They (being the Class 1 teacher and the Head) understand the attraction of HE, have experience of part-time children although for health reasons in the past, say there shouldn't be any trouble with T feeling the odd-one-out, have no hidden agenda to get her in there full-time, and generally think it's a great idea! They have music/dance/drama on a Monday afternoon, and swimming or other sports on a Friday morning, so they'll be 2 definite sessions she can go to, and we'll see about one or two other sessions when the timetable is clearer for September. They showed us round the classroom again and talked about the kind of things they do and the approach they take, and like I said before it's so like HE there I hardly know why I don't just send her full-time. I forgot to ask how many they expect in Year 1 in September but it's likely to be about 5 or 6, they like child-centred education following the children's interests, they try to go out for a walk round the village everyday looking at different things, they have other regular outings etc. So apart from the fact that I *want* to be doing the learning stuff with Tamsin myself, and that I feel full-time school is just too much time for a child to be out of the house, especially at this age, I would thoroughly recommend it as a lovely school. This school however has just been recommended for *closure* in 2008, can you believe it! The proposal is being considered by the County Council on Feb 1st. So Tamsin may only get a couple of years there but never mind, we can revert to f/t HE if necessary then, as long as I can find some way of earning money that doesn't mean me going out to work. I think I shall try harder with Usborne.

The news in brief

We're going to talk to the Acting Head of the local school next Wednesday to talk about flexi-schooling. I'm worried about the various downsides of this course of action, like Tamsin being the odd-one-out when she's there, and feeling like she's left out of stuff, and of course the whole National ~Curriculum/LEA thing, but I still can't think of a better solution given our current circumstances, i.e. I have to go to work 3 mornings a week, and we can't afford for me to give it up.

I've been to the dentist today to have a renovation of a veneered front tooth, so now I have a nicer smile but it's cost £97, and on top of the £400 bill we've had for the car this week it's all a bit scary financially.

I've been forgetting to blog about how Isabelle's sleep has deteriorated again ... mostly because sometime over Christmas I started feeding her at night again (she never did get to the stage of sleeping through and she would sometimes wake and make a hell of a racket so I gave in and fed her just to shut her up quickly) and now she is waking at least every 2 hours to feed and she's making me very sore in the process. We'll have to do the cold-turkey thing again I think.

My house is still tidy :-) (relatively speaking - compared with before Monday!). Suddenly it's so easy to put the toys away at the end of the day, now I know where they all go. I knew that's what I needed!! I just couldn't seem to get it done myself. Hooray for good friends!

Clearing space

Today's been good. It feels like great progress has been made. My lovely women friends from church came round and *sorted me out*!!! I now have an organised toy cupboard, with boxes and baskets all sorted out, two large boxes of stuff have gone to the charity shop and two overly-large armchairs and an old large TV have been collected by Freecyclers. We now have some space, some clear surfaces, and a plan as to what to do with the rest. It took 4 of us 2.5 hours to get as far as we did, with plenty more still to do. I'm itching to get it *all done* but I guess that will be a while yet as it will be slower from now on, but at least I can see a way.

The other recent kind-of 'big news' is that I have finally written a letter to the lovely small village school 3 miles away asking whether we could flexi-school Tamsin. In September she won't be able to go to playschool any more, and I still have to work 3 mornings a week! I wish it didn't mean having to cover the National Curriculum, and being known to the LEA, but I think there are other advantages (music, sport, friends) to be gained from it apart from the childcare aspect! Anyway, the school is in a precarious position at the moment having been recommended for closure in 2008 - the County Council will meet in a couple of weeks' time to consider the recommendation. And the long-standing headteacher retired at the end of last term and there is an acting Head in place, who may not feel in a good position to do anything as radical as take on a flexi-time pupil, but OTOH maybe they really need their numbers up any way they can. We shall see.

Today we have:

- Been up to church for the women's group and had a great time. Making plans for next Monday when they're all coming round to 'sort me out'!! a.k.a. declutter and sort.
- Vacuumed the living room
- Washed the kitchen floor (and now it's all muddy again)
- Done 2 loads of washing
- Cleaned the bathroom sink
- Cleaned Tamsin's (shockingly dirty) windowsill and windowframe
- Cleaned doorframes upstairs
- Removed clouds of cobwebs from kitchen ceiling
- Done a bit more reading lessons of sounds 'a-e' 'o-e' and 'u-e', 'igh' and 'oa'. I'm not particularly expecting she will remember these from now on, or that they're totally 'done' in any sense, but she is keen now and very interested in words and reading so I'm just going with it as far as she wants each session.
- Been to the library and come back with stacks of books and read about 2/3 of them.
- Watched nervously as Isabelle has taken to the hammer and ball toy with great ferocity!
- Watched and choreographed Tamsin's ballet/dancing round the living room.

Very briefly...

...as I am very tired and about to go to bed:

I was on playschool parent's rota this morning and it was very busy, so was very tired afterwards. Isabelle had a fab time toddling about with the 'big' kids and was particularly excited by being set free in the big playroom - she's never had so much room to walk and she really enjoyed herself! She hasn't said any words at all since last Wednesday though.

Not much done this afternoon except Tamsin's played on her My Little Pony CD-Rom and we had a brief reading lesson covering 'ee' 'ea' 'ai' and 'ay'.

First word - English; second word - Spanish!

Isabelle spoke!! It was so sweet to hear real stuff coming out of her mouth! Of course she has said mamamam and dadad and so on but I'm not confident that's been more than babbling yet. So today, Tamsin was getting a little frustrated at Isabelle's yelling, and shouted "Shush!" at her, and Isabelle said "Shush!" back!!!! It was really funny. She said it a few more times when prompted too. And then later in the day when Isabelle had climbed the stairs, and I was helping her down step by step, Tamsin was saying "Abaho!" (Spanish for 'down') (may have spelled it wrong) and Isabelle repeated "Aho.... Aho...". How about that - a bilingual baby! Of course, she wouldn't demonstrate for Daddy when he got home, so we'll have to see what utterances if any we will get in the coming days.

Apart from that, it's been another good day today. My sink is still clean! I am taking Flylady very very slowly this time. I first signed up in Jan or Feb 2001, and remained signed up for 4 years and didn't really get any of it done. I improved slightly in a couple of things, but not significantly. So last year I gave up. I think maybe I just kept trying to do too much at once, or trying to get to grips with the whole programme before I really started it properly. So I've signed up again and after a year's break I am reading the e-mails with fresh eyes, and they are speaking straight at me!! And I am committing to nothing more in January than keeping my sink clean. I may do a few other bits, but am not trying to. Very slow babysteps for me this time.

So this morning, we did some writing practice of the letters in this week's Sound of the Week - 's' and 't' so that helped start to turn her 's' around - she's been doing it backwards for a while! And she really enjoyed doing that. She's also done lots of jigsaws and other letter/word puzzles. Later we went into town to pay cheques in and post parcels and letters. Got home and did some more games and puzzles, and then went up to Kate's house for a bounce on their new trampoline and lots of girly games. While I was nit-combing her hair (nothing live in there this time but must keep at it to make sure!!) she drew a lovely picture of Daddy complete with wispy hair on top and then a picture of her best friend from playschool who she is excited to see again tomorrow morning when she goes back.

I have so enjoyed having this time off work, particularly in the past week, and feel I've had a much better time with Tamsin because of it, but it's back to it tomorrow unfortunately.

Busy day

What a difference it makes to me not to be working in the morning. It means I do so much more with Tamsin and we have a much better day.

So, this morning we were up around 8.30am, more tears about the lack of mummymilk, but came downstairs for breakfast and, a la Flylady, did my morning routine (empty dishwasher, have breakfast etc) and cleaned my sink. Which led to cleaning the kitchen worktops, the cooker hob, the oven door, the back door, some of the tiles on the wall, and the back doorstep. Whew! During which Tamsin watched Piglet's Big Movie or whatever it was on BBC1. And Isabelle was happy to copy me cleaning the oven door, which was very sweet to watch!

Since when, we have done beads on Scoubidous, wrapping presents, Tamsin writing labels and putting them on the tree and opening them (!), first chapter of A Year at Maple Hill Farm and Berenstain Bears book of Science and Nature, hence covering months, seasons, snow and the New Year; quite a bit of tidying up, and various other doll-related games. We've also done a new Sound of the Week lesson - the first for a couple of months - covering the 'st' sound and she had great fun cutting out all the words and pictures and sticking them up. Later I hope to get her to practice writing the s and t letters as her letter formation method is not good atm! She's also done a lovely fuzzy felt picture and told me the story, and in turn I did one too.

Tamsin got a doctor's outfit and medical kit for Christmas, so she's spent a fair bit of time since then (and before, but less well-equipped!) pretending to make people better - we keep having to be 'ill' and she gives us pills and injections and takes our blood pressure. She also frequently tends to her dolls and animals. She was a little confused at first as to how she could be a doctor when she was a girl (where on earth did she get that from??!! Not me, certainly.) but we put her straight and now she is happy as Dr Goldie.

It all feels so much better than a normal weekday when I work several mornings and feel too tired and groggy in the afternoons to do much with her.

My sink is clean!

Although not shiny, 'cos it's one of those white ones. But anyway, it's a start. I wonder how long I can keep it that way?

Nice day today - church this morning, then my Dad and his wife Pat over for lunch afterwards. I managed some proper cooking (!) and it seemed to be much appreciated. Inbetween all this stuff Tamsin has done jigsaws, played animal dominoes, done some puzzles (spot the difference, etc) in a book, watched a DK Eyewitness video on the Human Body, and, at bedtime, read nearly half a book! It was a beginner's reader from the library, but I was most impressed. She needed some hints and tips but did incredibly well! It felt most odd sitting there watching her with a book on her lap sounding out and reading words. My baby! OTOH, it's been her first full day of no mummymilk - so not such a baby anymore. She's not too pleased about it and had a good long crying session about it this morning, but I just have to trust she will not be traumatised forever!

NY Eve

We've had a nice couple of days, just relaxing, having fun all together and chilling. Very nice. I don't go a bundle on NY Eve so off to bed in a minute, but just wanted to blog one resolution only: get this house in order!!!! I have re-signed up with FlyLady and will no longer live in mess and clutter. Wish me luck!

7 things

I think this is the best I can do! Films are not my strong point!

7 things to do before I die
1. Travel round USA in a motorhome
2. Ski as much as possible
3. Get a job/career in nutrition
4. Get an MSc or PhD
5. Swim with a wild dolphin
6. See my children grow to be healthy, happy, loving adults
7. Get a full night's sleep again

7 things I can’t do
1. Be tidy
2. Get anywhere on time
3. Say 'I love you' to my parents, even though I do
4. Eat coconut
5. Stop loving my beautiful girls
6. Dance
7. Feel sick without panicking

7 things that attract me to my spouse (in no particular order)
1. His kindness
2. His crinkly blue eyes
3. His big hands
4. His absorbent shoulders
5. His patience
6. His intelligence
7. His humour

7 things I say most often
1. Get OFF my leg, Isabelle!
2. You're so lovely (to Tamsin)
3. You're so scrumptious (to Isabelle)
4. This place is a mess!
5. Where is/are my keys/the hairbrush/the scissors/my shoes/....
6. Oh, FFS, where ARE they?!!!
7. I'm so tired

7 books I love
1. The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley
2. Mere Christianity by C S Lewis
3. Taking Charge of your Fertility by Toni Weschler
4. Mister God this is Anna by Fynn
5. Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain by Betty Edwards
6. Anything by Walter Wangerin
7. Principles of Anatomy & Physiology by Tortora & Grabowski


7 films I’d watch again and again
1. Dances with Wolves
2. Grease
3. Whale Rider


7 people I’d like to join in (that others haven’t mentioned)
1. Bill (in comments box)

Whew!

I did better than I expected:

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 9/10 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

Flicks and friends

I haven't gone down with the vomiting lurgy yet, so I plod on apprehensively, each day planning how I will cancel that day's affairs if necessary - such is the life of an emetophobic ....

Anyway, today has been nice-ish. It didn't start too well, with me feeling gloomy and negative about Christmas and how we spend it and my whole life and how I spend it, and the impossibility of changing anything as I've been over all these things before, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah, but later on we got busy and that was better :-)

We collected Tamsin's friend Holly, and then all went up to Stratford-on-Avon where Bill dropped me and the 2 girls off at the cinema to see Nanny McPhee - Tamsin's first time at the cinema. They settled down well and didn't mind the dark and the loudness of the film, but Tamsin for one didn't seem to follow much at all. "Mummy, who is that woman?..... Mummy, why are those children being naughty? ..... Mummy, why are they all spotty? ..... Mummy, why can't I see my popcorn?"...... Aaaargh!!! All these constant interruptions of my most enjoyable ogling of Colin Firth ..... And when it got to the point where Holly was asking when we were going home and then outright saying she wanted to go home, I gave up and we left. So I still don't know whether the yummy CF ended up with kind Evangeline and whether the children turned out to be kind and well-behaved, but I guess I'll find out one day via DVD hire or something. We then came home and Tamsin and Holly painted pictures and spread copious amounts of glitter around, while I made dinner. The young ones had dinner and then Holly and Tamsin disappeared upstairs for an hour or so, which as I said to Bill is the reason why it's good to have a friend over to stay - it gets Tamsin out of our hair! And it was even more delightful to find that the task that was keeping them so busy up there was tidying Tamsin's bedroom - and they did a really good job. As Holly is staying the night they got ready for bed and had a great, exciting time giggling and tumbling around under duvets together, and then Holly at least has dropped off to sleep very quickly. Tamsin always takes a while....

Tomorrow morning I'm having my hair coloured - don't know what like until Linda my hairdresser comes and we discuss it. And Bill is out all day as he is driving up to Liverpool to collect a (hahahaha) so-called car which I am too embarrassed to even name on my blog.

Will someone please tell me .....

what brand of liqueur chocolates I have to buy to get that lovely sugar crust inside? I just can't seem to get them anywhere!!

Not quite as planned ....

Our day started with copious vomiting by Bill .... who spent the rest of the day alternating between the bed and the toilet. Poor soul. Not a morsel has passed his lips all day till 9pm when he has managed a small sandwich.

Tamsin woke around 6.30am and opened stocking presents - her favourite seemed to be the satsuma at the bottom! Breakfast of cereal and croissants was followed by joyful ripping and tearing - she was delighted with the Baby Annabell and has carried her round all day, the Thomas Aquadraw and the various games (Misfit/Greedy Gorilla) have all been investigated thoroughly, and a few things are still left to be investigated properly (My Little Pony computer game, Finding Nemo LeapPad book). Isabelle has mostly just enjoyed standing up, taking a few steps, laughing and waving her arms victoriously, and sitting down again!

My clever and caring husband gave me a CD he had put together with all the tracks on that 'Soundtrack of my Life' meme we did on the blogring a while ago - I filled up with tears just looking at the titles, so who knows what will happen when I listen! What a sweetie - shame he was ill in bed so missed my opening it.

I took the girls to church and got home about noon. Things got a bit stressful after that with my Mum and I trying to produce the lunch with constant interruptions and demands from Tamsin for attention. *Must* do something about her total inability to function without me for more than 30 seconds if she knows I am around. Lunch appeared around 2pm and was delicious! Consecutive naps for Mum and I were followed by sandwiches, baths and bed for the girls, and the very final bedtime mummymilk for Tamsin. She has one more week to have it in the mornings, and then that's it. I have drawn my boundary, probably much later than I should have done, but I have really had enough.

Bill surfaced around 5pm but didn't last long and went back to bed, but has appeared again now and appears to be on the mend. Probably just a 12-hour stomach virus. Just a shame it was this particular 12 hours. Am now madly praying I don't get it - I am phobic.

Final preparations

We are ready! One final present was bought this afternoon. Also suddenly remembered I needed a roasting tin for the turkey - oops! Could have been a tricky omission, that one! This morning Tamsin went to the church Christmas party - she was a little wavery for a while so we had to stay with her for about an hour before she settled enough to be left. Mum and I went for a wander round Chipping Campden with Isabelle, and had a coffee in a posh hotel.

This afternoon I have slept, catching up from a bad night in which Isabelle was sick (for the 3rd time that day, although not seeming ill in any other way) and stayed awake for over an hour - maybe two, who knows? This evening we've had a yummy dinner and put Tamsin to bed with a reading of the nativity story and the poem "Twas the night before Christmas", which I note several other blogring members have used for their title today!

I do feel I've missed out by not making it to a church service today but there just hasn't been time this afternoon/evening, and I'm always too tired to make it to the midnight one (although I am still up ....). I also missed the Carol Service from Kings College, Cambridge on the radio which usually gets me in the Christmas mood. So I actually don't feel festive. Still, off to bed now after I've filled Tamsin's stocking, and see what time she gets us all up in the morning!

WALKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Isabelle kept the best till last today, but after she should have gone to bed but I was procrastinating, she took 2 steps! Daddy missed it - he was looking the other way - so thankfully she then repeated it. And then laughed and clapped in delight! I grabbed the video camera, and she resisted performing to command for a while, but eventually did it again. And then again, and again, and again. She is so pleased with herself, and we are all delighted too. Maybe it won't be too long before I can stop saying, "Isabelle, get OFF my legs!!!"

I seem to have forgotten something.....

Oh, I know! It's Tamsin - she's not here! What a very strange feeling. Tamsin was very excited to be offered the chance to stay at Kate's and sleepover with her 3 daughters, so this is our first ever night apart. I feel like I've had something amputated, but also very free! It's quite a step forward for Tamsin, who's never wanted to stay away overnight before despite having had the chance.

And I've also told her she will have to stop having mummy-milk by the end of the year, which she seemed to accept without any qualms. We'll just see how it goes at the time. It's only been morning and evening for quite a while anyway.

So, she's growing up. Sob ...... and hooray!

Tonight has been wrap-fest ... and all except Bill's prezzie are now wrapped. I seem to have got Tamsin rather a lot. Hmmm. I have been feeling grateful I am not Merry, with 4 kids to wrap for!!!! OTOH, it's probably worth it ;-)

Must go to bed. And, if I'm lucky, sleep with less disturbances than usual, as there will be one less person in the bed.

A little bit of everything

When I think about it, on a day when I feel I've just chased my tail and done nothing much at all, quite a lot has happened.

At breakfast time, Tamsin asked to look at the "Adventures in Literacy" file which a friend had bought for her birthday in June. So we covered the 'ea' 'ee' 'a-e' and 'i-e' sounds, and she successfully read many of the words. She's written many of the gift tags of the presents we've wrapped today. At tea-time she was playing with her number balance, on which she hangs numbers on each side of a balance to try and get them equal. TBH, she hasn't really had a clue what she's been doing - she just likes messing around with it, so in an attempt to make it clearer, I used the mini-pegs with which we've been hanging up the Christmas cards, and did several problems of the "If I have four pegs, and you have two, how many more than you have I got?" type. To help make it clear, I paired up hers opposite mine, so she could see how many extra were unpaired. I think it's taken her a step or two further on in understanding addition and subtraction which till now she hasn't got anywhere with.

So that's been a decent-sized reading lesson, maths lesson and writing practice, all casually dropped into a day of much chaos and frustration. Isn't that just the joy of home-ed?! I feel like I've been chasing my tail - trying desperately to tidy up so that I can concentrate on Christmas decs but not getting anywhere. Every time I turn round there's more mess, not less. Tamsin demands so much attention and input from me, and Isabelle only wants to hang onto my legs all day, that it's intensely difficult to get anything much done. One of those days when it took about 2 hours just to get us all dressed and breakfasted.

Still, I've got 2 loads washed and dried. Went out and bought more Christmas decorations. (Hmm, I see I'm doing my usual trick of buying more supplies for crafts and activities and then never actually getting round to using them!) Tidied Tamsin's bedroom. Set up a Brio track while Isabelle was napping. Got some Christmas lights up in our front window. Isabelle did a little painting (including all over her face and hands). Ooh, and the thing that really felt like an achievement today (because it was on my To Do list!) was to plan the Christmas food, make a shopping list, and arrange with my Mum who was doing what.

Inbetween, Tamsin has pretended to be a chameleon, an elephant and done a wonderful Christmas dance which I videoed! And Isabelle has climbed the stairs again, and spent more time perfecting the trick she discovered yesterday of bending upside down and peering through her legs - she loves viewing the world from this new perspective! This week has not been the fun-filled dec-fest that I wanted it to be, but maybe if I get off this computer and into the living room to tidy up, I might make a little more progress tomorrow!!

Ahhh, the innocence!

Tamsin just asked me, "Mummy - after this Christmas, will there be another one?" She was quite delighted to hear it happens every year! Whereas I, a couple of days ago, was musing on the fact that I could possibly still have 40 Christmases to come .... which just feels like too many!!! Surely I will be bored sick of it by then?

Today so far we've tidied Tamsin's bedroom, but the rest of the house is a tip. Just off to wrap a few prezzies, then must tidy and decorate a bit more. Still haven't planned the food and I need to phone my Mum once I have to see which bits she will bring/contribute.

Right!

Time to get busy! I've just spent the last 45 minutes reclaiming the kitchen from 'condemnable by Environmental Health' standards. The rest of today's list includes:

put up tree
get decorations from loft
decorate tree
post cards
ice cake
wrap and post presents
plan Christmas food
have fun with kids making Christmassy things

None of which is easy when your 13-month old grabs and climbs up your legs at every single opportunity - I've developed a nifty little hop and skip to quickly get out of reach when I feel her grasping at my trouser legs.
Memo to self: To go in the '7 things I say most often' list - "Get OFF my legs, Isabelle!"

Will update later!

10.40am - tree is up!
10.55am - Isabelle climbs the stairs from bottom to top, despite never having managed a single step before (not for lack of trying)
1pm - Cards and presents are wrapped, stamped and posted
4.45pm - Tree is fully decorated

Quick blog as the Muse still has not returned.

Health pretty much back to normal - bit of a cough left but not bad. Am having the usual panicky feelings about getting ready for Christmas but actually not doing too badly - prezzies mostly bought (all except Bill), food semi-organised and card labels done. Just card-writing and decorations to do - hope to do tree tomorrow afternoon.

We're off up north on Friday evening to visit Bill's folks - staying at a Travelodge and coming back on Sunday.

Blergh - just have no other words to say really.

Don't worry!

I am still alive! Still coughing, although it is gradually improving. Bill will go back to work on Monday, so 2 weeks and 1 day off work, and I went back for a couple of hours on Wednesday, and then Thursday and Friday mornings. Just can't be bothered to blog, really, or anything much else.

One day ...

somewhere in the distant future, I'll feel better, I know I will. Just wish it would hurry up and get here. Still coughing, still aching, and now a blinding headache has joined the fun. Cannot be bothered with anything - just wish the children would emigrate for a while.

Let's get the dull and boring whinge about my health out of the way .... I got worse yesterday, not better, and spent the afternoon with a horrendous headache and sinus pain. Fortunately it was gone by this morning, and I think I may at last be slowly on the mend. Coughing like mad still, but feeling a bit more human. Bill is still off work too.

I'm having something of a re-think about parenting patterns and boundaries ... which maybe I'll get round to blogging sometime. If only we could have a trial run with somebody else's kids before we ruin our own!

More of the same

Still coughing, aching, sweating, shivering, eyes now going funny, sinuses feeling dodgy, blah, blah, blah. This is lasting *far* too long.

Tamsin - Granny took her up to playschool this morning but it was cancelled as staff are all ill. Fortunately my Mum took the initiative to keep her out of the house as long as possible, so they went for a long walk with the dog and then a hot chocolate at a cafe. This afternoon was simply wall-to-wall TV, while I slept and sweated on the sofa.

Still ill

I'm getting very tired of this. Am still feeling distinctly rough and discovering that my pelvic floor muscles are not up to the challenge of all this coughing :-o ! Mind you, looking on the bright side, the last time I was this bad, I was 8 months pregnant with Benjamin, and that was no fun at all. At least I don't have to try and sleep sitting upright this time.

So, my Mum has come on a mercy mission, at least as much for the dog's sake as anybody else's ;-) She hasn't been walked much lately, poor thing.

Have managed to achieve one or two things though - moving at one-tenth normal speed, I excavated our bedroom of the pile of clothes that was threatening to smother us all, have read Tamsin a few stories including the lovely Usborne Nativity lift-the-flap book which we both love, played "Tummy Ache" board game and attempted to get Tamsin to stick to the rules (rolling eyes icon required!), done some 'rhythm' games where one of us (Bill, Tamsin and me) would tap out a rhythm using a selection of kitchen implements that Tamsin brought out for us, and the others had to copy it. Which reminds me, she wants drums. Real ones. OMDB, I think! Or at least, not until she has a playhouse down at the bottom of the garden we can send her to.

I've been wrestling with the Christmas present issue. Have bid on a few things on Ebay for her but not won them (My Little Pony stuff and a ballet dress just for dressing-up fun) but what she really wants is everything she has seen advertised on Nick Jr (rolls eyes again!). Yes, we've had the "all they want to do is sell you things so they can have all your money" conversation, but she's not convinced yet! I am discovering that I could easily become one of those indulgent mothers who buys her child almost everything they want .... so it's a good job we haven't got much money! Not that that stops some people, I suppose, but it does me :-)

Isabelle is perfecting her standing alone, and continues to be thrilled at herself! She can also walk being held by only one hand, so solo walking can't be far away. She's discovered the delights of flinging her arms up in dramatic gestures just for the fun of it, chucking stuff off tables onto the floor, and opening and shutting the drawers in Tamsin's bedroom and throwing all the clothes onto the floor.

This evening my Mum asked about what regulations or curriculum we had to follow in home-educating ..... and I thought I detected a slight tightening of the lips at my joyful answer that the LEA, all being well, wouldn't even know we existed! I expounded enthusiastically about their lack of rights and used several snippets from the latest MP list (have to still call it that :-) ) discussion. She made no particular comment. I may hear her opinion by some roundabout route or critical comment in months or years to come!

It was a cough
That carried her off.

It was a coffin
They carried her off in.

Cough, cough

Urgh, you know you're really not well when you can't be bothered to switch the computer on all day. Cough is really bad, ache all over, feel generally grotty. Girls aren't much better, and Bill is now heading that way too. Fortunately that meant he took the day off sick so I wasn't managing all on my own.

Ugh, head lice are in residence. I've been itchy since Saturday, couldn't find the comb and got round to buying a new one today. Several of the little beasts on me and Tamsin. I hate the little bastards.

Tamsin and Isabelle are still both suffering quite badly from this heavy cold and cough. Tamsin was supposed to go to playschool this morning while I did an Usborne book party, but in the end she came with me, as well as Isabelle, as she wasn't well enough for playschool. Party went well, which was good, except I've spent all my commission on more books ....

Not much learning been going on due to illness but much languishing in front of the TV instead.

Quiet Day

Today was supposed to start with a walk to the Post Office to get a new Tax Disc for Bill's old Citroen that has to go back on the road now that the Astra is defunct. Try as I might, though, I could not find the fairly recent MOT certificate anywhere, and TBH I wasn't too bothered by that as it has been extremely cold and foggy and I didn't fancy the walk.

So, we've been quietly at home today, and more quiet than usual as both girls are noticeably under par due to heavy colds. Tamsin has been content mostly to sit doing stuff - TV, stories, painting. We had a really good go at her bedroom this morning, which was in a complete state, and now it is very tidy and looks great! I've read some Mr Men stories, some from her Bible Activity book (Jonah and the Whale, Moses in the basket being found by Pharoah's daughter) which involved some stickers, spot the difference (which she really enjoys), mazes and the like.

Later, I got the paints out and Isabelle has done her very first painting! That's a keeper, I think. I managed a nap at lunchtime while Isabelle was asleep and Tamsin was watching TV, so that meant more energy than usual later on. Tamsin taught me some of her dance moves she's learning 'at school', as she calls it (the Dance class meets in the school hall!) and then we tried some yoga positions from "My Daddy is a Pretzel".

So, that's been literature, bible, housekeeping, art and PE then!

Isabelle threw up on me as I was just putting her into bed, due to coughing, so she was feeling rather miserable but fell asleep quickly and has stayed that way. Tamsin has already been awake weeping because she feels rotten. Despite that, with kids safely in bed, I've done some Christmas shopping online. It feels good to have got started!

Round-up

There seems to have been a lot going on the past couple of days, despite the snotty colds and coughs affecting the female members of the family. I can't remember it in any particular order (how on earth do the rest of you remember what's gone on in which order?).

Let me see, we've read about the sun, earth and moon and which goes round which for how long; we've read about David and Goliath in a couple of different versions at different times, we've done some rudimentary adding (although TBH she hasn't really grasped it at all yet); we've talked about 'half' in some detail; plus a fair few story books. Ummm, I'm sure there's lots more but it escapes me right now.

She's also been shouted at lots, particularly for opening one of the presents in the shoebox which is for the Operation Christmas Child appeal. I've taken to doing one each year in place of a present for Benjamin, so this year it's been aimed at a 6-year old boy, and Tamsin removed the little pot of dinosaurs and took off the seal and opened it, which was particularly aggravating since she already has that particular set anyway. She said she wanted the 'grass' (green crepe paper used as packing material) :-( Anyway, I had to phone and ask a friend to come and collect the box and take it to church this morning as I felt the girls, particularly Tamsin, were too under the weather with the colds to go out today.

Isabelle is turning from baby into toddler at a frightening speed - refusing to lie still for nappy changes, arching her back when going into the car-seat, definitely very willful! Tooth number 7 is just coming through, and yesterday she stood on her own deliberately for the first time. And having discovered what fun that was, has repeated it several times with big grins and chuckles :-)

The sleep situation is vastly improved - on the whole Isabelle sleeps pretty well till about 4am and then I usually feed her as she won't take 'no' for an answer! Sometimes she wakes me earlier in the night too, but 2 wakings is vastly better than it used to be! And Tamsin has slept all night in her own bed for about 3 or 4 nights now (not consecutively, due to feeling ill) which is a first at age 4.5!

Bill's had a frustrating afternoon, trying to fit the shiny new red cover onto my (new to me) mobile phone .... and despite being the most technically competent, able and careful person there could possibly be, has bust it :-( If he can't do it, I don't see how anybody else would have been able to. So, back to the old Nokia 3310 then.

Tomorrow we're mostly just hanging around at home. I've swapped Tamsin's playschool morning to Tuesday because I have a work meeting to go to, so it'll be nice to have a quiet lazy morning!

My retirement plans...

Okay, the financial situation is dire, we need a new car, and we're up to our eyes in debt. Maybe this will be the answer to all our problems: The Rich Jerk. Whaddya think? OK, so if you click on that link and get interested too and buy it, I'll get paid! Or maybe other desperate HErs would like to club together with me and we could share it? I dunno really ....

Toys

Haha, my birthday presents have arrived! I've had my birthday money in the bank since the end of August, musing on what to buy, and had a mini-spending spree on Ebay a couple of days ago. So today I've taken delivery of a lovely new DAB radio, and a cute little Samsung A800 mobile phone. I have no idea if it's still a current model, but all I wanted was a flip-phone so I could feel like Captain Kirk. Hooray, I love new toys!

Friends

We had such a good afternoon yesterday with the Puddles and the Beans. I had gone over in that direction (a 2-hour drive) to collect a wooden Tripp-Trapp style highchair for Isabelle, to match Tamsin's, that I'd won on Ebay (which has turned out to be a great bargain - new and unused for £31.50 instead of the new price of £84.99). So I arrived while Merry was on the phone and had a warm and chatty welcome from Fran and Maddy which was delightful. Fran played delightfully with Isabelle and Tamsin fell with great delight upon the big pile of My Little Ponies - I've never seen so many together in one place before! I got the chance to browse some HE resources that I've heard about but never seen, so they get confirmed on my 'to buy' list ... (oops) and chatted a bit, but not enough, with Merry. Then all the Beans arrived and it was lovely to see them all, and with 8 girls all playing together it was a loud and lively afternoon! We left around 7pm after a substantial plateful of macaroni cheese and both girls were fast asleep within minutes so I had a peaceful drive home, and managed to successfully transfer them both into bed when we got home.

Today has been mixed. We've had a nice time but had bad financial news. Bill's car was in for repair/service so he was using mine, so I had to borrow a friend's car to get to the church group this morning and get a lift to the local Home Ed group this afternoon. But we had a nice time this afternoon and I chatted more with the mum of the 3 and 5 year old girls that we met last month, and she was more talkative and friendly this time. In fact, we have arranged to get together in a couple of weeks and I think that's going to be a really nice friendship for Tamsin, and Isabelle in due course, to know other locally HEd girls. But the news on Bill's car has been dire and it looks like his Astra that he only bought 2nd hand earlier this year was a bad'un and will basically have to be scrapped, so he will have to revert to his old Citroen that thankfully we never quite got round to getting rid of. However that is showing its age too, and I'm really not happy about the Subaru estate that I have been driving as it just feels like maybe the steering is going wrong on that, so we may have to be in the market for 2 new cars when we really don't have the money for any such things. We already have a loan, a credit card debt and re-mortgaged earlier this year. We can afford to eat and pay bills, thankfully, but cars, holidays and clothes are not so easy to come by.

So I'll be off to bed and maybe I'll dream of the perfect money-making idea that will relieve all our financial problems .....

Wow

Have I really not blogged since Tuesday? Time does fly. Can't possibly remember what we've done, but maybe just a few highlights.

Tamsin was ill Thursday night and yesterday - temp going up and down, sore throat and a headache. She had a little nosebleed in the night too - her first. She was very reluctant to let me wipe the dried blood off her face till mid-morning, so she looked rather ghoulish for a while. Anyway she came to work with me instead of going to playschool, and we did a Letterland Reading workbook, where she consolidated her 3-letter words, and she listened to an Usborne Train Stories CD while following through in the book. In the afternoon she faded rather, until eventually I put 'Finding Nemo' on the DVD and she curled up on the sofa to watch, and I found later that she had fallen asleep in front of it. That was about 4pm. She woke up at 5pm, and was all weepy and hot, so I put her straight to bed, and Isabelle too as she had failed to have an afternoon nap. I sat and read to Tamsin for a while, and then she felt better, and then Isabelle woke up, so we actually had both of them up till about 9.30pm when we all (including Bill who's normally a 2am bedtime man) gave up and went to bed.

This morning she has astonished us by going round and tidying up the living room and vacuuming with the little portable cleaner! An unprecedented act!!! We have been coming down harder on her lately about cleaning up her own messiness, so maybe the message is going in! Now Bill's taken them all out for a walk and I'm supposed to be getting on with a couple of jobs - sorting out baby clothes and equipment for a sale next week, and sorting out my Usborne stuff for a home-party at a friend's house next Wednesday morning.

Reading

When I picked up the 'Reading Reflex' learning to read book I have in September, Tamsin would have had to start right at the beginning as she couldn't do any of it. Without having done any of the lessons inbetween, but only informal here and there stuff, I've looked at the book again and she's too far advanced for the entire first section, which is reading 3-sound cvc words! Good stuff! I don't think (obviously!) I'll stick to the lesson plan, but at least reading it gives me an idea of what to tackle next and how. It feels rather amazing, actually, having one learning to read and one learning to walk and, I suppose, talk, although there are no recognisable words yet.

We've been out to our women's group at church today, which as usual was lovely but made me aware of a whole confusion of emotions whirling round in me about my Mum, Bill, the state of the house, my relationship with Tamsin and how I am treating her, and more... The usual bunch of stuff, really! But I've been feeling quite conflicted and emotional today, and maybe it's that which has caused me to feel quite ill, almost migrainish but without the headache, this afternoon. I insisted on having 20 minutes on my own after we got home, just so I could try and deal with some of the feelings, and then we actually did some cleaning and tidying up. We went to the Library this afternoon but I was feeling quite sick so we didn't stay long and just came home with the handful of books Tamsin had chosen.

Have now stuck them in front of Nick Jr to await Bill's return home early, I hope - I phoned and asked him to come and rescue me!

Isabelle is 1!

And I can hardly believe how a whole year can have gone by so fast. I feel as though I will hardly have any memories of Isabelle's babyhood because life has just whizzed by in a blur of too much to do. It feels like I have spent the past year leaving her sitting on her own while I got on with other stuff.

But still, here she is. Poised on the boundary between baby and toddler. Which brings such mixed feelings in me. My last baby, just about gone ... but another adventure ahead as her personality grows and the interaction between the two sisters brings fun and joy (and aggro!). I have loved the 'baby' stage so much more than I ever believed before I had them and am so sad that that time is passing away, but with all the factors I do feel it's right for us to stop now.

So, here's a snapshot of Isabelle around her first birthday. She's so thrilled that at last she's got the hang of moving around. It's an idiosyncratic type of crawl, but it does the job and she's chuffed by it! She's even more excited when she's on her feet, though, and today she walked pushing a walker alone for the first time with no parent supporting or steadying. She stands very steadily but doesn't realise she could do it alone yet and only lets go when she doesn't realise what she's doing. She now wants to be in on the act of whatever her adored big sister does, and is in no mood to be left out of anything. She makes her feelings very clear - she's developing a scary line in shrieking and yelling. It still feels so surprising to me that she has real opinions, wants and preferences and makes them known. But best of all is her sense of humour, mostly laughing at Tamsin's antics but also, like the other day, at her own, which is wonderful!

She's practising eating with a spoon, has fed me with her spoon, and yesterday brushed my hair with the hairbrush. Despite 4-5 months of signing 'milk' and 'eat' to her, she is not showing any inclination to sign herself, but communication is pretty clear nonetheless!

She loves music and does a gorgeous little bounce when she hears it. Her favourite activity is pressing buttons of all types, so today we've covered up the front of the hi-fi ... In fact, while feeding from me she pushes on the ends of my fingers as though they are buttons to press too. She loves to press noses and chins, and is fascinated by eyelashes and is very good at gently feeling them without poking me in the eye!

She is thrilled when Daddy comes home from work, and is always excited to see me even when just returning from the other room, which is heart-warming. I love her very much, and am so grateful she came to live with us. I am excited to see what sort of a person she will turn out to be, but whatever she does or doesn't do I hope she always knows she is very special to me.

At last....

I've got time for a quick blog. Isabelle's special 'birthday' blogpost is in draft form, but there isn't much of it yet. I've spent this afternoon and evening making and icing the birthday cake for tomorrow's party. Photo tomorrow or Sunday, I hope.

Isabelle is sleeping better but still waking me up with moans and groans, and waking up properly from about 5am onwards so I usually feed her at that point.

I have the briefest of second hand news from the USA about Victoria that it seemed to go well and she may well have gone home yesterday. She was in quite a lot of pain at times and sick from the anaesthetic, which must be absolutely horrible. Keeping everything crossed that it all stays in place.

Oh, and I must just record the funniest thing that happened this evening. Isabelle made her own game of dropping peas from her highchair tray onto the floor - which she found absolutely hilarious and for about 15 minutes every time she dropped a pea she laughed her head off - it was fantastic!!!

Grrrr

It's Isabelle's 1st birthday today. Tamsin is being *absolutely foul*! I've never known her be so badly behaved for such a long time before. Yuck. I hope to do a lovely 'happy birthday' post about Isabelle later, if Tamsin hasn't completely driven all pleasant loving thoughts out of my mind.

Victoria

If you can spare a prayer, vibe or whatever you do, please can you think of my niece Victoria, age 11, who lives in the USA (daughter of my brother who visited a couple of weeks ago) who is going in for her (we hope) final surgery on her cleft palate today. She will have bone removed from her hip and grafted into her palate.

Poor kid, every single surgery she's had has gone wrong, or not quite done the job and she's had every problem in the book. We long for this one to go smoothly and successfully.

Nights 5 and 6

Grrr, when will this child stop waking up and yelling several times each night? She knows how to get back to sleep on her own - why does she have to shout about it? We persevere, but (yawn), I'll be so glad when this particular problem is fixed! She is spending longer and longer at the breast during the day, maybe to make up for the lack of sucking time at night.

In 'other things', Tamsin's continuing to enjoy reading easy c-v-c words and a few others too. In an old slim book "Usborne First Steps to Reading" I picked up from a charity shop somewhere, she read a very short story with only a little help, including words like 'mouse', 'one', 'there' and 'home'. I must get on with the proper reading scheme we have, if only so that it tells me how to start teaching the more complicated and irregular words.

Tamsin found a digital thermometer lying around yesterday, and spent half the day with it in her mouth, repeatedly taking her temperature. We talked a bit about normal body temperature and fever.

Today we've been up to playschool to help clear out and tidy up, so we had a busy dusty morning. This afternoon I've been sooooo tired, and just vegetated mostly. Tried to tidy up Tamsin's bedroom but ended up with more mess than when we started, just relocated. Have sat and read this book which I've got out from the library, which would be my dream holiday although maybe not with a 3 and 4-year old ... but I'd love to do this someday.

And as Isabelle sinks her teeth into my leg as I sit here blogging, it reminds me that she is developing quite a biting habit which Tamsin never had. I'm musing on whether 5.40pm is too early to put them to bed ....?

Night 4 - Rough

I suppose I got a bit confident, and expected a better night last night than the previous ones so went to bed late, and am suffering for it now, considering what sleep we had was extremely broken.

It seemed to go well at first - Isabelle was asleep around 7pm and didn't wake up till midnight - it seems we may be able to rely on a good 5-hour stretch at the start of the night now rather than the 3 hours we used to get. But she was harder to settle at midnight, and then the rest of the night she was very grumbly. She woke lots of times, voiced her dissatisfaction (not crying, but just complaining) and was quite restless.

It may just be part of the process, or it may be that now she is really getting mobile this week she is more unsettled anyway. Ah well, we soldier on.

As well as Isabelle's grumbling, I also had Tamsin nagging me for mummymilk from some unearthly hour ...I kept telling her to shush and go back to sleep but she was restless too so between the two of them I barely slept from maybe 5am onwards. And when I decided to switch the light on and check the time, it was 6.45am (I assumed that Bill had not put the clocks back) and reluctantly gave in and fed her. I later discovered he had put the clocks back so as far as our bodies were concerned it was 7.45am and I had been putting Tamsin off far longer than normal!

And even some education too

We've had quite a good day for a Saturday. Got up and Tamsin produced a book which she wanted me to read, so we came downstairs and read Enid Blyton's version of "The Christmas Story" which has lovely illustrations and I thoroughly enjoyed, although I think Tamsin's concentration wavered considerably at times. I then decided to put some music on, so did dancing and appropriate movements to "I'm a little teapot; Heads Shoulders Knees and Toes; Incy Wincy Spider" and other kiddy favourites - Isabelle loves being danced with! Then breakfast, and some spelling/reading simple words with Letterland flashcards. Then everybody out to walk into town - Bill took the girls to the park while I went to work for a couple of hours to catch up on what I didn't get done during the week. On the way home I went to the toyshop (alone - what bliss!) to buy an outfit for Isabelle's new doll and some birthday cards and wrapping paper.

I got home and since then we've done some pumpkin carving, made and eaten pumpkin soup and generally played. Isabelle has been very mobile today - she really is starting to get going with this strange crawl that she has where she is on one knee and one foot as well as two hands. After spending months shouting at Tamsin for always wanting to take the toy that Isabelle is playing with, today the tables have turned and Isabelle has been chasing Tamsin round trying to grab what she is doing. Tamsin has got very cross!

This evening I have spent far too long browsing unnecessary but interesting blogs, and a little time sorting out a little of our financial mess to try and avoid getting any more late payment fees on the damned credit cards!

Night 3

Improving still! I hardly dare get hopeful and anticipate a full night's sleep yet, but the thought is beginning to lurk! After going off to sleep at about 7.45pm, she didn't wake at all till, can't remember when but certainly after 1am. And this after always previously waking up a maximum of 3 hours after going to sleep. And even when she did wake, it was just for a quick 10-second grumble and then turned over in response to my "shhh....shhh" and went back to sleep. She did that a few more times, until probably around 5am when it got more serious. She cried a bit at that point, but I really don't want to encourage a 5am waking, so Bill took over and settled her really quickly, and she slept till 6.45am when she had a good feed and went back to sleep for another hour. Unfortunately Tamsin also woke at 6.45 and didn't go back to sleep. At this rate, I can anticipate 2 things happening: firstly that soon Tamsin will be in "worst sleeper" category as she still wakes at least twice per night, once to come and get into our bed and next around 5am to nag me for mummymilk; secondly that I will soon be able to move Isabelle out of our room, probably to share with Tamsin, and I won't even get woken by those 10-second grumbles even if there are any.

Today I'm thinking of all those partying and wishing I was with you all, but instead, having had to take the girls with me to work this week due to half-term (and no playschool) and my job-sharer/child-carer being away for a few days, I got virtually no work done and feel I must go in today for a couple of hours and try and finish off a big task that has been hanging around for ages, rather than leave it for Kate to do when she gets back.

Night 2

Exhausting but I think we're making a little progress - she really didn't cry at all to speak of, but had a long wakeful patch in the middle of the night. I don't know what time it started, but she was just awake, rolling around, mumbling and grumbling, for what seemed like hours (and therefore so was I), until she eventually fell asleep using my head as a pillow at about 3.30am. She tried to latch onto my nose and chin a few times but failed :-o ! After that, when she woke again at 5.30am, I decided that was good enough and fed her. She went back to sleep and is still there now ... as indeed all of us were till 8am when the doorbell woke us up!

Night 1 - survived and succeeded!

She wasn't happy about it, but she didn't get fed between 7pm last night and 6.15am this morning. What made me realise she could do it was that when she bit me at bedtime and I stopped feeding her, she cried and screamed for a couple of minutes, and then just stopped! So later on when she cried really hard, I waited it out and sure enough, it never lasted more than 5 minutes. And sometimes Bill did the comforting - which he's very good at. The later part of the night, she didn't even cry very much - mostly just fussing and grizzling and restlessness. That in itself was sufficient to keep us awake for a very large portion of the night, so I'm pretty wrecked this morning and have to go to work, but nevertheless I feel we are making progress in the right direction! Will have to see if I can manage a sneaky nap somewhere in the day.

Actually, during the early hours of the morning when she was just rolling around and grumbling occasionally but it went on and on and on ..... I woke Bill and told him I was losing the will to live, and he sent me into the spare room and took over :-)

And we didn't resort to the Calpol ;-)

Yuck!

I hate myself sometimes. I have been Evil Bitch Mother from Hell again today. This morning Tamsin cried and said "I don't want you to be so grumpy, mummy" and I don't suppose she was too impressed this afternoon when I threatened to dump her dinner on her head if she didn't eat it.

Anyway, bad temper strengthens my resolve sometimes, and Isabelle pushed me too far this evening by biting me 5 times as she had her bedtime feed. She cried and cried after I stopped feeding her but enough is enough. That's it. No more feeding in the night - cold turkey. I am taking up a cup of water for her and some Calpol in case it gets desperate. I cannot go on being woken this often and it having this horrible effect on my mood all day long due to tiredness. Wish me luck!

It must be fixed...

Y'know, with the amount of McVities Chocolate digestives I get through each week, I would have thought I'd have found a lucky half-biscuit by now and be well on my way to a new car or even just a new washing machine and tumble dryer (all these items sorely needed as we are experiencing one of those periodic phases in one's life when everything breaks down at once) with the proceeds of my good fortune .... but no, not a sausage, or, more appropriately, not a crumb of financial luck has come my way yet. Humph.

Anyway, looking on the bright side, Isabelle's Chinese doll arrived this morning, and she's beautiful ;-)

Feeling too lethargic...

...to blog much lately. Waking 6-10 times per night is not good. Blurgh.

My Mum came to stay for a couple of nights, so on Monday we went to Cheltenham for a good shopping session. I got Tamsin's feet measured, she has grown another size, and so I bought her a lovely pair of pale lilac Kickers boots which are gorgeous!

Isabelle is developing an unmissable line in screaming .... :-( She's generally fussier and more unsettled than she was. Probably because she just wants to get moving. She's just (past couple of days) managed a slight bottom-shuffle type of move that gets her a few inches here and there, but really she just wants to walk and is cross if I leave her sitting anywhere instead of holding her up or walking her round.

Tamsin impressed Granny and me by reading all the 3-letter words (with me reading the rest) in a Red Nose Reader which was being sold off at the library - so she'd never had it read to her before and definitely wasn't doing it from memory! There's been other stuff going on too (though not much!) - some Geomags, some lovely painting and drawing including a new breed of dinosaur called a Flippisaurus (because of its flipper!) ... oh and several educational conversations, the topics of which escape my poor tired brain now (Max and Ruby wittering away in the background doesn't help either...).

Oh, and I ordered one of those lovely Chinese dolls following Alison's links - thanks Alison! Someone I know has just been to China to collect their adopted daughter who was also born in November '04, so if Isabelle's going to have a Chinese friend, why not a Chinese doll :-)!

Anyway, I've got to be at work by 11am (with both kids as it's half term so no work will get done :-( ) so I'd better go.

It shouldn't be this difficult...

I'm trying to find a doll for Isabelle's first birthday present. That shouldn't be very difficult, should it? So how come I can't find what I want? I'm looking for a fully vinyl (so it can be bathed) doll with hair (so none of the 'baby' dolls) that is a bit different from the Tiny Tears that I got for Tamsin on her first birthday so they don't get muddled up. Toy shops, catalogues, Ebay .... I'm not finding anything suitable. How ridiculous is that?

Added later: And the other thing I meant to say was, have the rest of you ever heard of 'Reborn' dolls? Those things are weird. People take dolls and fiddle about with them so they are more realistic to look like real babies. Well, excuse me, but for those of us who have held our dead baby, they are just too bizarre and unpleasant for words. Search on Ebay for Reborn dolls if you don't know what I mean. Ugh, they really gave me the creeps.

Busy busy

Had a pretty good day today. Got up and started off with a good browse through the huge DK Animal book looking at anything and everything that took our attention. We then moved on to looking at and attempting a not-by-the-rules game of the new Hieroglyphics game I picked up at the NCT sale on Saturday. We didn't spend long on it, but it introduced Tamsin to the idea that there are other sorts of writing than that which we use now. Then we had breakfast! After a bit of Nick Jr, we went out to the women's group at church, which as ever was excellently supportive, warm and funny. While there Tamsin drew lots of pictures, which led to a potentially embarrassing moment which thankfully I avoided! The first picture she handed me was a square-ish but smiley face, and whispered "That's Annie!". Although I was surprised that Tamsin had picked up on Annie's name, I attempted to catch Annie's eye across the room and show her that Tamsin had drawn a picture of her. However Annie was busy with her son Oliver, so I couldn't get her attention subtly. Tamsin then presented me with another picture and said "That's Clarabel", and shortly afterwards a third picture, saying "That's Thomas"....!!! Phew!

Came home for a quick lunch involving very fresh hen's eggs which were yummy and then out again to HE group. This is just an informal get-together at someone's house, with no special activities laid on, but it's nice to mix anyway. One of the other women, who couldn't make it today, has been saying to me occasionally that it would be good for me to meet one of the other women with 2 girls around Tamsin's age, but we've kept on missing each other. Well, she was there today, but although Tamsin hit it off very nicely especially with her older girl, who is 5 (the younger one is 3), the mum herself seemed either very out-of-sorts, very unfriendly or very depressed, or something. It was really hard work to engage her in any sort of conversation, and she wouldn't look at me or anyone else much, and for most of the time sat looking at the floor giving off unfriendly vibes. I wondered if it was 'me', as I've actually met her briefly before. I was having a stressful time in Tesco's once, with Tamsin being a bit of a handful and Isabelle getting hungry and wailing, so I ended up sitting down on the edge of a bottom shelf near the freezer section and feeding Isabelle. I was hot and bothered and stressed. Then along came this little girl with an unusually shaped bottom lip, and Tamsin looked at her and whispered to me "Why is her lip like that Mummy?". Since having Benjamin I am pretty unphased by physical differences so said in what I thought was a fairly relaxed, normal voice something along the lines of "Oh, I don't know, it's just grown a bit differently", and the Mum looked at me and said in a fairly tight-lipped fashion, "It's a birthmark". I wondered then if she thought we were rude or I'd handled it badly or something, though I couldn't see how, but thinking about it I now think she's just got that sort of demeanour, judging by today's performance. Anyway, I'm going to e-mail the other woman who I know a bit better (the one who wasn't there today) as she lives in the same village as the unfriendly one (trying to avoid using names here!!) to see if she's always like that or if she was just having an off day. It would be a big shame if the only nearby person who is HEing with girls the same age as mine and who Tamsin likes and wants to get together with is an unfriendly or not very nice woman!

Anyway, we came home for a fairly normal tea/Nick Jr/bedtime so thankfully all is peaceful now although I'm knackered, as usual.

Catching up again

I seem to have got out of the habit of blogging lately, mostly due to just not being 'in the mood' for it. Maybe because I feel we're not really doing much. My most productive and energetic times (mentally and physically) are 8am - 11am or noon, and we only actually have one morning a week (Saturday) when we're home at that time. Four mornings a week Tamsin goes to playschool (three of them because I'm at work, one to give me a break), one morning we go out to my women's/young mums support group and Sunday we go to church. So we only really have afternoons, by which stage I'm tired, grumpy and short of ideas or the willingness to put any into action. I have all these resources, books and ideas lying around, and they rarely get touched or looked at.

So, not a great deal to report, except the gathering of more resources. Last Thursday we went to the Library and changed all our books, and chose some interesting ones for Tamsin which, as well as the story books, included "The Age of Industry" (her choice!!), a good age-appropriate book about science which I hope to go through with her and do some of the activities, and a nice one about trees which is really aimed at older kids but has some activities in it that she could do.

On Saturday I went and helped out at the Stratford-on-Avon NCT second-hand sale, which is lots of hard work but means you get first choice of all the stuff on sale. So I grabbed 2 DK videos - Eyewitness Human Machine and Eyewitness Weather, a Hieroglyphics game for if and when we ever do that stage (I'm sure we will), a couple of Usborne books for Isabelle which will also be useful as demonstrators ;-), a cash-register and shopping basket for playing shops with Tamsin, a push-along walker toy for Isabelle, and some other toys and clothes for both of them. Total cost under £35.00. And then I got a parking ticket - £30. :-( Dashed home from the sale, had an hour for us to ooh and ah over all the stuff, and then took Tamsin to her dancing class. Had the teacher questioning me as to why I was staying. All the other parents having taken her strong hint not to stay, but me deciding that Tamsin would still be happier with me there, and also as we are being ecologically friendly by walking there (10-minute walk -v- 1 minute drive) there's no way I'm walking home again and then walking back to pick her up 45 minutes later. It didn't occur to me at the time, but I must ask her *why* she really doesn't want parents to stay. There's certainly nothing dodgy going on and she's a very nice woman and seems totally fine, but I don't see why leaving should be compulsory if you don't want to! I have no intention of leaving until as and when it suits both me and Tamsin. Dashed home from the dancing class, fed Isabelle and then straight out again to do our film showing for the 'Rural Cinema' that Kate and I run once a month.

On Sunday morning I found a red mite in the chicken house, so in the afternoon after church I went off to the Domestic Fowl Trust to stock up on foul chemicals to nuke them! Haven't yet done the application yet, though, which as it involves grabbing each chicken and dusting it all over with powder makes me a little nervous.

This morning I was in a foul mood (hmmm, same as last Monday!) after being woken a zillion times in the night mostly by Isabelle but also by Tamsin. It feels like things are getting worse because some of the time I used to be able to hum or sing Isabelle back to sleep, instead of feeding her, whereas she's now twigged about that and just starts *screaming* if I start humming. So, apart from swearing at her, my only tactic is to give in and feed. I don't know what to do about it. She is still so little, and has very little frame of reference yet, so not being fed when she feels she needs it probably feels like she'll never be fed again, and that's obviously majorly traumatic. If I go into the spare room for a week and leave Bill to sort her out, she might feel that Mummy's abandoned her and is never coming back. But I can't go on feeding her 6-10 times per night. Well, maybe I can, because that's what I did with Tamsin till she was 2.5, but at least in those days I could sleep in the day. So, anyway, I sobbed in the shower about that, and then again some more when I was getting dressed, and Tamsin was very solicitous as she always is when I cry, and went and fetched Daddy and then tissues. Isabelle fell asleep when I drove home from taking Tamsin to playschool, so thankfully I was able to catch a half-an-hour snooze. Thank God, literally, because it totally changed my mood and my outlook on the day.

Then had someone come over for a chat about cloth nappies. She's pregnant for the first time age 39 after infertility and IVF, so am quite anxious for her, but apart from measuring 4 weeks ahead (loads of fluid, or mammoth baby? scan next week will tell) things seem to be going fine so she's just done all her equipment shopping and was ready to get to grips with the nappy issue. I've recently treated myself to a couple more wraps and a fabulous set of multi-coloured and patterned fleece liners, so was able to show her some of that up-to-date stuff as well as the boring plain white I've had since Tamsin.

I've just remembered that one of the reasons I didn't feel like blogging last week was the news that my brother Martin, on his return home to the USA after his trip here 2 weeks ago, was made redundant. Rather a shock, as although the Science Centre he works in had had financial troubles, they'd had some help from the local government and all seemed to be much more secure. But apparently not. But he is an internationally-regarded planetarium astronomer, and offers of support and work/jobs have come in from all over the place almost immediately. He'll be fine, but it's still a bummer of a thing to happen. Esp. when he was just divorced a year ago and doesn't want to leave his kids.

Anyway, I have a ton of tidying up/Usborne parcel to distribute/money to sort out so this will have to be it for now!

A surprisingly good day - EDITED

Yesterday, I woke up like a bear with a sore head, and snarled and snapped at everybody all day long. This morning, I woke up feeling sunny and relaxed. Huh? I would say yesterday was PMS, except there still isn't any 'M' since Isabelle was born. Whatever, it's been nice to have a day when I don't feel like a murderous bitch.

So, the morning started with puzzles, music-making and Schools Radio (instead of the usual Nick Jr). The day definitely goes better when the TV doesn't go on. Then we went off to the women's group at church, where Tamsin and Isabelle stayed happily playing in creche while I was able to go and have a great time in the group. We're really going to build it into something good, I think, as we all get to know each other more deeply, trust each other more and share each others' joys and problems.

Then straight off to the supermarket to pick up some stuff, and home. After lunch, we made a yummy chocolate cake, made butter (at last - a few times I've bought pots of double cream to have a go at this and ended up chucking them away), some drawing (both of us, using our new Usborne 'You can Draw' book), did some Sonlight reading (Yay, only the 3rd time since 'starting' at the beginning of September!!!), some Brio train track and finally a sit-down to watch Bambi, which Tamsin's never seen before. She asked for it to be switched off after Bambi's mother was shot, although not appearing to be particularly upset about it. I'd rather like her to see the rest, though, to discover that all turns out well in the end (it does, doesn't it? I can't remember! I'm assuming it does seeing as it's Disney!).

Edited to add: Forgot to mention that Tamsin's last task of the day before bed was singing the ABC song and putting her magnetic letters on the board in alphabetical order!

Isabelle went up for her afternoon nap but ended up wailing madly instead of falling asleep, so an early night was in order, which worked well for me as I had to get ready to go out and do a talk for the local Rotary Club. Kate and I were doing it jointly, about our work at Fair Shares. I *really* didn't want to do it, although not particularly nervous but just anticipating a very boring evening, but actually it went surprisingly well! I was very impressed by Kate's public speaking, and she seemed to be impressed by mine, as we've never done that sort of thing together before. So we managed to fill a 45-minute slot successfully, with the promise as we left that 'we would probably hear more from them in future', which hopefully means they might raise us some MONEY!

Catching up

Tamsin had a big day out with Grandpa today to go and see Thomas the Tank Engine at a local steam railway. The plan was that Bill and I would get to grips with the house mess .... Hmmmm

To start with, I got stuck in to the corner around my desk with was piled up with all sorts of crap. Bill took Isabelle and the dog out for a walk and Isabelle fell asleep. When he got back, a failure in communication between us ended up in an argument and a major meltdown on my part. Sobbed and sobbed about how I feel I am running flat out everyday to barely keep up, the house is falling into disarray around me, I have no organisation, I regularly fail to make decent meals (and I am a nutritionist!!) am late everywhere and lose and forget things all the time. I'm either spinning around in circles trying (and failing) to get stuff done or I'm collapsing in an exhausted heap. I'm irritable with the children and generally feel I am failing at everything.

Bill once again proved to have marvellously absorbent shoulders and a plan .... We may get somewhere. Watch this space. I continued sorting out *one small corner* of crap under my desk. How come Merry does so much when there's only a baby in the house?

In 'other news', it was great having a visit from my brother Martin who lives in the USA. We realised it was 4 years since we'd last met, 6 years since he was last here visiting me (for Benjamin's funeral...) and it must be donkeys years since we had the chance to chat as much as we did this week. It was good to have him here, but sad to see him go again.

Good day

Started well with a fairly free morning, which these days we don't have except at the weekends. Since I've been sending Tamsin to playschool on Monday mornings so I can have a 'free' morning (with Isabelle only) as well as Wed to Fri mornings so I can work, and we go out to a group on Tuesday mornings, we are very short of days to just get up and chill out, or achieve something at my best time of the day i.e. 8-11am. Anyway, after clearing up a bit and, of course, building track (but managing to keep the TV off) we walked into town for me to drop a few bits and pieces into the charity shop. Bargain of the week, month or year was then discovered with the purchase of a pair of Gucci 'jeans' (soft, stretchy) for £9.99!!!! Not that the label should necessarily be that impressive but they are very well fitting and well made. I buy the majority of my clothes from the charity shop these days, but they're better clothes than I ever had before! I also got Tamsin a lovely wooden jigsaw puzzle and a pop-up toy for Isabelle.

Then after lunch it was off to Gloucester to visit Clare and girls of Playing it by Ear fame. Despite arriving with Isabelle covered in sick due to the yogurt she had just before leaving home not agreeing with her (and me not bringing a change of clothes for her, oops!), Clare was very welcoming and it was really delightful to meet her and her 2 girls. I think we have plenty in common and a reciprocal visit should be made in due course. Isabelle seemed to be particularly impressed with Rosie, laughing and smiling at her quite a bit, and towards the end, after both of them taking quite a while to warm up, Tamsin and Rosie played together hidden behind the sofa. In fact, Tamsin announced on her way home that she really liked that little hidey-hole and wants one of her own in our living room!

Dinner seemed just too big a hurdle to face on getting home, so we had fish and chips.

Tomorrow I have a work meeting in the morning while Tamsin goes to playschool, then home to make some sense of the mess in order to welcome my eldest brother Martin who is staying for a couple of nights during a shortish visit from the USA. Looking forward to that!

What's been going on

Miscellaneous activities, in no particular order:

- Went to see "The Gruffalo" at the theatre in Cheltenham yesterday. Tamsin loved it. She wants to go to the theatre again!

- Done another Usborne book party this afternoon - very low-key and small orders but I'm still practising, so it all helps.

*Pauses, trying madly to think if anything else positive, educational or useful has been done recently - and concludes that no, it hasn't"

Have spent much time agonising over the overwhelming number of things to do and lack of time or energy to do them. Am very peed off with the state of the house, and various other things.

Ah well, think positively. My brother is visiting from the USA this week - staying here Tuesday till Thursday. We haven't seen him for, umm, can't remember how long but a few years I think, so I'm looking forward to that. And tomorrow I am going to blog-bump with the Playing it by Ear crew for the first time!

More about yesterday than today

Swimming was great yesterday. We were late (as always) and only had 20 minutes in the pool, but while Isabelle played with the acoustics (she was definitely fascinated by the different sound of her voice in that place) Tamsin played about with some floats and was eventually persuaded to lean forward onto one, lift her feet off the floor and kick a bit! On the way home I called in on a friend who has 2 boys aged 3 and 5 and Tamsin had a good time playing with them, while Louise and I chatted non-stop about all sorts of things, ranging from creation/evolution to HE/school. She offered us tea/supper there which I gladly accepted and we left for home at about 7pm. My hopes that the girls would fall asleep on the half-hour journey home and then be quickly and easily transferred to bed came to naught when Tamsin resolutely stayed wide-awake and Isabelle fell asleep but woke up when I was getting her car-seat out of the car. Damn.

Today has been relaxed playing, quick trip to Tesco, out for a communal/shared lunch at someone's house in celebration of a friend's new baby, home, swing, Learning Land CD-Rom, dinner, bath and bed by 7pm. Must find the Melrose booking form! NB: I've already sung Isabelle back to sleep twice this evening - which she accepted very quickly - but please, please, please let her quickly stop waking so often! I'm having lots of sad feelings about the leaving behind of babyhood stage as she approaches her 1st birthday and is almost standing/walking, and I just keep cuddling her (probably too much!) and cherishing her baby-ness, but the disturbed sleep is something I will be *so* glad to leave behind, whenever it eventually happens!

Making a little progress

Every time Isabelle woke last night, I attempted to sing her back to sleep instead of feeding. Several times she accepted it! I think I fed her 2 or 3 times, when the noise was escalating instead of calming down, but probably 4 or 5 times she heard me sing or hum and just rolled over and went back to sleep. I'm hoping she will quickly learn she'd rather sleep through than hear me sing!

This morning Tamsin's been at playschool and I have totally failed to make positive use of the time available. Took Isabelle and the dog for a walk to try and get her to sleep but she didn't drop off till I got to the office, where I had some stuff to give to Kate. Then got tied up in helping a guy from South Carolina try and connect to our internet service..... failed .... and then had to go and get Tamsin back from playschool. Bright spot of the morning - my first Usborne order arrived. Haven't had time to have a good look through yet though. Going swimming this afternoon.

Sleeeeeeeep

Is what I did all afternoon today - well, I've had precious little of it for several nights so I asked Bill (or was it 'insisted') to give me the afternoon off and I just slept - okay so it was still disturbed every hour or so due to Isabelle waking 3 times from her nap and then Tamsin coming in, but it still helped.

Tamsin loved her dancing again yesterday. It made me feel rather inadequate about HE, actually, seeing her have such fun with other kids and responding well to a teacher, but still I can see there is a big difference between doing that for an hour or so at a time and full-time 9am - 3pm every weekday. I so wish it was easier and more 'normal' to arrange flexi-schooling. Even if we did manage to arrange it, there is a danger the child would be seen as odd and not really being accepted due to not being there for the same hours the other kids were.

At last, some education! EDITED

Isabelle has definitely said 'mum' a couple of times today (yah boo to Bill!! who had Tamsin say 'dada' long before she ever said 'mama', so it's only fair....!). I'd like to kid myself that she was addressing me, but I don't think she was, instead just practising the sound.

Anyway, having awoken from a strange dream (in which I and the family were visiting the Beans and I cooked a very strange large hot curry for lunch which I certainly wouldn't have wanted to eat, and then we were all poring over the Chinese takeaway menu choosing what to have for dinner, but Isabelle woke me before I chose) I whizzed off to Tamsin's playgroup slightly early with a box full of Usborne books to try and flog some. Didn't manage to get there early enough to catch many of the mums, but handed out several leaflets nevertheless and also some to mums coming for the Baby & Toddler Group. In the end I decided to say I needed orders to be in by Friday, so here's hoping. I need to make a few phone calls and try and drum up a few parties here and there too.

I was on the parents' duty rota today, and it was absolutely manic. On Wednesdays and Fridays they take 2-year olds (2 years and 9 months upwards for the rest of the week) so there were 14 kids this morning, plus my own 2 being fairly demanding for my attention. I was completely knackered by 11am. Plugged on till 1pm, came home, and absolutely insisted to Tamsin that I would sit down uninterrupted for 10 minutes, and not get up for anything.

Having recovered slightly, this afternoon we have looked at "Things People Do", one of the Sonlight books. First time we've done any Sonlight for over a week (or anything overtly educational at all, as a matter of fact!). I think I'll have to accept that I'm definitely not going to follow the schedule, but instead just have the books there to look at as and when. Then we've made bread by hand, instead of in the machine. Next we took the dog for a little walk, during which we saw a car going through the carwash at the local garage, and watched the postman emptying the postbox. Then I've actually made a proper healthy dinner (roast chicken, roast new potatoes and broccoli followed by melon) and Isabelle, having missed her afternoon nap, has gone straight to bed.

I'm supposed to be going out these evening, for the first of a series of group meetings on "Freedom in Christ", but I'm so knackered I don't know if I can drag myself out. In fact, I realise that it's time I was going out of the door, but Bill still isn't home, so obviously I can't go atm anyway.....

Edited to add: I knew there was something else we did. We actually got round to attaching most of the postcards from the postcard exchange to the map of the UK. Too many of you live in the South - there isn't enough room.

And, I did go out to FIC - it was very good and well worth it.

She has consonants!!!

Isabelle woke this morning, rolled over, and said "g g g". And then "muh muh". Wow, at last she has consonants! Slowly but surely ....

Still no crawling, but she pulls herself up at every opportunity and is getting much steadier while standing.

Shall we dance?

Well, Tamsin will anyway. We had her first session at the "Fun Dance Club" this afternoon, and she loved it! Mostly 'kiddy' stuff, pretending to be bears or kangaroos or whatever, but some 'country dancing' complete with do-si-do, and a bit funky stuff too. Actually it's lucky that she got there, because true to form I lost the letter and booking form, and once the closing date past I regretfully decided we'd just have to wait till next term to try again, but the organiser phoned me yesterday to see if we did want a place because she was holding one for us!

The title is also appropriate because tonight has been 'Rural Cinema' night, when Kate and I show a film at the local school. Today's offering has been 'Spanglish', which was OK-ish but not worth going out for, and only 12 people turned up, but next month we are showing "Shall we Dance" with Richard Gere, so that'll be worth it!

Have recovered a little from Wednesday's stress, making a special effort to remain calm and low-key and not snap irritably at Tamsin so much. Thanks for all the encouraging comments everyone. There is still an overwhelming amount to do and too little time, but c'est la vie ....

Losing it...

I just feel like I have not got a grip on anything. I am juggling too many balls in the air and they're starting to come crashing down. The house is a tip; we're not doing proper HE because first of all I need to read the instructions on how to do the Miquon, Handwriting without Tears, Reading Reflex and I haven't got time or the mental energy; whenever Tamsin asks to do something I say "not right now, I've just got to ....." (insert next most urgent task that's been waiting for days and really *has* to be done now); Isabelle is waking several times a night and I cannot get my head round how to night-wean her without it being a terrible ordeal (she still won't take any kind of cup or bottle); I cannot seem to stick to any of the boundaries I set for myself or Tamsin like less TV or less computer because I give in as soon as I have a weak moment (very often); Tamsin has taken to shouting or snapping back at me and it's only because I do it to her so often; ..... I could go on about all the other things that are pressing in on me .... but I'm too tired. AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

A perfect heart

.... is what Isabelle has got, thank God! Not that we had much doubt about it, but it was good to check. Finally today, after appointments, cancelled appointments, changed appointments, missed appointments which we didn't know about and rescheduled appointments, we got an ECG and echo on Isabelle's heart, just to make sure. We did the same with Tamsin too, when she was a baby. It's good to know there are no little surprises lurking there for the future.

Sonlight is going well. Tamsin pounced on Berenstain Bears book of Science and Nature, and we're well into the seasons at the moment. She's had a go at making animals with her pattern blocks, and proved today that she definitely can decode some three-letter cvc words. With no pictures or other clues, this afternoon she read 'cat', 'leg', 'mat' and 'bed' and, with a little help, 'milk' and 'book'. She was delighted with herself, but still says she doesn't want to learn to read ..... okaaaay!

Hooray!

Sonlight package arrived today!!! Very exciting - lovely books. I think we'll have fun with this.

Happy Anniversary

to me and Bill. 15 years ago we got married on an absolutely wonderful day in Stratford-on-Avon, followed by the most beautiful outdoor reception at the Mill at Harvington. Those with more time (I'm just about to put the kids to bed) and lyrical ability with words would insert a romantic description of the day, the dress and all those little stories that go to make up a happy wedding day, including the 'rollers stuck in the hair' bedtime fun that we had ..... but you'll either have to beg me to tell you all about it when I've got more time, or use your imaginations ....

Anyway, I may be a bit scarce this evening. Got celebratin' to do, y'know!!!

On other news, the second day of attempting to get Isabelle used to a little formula milk to aid in the night-weaning process has not gone well. Yesterday she just refused to taste it, today she tasted it and gagged. Hmm, will keep trying, but am not confident!

Yesterday

was not good. Well, the morning was OK as I had to go into work for an hour to meet some people, took the kids in with me and all was fine. It was market day as well, so on the way back we mooched, had ice-cream and paid in some cheques that had been waiting for ages to go in. (Most of it my birthday money - I love having a bit of money to spend and musing over what to buy for *myself*!)

Got home and had lunch, and then, as per usual, I was sooooo tired that I just couldn't motivate myself to anything. Didn't want to move, didn't want to interact with Tamsin's incessant chatter. So I resorted to Nick Jr for Tamsin and bed for me and Isabelle, in the hope that Isabelle would nap. She didn't. I dragged myself up again and failed to do anything productive or interesting with the girls. Decided a trip to Tesco would be the highlight of our day, so did a big shop and had to threaten never to bring Tamsin shopping again if she continued to behave the way she was. Isabelle fell apart with tiredness while I was cooking dinner (late, at around 6.30pm) so I put her to bed, Tamsin and I ate, Bill came in just as we were finishing off and I then went into 'brain switched off' mode and stared at the computer for an hour or two. Never got round to making the decision to take Tamsin to bed until I couldn't stay awake any longer myself, so around 9pm we went upstairs, never to be seen again.

Last night's waking tally is difficult to recall in the fuzziness of sleep. I remember trying hard to compute how many times it was and to force my tired brain into remembering the number, but obviously it didn't work. I know that after being put to bed at 6.30pm, she woke up at 8pm, 10pm and 11pm and then there were at least two or three more wakings during my sleep time. Plus two wakings by Tamsin. Humph, this is getting old very quickly.

Last night's waking tally:-

5 times by Isabelle
Twice by Tamsin

(Yawn) No wonder I'm fit for nothing this afternoon.